# New money needs some life help



## pea (Apr 19, 2011)

Hi, 

I am a self made new money and have been lurking on this forum for a while and found that you guys have been great help for others that have come forward seeking advices, so I'd like to give this a try. Hopefully gleam some light at the end of the tunnel. 

I am in my early 30ish. Single and will be crossing that millionaire mark this year if all goes well. All sound normal so far? I guess the unique thing about my situation (and perhaps not so unique) is that for the past decade after graduating college, I've forsaken any semblance of normal life in a pursuit to get to this significant milestone. I told myself that I'd be able to retire and live off the interest from this point on.

If you see anything wrong with regards to my health, please give me some warning. I especially welcome humble_pie's scathing keep-it-real to earth remarks because most people in real life who knows my situation are too nice to me. Later, I'd like some advice on personal life, which is the important part that I would like to focus on.

*Assets:*

Detached house:$850k
Equities in the stock market: $200k with maxed out RRSP and TFSA, but the non registered account represents the majority of it since I haven't worked long enough to get a big enough RRSP contribution room to matter at the millionaire level. 

*Debt: *
None

*On the relationship side*

I do have several woman who've showed interest, unfortunately, I suspect that gold digging is part of their interest. I remember instances whereby they prodded at my wealth from angles I do not anticipate or I let slip something that are related. I am not sure. What I am sure of is that I didn't meet them while I was wearing my poor man's cloth to keep a low profile.

*On marriage side*

I am kind of scared hearing all these horror stories from others who lost their fortune to a woman. Either from a divorce, a setup impregnation or some type of common-law split up rule whereby we would be considered a married couple after living together for a year and thus our wealth needs to be split. 

So these stories and suspicions are psychological problems that I need advices about as well as the house. Which is the next question.

*House*

Right now, as far as the market is concerned, the land value is the valuation of the whole thing. Even though the government places value on it, the buyers in my area are tearing down all the old houses and rebuilding them. It's safe to assume that the structure itself is worthless and is about 30 year old.

I plan on picking up and go around the world for some much needed traveling and soul searching. Should I just seal up the house or should I go through the trouble of getting new tenants and insuring against some extra accidents due to tenants. What are the tax implication of that since I will be out of country. Will it still be considered "Primary residence"? Will I need to take a big tax cut when I have to come back and rent an apartment until my tenants move out?

You see, my current life, as it exist right now will simply cease to exist and I will be shedding away a lifelong habit of saving everything I got to that of spending every interest/rent I earn. The idea of it is slowly hitting home.


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

I don't have any relationship or mental health advice.. 

However - I think you should consider selling the house if you are going overseas for a long time. It sounds like you live in Vancouver? The hassle and rent money won't be worth having $850k sitting there doing nothing for you.

If you really want to keep the house, then definitely rent it out - maybe use a property manager.

I guess it depends on how long you plan to be gone.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

Welcome to the forum! We've had a lot of lurkers coming forward lately. This is good. Please do not hesitate to sign up and participate in any of the existing threads, or to start new ones as you have done.

This is a really interesting thread. I have to agree with 4P on the hassle and responsibility of having a house if you want to travel. It will be a target for thieves. And if you've never dealt with tenants before, you might find it to be more hassle than its worth.

Do you need that house now? Can you live someplace cheaper now that you've built up that equity? Like a small town far away from city commuters? 

Then you can put that money to work for you, rather than having to feed it with property taxes, tenants and maintenance.

Marriage and relationships? Why do you feel (besides what you've wriitten) that the women are gold diggers? As for marriage, that is a personal choice. I would mention that contrary to what some may have read into my earlier comments, there ARE a lot of good women out there who don't care about your wallet and with whom you can lead a happy life. I've had a lot of wonderful experiences that I am grateful for and you should not deprive yourself of this potential. Just be smart about it and go slowly. But yes, in a divorce, the courts will favour the woman. Maybe you would be better off to live like Charlie in 2.5 men? LOL.

P.S. Are you willing to share any insight into how you amassed such a fortune at your age? I'm green with envy.


