# Confort zones



## Longtimeago (Aug 8, 2018)

A recent thread in a travel forum I frequent raised the issue of comfort zones. It was specifically about travel but is applicable to pretty much anything really. It could apply to say investing as easily as to travel or just trying different kinds of food.

Some people find it difficult to leave their comfort zones, while others tend to push themselves to do so regularly. I recall tourists who would visit the Greek island I lived on for a while and who would bring food from home because they did not want to eat local dishes. I kid you not, people would bring bacon and cans of beans from the UK in order to cook themselves a 'proper' English breakfast. Apparently they figured eggs were the same as at home.

Some people go to the same place on vacation, stay at the same hotel and eat in the same restaurant, every year for 30 years. How they ended up going there the first time is what I always wonder about. It would have been outside of their comfort zone that first time.

What was interesting was how strong the views were of those in favour of staying in their comfort zone vs. those in favour of expanding it. Put in the simplest terms it seems the view of those in favour of keeping it as is was, 'why would I ever choose to do something that made me feel uncomfortable?' vs. 'it is only by going outside our comfort zone that we learn and grow. Why would I not want to grow my comfort zone?'

In financial terms it might reflect on how much risk someone was prepared to take and in a greater sense, how much risk they perceived in something. One person might see investing in buying a pinball machine (Warren Buffett) as a good idea while another would see that as risky and want to put their money in an interesting bearing bank account that was 'safe'. Their perception of how much 'risk' was involved obviously would differ and that difference in perception would be based on their 'comfort zone'.

But people seemed to respond to it as an either/or question. Either they insisted they wanted to stay in their comfort zone as much as possible or they insisted they wanted to push their boundaries as much and as often as possible. I see it as a question of leaning, not an absolute either/or. I'll try food I consider unusual but refuse to try others. So, while I will try say octopus, I will not try eating worms. Both are outside the average Canadian diet but worms is just perhaps a step too far.

Do you see pushing your comfort zone as a plus or do you favour leaning towards playing safe? Do you see yourself as balancing between the two or leaning as heavily as possible to one side?

https://www.waldenu.edu/programs/psychology-counseling/resource/the-pros-and-cons-of-comfort-zones


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## lonewolf :) (Sep 13, 2016)

I focus more on confidence zones then comfort zones. If I feel confident then I feel comfortable. If I m swimming in a sea of self doubt & confusion on how to proceed to obtain a goal. It is highly unlikely I can achieve that goal until I figure out a method that I am confident with.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

Perhaps people don't want to waste their vacation time and money outside of their comfort zone because they may not like it.

I went to New Orleans and tried all the local food.....gumbo, crayfish, alligator. I hated it all. Waste of my time and money. Eating that crap when I could have had a good burger.......blah.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

> But people seemed to respond to it as an either/or question. Either they insisted they wanted to stay in their comfort zone as much as possible or they insisted they wanted to push their boundaries as much and as often as possible. I see it as a question of leaning, not an absolute either/or. I'll try food I consider unusual but refuse to try others. So, while I will try say octopus, I will not try eating worms. Both are outside the average Canadian diet but worms is just perhaps a step too far.
> 
> Do you see pushing your comfort zone as a plus or do you favour leaning towards playing safe? Do you see yourself as balancing between the two or leaning as heavily as possible to one side?


I generally do well in what others consider uncomfortable but I am not sure if my comfort zone is abnormal large or if I am just comfortable in uncomfortable situations. There are very few things I won't try unless it goes against my morals/values or can cause me actual harm (long or short team). Before kids, I would definitely lean on the side of pushing outside of my comfort zone some times to the point of being reckless. As a parent, I lean towards a slightly more conservative approach specifically in areas which can myself or my kids harm. 

I loved to explore and try new things, and in my younger, pre kid days, get myself interesting scenarios (hence my response in foreign currency). I still like to try new things but as I have gotten older, I have definite preferences and have started to learn that there are some things that I have no benefit in pushing outside of my comfort zone, so don't bother. There are very few things my family and I wont try food wise. I have had insects and bugs enough times that I have no further desire to intentionally eat one even if it's done differently. However, my kids had not had one, so I wanted them to get the experience, and yep they did it in South America. They concluded it wasn't great, it was awful, but they can say they did it, and will probably not do it again. I encouraged them to do it, so they could have the experience of saying they did it. Sounds silly, but I find the more things one pushes themselves to do, the more of a growth and learning mindset they get. I often balance my view of what will I gain from the experience to the potential uncomfort I may feel. For food the more unusual, the better. Same with experiences and other cultures. 

I have brought food on vacation, only in case we get ill, but they we donate it to the locals who usually really appreciate. Part of my 'emergency' planning. 

