# Being grateful vs aiming for more



## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

A bit similarly to this thread (When does one actually 'Get There"?) by @Plugging Along , there's still one concept I struggle with, but that's because I'm trying to solve the problem of life, whereas Soren Kierkegaard once said "Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced" which is very true.

Throughout my life, I've gathered a lot of reflections about a healthy and happy life.

One important concept is that happiness doesn't come once you reach your goals because you'll always set new goals, happiness comes within yourself based on your attitude and then it helps you reach your goals. Happiness isn't the end result, it's what you should start with.

It's easier to explain with this video. Skip to 9:15 for the main content.






Another important concept in life is that there's actually no goal to reach, life should be viewed as listening to music, where you simply enjoy every moment, not the end, not a goal. I'm not saying that goals are bad though, you should set small goals towards a bigger goal, but that's not the purpose of life and that shouldn't drive your happiness.

My struggle is about dealing with the balance in life. A key to happiness is to live in the present and being grateful for what you have. That's true, but we also have to plan for the future and improve our situation.

To me, continuous improvement is very important, that's how humans evolved after all. If we were all happy with our current condition, we would stop aiming for more, we would stop trying to solve problems.

I'm currently in a very good situation in my life, but in the mean time I feel lazy, very lazy. As a perfectionist, don't tell me to "simply always do your best and stop thinking about it" because I won't ever feel like I'm doing my "best", and I just can't stop thinking about it. So when do we "get there", the point where you feel like your life is well-balanced, where you're happy with your situation and you feel like you've given the best of yourself? I keep feeling I could've accomplished something bigger, greater, and not only as an improvement of myself, but as a contribution to this world.

I feel like if I'm being "too" grateful for what I already have, I'll stop chasing new opportunities for improvement. Meanwhile, I feel like if I keep chasing opportunities for improvement, I'm missing all I should enjoy in the present that I'm grateful for.


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## OptsyEagle (Nov 29, 2009)

There is no such thing as a happy life. Only happy moments. The trick is to have as many happy moments as you possibly can. The important component of that is to first understand that happiness is not the state of your existence but more your opinion on the state of your existence.

What does all that mean? Happiness is really a choice. You choose to be happy or unhappy. Certainly a lot of external factors will play into that decision, for all of us, but the person that can remove most of the nonsense that goes into that decision, the one whose glass is always half full, will be the person who gets the most happy moments in life.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

OptsyEagle said:


> The important component of that is to first understand that happiness is not the state of your existence but more your opinion on the state of your existence.


Yes, that's true.

And I don't think my issue is with happiness, but with overthinking how I would like to live my life.

I mean, think about that gamer kid who went to school, then got a decent job, enough to have a roof, eat and play games. He's super happy with his situation and doesn't aim for more. He has only virtual "friends", no girlfriend, he doesn't go out and doesn't do anything else other than gaming. And he's happy with that. But then he'll reach 30, 40, 50, ... How long will he continue like that? Maybe he'll be happy like that all of his life and good for him, but maybe at some point he'll suddenly want something different, but since he never reflected on aiming for more, he lost many opportunities simply because he was already happy with what he had, without reflecting on the future about what he might want in the future and slowly going for opportunities.

Or maybe the opposite. Imagine the workaholic who got a job, then promotion over promotion, traveled everywhere and was thrilled and happy until at some point she wants something else. She now wants kids but she's single, 40, she notices that she has barely seen her sister with her kids who are now teenagers. She was very happy with her career, but suddenly something had changed and she noticed that she missed some opportunities.

Living happy in the present means being grateful and happy of your current situation, but you must be aware of what your future self might need.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

We have lived a good life and have more than we will ever need, so all is good.


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## peterk (May 16, 2010)

In lieu of writing a novel, I'll just quote the standard Jordan Peterson advice on this matter in saying "pursue what's meaningful". Happiness is not the pursuit, that's just bad advice that's perpetuated in our society, the American dream, the "pursuit of happiness". If you end up happy during/after you pursue a meaningful life, then great. If not, oh well.

My current life crisis preventing my happiness? - bemoaning my wasted 20s on nonsense instead of doing something interesting back then... So much time wasted watching TV, partying, CMF reading, procrastinating, relaxing, doing absolutely nothing. I could've read a thousands books and became a professional musician or artist, all after coming home from work. But I took it easy instead. Now I'm just me, and not that well-read musician guy, oops.

And now I have little babies and feel like a house slave (also due to covid). Never ending labour and tiredness and it's all so pointless and meaningless and will never be appreciated. I need to learn something valuable and useful to teach my kids and contribute to the world and am running out of time... but instead I'll just spend 8+ hrs a day doing my BS job for megacorp, and then spend all evening doing 6000 loads of dishes and picking up crap, and finally pass out early in exhaustion. Great.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

peterk said:


> Never ending labour and tiredness and it's all so pointless and meaningless and will never be appreciated.