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## peterk (May 16, 2010)

Based off of being 30 in an 850k house that's delapidated, I'd say you're in Vancouver or Fort Mcmurray. Forsaken a normal life, and fearful of gold diggers, I'd lean towards Fort Mcmurray. 
What you are right now my friend is "house rich". And if you happen to be in either of these two cities they face some unique realestate circumstances. From what I hear the Van. market is way up, being sustained to a great percentage of asian immigrants. In Fort Mac you have the risk of development catching up to housing demand, long periods of low price oil which will slow/shut down some mines, and the mines outsourcing all but essential workers. Of course the super high salaries in FM will likely always keep the housing market quite a bit higher than natural for other cities...
I don't know what any of this means for the future of these two cities, but they certainly are unique problems/risks that a traditional housing market may not be subject to.

I would think selling your expensive house and moving to a new, cheap city would be the way to go for you. If you're planning on traveling the world for years then just sell and rent short term. Keep in mind that $1m isn't THAT much really. Invest it in high dividend stocks and you can bring in 50k/year, but if you start eating into that 1m principle it's going to be highly detrimental to your nest egg and future stream of retirement income. 

As far as women, my advice in order of preference would be:

1) Girlfriends
2) Girlfriend
3) Equally rich wife, prenup, no kids
4) poor wife, prenup written by several expensive lawyers, no kids
5) rich wife, kids
6) poor wife, kids, Pea living in cardboard box after divorce


I'm sure Carverman will be along any minute with some eloquent words about the joys of marriage


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## Sampson (Apr 3, 2009)

How long are you planning on traveling? and where to?

$200k (some in RRSPs) isn't going to keep you sustained indefinitely, and may not allow you to 'live off the interest'. 2% on $200k is $4000 per year. Unless you limit yourself to developing countries, that doesn't go far.

Unless your biggest asset $850k house is liquidated or you rent it out, then where will you earn money from?

If you do the math on changing your residence to a rental, including taxes, contingency for vacancies damage and repairs, and a management company fee, how much will you pocket. If it is reasonable, then that could be your income while you travel.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Pea let me give you some advise for the gold diggers in your life.Sell the property asap.Rent a small one bedroom apartment and buy a 20 inch TV ,wear only $20 jeans and $9.00 plaid shirts from Giant Tiger.Any woman around you in future will never know how much money you have unless you tell them!At your age you cannot afford to bum around the world and think that money will last you but maybe you do deserve a couple months of traveling to make decisions on next chapter of your life.Life is about balance and sounds like you have been focused on this milestone and skipping out on life.


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## pea (Apr 19, 2011)

Most of you focuses on the house and cost of living issue, which is the least of my concern right now, but I will answer them here in general.

The 200k in investment more than provide enough money for my living expenses if I stay away from Europe. Europe has been done to death before so it doesn't have any allure for me. I am an experienced backpacker, who can usually get by with very little. As far as life maintenance is concerned it is a non issue. Worst comes to worst, I ramp up the total equity in my investment account with HELOC, which was the normal state of operation, to increase the interest income at the same time. It is only in preparation of big change that I have paid back the HELOC.

As far as selling the house is concerned, I need to figure out the tax implications after meeting with an accountant after April. I was hoping that I can gleam some insight first on the rental issues. Like I said before, I don't care if the house burns down, the land value itself is worth its market price. After that, I will listen to some foot-on-the ground information from people in the real estate business to determine what to do. 

@the royal mail Feelings wise. I usually listen to what my gut tells me? If you want an objective opinion, I always wondered why no woman wanted me when I was working the graveyard shift at the beginning? I've been working non stop for a long time so I don't believe I've had time to develop and change my personality that much. Also, I came out to a few people in real life about my net worth. The change is noticeable. For example, on average, people expect millionaires to buy them free drinks and get somewhat pissed when I don't do it. 

On top of that, I watched most of the people started out life with going downhill immediately after having a baby. I don't know how many time I've listened to their money issues and mediated their marriages. And I stopped counting the number of my female friends who is single and living off of child support. Maybe it's just the circle of people I started out with, maybe the rich female population is different. I don't know, this is my reality that I see.