For things like investments or where there is learning involved, I will generally listen and try to learn more about it, and see if it's a part of my strategy. If I am uncomfortable, then I will try to spend more time learning before jumping in if the stakes are higher. If the stakes are lower, I will push through the discomfort.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

sags said:


> Perhaps people don't want to waste their vacation time and money outside of their comfort zone because they may not like it.
> 
> I went to New Orleans and tried all the local food. Hated it all. Waste of my time and money. Eating that crap when I could have had a good burger..........blah.


I view it the other way, I don't I ever order a burger away unless there's something special about it. It's interesting, I view trying something new as there may be 1/2 the things I don't like, but I found something new that I do like. That's a win for me. You view as you wasted your time. It's interesting how different people view the world. Nothing wrong with either.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

Some hotels build a market on quality and service, so a person can stay at a Marriott in confidence of a certain standard or stay at a local hotel they know nothing about.

In my travels, I have found it better to stay at well known reputable hotels than "try" something local. Different doesn't mean better, so I stick with what I know.

I think everyone wants different results from their vacation time travels. Some want an assured level of comfort and others want to explore the world around them.

Whatever makes people happy. I think people like us are referred to as "creatures of habit"........LOL.


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## cainvest (May 1, 2013)

I do both, sometimes inside and other times outside my comfort zone.

I've stayed in nice hotels and I've slept on rocks in the wilderness.
My vacation time can be at a regular place or something new.
Normally I'll try (provided they are safe) new foods, other times I just eat regular things.
Sometimes my activities/hobbies involve risk (potential harm to myself), other times not.

I do find age gets in the way and do limit some risks wondering if whether my body can handle the situation.


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## Longtimeago (Aug 8, 2018)

lonewolf :) said:


> I focus more on confidence zones then comfort zones. If I feel confident then I feel comfortable. If I m swimming in a sea of self doubt & confusion on how to proceed to obtain a goal. It is highly unlikely I can achieve that goal until I figure out a method that I am confident with.


I'd say that's just semantics lonewolf. Two names for the same thing. If you will not try something until you are confident of success, then you are saying you do not want to take a risk and that is what going outside your comfort or confidence zone is about.

Nor is it always about achieving a goal. There is no goal in deciding whether to eat shushi or not for example. It's simply an experience to be tried or not tried and whether someone is wiling to go outside their comfort zone to try it. In that instance, you cannot use confidence zone as a synonym for comfort zone.


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## Longtimeago (Aug 8, 2018)

sags said:


> Perhaps people don't want to waste their vacation time and money outside of their comfort zone because they may not like it.
> 
> I went to New Orleans and tried all the local food.....gumbo, crayfish, alligator. I hated it all. Waste of my time and money. Eating that crap when I could have had a good burger.......blah.


That is a common response sags. 'What if I don't like it?' It is used to justify staying in your comfort zone in many instances. Plugging Along has given the answer to that. If you don't try you don't learn. You learned what you didn't like and learning anything is not a 'waste of time'. Have you never tried some different type of food and really liked it? IF a burger is your favourite food in the world, how did you discover that? At some point, you had to have tried it the first time. 

Think of it like this perhaps, you started out eating Pablum that your mother spooned out of a Heinz jar and into your mouth. If you never moved outside your comfort zone to eat anything else for the first time, you'd still be living on Pablum and never have discovered how much you like eating burgers.


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## Longtimeago (Aug 8, 2018)

Plugging Along said:


> Sounds silly, but I find the more things one pushes themselves to do, the more of a growth and learning mindset they get.


I don't know why you would say it 'sounds silly'. It sounds like common sense to me. That is the primary pro of pushing your comfort zone, to grow and learn.


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## nobleea (Oct 11, 2013)

Our comfort zone is pretty wide, though travelling with young kids, it narrows a bit.
We never stay in the same hotel chain, whatever is most conveniently located and value priced.
At home, we never go to the same restaurant twice. And we avoid all chains. There's been hits and misses.
When I was younger, I traveled to Egypt and southern africa. I knew they would be out of my comfort zone, and they were. But in the end I wouldn't go back and skip them. We visited Peru as a couple, which was not a place on my list and out of my zone, but ended up being one of the best trips we've had.
I've never drank coffee in my life. Just never got in to it. It's been so long now that I feel I have to make it all the way through life now. So even if I was in the coffee capital of the world, I would skip the testing.

Nowadays, we have limited amounts of vacation time and have to fit in trips we do every year like family camping, skiing, visits. So that leaves only so much time for other things. Need to be judicious with locations in order to experience new things, not cost ridiculous amounts, expose the kids to new things, and have a decent percent chance of being a win.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

A new experience isn't necessarily a good experience. With limited time and resources, I want to avoid the bad experiences as much as possible.


