# inheritance question



## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

My parents have both passed, in the will everything was to be divided equally between all the children.

My one sister is the executor. 

We all get along. However, she has history of getting into debt and putting all her money in bad stocks that he spouse has no idea about. She is not doing very well financially and though we all get along, I don't think she is the most honest person.

It has been 8 months since the last parent passed, most of the ineritance money is in real estate however, there is some in accounts. The problem is I have no idea how much. I have never seen any financial statements. She took all of them to her place and she shares no info. I asked her before but she seems vague. I think she overinflates expenses.

I wouldn't be surprised if she has pocketed some. In this situation, should she be offering more info? BTW, we talk daily. I feel I shouldn't have to ask, she should offer the info. I hate asking so I really don't. I hate to seem greedy.
Also, if anyone has been through this: at the end, do they show you all expenses, paperwork etc? If they do then I guess I will just wait.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

It sounds to me like you are simply a beneficiary?

My understanding is that the executor holds all the cards. She needs to talk to a lawyer to help settle the estate, liquidate everything, pay the final tax and legal bills and issue payment to beneficiaries as outlined in the will. I don't think the executor will know what to divide until all of this is done and the final tax bill is paid. I also don't believe you have any special right to see any expense reports as you seem to be simply a beneficiary.

If you are suggesting the executor may not be doing things in an honest and straightforward manner you may want to speak with your lawyer and see what they say. I'm not sure what you can really do.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

the-royal-mail said:


> It sounds to me like you are simply a beneficiary?
> 
> My understanding is that the executor holds all the cards. She needs to talk to a lawyer to help settle the estate, liquidate everything, pay the final tax and legal bills and issue payment to beneficiaries as outlined in the will. I don't think the executor will know what to divide until all of this is done and the final tax bill is paid. I also don't believe you have any special right to see any expense reports as you seem to be simply a beneficiary.
> 
> If you are suggesting the executor may not be doing things in an honest and straightforward manner you may want to speak with your lawyer and see what they say. I'm not sure what you can really do.


Yes, I am just a beneficiary. 

I guess if I was executor, I would keep everyone posted on what is in the accounts so that there are no surprises.
I would certainly think that I would be entitled to see what was done with the money. I may be wrong-hence the reason I posted.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

P.S. It is not necessary to quote when responding, esp when in reference to the post right above yours.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

I did call my lawyer. she said that usually at the end the executor gets you to sign off that you are okay with the handling of the estate to protect themselves. This is done in most cases and it's customary to show staements. She said if there is an issue then I would file a form called passing of accounts where I would see all expenses as they go out. I'm not sure. I wont do that anyway.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

Glad you managed to speak to your lawyer. Thanks for posting the followup.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

the-royal-mail said:


> Glad you managed to speak to your lawyer. Thanks for posting the followup.


No prob, thanks for your advice.
I guess I was wondering more from an ethical (not sure if that is the correct word) standpoint rather than a legal one. I just know I would handle it differently.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Given what you said about your sister making bad decisions on investments and her debt issue , I would be blunt and tell her to start the process to get money in your hands asap.You may save yourself and her much heartache down the road if she is left with the cookie jar.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

We are still waiting for property to sell and some of it could take a while.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

How secret is it if you know about it? 

You can initiate a process to have her produce the statements and to hasten the settlement of the estate. Just be aware this plan has risks, too.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Bad signs when you hide debt from your husband and did she tell the brother she wanted to take the money to invest? I will gladly loan my brother money if he had to pay for his kids braces , buy a newer car etc but to invest forget it.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

MoneyGal said:


> How secret is it if you know about it?
> 
> You can initiate a process to have her produce the statements and to hasten the settlement of the estate. Just be aware this plan has risks, too.


My brother told me.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

marina628 said:


> Bad signs when you hide debt from your husband and did she tell the brother she wanted to take the money to invest? I will gladly loan my brother money if he had to pay for his kids braces , buy a newer car etc but to invest forget it.


My brother (knowing her history with money) said "please do not put the money into stocks " and she promised.