I am trying to give as little information as possible about where I am and who I am. I hope you guys understand why and don't hold any grudge about it. As for how I came by this fortune? Hard work and doubling down during the trough of the crisis. If you want to associate this to one thing, it's the decision that the 2007-2009 crisis is a once in 100 year crisis by comparing it with the great depression and I will never see anything worst than this in my life again. If I took the chance and lost everything, I will contend with bankruptcy and a life of mediocrity at a job that goes nowhere. Barring any extreme outcome, I will simply become a millionaire at a later stage in my life.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

What the what? I don't love this risk profile. 

Most holdings are in a large, illiquid, non-tradeable, single asset in a single asset class. That asset is not super-highly-correlated with equities, but I have no idea how the equities are invested. 

And you are going to "live off the interest" from your investments - but where is that "interest" coming from? Are you going to rent the house? How are your "equities" generating "interest?" 

This is not a plan which is sustainable over the long term unless you hit a deep strike of randomly ridiculously good luck.


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## Ihatetaxes (May 5, 2010)

I was fortunate to marry a woman with similar financial goals and in 10 years we haven't ever had a fight about money.

One thing I will say is I would give away every dollar I have and take a job making minimum wage rather than not have my kids. My wife and I lived the selfish DINK life for a lot of years, travelled a ton and had some great times. We were married for 7 years before baby #1. All those good times now seem worthless in comparison to the love of my kids.

So... don't be afraid of losing your fortune but instead think of what great rewards you might find.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

Thanks taxes, that's a great, inspirational post. I appreciate the comments.


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## Rico (Jan 27, 2011)

Ihatetaxes said:


> My wife and I lived the selfish DINK life for a lot of years, travelled a ton and had some great times. We were married for 7 years before baby #1. All those good times now seem worthless in comparison to the love of my kids.
> .


lol - I wrote a paper about childless/childfree couples last semester and the subtle (and very common) social pressure insinuated by the inclusion of the word "selfish" in your post makes me chuckle.


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

With regards to the house, it's hard to figure out the potential rental income without knowing where you live. But with the mortgage paid off fully, I think a lot of that income might be taxable anyways, and if so, I'd consider selling. Maybe Marina can comment better on this area. 

With regards to women, well...I think I'm going to get myself in trouble.  But I like to think I know a bit about them (regardless of what my wife tells me). And I'd say finding the right one for you won't be easy, nor should it be.

Look, everyone wants to be rich. And everyone wants to find the right person for them. But becoming rich isn't very easy most of the time. In fact, it takes a lot of hard work, some luck here or there, some mistakes along the way that we learn from and improve from, and dating is pretty much the same deal. It isn't easy, nor should it be. What you're looking for is extremely rare, which is why you'll appreciate it so much when you do find it.

I can honestly say the #1 mistake most guys make is that they aren't comfortable with themselves. Women pick up on that instantly. And no offense, but you don't sound totally comfortable with yourself at this moment. Don't take that the wrong way. While you've done a great job with the wealth accumulation, I think a part of you thinks people will only like you for your money. Several times, I got the impression women can intimidate you. Maybe I'm reading too much between the lines.

I love the idea of traveling for a while. Who knows? Maybe you find the right person while you're traveling. Or maybe you don't. Who cares? The point is that you have worked hard to get to this point, and now you should enjoy it a bit. Women are drawn to happiness, to genuine people who know who they are and are comfortable with that. 

Or complete ***holes.

Sorry ladies, I couldn't resist


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

Pea....Personally I wouldn't want the concern of renting out a place while I was travelling for an extended period of time. I would lean towards selling, assuming it is your principal residence. But I am sure that your accountant will help you with that.

In regards to finances...not really sure on your current allocation or objective on these...so can't comment.

In regards to the opposite sex. If you are that worried, get a pre nup.

In regards to travelling...you are single, young, enjoy yourself, wherever your travels may take you. I hope you find what you are looking for.


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## Karen (Jul 24, 2010)

My goodness, bmckay, what a cynical attitude. I know there are women like that out there, but there are many more who are not. Maybe you've been looking in the wrong places.

As for pea, if he's that worried about a future partner ending up with his money, I guess his best option would be to limit his choices to women who are just as well off as he is. Or maybe someone even better off - that way he could claim the alimony!


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## ramy98 (Sep 20, 2009)

Congrats dude!...

I like the comment above about luring in women with your wealth and if they are gold diggers give em' the boot.... haha

Keep doing what you are doing cause it seems that you are doing things right!!