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## Longtimeago (Aug 8, 2018)

sags said:


> Some hotels build a market on quality and service, so a person can stay at a Marriott in confidence of a certain standard or stay at a local hotel they know nothing about.
> 
> In my travels, I have found it better to stay at well known reputable hotels than "try" something local. Different doesn't mean better, so I stick with what I know.
> 
> ...


It's not a question about whatever makes people happy sags. Of course people are free to do what makes them happy. The question here though is only about whether they are happy to push their comfort zones or not. 

Going outside your comfort zone in choosing a hotel does NOT mean you are willing to lower your standards, they remain the same, it is only the process of choosing that changes. Again, you did not know you would be happy in a Marriott until you stayed in one. 

One of the first major hotel chains and probably still the best known, is the Holiday Inn chain. Someone had this great idea that if every room in every one of their hotels in N. America was almost identical, people would go to them because they could be sure of what they were getting. That idea proved to be correct and still is. But ask yourself, how then did someone who started staying in Holiday Inns, discover that they would also be happy staying in a Marriott but not perhaps in a Motel 6? The answer of course is that they had to have tried them for a first time. The only way you learn one is acceptable to your standards and one is not, is by trying them.

Here in N. America unfortunately, our choices are very limited in terms of accommodation. The vast majority of hotels are chain hotels and there are not a lot of independent hotels of good quality to challenge them. That is not the case in places like Europe where there are often more independent hotels than chain hotels and many of those independent hotels have as good or better quality for less money. I always shake my head at N. American tourists who stay in the chain hotels whose names they are familiar with when there is a superior independent hotel right next door. 

A habit can be a good or bad habit. When it comes to hotels in N. America, choosing a 'name brand' hotel is probably a good habit in general but that does not mean it is a good habit when you are outside N. America. Different doesn't mean better as you say sags but it also doesn't necessarily mean worse and it may in fact mean better. You don't know if you don't try.

In Europe, the last hotel I want to stay in is a chain hotel when Europe has thousands of superior hotels available to stay in and I have no interest in lowering my level of expectation in regards to quality and service to stay in them. In fact, I expect a superior level of quality and service from them vs. a chain hotel.


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## Eclectic12 (Oct 20, 2010)

sags said:


> ... I think everyone wants different results from their vacation time travels ...


It may also be partly driven by how much paid vacation, paid holidays one has.

Where one is starting out with ten paid vacation days with zero gov't mandated paid holidays - one probably isn't wanting to risk a bad vacation. Where one starts with twenty five paid vacation days, a bad vacation won't matter all that much.


Cheers


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Longtimeago said:


> I don't know why you would say it 'sounds silly'. It sounds like common sense to me. That is the primary pro of pushing your comfort zone, to grow and learn.


LOL, I think because when I am trying to get my kids to try something new and out of the comfort zone, I do say because 'It's good for you' I have been questioned by my kids how eating a weird unhealthy food is 'good for you' hence why it sounds silly when I say it out of context (which is most of the time with my kids). I don't always take the time to explain to them that every experience regardless if we enjoy it or not can be a learning experience and help with growth and more important resiliency.

To my kids, it does sound silly, as they sometimes get a little annoyed we me trying to make a learning experience out of everything in life.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

I find comfort zones tend to indicate a lot about personalities and ones risk aversion. There is nothing wrong with any of them as long as it doesn't prevent the person from living the life they want. I also think some of this people are just born with it. My oldest since a baby has always been cautious and risk adverse. She would only do things she knew she could be successful in (even though she generally has a lot of skill). Since she started eating as a baby, she wouldn't try new things for food or activities. It takes so much encouragement and support for new challenges in life. This is a conversation in our house frequently
Her: 'What if I don't like? or What if I don't do well? Or Fail'
Me: 'What if you do like it? or what if its great or really fun"
Sometime she changes her mind and will try and that's the end of it) Other times, the conversation continues
Her: 'What if I try and don't like it or it wastes time or still fail or whatever other reason?"
Me: 'Yep, that still could happen. What's the worst thing that could happen if you are right?"

This could go on for a while, usually there is some compromise on how to mitigate her concerns, depending on how high 'risk' it is in her mind. For example, we have gotten an additional meal to share as a family while still getting our favorites. As she gets older, she still needs a push and I don't see that ever changing, but she gets better at working though these things.

For my youngest, the conversation is usually: 

Her: 'What if I don't like?'
He: "You tell me"
Her: "fine, I guess I won't die' 

My point is that some people are naturally going to push themselves and do things that make them feel uncomfortable, others it's ingrained in their personalities from birth. I have also found that there is a huge link with those that suffer from anxiety will not push themselves. That's a much larger mental health issue that a stranger cannot know much about.


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## Eder (Feb 16, 2011)

When I go back to dive the Tuamotus I will leave my clothes at home and fill the suitcases with food.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Eder said:


> When I go back to dive the Tuamotus I will leave my clothes at home and fill the suitcases with food.


lol... that's where my comfort zone and the comfort zone of those around me is limited... clothing. I generally always bring my clothes from home.