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## Oldroe (Sep 18, 2009)

Doesn't the executor get a % for doing the job? And if so what would it be.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

I would have to look it up. But YES they do get a %-I think it's 3%. Not sure though.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

Here is a very clear explanation of the fees in Ontario, which are set by statute:

http://www.heydary.com/publications/executor_duties.html

See (from that link):

If a beneficiary is dissatisfied with the amount that an Executor claims as compensation, the law provides for a fairly summary procedure called ”a passing of accounts” for settling the issue. Each person affected has a right to make his or her views known and to be represented by an estate lawyer at the passing of accounts.​
This is what the OP should be doing [proviso: I am presenting Ontario-specific information; procedures in other provinces will vary]. 

How the sister handles her personal money (or money loaned from another sibling) is not relevant to the estate fees. If the OP has a concern about the estate fees or the estate settlement, he or she should request a passing of accounts by challenging the handling of the estate accounts by the trustee. Here is the process followed in Ontario:

http://rc.lsuc.on.ca/jsp/ht/passingAccounts.jsp

However, if the OP won't even ask for information from the sibling trustee, I'm not sure whether he or she is up to challenging the trustee in court.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

I have asked and she is vague.
I can keep asking. Would you keep asking?
I won't be challenging anything in court.

My husband has a very different satnce. He says he would have sat down with her right away and wanted numbers but that is not my style.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

summer said:


> I feel I shouldn't have to ask, she should offer the info. *I hate asking so I really don't. *I hate to seem greedy.


Based on what you wrote, I thought you were not asking. 

The reality is, she is entitled to compensation for her efforts - and you are entitled to see an accounting of the estate and the disbursements, including her compensation. 

But right now, you don't have an accounting of the disbursements, and you are suspicious of her motivations and actions, and it sounds as though you ask for an accounting fairly passively because you don't want her to think badly of you (although you think badly of her). I wonder if she isn't forthcoming with financial information because she's worried about how you will think of her. She might also just be overwhelmed - from what you've written, she may not have strong money management skills. 

So if you are asking for suggestions here, my suggestion would be for you to find another way to ask her for the information you want, and other ways to respond to her "vague" answers. "Thanks for telling me that - but I'm actually looking for much more detailed information for that. Do you have the estate paperwork in order so you can show me where everything is at? Is there anything I can do to help you get everything in order? I'm really committed that all of this be out in the open and I want to support you in your role as executor. How can I help?" 

How do you get other things you want in life when you encounter obstacles? Try those techniques.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

I did ask her twice, by email. She did give answer which I found vague. 
I did have to wait a while for those answers. 

Her reply was brief. She told me how much money there was at death. That is it, then she went on about how she will get back to me with more details about the expenses-that was FOUR months ago.

I went back and read the emails. I thought I was clear. I wanted to know how much was in each acct.


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## Square Root (Jan 30, 2010)

These kinds of issues often cause trouble in families. I am an executor for an estate and I do yearly accounting to the beneficiary. It does take a while to finalize things and settle all the accounts. Although fees can be taken I think this is not a good idea because it usually causes hard feelings. I do not take fees. Communication is absoluetly key but not usually done very well.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

Square Root said:


> These kinds of issues often cause trouble in families. I am an executor for an estate and I do yearly accounting to the beneficiary. It does take a while to finalize things and settle all the accounts. Although fees can be taken I think this is not a good idea because it usually causes hard feelings. I do not take fees. Communication is absoluetly key but not usually done very well.


I totally agree. I wouldn't take fees either. Communication is key for sure.That is what is lacking.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

Some people seem to misunderstand and overstate the powers and obligations they have as an executor of a will. Their job is simply to fulfill the provisions in the will and they had better be prepared to provide a full accounting for all their actions, satisfactory to every beneficiary or they end up in court, when the beneficiary refuses to sign.

The courts take a very dim view of misconduct by an executor, and they can be convicted of criminal acts and punished accordingly.

They are legally responsible for their actions.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

perhaps all the siblings could unite & jointly request a simple accounting. That should be gentle & easy on the family relations.

there would have had to be an inventory of the estate - a declaration of assets - drawn up soon after the surviving parent passed away.

there are annual estate tax returns to be filed. Net income is taxable in the hands of the heirs. If the estate is following a calendar year, the period during which these tax returns & tax slips have to be prepared is coming up soon.

these documents have to be filed, so it should be easy for the executor to make copies for all the sibs.