Maybe something to look into diversifying your knowledge into other assets or businesses that Cash flow positive; the knowledge is out-there and for the most part it is free!


Ramy


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

bmckay said:


> Being nice with women doesn't work. Believe me, I have tried it, and i'm sure im not alone.
> 
> Look, life is short. Use your wealth to your advantage. Lure women in with your wealth, do your 'thing' with them, and chuck them as soon as you sense they may be trying to reach into your wallet. Serves them right anyways. If they don't reach for your wallet, then you may have found a keeper. Simple
> 
> ...


The thing that jumps out most about this post is the bit about being a "nice pleaser." I've met a ton of guys who think they're "nice guys," but really fit that nice pleaser type. And that pleasing type of person is actually one of the worst types of guy because they're incredibly dishonest, not only with women but themselves.

I mean no offense, as I was exactly that type of guy for a long, long time. The typical mentality of your typical "nice guy" is quite bizarre. These types of guys lie all the time when dating. They don't see it that way though. They think they're being "nice" by trying to appease a girl, whether by lying about their preferences ("Oh, you love Sarah Mclachlan? Funny, me too!") or personality (going on a date to the museum to appear cultured when the last time you went was a school field trip) or lifestyle (taking a girl to some fancy restaurant you'd never normally eat at). They laugh at stupid jokes or pretend to care about stupid things to increase their chances of someone liking them. They're basically just sucking up, rather than forging a connection, and I think women figure that out, maybe not consciously but at some level.

I think acting that way leads to a lot of rejection and failure with women, at least for me. And it left me very bitter and angry with women for a while. I get a similar sense from your post.

I could go on and on and on about this topic. And I think I already have  The point is that most nice guys are not really that nice. In many ways, they're worse than some of the jerks out there who at least are upfront about who they are.


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## pea (Apr 19, 2011)

Well, I certainly appreciate and agree with everything written about my personality. You guys are dead on about it. I took the extreme road to get to where I am and here are the consequences. Maybe it'd be a great case study for others who wish to chase after money. 

From the short curt reactions of the few posters with feminim names, I get the impression that this thread somehow pissed them off. Yes I did imply that woman who approaches me are all gold diggers as much as I'd like to think not, it is the twisted reality that I am seeing. So no tips on what type of woman would be compatible with a nerd who got lucky and dug up a gold mine? Because stripped of all the claimed riches that's what I am in the end. 

I used to be a nice guy and now I am not. Underneath, I am still a nice guy. I have corrected my behaviors as mentioned by financialnoob after a bad breakup. Did the whole 9 yards of those PUA training (No, I did not pay to attend those meetings, I just know one of them who teaches). The reality is, nice or not nice the situation didn't change for me back then. Doing harm to gold diggers might be a great revenge, but I don't really want to waste the time when high class hookers cost less and saves more time. This is another benefit of not caring about spending money.

What IhateTaxes mentioned is exactly what I'd like to find and I have no idea where to go to find woman like that. I've been rejected countless time and at one point decided to just screw it and make money. I fear that I might have missed the time while I was poor and young so it's harder to find woman like that while I am rich and exhibiting any of the rich man's habit. A simple transformation that my friend have noticed is that I don't try to talk down the price of cloth I buy any more. Nor do I go bargain hunting.

As for prenup, those who I talk to say prenups can still be overturned in court. These people are americans, I don't know if the same can be said about Canadian court system. Also the common law things really worries me as any girlfriend who moves in with me can lay a claim. Is this just heresay? Do I have to pay Alimony? One idea is to give all my fortune to one of my relatives so even if a woman divorces me, there would be no money. These are things that I wish I don't have to think about, I guess I went about life the wrong way. Should have acquired a gf then get rich.

Anyway, these are the things that are plaguing my mind. Things I'd rather not bring up to people in real life. Cause, you know, it sounds cruel. Thanks for listening and suggesting and thank god for an anonymous Internet.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

There are some bad apples out there that will be looking for your gold, but there are many more that are perfectly good people. 