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## ian (Jun 18, 2016)

Since retiring we go with the flow. The usual for us is a 7-8 week trip. Sometimes a one way ticket, sometimes open jaw with return for a different city and to a different city. Typically we will have the first few days booked. If we have a return air reservation we may have the last night booked. After that we make arrangements as we go, accommodation and air, usually three to four days in advance. We have done this for the past 8 years. We stay in 5/6 stars and in no stars. Could be a resort, a 5 star business property, family hotel, or a B&B. Depends on the location, the property, and the value. We do the same in the fall if we go to Europe...usually southern Europe.

Leaving later this month for7/8 weeks in Mexico. We have one way air and the first four nights booked. The backup plan should we want a change will be to fly down to Costa Rica or Panama for the remaining time.

We like to eat where the locals eat. In Thailand, where we have spent five winters, we will stay for a month or more and never eat western food with the exception of breakfast. Same for Vietnam. And we typically feel better for it. Oour favourite is a some curry dishes served up by a small family run restaurant...usually open air. Or eating at a night market. In Vietnam we did draw the line at not trying the grilled bugs of various types. Too squeemish for that!

This mode of travel is a complete departure from how we traveled pre retirement. Business travel was frequent and planned. Vacation travel had to be planned if only because there were time constraints. We are both glass half full people and we tend to focus on all the reasons why we should somewhere, do something, or stay somewhere vs. all the reasons we should not. The other change that put DW out of her comfort zone...we only travel with international size carry on 8-10 KG max. not matter if we are going for one week or 9 weeks.

What we have found is this. The more we we travel like this, stepping outside our respective comfort zones and challenging ourselves, the more we enjoy it. Always tempered with personal safety and common sense of course. This does not mean that we do not like the occasional AI or cruise. We do. And we are often on the lookout for a last minute deal on either.


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## Longtimeago (Aug 8, 2018)

Plugging Along said:


> I find comfort zones tend to indicate a lot about personalities and ones risk aversion. There is nothing wrong with any of them as long as it doesn't prevent the person from living the life they want. I also think some of this people are just born with it. My oldest since a baby has always been cautious and risk adverse. She would only do things she knew she could be successful in (even though she generally has a lot of skill). Since she started eating as a baby, she wouldn't try new things for food or activities. It takes so much encouragement and support for new challenges in life. This is a conversation in our house frequently
> Her: 'What if I don't like? or What if I don't do well? Or Fail'
> Me: 'What if you do like it? or what if its great or really fun"
> Sometime she changes her mind and will try and that's the end of it) Other times, the conversation continues
> ...


I don't think there is any question of whether it is tied to risk aversion, it most definitely is. In fact, I would say it is synonymous. Something is only outside your comfort zone if you PERCEIVE risk in it of whatever kind.

I also think that some people should not push their comfort zone when it makes them feel just too uncomfortable. In fact, no one should. But I do think everyone can push it a baby step at a time and that will grow their comfort zone eventually. 

I also think that a problem with trying to grow it is that you can suffer from 'a self-fulfilling prophecy'. That is, if you start out saying, 'I don't THINK I will like it and I will PROBABLY fail', then that is exactly what will happen. https://positivepsychology.com/self-fulfilling-prophecy/


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## Longtimeago (Aug 8, 2018)

ian said:


> Since retiring we go with the flow. The usual for us is a 7-8 week trip. Sometimes a one way ticket, sometimes open jaw with return for a different city and to a different city. Typically we will have the first few days booked. If we have a return air reservation we may have the last night booked. After that we make arrangements as we go, accommodation and air, usually three to four days in advance. We have done this for the past 8 years. We stay in 5/6 stars and in no stars. Could be a resort, a 5 star business property, family hotel, or a B&B. Depends on the location, the property, and the value. We do the same in the fall if we go to Europe...usually southern Europe.
> 
> Leaving later this month for7/8 weeks in Mexico. We have one way air and the first four nights booked. The backup plan should we want a change will be to fly down to Costa Rica or Panama for the remaining time.
> 
> ...


You are talking about what I call TRUE 'Independent Travel' ian and that is how I have always travelled (non-business) even when I had the usual time constraints of limited vacation time, etc. In travel forums there are all kinds of debates on this. Most people will argue that you will pay more, may have to sleep on a park bench because you can't find a hotel room, etc. So they pre-book everything in order to avoid those possibilities. Yet if you ask them, 'how do you know if that is a realistic fear if you have never tried otherwise', they have no answer obviously. They stay within the 'normal' means that the majority of people are 'comfortable' with in terms of how they travel. Suggesting they just 'wing it' causes them to come up with all the fears of what might go wrong and they can't see beyond that.


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