That's why I believe we work too much.

My wife and I both work full-time. The average household works much more than ever before.

We need time to enjoy life, enjoy the present moment.

I'm seriously thinking of sacrificing 20% of our household income in order for me and my wife to work only 4 days per week.


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## bgc_fan (Apr 5, 2009)

MrBlackhill said:


> That's why I believe we work too much.
> 
> My wife and I both work full-time. The average household works much more than ever before.
> 
> ...


There's always a balance and it depends on personalities. Some want the carefree, travel everywhere lifestyle and work with that... picking up odd jobs here and there and then go off again once they have the money.

The question is what do you think you are missing out of life? Or more importantly what do you want? Do you want to travel and spend time doing that? Or do you just want to stay home and do crossword puzzles? Maybe learn a new language or instrument? Volunteer your time at an animal shelter?

It's really a personal decision since it really depends on what you think you are missing.


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## HappilyRetired (Nov 14, 2021)

MrBlackhill said:


> I'm seriously thinking of sacrificing 20% of our household income in order for me and my wife to work only 4 days per week.


I think that's a worthwhile goal if attainable. Perhaps you can work longer hours each day for a smaller reduction in pay? I had friends who worked 4 - 10-hour days and loved it. Even 4 - 9-hour days could work, that's only a 10% pay cut but it's a 50% gain in weekly days off.


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## cainvest (May 1, 2013)

peterk said:


> In lieu of writing a novel, I'll just quote the standard Jordan Peterson advice on this matter in saying "pursue what's meaningful". Happiness is not the pursuit, that's just bad advice that's perpetuated in our society, the American dream, the "pursuit of happiness". If you end up happy during/after you pursue a meaningful life, then great. If not, oh well.


So what's the definition of a meaningful life that's not perpetuated by society?


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## peterk (May 16, 2010)

^ Well I dunno it is in the eye of the beholder isn't it? It's whatever YOU think is meaningful and will voluntarily do of your own accord. If one says on the surface that their work is meaningful, but at the same time is something that you're trying to reduce from 5 days a week to 4, then I suspect that that's probably not the thing.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

Unfortunately it must be meaningful AND bring money home.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

peterk said:


> you're trying to reduce from 5 days a week to 4, then I suspect that that's probably not the thing.


Actually, I like my job. But I'm not passionate about it, it's not a vocation. So I don't have the energy to do my job 5 days a week while having a healthy life balance with my other interests and responsibilities.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

Whomever promised people work would be fun and fulfilling........lied to them.


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## Covariance (Oct 20, 2020)

MrBlackhill said:


> I'm seriously thinking of sacrificing 20% of our household income in order for me and my wife to work only 4 days per week.


As an alternative consider hiring someone junior. Train them to do the low value work, supervise them, package up the total work and bill it out. If you have more work than you want to do it's time to scale it up.


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

peterk said:


> In lieu of writing a novel, I'll just quote the standard Jordan Peterson advice on this matter in saying "pursue what's meaningful". Happiness is not the pursuit, that's just bad advice that's perpetuated in our society, the American dream, the "pursuit of happiness". If you end up happy during/after you pursue a meaningful life, then great. If not, oh well.
> 
> My current life crisis preventing my happiness? - bemoaning my wasted 20s on nonsense instead of doing something interesting back then... So much time wasted watching TV, partying, CMF reading, procrastinating, relaxing, doing absolutely nothing. I could've read a thousands books and became a professional musician or artist, all after coming home from work. But I took it easy instead. Now I'm just me, and not that well-read musician guy, oops.
> 
> And now I have little babies and feel like a house slave (also due to covid). Never ending labour and tiredness and it's all so pointless and meaningless and will never be appreciated. I need to learn something valuable and useful to teach my kids and contribute to the world and am running out of time... but instead I'll just spend 8+ hrs a day doing my BS job for megacorp, and then spend all evening doing 6000 loads of dishes and picking up crap, and finally pass out early in exhaustion. Great.


Some perspective (and not saying you are wrong in anyway, because you're not!)

But I spent the last decade or more of my life continuously working. Even now, I work 100 hours a week. You wish you didn't "do so much nothing" and you know what I wish for? Doing nothing.

All I want in this world is to turn the lights off, turn my phone off, turn the PS5 and TV on, order a pizza without feeling bad about not being frugal and not going to pick it up to avoid tip and delivery fee, and drink alcohol in bed and play video games and eat that pizza. I want to do that. For weeks. Months, even. I want to get lost in an alternate universe of video games and melt into my bed.

There are so many "nothing" things I want to do.
So many movies I have never seen.
So much jerking off and being useless I have not done.

But alas, usually we value the things we have done less of, and not the things we have done most of.