You comments and questions, indicate that you are looking trying to protect yourself from gold diggers, spendthrifts, break up/divorce, alimony, some one after you money, hardship from having children, etc. If you are constantly looking for these things to protect yourself from 'harm' then that's all you will see, and you will miss out on those other women that you can't find because you aren't looking for them. It sounds like any negative sign, sets off warning bells for you. I hate to tell you this, there's not a single person in this world that won't set off warning bells.

If protecting your little fortune is what you want, then that's exactly what you get. I believe in self fulling prophecies. I can give your self a million reason why you shouldn't be with any person. It's comes down to take a risk life. You have a choice, you can live how you are now, keep saving the money, and if you're happy, that's great, why change anything. If you're not happy, then it's time for a change. Change requires taking on some risks. 

Could you be perhaps hiding behind making money, as it's a safer thing to do (especially since you are a self professed nerd or was it geek), than actually getting out there with real women.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

The last two posts by noob and the OP are excellent and contain a LOT of food for thought. First on noob's comments about the nice guy thing, he makes a very good point. I too have been on both sides of that fence and don't have much to add, other than the fact that social graces do require that we act a certain way when we meet new people. You see it at parties for example, when everyone at work meets the Mrs. Everyone is at their best behaviour. In a dating situation, well, again you do need to go with the flow for a while when you meet someone new. You're not going to attract a mate if you refute everything she says. That said, I still agree with everything noob has said. There are lots of good points there.

As for the OP, well, all I can say is it is VERY refreshing to see that you are thinking about these things and thinking critically about it. I think I share some of the blame around CMF lately for perhaps tarring all women unfairly. That was never my intention when I entered into many of those discussions, nor did I ever mean to say that ALL women are the same. However, the fact that divorce courts and lawyers will take men to the cleaners in divorce proceedings is something I have seen happen to many friends I have known through the years and it keeps happening over and over. Don't ask me to google for evidence of this. Just talk to people and listen to the stories. I'm sure all of us know people exactly like our own carver. I have certainly known a few. My point is not to rehash the discussion and make any women feel bad, but simply to say to the OP that he is taking the right approach by being careful and not allowing a gold digger to automatically inherit half his fortune. Just don't be preoccupied with this and don't stop yourself from having fun and experiencing life, love and relationships. Just be smart and be careful and that's about all you can do. I know for a fact there are women out there who don't care about money and who just want a good man to love and make a life with. Your goal is to separate the wheat from the chaff and find yourself one of these, if that is what you want to do.


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

Pea: I think you're a bit hard on yourself. You're certainly not a case study and these aren't consequences of chasing money. You're still young, now rich, and you have your whole life ahead of you. You shouldn't be so glum 

As for the type of woman that'd be interested in a nerd who struck it rich, that line really jumps out for several reasons. It shows doubt that you think a girl who likes nerds could even exist (they do, I married one, and a lot of nerdy friends found one too). But it also shows a lot of doubt in yourself as a person, as if you don't believe someone could like you because you're a nerd. Didn't you know nerds are the new cool kids? 

I think what Plugging Along wrote is also very good. I understand the concern about finances, and it'd be foolish not to think about it. But as PA mentioned, it seems to be your primary goal when it comes to dating. That guarded nature may extend beyond the wallet and to your personality as well. I think it goes beyond the money. I think you don't value yourself as a person much, and think your only true worth comes from your wealth. Until you start to appreciate who you are as a person, you can't reasonably expect anyone else to.

As for where to meet girls who might love nerds, I don't want to stereotype too much. But go where you love to go. Join groups relating to your passions or hobbies. There are all sorts of meet-up websites that aren't necessarily dating-related like meetup.com, or conventions/events for pretty much everything these days. You don't have to tell anyone about your fortune, but you can hang out with like-minded people. Don't be afraid to make friends with the guys too, which expands your social network and maybe you go to a party or meet someone through them. 

The point is you should go out and have fun and enjoy your life. Do the things that make you happy and you're bound to meet lots of interesting women who share a passion that you do. Don't be ashamed of your nerdiness. Embrace it. What's the point of hiding it? If you do, you'll only end up with a girl who isn't a good match for you, and doesn't know the true you, and as PA mentioned, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I like royal's post as well. That last line sums it up quite nicely. It's a process, and you'll have to experience some bad to get to the good. It's worth it though.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

I know exactly what your talking about with regards to what your dealing with,dating/being young/having considerably assets for early 30s.Its like night day what happens in personal realtionships and most dont get that nor understand.My path is prob alot different than you,i started a business five yrs ago and im not formaly educated and growing up nobody in my friends,friends parents,realatives would of perdicted my current standing.