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

I agree with humble pie. The other siblings should jointly write to Sis saying what their expectations are. It doesn't have to be accusatory. Settling an estate can take a long time, especially if there is real estate involved.

_Dear Sis: we realize the settling of an estate is not easy. We are concerned that you may be overwhelmed, as we have not received any detailed estate accounts. As principle beneficiaries, along with yourself, we would expect to see a statement of the estate assets; periodic financial statements, as well as periodic reports on how you are progressing with probate, disposition of assets, tax returns, distributions, etc. 

Have you engaged someone to probate the will and/or help you with your executor duties? 

If we can be of assistance, please let us know._

By the way, a 4-month delay with nothing happening is nothing unusual. Depending on the response, the family could try persuading Sis of the benefits of hiring Executor services from a Trust Company to do all the administrative work. They will have to be paid, but it should keep everything above board.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

OhGreatGuru said:


> I agree with humble pie. The other siblings should jointly write to Sis saying what their expectations are. It doesn't have to be accusatory. Settling an estate can take a long time, especially if there is real estate involved.
> 
> _Dear Sis: we realize the settling of an estate is not easy. We are concerned that you may be overwhelmed, as we have not received any detailed estate accounts. As principle beneficiaries, along with yourself, we would expect to see a statement of the estate assets; periodic financial statements, as well as periodic reports on how you are progressing with probate, disposition of assets, tax returns, distributions, etc.
> 
> ...


It's been 8 months, but 4 since she was supposed to get back to me with more info.

My other sibs agree with me but they wont say anything.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

I don't care but I do feel she is lying.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Your parents selected your sister as the executor for what ever reason. 

There is no point in bringing up all the things from the past, and just focus on getting through the estate distibutions. It sounds like you there are many deeper issues that have not been resolved. If you are concerned about not getting your fair share, then you need to deal with that, forget about what has happened in the past. 

If you're not getting answers, then you either sit down and be very direct, or you live with.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

summer said:


> I don't care but I do feel she is lying.


For goodness sakes - what does complaining to a bunch of strangers on the internet doing to bring you closer to your goals? Even if all of us cluck our tongues and agree with you that your executor sister is an irresponsible, shallow, lying malingerer - how in heaven's name does that help you?


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

It seems like there are some much deeper issues here than just the splitting of inheritance.


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## mind_business (Sep 24, 2011)

It seems like it's not only your sister that has a problem with communication. You need to be clear, in a pleasant manner, that you want to meet with your sister, on a given date, to go over the finances of the estate. Be specific that you'd like information on the individual accounts, etc. You can offer your assistance at that time.

This is the only method to resolve your concerns in this thread. Leave the lawyers out of the issue if at all possible. Give your sister the opportunity to be upfront with the numbers. I don't believe you've properly done this yet.

Good luck!


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

What to do?


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

_We all get along. However, she has history of getting into debt and putting all her money in bad stocks that he spouse has no idea about. She is not doing very well financially and though we all get along, I don't think she is the most honest person._

I am having trouble reconciling these statements. You have to make up your minds that you can't "all get along" anymore because she is untrustworthy on financial matters. Why on earth did your parents appoint her executor? You are enabling her by tolerating her behaviour in teh name of "peace in the family". (as perhaps your parents did too) 

Either kiss the money goodbye or hire a lawyer to challenge her appointment as executor. You could argue that because she has a history of undocumented loans from your father, she has an inherent conflict of interest with her responsibilities as executor. You might try sending her a copy of your province's statement of obligations of an executor. But from the sound of things it won't faze her unless it comes from your lawyers.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

You want her to provide information to you, and she is. But it isn't the information you want. You say that she's told you about a loan, and she's told you about the state of your dad's investments. 

The nice thing about the "passing of the accounts" option is that it provides very specific guidance about what and how information is disclosed to the estate beneficiaries. There would be no more arguing about whether what she's told you is sufficient, or true - the standards for disclosure are set out by the courts, who then assess whether she's provided adequate disclosure. (This is a prior step to challenging her position as executor, which I personally would characterize as much more extreme.)