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## Mechanic (Oct 29, 2013)

I loved working but I was self employed. When I retired early it was tough for a while. Now I love being able to do whatever I want, when I want. I love movies, TV, golf is my passion. Working around my place at whatever projects I find. I've taught myself to invest and although it cost me a few $ in mistakes, I now have a steady income stream and other investments for growth. I love our life....will have to check with the missus what she thinks


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## james4beach (Nov 15, 2012)

peterk said:


> In lieu of writing a novel, I'll just quote the standard Jordan Peterson advice on this matter


Is this guy a good role model, though? He suffers from anxiety, depression, then became suicidal and addicted to prescription drugs. He's obsessed with fighting against political correctness and feminism.

Seems like the last person you'd want to take life advice from, IMHO. He seems to champion these various ugly and unhealthy male-centric themes and causes.

I think he's a poor role model.


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

I think he's a man living in a world going down the shtter.

What could you expect of him other than what he is?


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## doctrine (Sep 30, 2011)

peterk said:


> And now I have little babies and feel like a house slave (also due to covid). Never ending labour and tiredness and it's all so pointless and meaningless and will never be appreciated. I need to learn something valuable and useful to teach my kids and contribute to the world and am running out of time... but instead I'll just spend 8+ hrs a day doing my BS job for megacorp, and then spend all evening doing 6000 loads of dishes and picking up crap, and finally pass out early in exhaustion. Great.


Yes! Peterk knows. I remember the before times. Having kids makes me realize how unappreciative I was as a child. And of course, there is zero time for learning anything valuable or doing anything useful other than surviving life by threads until the tidal wave passes sometime after you are dead.


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## cainvest (May 1, 2013)

peterk said:


> ^ Well I dunno it is in the eye of the beholder isn't it? It's whatever YOU think is meaningful and will voluntarily do of your own accord. If one says on the surface that their work is meaningful, but at the same time is something that you're trying to reduce from 5 days a week to 4, then I suspect that that's probably not the thing.


Definitely in the eye of the beholder. I don't think one can encapsulate it in one phrase or word, like meaningful or fun, it's a combination of whatever drives you. I mean serving coffee at Timmy's is meaningful, working on research on how the human body works is meaningful, etc, etc. One can also have many meaningful things going on in their lives at a given time, who's to say which one is better ... only yourself I would think.

On the topic of the OP's balance issue ... it's up to you. I strike a balance between all my activities that suits me at the current time but obviously have plans for the future as well.


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## OptsyEagle (Nov 29, 2009)

peterk said:


> In lieu of writing a novel, I'll just quote the standard Jordan Peterson advice on this matter in saying "pursue what's meaningful". Happiness is not the pursuit, that's just bad advice that's perpetuated in our society, the American dream, the "pursuit of happiness". If you end up happy during/after you pursue a meaningful life, then great. If not, oh well.
> 
> My current life crisis preventing my happiness? - bemoaning my wasted 20s on nonsense instead of doing something interesting back then... So much time wasted watching TV, partying, CMF reading, procrastinating, relaxing, doing absolutely nothing. I could've read a thousands books and became a professional musician or artist, all after coming home from work. But I took it easy instead. Now I'm just me, and not that well-read musician guy, oops.
> 
> And now I have little babies and feel like a house slave (also due to covid). Never ending labour and tiredness and it's all so pointless and meaningless and will never be appreciated. I need to learn something valuable and useful to teach my kids and contribute to the world and am running out of time... but instead I'll just spend 8+ hrs a day doing my BS job for megacorp, and then spend all evening doing 6000 loads of dishes and picking up crap, and finally pass out early in exhaustion. Great.


You could have saved that novel and simply said "I don't want to be happy". At least not today.

Unless you believe that no one in this world would ever knowingly change places with you, to be happier, then you're only problem is that you simply have decided not to be happy. 

Being happy does not mean you do not have things in your life that you will attempt to change or improve. That you have the perfect job or the exact amount of money you need or your children closely resemble the characters in the Waltons or the Brady Bunch. Being happy is simply a state of mind, and although one's mind cannot necessarily change its opinions on a dime we do have considerable control over it, but only if we decide to take that control. The first step is understanding that happiness is inside us, not something that the outside world has that we first must acquire.


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## prisoner24601 (May 27, 2018)

MrBlackhill said:


> I feel like if I'm being "too" grateful for what I already have, I'll stop chasing new opportunities for improvement. Meanwhile, I feel like if I keep chasing opportunities for improvement, I'm missing all I should enjoy in the present that I'm grateful for.


I recommend reading Seneca (On the Shortness of Life) and Marcus Aurelius a bit. Basically, seek to make life less complex (what is essential) and practice how you respond to everything life throws at you.