Money and accquiring it,takes a strong mind and being a outcast comes with the terriorty,thats my opoinion,im ok with that and actualy perfer it that way,Its amazing thou how different you get treated,this is alittle off topic but its the same,i remember when i started out in my business my suppliers would barley acknowledge me,that has changed.(wierd how when your acct starts growing all of a sudden your getting invites to boxed seats,and your sales guys suck up too,i think both parties are aware of how shallow it all is,but thats how it is,cant really be any other way.My friends are envy,when your able to walk into a car dealership and pay cash for a truck for example,and your friends are bitching about cell phone bills and 50 dollar nights out,you realize quickly you start getting a target on your back.

My biggest promblem with dating is i find it so hard to seperate my mind set when it comes to women and the rest of my life.Im so use to being munipulated and on guard,i find its tough.Im so use to "taking care of people"listening to bullshit,solving problems,going the extra mile day to day,that i find it exhausting to do it when i date or im dating,i think its our age range,women in there 20s what to be taken care of,they want that sense of strenght,planning and the man leading the realtionship.Its a temporary promblem i think thou,you have to remember the girls your dating are just that 'girls'.Everything in life can change so make sure you keep that in mind!Enjoy your problem!trust me,would you like to be on the other side of the coin?bitching about how know women will talk to you because you pump gas,dreaming you wish you were like the guy in the escalade,when your filling up his tank.Work on your character,more than your money!!


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Here are some random points (meaning may not be totally coherent) before I head to bed: I'll re read it tomorrow...sorry if it comes out as harsh, I'm tired of hiding easter eggs that have melted or exploed...

-You're net worth, though it is an accomplishment, is tied mostly to your house. Many women would just assume that it's highly mortgage, but that you just have a nice house that the bank owns
- A $1mil is a nice little number, but it's just that a number. I know many people (including myself who wanted that $1m networth). You have to see what else you're giving up.
- The net worth you have, isn't one that allows you to throw money around, it's just over a million, not $10Mil. The potential is there, but don't fool yourself in thinking you can totally be frivously with money
- Just because a female is interested in money, or what you do, does not necessarily mean she's a gold digger. She could just be making sure that you're not a male gold digger or compatable. I made sure that my now husband would be in a position of a good carreer before I committed. Not because I wanted his money, but I wanted him to be able to keep up with my potential.
- It's a good idea of being cautious, but your responses indicate that you are looking for any sign of someone wanting you for your money
- Marrying or being in a relationship for money alone is alot of work, for many true gold diggers, you would need to have a lot more to make it worth someone effort
- Look at your self, and decide what is it that you really want in life. Money is just one means. To be honest, it's the easiest to replace.
- You are worried about alimony, payments, sending money to relatives, prenups being over turned... perform you due diligence, and make sure you do the best what is REASONABLE to protect yourself (prenups, getting to know the person, having clear expectations, etc), but this is life, you can't plan for every risk out there with a what if. 
- Yes, kids take a lot of work, couples relationships get strained, but based on your posts, kids isn't something you're going to rush into. So worry about finding the right person, and then see what happens. 
- There are no gaurentees in life, except that you only get one chance to live life. Ask yourself right now if you are happy with your life? I don't think anyone is 100%, but if you can say yes, then don't worry about the advice you're getting her. If you know you're not, as indicated by your first post, then somethings needs to change. 
- This is just my hunch, I think you're letting free and insecurity prevent you from taking risks, especially those of personal matter. You are sticking to nerdiness, and money because they are safe, and don't reject you. It's much easier to put up a wall now, before you get really burnt later. Which is true, but keep in mind you'll also keep out the true gems.


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## pea (Apr 19, 2011)

@donald thanks that really helped

Back from my tax hiatus and saw a few interesting messages.

I really enjoy seeing the reflection of me through you guys. I definitely am more guarded towards woman and agree that I shouldn't. However, the suggestion to risk it all and just take a chance goes against what I've learned in life. If there's one thing I understand about risk, it is that it needs to be managed. In any case, I believe I've already ruined the relationship with the few woman whom knows my largess. Since internally, I will always be asking that question. I will just start over fresh.