I don't know why you will complain about being "livid" on the internet but you won't take the step of requesting a passing of accounts. If you want things to change, you must take effective action. There is a very clear cut, very effective process within your reach.


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

You and your siblings might find this page interesting reading if you are in Ontario:

http://www.fleurcom.on.ca/html/memo34.html

_The Five Major Duties of an Estate Trustee

The following are the five most important duties of an Estate Trustee:

1. To obey the directions of the Will;
2. To act impartially between beneficiaries;
3. To exercise ordinary care and prudence;
4. To place trust duties before his or her own interest;
5. To be ready to account.

*Failure to perform any of these duties makes the Estate Trustee personally liable for breach of trust. *

....

Debts and Taxes

The Estate Trustee must make sure that all of the deceased's creditors are paid. Similarly, it is technically illegal for the Estate Trustee to distribute the estate before satisfying all income taxes owed by the deceased and by the estate trust.

Estate Inventory

The Estate Trustee must, as soon as possible, look into the deceased's documents and papers to determine the condition of the estate. Since the Estate Trustee must obtain fair market value for any assets to be sold, we recommend full appraisals where there is any potential for disputes by the estate beneficiaries. ...

Executor's Year

The Estate Trustee generally is allowed one year from the date of death of the deceased to realize the estate assets and prepare a proposed distribution. *No beneficiary can insist on an earlier distribution.*

Distribution of the Estate

Before distributing the estate, the estate trustee should provide an accounting to the beneficiaries and obtain from them a Release confirming that they are satisfied with the accounting and the proposed distribution to them. ...

Passing of Accounts

If even one of the beneficiaries is dissatisfied with the accounting and proposed distribution of the estate, the Estate Trustee has little choice but to prepare accounts in a special format and arrange for a "passing of accounts" by a Judge of the Superior Court. ...
_


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

MoneyGal said:


> ...
> The nice thing about the "passing of the accounts" option is that it provides very specific guidance about what and how information is disclosed to the estate beneficiaries. There would be no more arguing about whether what she's told you is sufficient, or true - the standards for disclosure are set out by the courts, who then assess whether she's provided adequate disclosure. (This is a prior step to challenging her position as executor, which I personally would characterize as much more extreme.)
> 
> ...


The problem I see with waiting for the "Passing of Accounts" is that it doesn't happen until the beneficiaries see the final accounting and proposed ditribution of the estate, and declare they are not satisfied with it. Assets may have disappeared by then and trying to recover them could take years and lots of legal costs. But I can understand why a lawyer doesn't want to challenge the appointment of executor based on hearsay evidence of executor's past financial foibles.

Maybe the better approach is for the beneficiaries to finally "man up" and tell Sis they just can't trust her on financial matters, and that unless she hires some professional executor services, she can look forward to a demand for a Passing of Accounts, and being held personally liable for any errors in the estate management.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

OhGreatGuru said:


> The problem I see with waiting for the "Passing of Accounts" is that it doesn't happen until the beneficiaries see the final accounting and proposed ditribution of the estate, and declare they are not satisfied with it. Assets may have disappeared by then and trying to recover them could take years and lots of legal costs. But I can understand why a lawyer doesn't want to challenge the appointment of executor based on hearsay evidence of executor's past financial foibles.


I think your points are very valid. However, if the facts given so far are accurate, the estate trustee has not failed in her duty. She hasn't been as forthcoming as the OP would like, and the OP seems to have little faith in the capacity of the estate trustee, but the trustee has not, in fact, failed in her duties as trustee. 

If a beneficiary requests a passing of accounts (which can be requested before the proposed distribution has been prepared), the onus is on the trustee to produce the final accounting for review by the courts. Then, if the accounts do not pass, the estate trustee can be removed in a much more straightforward way.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

OhGreatGuru said:


> _We all get along. However, she has history of getting into debt and putting all her money in bad stocks that he spouse has no idea about. She is not doing very well financially and though we all get along, I don't think she is the most honest person._
> 
> I am having trouble reconciling these statements. You have to make up your minds that you can't "all get along" anymore because she is untrustworthy on financial matters. Why on earth did your parents appoint her executor? You are enabling her by tolerating her behaviour in teh name of "peace in the family". (as perhaps your parents did too)
> 
> Either kiss the money goodbye or hire a lawyer to challenge her appointment as executor. You could argue that because she has a history of undocumented loans from your father, she has an inherent conflict of interest with her responsibilities as executor. You might try sending her a copy of your province's statement of obligations of an executor. But from the sound of things it won't faze her unless it comes from your lawyers.