A couple of quotes I return to often as I contemplate the path to a better and happier retirement:

_"In this kind of life there awaits much that is good to know—the love and practice of the virtues, forgetfulness of the passions, knowledge of living and dying, and a life of deep repose."_ - Seneca

_“If you seek tranquillity, do less."_ - Marcus Auerlius


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

OptsyEagle said:


> The first step is understanding that happiness is inside us, not something that the outside world has that we first must acquire.


Yes, very true, but my issue isn't about happiness. Well, I think it isn't.

For instance, as I illustrated in post #3, one can be happy while being lazy, one can be happy while missing out on great opportunities, one can be happy in the present day while making choices that could make his future self unhappy. All that because our personality changes over time, and what makes us happy change over time.

For instance, say I want to live abroad someday. I'm happy now living in Canada. Why do I have the desire to live abroad, considering that I'm happy and grateful to be living in Canada? How do I know that my desire to live abroad is an unhealthy desire to aim for more, an unhealthy desire for change instead of being grateful to be living in Canada? And how do I know that my gratefulness of living in Canada isn't making me decide to stay in Canada instead, missing out on opportunities to potentially live an amazing experience? Considering that I'm happy living in Canada, why do I desire to live abroad?

My issue is that I'm already happy of my situation and grateful for everything I have, but I still have desires. When do we "get there", when do we get to the point when we stop having urges for change, desires? Those desires are something that we'd like to happen in the future, opposing to what we already have in the present.

Or maybe I still have all those desires and urges because I'm living in an illusory happiness that I've built, but in fact I'm unhappy. It maybe I'm living in true happiness but I'm not being grateful enough to stop those desires and I should work on my gratefulness.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

prisoner24601 said:


> I recommend reading Seneca (On the Shortness of Life) and Marcus Aurelius a bit. Basically, seek to make life less complex (what is essential) and practice how you respond to everything life throws at you.
> 
> A couple of quotes I return to often as I contemplate the path to a better and happier retirement:
> 
> ...


Thanks, I'm check it out!


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## OptsyEagle (Nov 29, 2009)

MrBlackhill said:


> Yes, very true, but my issue isn't about happiness. Well, I think it isn't.
> 
> 
> For instance, say I want to live abroad someday. I'm happy now living in Canada. Why do I have the desire to live abroad, considering that I'm happy and grateful to be living in Canada? How do I know that my desire to live abroad is an unhealthy desire to aim for more, an unhealthy desire for change instead of being grateful to be living in Canada?


If it makes you unhappy, that is how you know.

Your issue sounds more like indecision then anything to do with a real problem. It sounds like you have a fear of making a change and finding out later that it was the wrong decision. It is always the right decision, but many right decisions do turn out wrong. That is not a fault of you or the decision, but of the inability to know the future and the variability of outcomes the future always brings.

In my opinion, one should be happy they are willing and sometimes able to take those risks, no matter what the future throws at them. Too many people refrain from making a decision because of the worry it will turn out wrong.  We all need to understand that a decision made, with well thought out reason and planning, is never wrong. They just sometimes turn out wrong due to uncontrollable futures. Doing nothing and procrastinating is usually the mistake...unless that makes you happy, although it rarely does.


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## MK7GTI (Mar 4, 2019)

peterk said:


> In lieu of writing a novel, I'll just quote the standard Jordan Peterson advice on this matter in saying "pursue what's meaningful". Happiness is not the pursuit, that's just bad advice that's perpetuated in our society, the American dream, the "pursuit of happiness". If you end up happy during/after you pursue a meaningful life, then great. If not, oh well.
> 
> My current life crisis preventing my happiness? - bemoaning my wasted 20s on nonsense instead of doing something interesting back then... So much time wasted watching TV, partying, CMF reading, procrastinating, relaxing, doing absolutely nothing. I could've read a thousands books and became a professional musician or artist, all after coming home from work. But I took it easy instead. Now I'm just me, and not that well-read musician guy, oops.
> 
> And now I have little babies and feel like a house slave (also due to covid). Never ending labour and tiredness and it's all so pointless and meaningless and will never be appreciated. I need to learn something valuable and useful to teach my kids and contribute to the world and am running out of time... but instead I'll just spend 8+ hrs a day doing my BS job for megacorp, and then spend all evening doing 6000 loads of dishes and picking up crap, and finally pass out early in exhaustion. Great.


I imagen this rings true for so many people. Some may be aware of it and others might not.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

OptsyEagle said:


> Your issue sounds more like indecision then anything to do with a real problem. It sounds like you have a fear of making a change and finding out later that it was the wrong decision. It is always the right decision, but many right decisions do turn out wrong. That is not a fault of you or the decision, but of the inability to know the future and the variability of outcomes the future always brings.
> 
> In my opinion, one should be happy they are willing and sometimes able to take those risks, no matter what the future throws at them. Too many people refrain from making a decision because of the worry it will turn out wrong. We all need to understand that a decision made, with well thought out reason and planning, is never wrong. They just sometimes turn out wrong due to uncontrollable futures. Doing nothing and procrastinating is usually the mistake...unless that makes you happy, although it rarely does.


