# Pfff frustrating experience



## TobyGossett (Jan 7, 2015)

Hey everyone,

Just a relatively frustrating experience with …a relative. My brother makes a good deal of money, so he is not really worried about saving money. He will spend money even though there is no real need to do so. So when I ask him about it, he always says that he has enough right now. Which is just silly to me because why not save a little now just in case? 

Do any of your friends or relatives just have spending habits that just make you go bonkers?


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## Davis (Nov 11, 2014)

I can imagine that your brother thinks you're missing out on opportunities to enjoy life by squirrelling away money for a future that may never happen. How would you feel about it if he were to start judging you or lecturing you on the importance of living in the moment? Probably not very good. You'd probably tell him that you ware happy with the way you handle money, and enjoy the feeling of security you get from having money saved. You have probably encouraged him to think about the future, and he's said he's okay without saving, so you've taken this as far as you can. At this point, the only reason you should be concerned about how he handles money is if you think he is going to end up sleeping on your sofa when he runs out of money. Otherwise, I think you should leave him with his folly.


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## cainvest (May 1, 2013)

What Davis said above. Everyone has their own way, no sense pestering them to save and getting into arguments over it. I normally pass along little reminders to my friends just by telling them what I'm doing when the topic comes up, like when its time to transfer funds to my TFSA, RRSP, etc.


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## Just a Guy (Mar 27, 2012)

Best not to talk about money and politics...it never ends well.


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## Guban (Jul 5, 2011)

You've mentioned it to him, so you've fulfilled your responsibility to your brother. Now it is up to him.

Who knows, if he has a secure job, and adequate insurance against disability, who is to say that he is wrong? Maybe he already has enough saved up, and doesn't need to save any more. As an adult, he is responsible for his own actions.


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

^ +1 to posts #1 to 5 above ... and be warned about being told "MYOB" by your brother.


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## Guban (Jul 5, 2011)

Toby: Despite what is written above, I _really_ do think that you've done the right thing.

As to your question, I suspect that we all know people that are not as fiscally responsible as they should be. I can think of one family in particular: multiple fancy vehicles, expensive vacations, nice clothes, all the latest high tech gadgets, ... and complaints about being in debt and having to take extra work. I don't know them well enough to comment like the you've done to your brother and risk a MYOB, but the inside voice is just screaming for some self control.

A different personal finance one is a friend that invests in mutual funds from a proprietary fund company with very high MERs. Starting the gentle conversation yielded the vehement response that he wasn't paying anything for his investments. Doh! Some things you just have to learn to back off on.


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## Davis (Nov 11, 2014)

+1. 
I should say that I started on the path of living modestly 24 years ago while friends were buying cars and clothes and vacations. The pay-off comes next year when I finish working at 50, and will have money to live probably better than I have during my working career. My brother, nine years older and working in the financial services industry, is struggling with whether he can retire comfrotably to deal with health problems. Everyone makes choices that we hope are right for them. I am very happy with the choices I've made.


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## Guban (Jul 5, 2011)

^ Congratulations Davis. Nice position to be in a years time.

BTW, welcome to the forum. Your posts have been appreciated (by me at least!)


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

You have done your part by speaking up, that's all your role is unless he asks for further help.

You can lead them to water, but you can't make them drink.


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## Just a Guy (Mar 27, 2012)

It may drive you to drink though...


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

Op, hope you won't have to witness your parents helping out your brother 5 or 10 years down the road because he can't make ends meet. It is happening to us now  My husband has done well for himself, on track to retire at 50 or 55 latest. His brother has been constantly making stupid money decisions and is now not knowing if he can ever retire. His parents feel sorry for him and are trying to help him while they come to my husband for investment advice. Sigh...


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## Rusty O'Toole (Feb 1, 2012)

All the time. I have relatives and friends who are total fools with money and they don't have great jobs like your brother. The frustrating thing is they don't seem to suffer by it. Somehow they end up at least as well off as the savers and enjoy life more along the way. I don't understand it and don't like it but that's the way it is.


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

Rusty, that is so true.


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## Mookie (Feb 29, 2012)

Rusty O'Toole said:


> The frustrating thing is they don't seem to suffer by it. Somehow they end up at least as well off as the savers and enjoy life more along the way. I don't understand it and don't like it but that's the way it is.


This image may explain this phenomenon...


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## Rusty O'Toole (Feb 1, 2012)

They live it up and blow all their money then come to me for help. I tell them I am as willing to share my wealth with them as they were to share with me when I needed help and they were in the chips. Funny, I don't remember them offering to share then.


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## Letran (Apr 7, 2014)

TobyGossett said:


> Hey everyone,
> 
> Just a relatively frustrating experience with …a relative. My brother makes a good deal of money, so he is not really worried about saving money. He will spend money even though there is no real need to do so. So when I ask him about it, he always says that he has enough right now. Which is just silly to me because why not save a little now just in case?
> 
> Do any of your friends or relatives just have spending habits that just make you go bonkers?


This is probably true for most of the members of this forum. Your situation is at least more fortunate that your brother is at least creating the income that far exceed his current needs. How old is he anyway, that would also be a big factor. (if less than 25 i'll leave him alone he'll learn sooner than later, hopefully). In my situation is that my relatives are already low income and still spending frivolously. Things like, I don't know where to get my rent money but I just had to buy my kid an iPhone 6. That irks me a little bit.

My wife and I have been a constant supporter/enabler with their situation regular hand outs from a couple of hundreds to a couple of thousand not to mention interest free loans for their car purchases. We are helping in the hopes that they would get above water and be more independent but this is now stretching 20 years. I have advised, I have cajoled but never did I try to tell them how to live their life. That will be crossing the line in my view. 

But to give you a suggestion, since he does have the income I would suggest that you device a devious investment opportunity that he can't refuse. Maybe buy a rental income property in Canada or even in the US (Las Vegas) that would seem like more of a fun partnership venture rather than you trying to teach him something or make his change his ways. Sometimes it is not the advice that your brother doesn't like it is from whom the advise was coming from


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## Davis (Nov 11, 2014)

Guba: "^ Congratulations Davis. Nice position to be in a years time. BTW, welcome to the forum. Your posts have been appreciated (by me at least!)" 

Thanks for the kind words, Guban. I lurked for a few months before contributing. I am getting great advice and perspectives here, so I want to share what I can, particularly in giving encouragement to people who are starting down the path I've taken.


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## Rusty O'Toole (Feb 1, 2012)

Let's see. You work hard and save, then give your money to your profligate relatives.

1) They are better off than you are. If you both earn $50,000 a year and you give them $5000 they have an income of $55000 and you have an income of $45000

2) You have taught them that it is ok to indulge their whims and blow their money, you will always be there to bail them out. There is no reason for them to change their habits, in fact they would be crazy if they did.

3) Not only will you not get any thanks or gratitude, when you stop the handouts they will curse you and tell all your friends and relatives what a terrible person you are.

4) If you get in a jam will they help you? Don't make me laugh. They won't have any dough and if they did they would not give it to you.

This may be worst case but not as far off as you think, in many cases. Once you get sucked in this is what you are setting yourself up for. Just so you know.


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