YOU MAKE EXCELLENT POINTS.
I think I always subconsciouly believed she was skimming a bit off the top, that's probably why I didn't ask too many questions. I knew that if I found out something , I would have to act on it.

My parents appointed her as the will was done a LONG time ago and the others of us we minors and she was an adult. This was done about 20 years ago.

I still think she is untrustworthy with money but is that enough reason to let it damage our relationship? I dont know.

I may have kiss the money goodbye.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

MoneyGal said:


> You want her to provide information to you, and she is. But it isn't the information you want. You say that she's told you about a loan, and she's told you about the state of your dad's investments.
> 
> The nice thing about the "passing of the accounts" option is that it provides very specific guidance about what and how information is disclosed to the estate beneficiaries. There would be no more arguing about whether what she's told you is sufficient, or true - the standards for disclosure are set out by the courts, who then assess whether she's provided adequate disclosure. (This is a prior step to challenging her position as executor, which I personally would characterize as much more extreme.)
> 
> I don't know why you will complain about being "livid" on the internet but you won't take the step of requesting a passing of accounts. If you want things to change, you must take effective action. There is a very clear cut, very effective process within your reach.


I would rather complain than take legal action. I think she would be VERY VERY angry if I did that, I am not sure if we could move past that.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

OhGreatGuru said:


> The problem I see with waiting for the "Passing of Accounts" is that it doesn't happen until the beneficiaries see the final accounting and proposed ditribution of the estate, and declare they are not satisfied with it. Assets may have disappeared by then and trying to recover them could take years and lots of legal costs. But I can understand why a lawyer doesn't want to challenge the appointment of executor based on hearsay evidence of executor's past financial foibles.
> 
> Maybe the better approach is for the beneficiaries to finally "man up" and tell Sis they just can't trust her on financial matters, and that unless she hires some professional executor services, she can look forward to a demand for a Passing of Accounts, and being held personally liable for any errors in the estate management.



It's not about "manning up". Believe me I could say all the above but I have to weigh the damage it will cause permanently to our relationship.
I guess my question is: would this be enough for you to take action or to take a firm stand? Has she gone that far yet?


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## Karen (Jul 24, 2010)

I realize the importance of maintaining good family relations, but there are exceptions to every rule, and I don't understand how you would even want anything to do with a sister who, if your suspicions are correct, would literally steal from her siblings. It sounds as if she is taking advantage of the fact that she knows you wouldn't go so far as to involve lawyers in this nasty situation. My advice would be to explain to her that you don't want to destroy your relationship but that you do not intend to be used by her either. Tell her that you think it would be best to have your lawyer deal with it rather than discuss it any further with you so that things are not said between the two of you that you might both regret. That would be putting your decision to involve your lawyer in a positive light - an attempt to maintain a good relationship with her.


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

What are your brothers thoughts on the topic?

If you aren't prepared to legally make things right (assuming there is a wrong that has occured) for whatever reason, then don't sweat it if she took some money. There isn't really an inbetween.

And what was your parents reasoning for making her executor of the will?


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

Cal said:


> What are your brothers thoughts on the topic?
> 
> If you aren't prepared to legally make things right (assuming there is a wrong that has occured) for whatever reason, then don't sweat it if she took some money. There isn't really an inbetween.
> 
> And what was your parents reasoning for making her executor of the will?


My bro doesn't trust her, she lied to him about what she was using the money he lent her on. I have been warned by many people to keep an eye on her. I always defended her.

Anyway, just because I wont pursue legal action, doesnt mean I dont want to know and it doesnt mean I have to accept her stealing. I can choose to distance myself from her.