I fully agree that decisions are never wrong. I've also been reflecting on that concept and there's no wrong or right in the complexity of the decisions we make and the complexity of the life events we went through.

My issue is the opposite to most people. Most people have issues with indecision, fear of making a change, fear of the risk, as you said. My issue is that I keep making changes in my life, I keep taking risks, I keep desiring change and I end up never settling down at one place in my life. When will I stop desiring change, aiming for those changes, taking those risks and finally settle down and just stop desiring change? When will I truly be grateful of my situation and stop aiming for something else? Or at least, how can this be well-balanced instead of being opposed?


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## OptsyEagle (Nov 29, 2009)

MK7GTI said:


> I imagen this rings true for so many people. Some may be aware of it and others might not.


No doubt many people fall into the despair Peterk alluded to. The problem is that there was a reason why he chose to live his life the way he did in his 20s. Obviously at the time, it was what made him happy. If he had of done, back then, half of what he thought he should have done as listed above, it would have taken away a lot of fun he did have in his 20s. Was all that fun just a waste of time? I call it living.

I think the real issue for most of us is just the passage of time. If he could have held on to his 20s forever would he be having any regrets at all? It did not appear he had them during his 20s or he probably would have made a change. The should have, would have, could have, will always be with us, but most of it is only obvious with hindsight. I should have set up a website to sell books online in 1990 but I didn't. How long do I really want to spend on that regret? I am sure I can find a million more things I should have done, but what about the things I did do? I can't imagine any of us have a blank book of deeds or adventures. Just because someone else might not want to take the time to read that book does not remove all value from it. In any biography you have read, you never read about the mundane boring Tuesdays in their life, or anything like that, but be assured they had them as well. Only the exciting adventures and accomplishments ever make it into the book. We all need to focus more on those special years, days or moments, that we have all had in our own lives, then the mundane Tuesdays, is all that I am saying.


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## OptsyEagle (Nov 29, 2009)

MrBlackhill said:


> For instance, say I want to live abroad someday. I'm happy now living in Canada. Why do I have the desire to live abroad, considering that I'm happy and grateful to be living in Canada?


*My only regret is that I only have one life to live.* I think someone with many more accomplishments then myself said that once. It is actually quite profound.

MrB, it sounds like that is more of the issue then anything more tangible. The only solution to helping you decide to either make a change or be satisfied with the life you currently have is to perhaps look a little more at the negative side of the alternative life. We all get the pleasure of seeing the negative side of the lives we currently lead, but we rarely get to or take the time to observe the negative side of the lives others lead or the ones we think we would like to lead.

For example, Covid aside, I can go down to any restaurant, any day of the week and enjoy a very relaxing dinner with my wife. Can Prince William say the same thing? Can Jeff Bezos do that without someone starring at him why he eats his spaghetti? Can Sydney Crosby get through a dinner without having to take at least one selfie with someone who sees no problem interrupting his dinner?

When you compare living abroad to living in Canada, can it possibly be better for you when you subtract from it the cost of selling your house, perhaps getting a new job, taking the many risks involved in such a move, etc.

Once I decide that those risks and costs are too high I immediately don't want to do it anymore. I don't think of it as something I would like to do if the costs and risk were not there, because they are...so I simply do not want to do it. Done, rarely think of it again.

That is how I deal with all the other things in life that sound nice, but probably are not quite that nice, but things that I am definitely not going to do.


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## ian (Jun 18, 2016)

My parents were right. You spend many years working, many awake hours working. May as well work at something you like and somewhere you like.

Invest in yourself if that is what it takes to do it because that investment will pay tangible and intangible dividends for the rest of your life. 

I was one of the lucky ones. Loved my job, even with the long hours and frequent travel. It took a few career moves and changes early on to get there but it was well worth the effort.


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## bgc_fan (Apr 5, 2009)

MrBlackhill said:


> For instance, say I want to live abroad someday. I'm happy now living in Canada. Why do I have the desire to live abroad, considering that I'm happy and grateful to be living in Canada? How do I know that my desire to live abroad is an unhealthy desire to aim for more, an unhealthy desire for change instead of being grateful to be living in Canada? And how do I know that my gratefulness of living in Canada isn't making me decide to stay in Canada instead, missing out on opportunities to potentially live an amazing experience? Considering that I'm happy living in Canada, why do I desire to live abroad?


Valid questions. So, the question is: Is there a particular country that you want to live in or is it just for the sake of change? It sounds like you just want to live somewhere else, because it's not Canada. Easy way to satisfy this need is to take a few weeks vacation (I assume you can save enough vacation time to do that), and pick a country and just live there, but not as a tourist, following a tour package. That's one of those occasions that an AirBnB can be useful where you can live in a residential area and see how the environment is for locals.