As for the nerd fear. Well, I got rejected a lot before I went on the crusade of becoming rich. I was a nerd/geek (I guess nerd don't get used anymore nowadays) before it was cool. So I am not used to this new normal. You know, how you used to be labeled a loser playing video games? Now it's mainstream. Imaging my surprise! That's the background I came from. It is also interesting to hear that 1 million is too little in the eyes of gold diggers. I admit, I am nothing like a new york money manager whose salary is that. So what do I call these woman in the stories of my friends? Silver digger? And to try and find girls in places I'd usually go to as a nerd is like... trying to find a red duck. The men/women ratio of that is usually 1:100 and the women are married. (At least the ones I tried) Maybe I just don't have a knack for detecting single woman.

I would also like to remind people to please stop focusing on the house and the impeding doom I'd get if house prices fall. I get this general feel that people on this forum have little to no respect on someone who is house rich. If you think I got lucky because of that house, you are wrong, it probably advanced my deciding this change in life by one year. Without going into those kind of identifying details, I'll just mention that the 850k of house asset is a manulife one account whose credit line is fixed at the original mortgage amount (with the usual cushion that they demand). Those in the know understands how I employ my money based on this, those who do not.... no comment.

Thanks for all the comments. If you have any more suggestions on my view, feel free to comment. Positive and Negative are all welcome. Not that I will end up listening, but I need to consider all possibilities.


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

Pea, I don't think anyone is looking down on you for being house rich. Rather, it's a concern if anyone had 80% of their net worth tied to a single asset. I think we'd all feel the same way if you had $850K in stocks. It's just a lot of risk in one place.

And I don't think you have to go all-in on a girl you just met, but you have to accept that you will need to open up at some point, bit by bit. Judging by your comments on the nerd thing, it feels like you still aren't totally comfortable with yourself, let alone sharing who you are with others.

I know what you mean about how weird it is that nerd has become more mainstream. Without knowing what nerdy things you're into, I can't really comment specifically, but there are a lot more girls getting into it than there used to be. Not that you need to find a nerd girl  A lot of women are more accepting of it too, even if they may not watch anime or play video games or whatever other nerdy stuff you're into.

The point is you have to learn to be happy with who you are. Until you love who you are, how can you expect anyone else to love you? If there are things about you that you are ashamed of and want to change, change them. If there are things about you that you are ashamed of but love, learn to accept them. But I think you need to work on you first.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

financialnoob said:


> I think we'd all feel the same way if you had $850K in stocks. It's just a lot of risk in one place.


More like $850K in ONE illiquid stock.


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## Karen (Jul 24, 2010)

Plugging Along - I just read your last post and wanted to say that I was very impressed with what you had to say. It's full of common sense and excellent advice.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

pea said:


> . I definitely am more guarded towards woman and agree that I shouldn't. However, the suggestion to risk it all and just take a chance goes against what I've learned in life. If there's one thing I understand about risk, it is that it needs to be managed. In any case, I believe I've already ruined the relationship with the few woman whom knows my largess. Since internally, I will always be asking that question. I will just start over fresh.
> 
> As for the nerd fear. Well, I got rejected a lot before I went on the crusade of becoming rich. I was a nerd/geek (I guess nerd don't get used anymore nowadays) before it was cool. So I am not used to this new normal. You know, how you used to be labeled a loser playing video games? Now it's mainstream. Imaging my surprise! That's the background I came from. *It is also interesting to hear that 1 million is too little in the eyes of gold diggers*. I admit, I am nothing like a new york money manager whose salary is that. So what do I call these woman in the stories of my friends? Silver digger? And to try and find girls in places I'd usually go to as a nerd is like... trying to find a red duck. The men/women ratio of that is usually 1:100 and the women are married. (At least the ones I tried) Maybe I just don't have a knack for detecting single woman.
> 
> ...