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## mind_business (Sep 24, 2011)

summer said:


> My bro doesn't trust her, she lied to him about what she was using the money he lent her on. I have been warned by many people to keep an eye on her. I always defended her.
> 
> Anyway, just because I wont pursue legal action, doesnt mean I dont want to know and it doesnt mean I have to accept her stealing. *I can choose to distance myself from her*.


Quite a bit of what I'm reading from your posts is indicative of being intimidated by your sibling. Perhaps I'm wrong??? However, for me, it's important to ALWAYS stand up for yourself when others are doing harm to you. That includes harm caused by family members. I realize the core of your relationship was likely formed when your sister was an adult and you were still a minor, however it might be time to step up and become the responsible sibling. 

Not an easy step ... I know, however I saw this happen recently when my wife's mother recently passed away. The eldest was left as the Executor of the Estate, however she was the most financially irresponsible of all the siblings. At one point my wife had to make the uncomfortable decision to confront her sister about the amounts and the delayed payouts. Surprisingly, the discussion went quite well and we found out that the sibling was overwhelmed with the process, and welcomed some help.

I realize this isn't exactly your situation, however if you're worried about damaging your relationship with your sister if you confront her, just remember that the relationship is already damaged due to your suspicions. You guys will never have a healthy relationship until you properly resolve this issue.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

mind_business said:


> Quite a bit of what I'm reading from your posts is indicative of being intimidated by your sibling. Perhaps I'm wrong??? However, for me, it's important to ALWAYS stand up for yourself when others are doing harm to you. That includes harm caused by family members. I realize the core of your relationship was likely formed when your sister was an adult and you were still a minor, however it might be time to step up and become the responsible sibling.
> 
> Not an easy step ... I know, however I saw this happen recently when my wife's mother recently passed away. The eldest was left as the Executor of the Estate, however she was the most financially irresponsible of all the siblings. At one point my wife had to make the uncomfortable decision to confront her sister about the amounts and the delayed payouts. Surprisingly, the discussion went quite well and we found out that the sibling was overwhelmed with the process, and welcomed some help.
> 
> I realize this isn't exactly your situation, however if you're worried about damaging your relationship with your sister if you confront her, just remember that the relationship is already damaged due to your suspicions. You guys will never have a healthy relationship until you properly resolve this issue.


Good advice. I guess I am only this way with money. I NEVER have a problem being assertive about other things-ever.

You are right, this needs to be resolved.
I guess in the back of mu mind is the 1% chance that I am wrong about my suspicions.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Your sister has history of borrowing large amounts of money and blowing it , she is obviously living beyond her means to borrow for plastic surgery.Sounds to me the whole lot of you need to get your heads knocked together to sit for 8 months and do nothing.So do this , write an email and give her a set amount of time to produce all financial statements if she does not produce it hire a lawyer .I am sure you will be the ***** in the family when this is done but better than than you be drove crazy with your own feelings of being ripped off.
This situation happened in my husband's family and I listened years to the complaining and i was the one who told them STFU or do something.My husband and his sister took the step mother and nine other siblings to court to get resolution on their father's estate.They had years of waiting after their father's death before it was all settled and had they not made that decision to involve lawyers I am sure we would still be sitting here today. 

I know family is important but your relationship is dying slowly anyway so cut the cancer out and move on.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

marina628 said:


> Your sister has history of borrowing large amounts of money and blowing it , she is obviously living beyond her means to borrow for plastic surgery.Sounds to me the whole lot of you need to get your heads knocked together to sit for 8 months and do nothing.So do this , write an email and give her a set amount of time to produce all financial statements if she does not produce it hire a lawyer .I am sure you will be the ***** in the family when this is done but better than than you be drove crazy with your own feelings of being ripped off.
> This situation happened in my husband's family and I listened years to the complaining and i was the one who told them STFU or do something.My husband and his sister took the step mother and nine other siblings to court to get resolution on their father's estate.They had years of waiting after their father's death before it was all settled and had they not made that decision to involve lawyers I am sure we would still be sitting here today.
> 
> I know family is important but your relationship is dying slowly anyway so cut the cancer out and move on.


Thanks to all for your advice.


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