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## cainvest (May 1, 2013)

MrBlackhill said:


> Most people have issues with indecision, fear of making a change, fear of the risk, as you said. My issue is that I keep making changes in my life, I keep taking risks, I keep desiring change and I end up never settling down at one place in my life.


Everyone's drive is different. For some it is stability while others crave change. Stimulation varies greatly between people in many combinations of emotional, physical and intellectual. 

I think some people's problems arise from having a single/limited focus on what drives them and over the years they train themselves into that narrow view which becomes hard to break out of later. I see many examples of this, like people that have saved up a good amount of cash now unable to spend it because of so many years of saving. Workaholics/jobaholics not willing to retire as they have no life outside of work.

So in your case, find things to do outside of your common traits (risk, change) to enjoy to bring a better balance. Keep in mind, it may take a while to train yourself into it.


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## ian (Jun 18, 2016)

I think one of the considerations is whether you are a glass half full or a glass half empty person.

The other consideration might be are you someone who thinks of all the reasons why not or why you cannot to do something vs all the reasons for doing that something.

Or...are you a person who seeks safety. of familiar ground and continuity in routine or someone who is willing to take a chance and reach out beyond your comfort level to experience new situations.

Are you someone who is flexible, who can roll with the punches, adapt to change, and move forward relatively effortlessly?

IF you plan to travel extensively, live in a different country, or make significant lifestyle changes then I believe that you would be well advised to answer these questions first. Then build you plans around your personality and your preferences. It may help aid in your success.


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## MrMatt (Dec 21, 2011)

You can be grateful and aim for more. 

I think it's better to be grateful for how good we've got it these days. That doesn't mean stop working to make things better, or seeing the problems.


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## ian (Jun 18, 2016)

MrMatt said:


> You can be grateful and aim for more.
> 
> I think it's better to be grateful for how good we've got it these days. That doesn't mean stop working to make things better, or seeing the problems.


Absolutely. I believe that I have led, and I lead a charmed life. Being born in Canada and living in Canada places us in the top 1 or 2 percent of the world.

Sadly, some people do not seem to appreciate what we have in Canada or the unlimited opportunity that exists for just for the taking.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

MrMatt said:


> You can be grateful and aim for more.
> 
> I think it's better to be grateful for how good we've got it these days. That doesn't mean stop working to make things better, or seeing the problems.


Yes, absolutely, but I don't know how to balance them. You can be grateful and aim for more, but I feel like they are opposing forces. When you are grateful, you are happy with what you have. When you aim for more, well, you want something different than what you already have. It's natural, but when does this stop? When do we say "this life is enough".


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

OptsyEagle said:


> *My only regret is that I only have one life to live.*


Onism.








onism


n. the frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time, which is like standing in front of the departures screen at an airport, flickering over with strange place...




www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

Living in the present is what many fail to do and that’s why they fail to be happy. But living only in the present is another way to fail, as we must have at least a little bit of planning for the future. And planning requires a goal. And one key to life is to set some little goals, towards a bigger goal. So, obviously, it’s not all black or white. It’s about a balance.

See, we may say that if instead of spending $5000 now for that travel, you should invest it so it can grow during the next 30 years, so you’re paying your future self which will be able to enjoy many travels due to that money invested. But you don’t know where you’ll be in 30 years. And if you spend that money now for that travel, you’ll be paying yourself not only in the present, but also in the future, because you are also paying yourself great memories. And your future self in 30 years will be happy to have lived through those 30 years with that great memory. So it’s a balance.

Life is not a journey, you should dance to the music. But what if you don’t like the music being played? You won’t enjoy dancing to it, so you’ll want to change that music.

And then comes the rich’s problem. The paradox of choice. Okay, I want to change the music, but what do I want it to be?

When you want change, there must a reason why, a purpose. So you must ask yourself why you want to change. And you must find the root cause, because sometimes it’s not for the right reason, it’s due to an illusion. So you must ask yourself why again and again to deepen your reflection.

Okay, that’s good, now you know why, but I’ve found out that asking yourself “why” can also be a burden. If you keep asking yourself “why”, you keep seeking a purpose, a meaning to your actions. And at some point you’ll keep questioning everything that you do and it’ll become unhealthy. That’s like the saying that the ignorant is happier, because he doesn’t know, he doesn’t care. To me, this is a paradox, you should ask yourself why, but you shouldn’t ask yourself why. The cognitive dissonance of seeking purpose through a meaningless world. Again, it’s about balance, too little is no good, too much is no good. It’s a balance between reflection and action.

There’s this issue. There’s people who are constantly in their “state of flow”, living something with great passion. They don’t see the time pass by. They are into action, not reflection. At the moment, I don’t have this thing which will passionately bring me in my “state of flow”. So I end up in more reflections, which is unhealthy because there’s more reflections than actions. Having a passion is a healthy distraction. But you don’t need a passion, you need to be able to enjoy simple things in life. You need that mindfulness, that full awareness of the present moment without being stuck in your head, in your reflections.