First, I don't think anyone was saying that you should just take a chance blindly with anyone. Regardless, if you have money or not, everyone should go into a relationship with a little healthy critical thinking. However, I think that you are just looking for a reason to validate your fears. I have to ask how does it exactly come about that a female finds out about your 'largess'? Do you say hey,'I have my house paid off and am a millionaire' or are the women asking, 'How much are you worth?'. Usually there is some sort of trigger for these types of questions. Something tells me that you may be bring up the conversation somehow to illecit a response as a way to 'test' these women. I can't tell for sure, but am interested in how all these women know that you're a millionaire. If you want to start over, that's great, I think you just need to see if there is possibly anything you may be doing (even unintentionally) which could be leading to these outcomes. 

This leads to your nerd fear. This may all be related, as you do not seem to be comfortable with yourself as a nerd. There are many women married to nerds, I'm one of them. Chances are you will not find one at a Star Trek convention, but it is possible, my spouse wants to go to one, and I will go too. I think this is where you can take more risks. You can go to places that are out of your comfort zone. You're not going to lose you fortune trying something new. When you meet someone, try to go in with a positivie attitude, and 'sell' yourself on all the other things you have to offer (outside of finance).

You keep focusing on your $1mil, but like I said, it really isn't that much in terms of a 'gold digging' life. You don't have much more than the average person in terms of liquid investments, so you can't really spend it on a gold digger. You're not going to refinance your house (which is 80% of you net worth) to spend on someone. What you can offer is a cheap place for a gold digger to stay, as you have no rents. Chances are if the female is moving in with you, then it's much more serious, and you have figured out that she isn't a gold digger. You have $200K in investments, assuming you're not going to liquidate the investment, even if you live off the interest, you're looking at $8k, which is not much for a gold digger. I reframe your mindset as you are doing well for yourself, and have built yourself a comfortable nest egg, but you're far from being totally financially set. It's not like a gold digger would be able to sit around at home eating bon bons, or travelling the world while spending your fortune. If you're interests a fairly low key, and modest, then I would bet that the women you will date longer term will be about the same. 

I don't think anyone is disrespecting you for you house. I think there is a large emphasis because it's the majority of your worth, and is highly illiquid, and since its you're pr, it doesn't generate any income. If you look at it from an asset if it generates a positive cashflow or not (Rich Dad), then no it doesn't, though some argue you save on rent. Being house rich, is being paper rich, you can't really spend it until you sell it. 

I hope you find what or who you're looking for and don't let your money be the cause of any unhappiness or lack of fulfilment.


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

PA made some good points. In particular, I think she's right about some type of trigger about your net worth that people inquire about. 

I don't think you brag about your situation, but my gut feeling (which means nothing really) is that your self worth right now is tied to your net worth right now. You don't value yourself as a person, you're ashamed of your nerdiness, and the only thing you like about yourself right now is your net worth. So it's natural that that leaks out somehow.

And again, no one is downplaying what you've done with the house, that's great. But as PA and MoneyGal pointed out, it's illiquid, and a concern. What if Garth Turner is right and the housing market drops 25%? That would be a huge hit.

I don't know where you live, but maybe you'd consider moving to another area where houses are cheap. You mentioned traveling so it's not a great idea, but you seem set on holding a house so why not move to a small city where you can buy a massive house for $250K, then have $800K to invest or do whatever. A 5% return on that would be $40K a year. Could you live off that with no mortgage payments? 

Kind of going way off-base here, now we're talking about you picking up and moving somewhere  But at least then the house would make you some money.


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## donaldhumiston (Apr 26, 2011)

My thoughts, very fortunate that you have that kind of attitude of hard work and still stay focused to life. Since you have a very good gut feel (as you mentioned) I have to believe you know where you shall head after all of the info and advices. The best of luck to a free-spirited person that you are. Am sure you will find the woman of your match in the right time.


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## climber11 (May 7, 2011)

*So true*

My life would feel empty without my wife and kids.


Ihatetaxes said:


> I was fortunate to marry a woman with similar financial goals and in 10 years we haven't ever had a fight about money.
> 
> One thing I will say is I would give away every dollar I have and take a job making minimum wage rather than not have my kids. My wife and I lived the selfish DINK life for a lot of years, travelled a ton and had some great times. We were married for 7 years before baby #1. All those good times now seem worthless in comparison to the love of my kids.
> 
> So... don't be afraid of losing your fortune but instead think of what great rewards you might find.


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