And when you ask yourself the purpose of your actions, you’ll want to have a balanced life. You want to have a good body health, a good physical health, a good mental health, a good brain health, a good environmental health, a good social health, a good sexual health, a good nutritional health, a good financial health. Wow. I’m already overwhelmed by simply naming a few thematics. So you want to set priorities? They are all as much important. And now that I’ve listed all the whys, all the healthy purposes, I have to find the “how”. Well, there’s millions of actions I could take for each of them. So here comes the paradox of choice, again.

The purpose in life is only to share with people and otherwise the things you do have the only purpose to be healthy.

And if I come back to the paradox of choice, I know I want to share with people and be healthy, but there’s countless ways to live and I don’t know which way I want due to the paradox of choice, so in the end, I know the “why”, but I can’t decide on the “how”.

I can’t decide on the “how”, so I simply pick one intuitively and enjoy it. But due to “onism”, at some point I want something different, something new, so I pick another one. But every time I face a situation where I want to pick another thing I’d like to do, I end up in this reflection. It’s not about not enjoying the present. It’s about enjoying it differently, with a different activity. Which circles back to the paradox of choice, again and again.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

People who don't work for their own future get to live in the future they created for themselves.

Navel gazing and staring off into the sunset isn't a blueprint for a good future.

Set a date for retirement and work towards achieving the goal. Retire and do whatever you always wanted to do.


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## MrMatt (Dec 21, 2011)

MrBlackhill said:


> Yes, absolutely, but I don't know how to balance them. You can be grateful and aim for more, but I feel like they are opposing forces. When you are grateful, you are happy with what you have. When you aim for more, well, you want something different than what you already have. It's natural, but when does this stop? When do we say "this life is enough".


I don't see them as opposing, therefore there is nothing to balance.

Lets say I am grateful to be where I am in life, but I still want to help others have better lives, so I volunteer.

The gratefulness for my own situations, helps me do more to help others.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

MrMatt said:


> Lets say I am grateful to be where I am in life, but I still want to help others have better lives, so I volunteer.


These are two things lived in the present. When I'm talking about "aiming for more", I mean working on something that could/should improve your situation in the future.

As an analogy to finances, it's like deciding between spending the money now vs investing it for the future.


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## peterk (May 16, 2010)

Hmm I still don't know what your option 2 is getting at - do you mean improving your situation financially (further still)? ala the method of exchanging your time for money? or something else that will hopefully bring happiness/satisfaction?

Maybe I take back my wording of doing something "meaningful". How about instead "having an amazing life to look back on" or perhaps "a life well lived to the fullest". Will being overly grateful (and relaxing more) or will "aiming for more" lead to something like a "life well lived to the fullest". I would think in many cases probably not, but maybe, depending on what you're aiming for...


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

peterk said:


> How about instead "having an amazing life to look back on" or perhaps "a life well lived to the fullest". Will being overly grateful (and relaxing more) or will "aiming for more" lead to something like a "life well lived to the fullest".


Yup, that's about the option 1 and 2 which are opposed.


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## MrMatt (Dec 21, 2011)

MrBlackhill said:


> These are two things lived in the present. When I'm talking about "aiming for more", I mean working on something that could/should improve your situation in the future.
> 
> As an analogy to finances, it's like deciding between spending the money now vs investing it for the future.


It isn't all about money.

But yes, I am grateful for all I have now, I have more than I need now, so I invest it and grow it for the future. I want to continue to have enough. 
But the different is is it more at all costs, or more on my terms.
I don't sacrifice all my time for some extra $$

George Clooney still works and puts effort into his causes, but he is clearly not out for "more at all costs"








George Clooney reveals he once turned down a $35 million paycheck


Clooney cited his wife, Amal Clooney, as a source of reason when making the decision.




www.today.com





I am not yet at the place where I will turn down $35M/day, but I will turn down $50/day, and I'm grateful for that.
Of course when I made $50/day, I was grateful to have that opportunity as well.

I'm grateful that I can sit at home, typing away on my computer doing my job with little financial impact. 
It's GOOD to be satisfied where you are. But I recognize that I need challenge and growth to be happy, that's why people have hobbies and things. Plus finance is an exciting challenge, and doing well gives you the tools to do so much more.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

MrMatt said:


> But I recognize that I need challenge and growth to be happy, that's why people have hobbies and things.


Yes but that's the fun part. When I'm talking about aiming for more, I mean doing things which may be risky, unpleasant, challenging and with an uncertain benefit.

If I take my example of that person who is trying to decide whether he should move abroad (his desire, aiming for more) or stay in Canada (being grateful of living here in this beautiful country), well the process to move abroad is definitely not a hobby, not an easy process to go through and it's pretty stressful.

Or same thing when someone changes job for a more challenging position or tries to get a promotion. At some point, people stop aiming for the next promotion because they feel like they are already happy enough with their current position. But some people keep pushing it a bit too much, keep aiming for more and end up in a position with a lack of qualifications.

If I take myself as an example, during my last 5 years of career, I've been in 7 different positions because I either decided to change job or I got promoted. And here I am, now only 10 months in my current position and I'm thinking of either taking a promotion or changing job, again.


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## MrMatt (Dec 21, 2011)

MrBlackhill said:


> Yes but that's the fun part. When I'm talking about aiming for more, I mean doing things which may be risky, unpleasant, challenging and with an uncertain benefit.
> 
> If I take my example of that person who is trying to decide whether he should move abroad (his desire, aiming for more) or stay in Canada (being grateful of living here in this beautiful country), well the process to move abroad is definitely not a hobby, not an easy process to go through and it's pretty stressful.


Grateful for being part of this world, having the ability to travel, and choosing to experience it?
I think it can be a mindset thing, and if you start with being grateful, it lets you put a more optimistic spin on things.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

MrMatt said:


> I think it can be a mindset thing, and if you start with being grateful, it lets you put a more optimistic spin on things.


Yes, absolutely.

Ì guess I'm having a hard time at the moment because I'm used to have interests which I was passionate about, but now I don't. So I'm trying to be grateful about everything I have, yet there's that feeling of missing that flame inside me, driving me. Even though I'm grateful, days pass by and they are super boring because there's nothing to be passionate about to drive me, nothing to fulfill my feeling of accomplishment.


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## OptsyEagle (Nov 29, 2009)

MrBlackhill said:


> Yes, absolutely.
> 
> Ì guess I'm having a hard time at the moment because I'm used to have interests which I was passionate about, but now I don't. So I'm trying to be grateful about everything I have, yet there's that feeling of missing that flame inside me, driving me. Even though I'm grateful, days pass by and they are super boring because there's nothing to be passionate about to drive me, nothing to fulfill my feeling of accomplishment.


All you need is a boatload of problems to show up in your life, to really appreciate a day like you state above. Excitement and engagement can be a double edged sword.


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## bgc_fan (Apr 5, 2009)

OptsyEagle said:


> All you need is a boatload of problems to show up in your life, to really appreciate a day like you state above. Excitement and engagement can be a double edged sword.


Sounds like the investing philosophy: you want boring stable growth, or you want to enjoy the roller coaster ride. I like boring so I don't have to think about it.


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## AMABILE (Apr 3, 2009)

I have nothing on my bucket list.
I am truly grateful for all that I have and all of my accomplishments.
I am at peace.


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## MrMatt (Dec 21, 2011)

MrBlackhill said:


> Yes, absolutely.
> 
> Ì guess I'm having a hard time at the moment because I'm used to have interests which I was passionate about, but now I don't. So I'm trying to be grateful about everything I have, yet there's that feeling of missing that flame inside me, driving me. Even though I'm grateful, days pass by and they are super boring because there's nothing to be passionate about to drive me, nothing to fulfill my feeling of accomplishment.


Yeah, that's the problem with idleness, it's a horrible way to live.

I'd say find some challenge, somewhere. If there is anything you care about, try to make something about it better.

Makes me think when I was unemployed for an extended period once.
Once I got a job, I was so much more energized, I got more done in my first weekend off than I did in a month of unemployment.

Lack of purpose is a killer. Get one, and posting here all day isn't it.


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## damian13ster (Apr 19, 2021)

Was quite opposite. Being unemployed was the best experience of my life. Complete freedom, control over own time, no geographical attachments.
Being employed was good too when basic human rights were respected/
Today however? It is an absolute nightmare. You can find passions, interests, organize your day/week/month, and then some moron in Ottawa can destroy it with one public announcement. He can get you fired, he can stop you from travelling, he can stop you from pursuing your hobbies, interests, or even things necessary for mental health.
What I noticed gets people the most is uncertainty, and lack of control over their own lives, over their own time.
Financial independence and human rights provide those. Both of them are rare nowadays though so not surprising we are seeing a mental health issues absolutely everywhere.


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## MrBlackhill (Jun 10, 2020)

damian13ster said:


> Being unemployed was the best experience of my life.


(When you have enough money to afford it)


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## damian13ster (Apr 19, 2021)

MrBlackhill said:


> (When you have enough money to afford it)


Honestly? I think over 8 months in between jobs, I spent around $7,000 in total.
One can afford it - just not in Canada.
Of course not for those who live paycheck to paycheck, whether by lifestyle choice or by lack of sufficient income

Sometimes freedom is worth getting creative with how you can limit your spending. Regaining control of your life, rather than simply being a passenger, is extremely important for mental well being.
That's why what is being done now is criminal


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