# Personal Update



## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

It has been a while since I posted about my brother but my fuse is getting shorter as the stress is building so I wanted to say my apologies in advance for any of my crusty posts.So my brother is now in his 17th month since being diagnosed and the last 5 days have been the worst of what is to come for us.
The cancer has now gone to the base of the skull and he has started to go blind in his right eye ,he is having a surgery on Tuesday morning and they are going to try radiation to shrink the tumor but he has only weeks to live now.
Currently he is not in any pain but his walking is getting worst and little things as the cancer invades his brain.When I was ten my brother let home to join the military and I cried for months ,we have always been best friends even though he is 8 years older than me .Today I sat out in the sunshine with him and he told me what he wanted for his funeral and it really is killing me to know we have already celebrated his last birthday and Christmas together.
This forum has been a nice distraction from reality over last few weeks so wanted to say thank you to all of you for these brief escapes.

Marina


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

thank you for telling us this.

please let us know how we can support you, care for you, care for your brother, send love to you & to your brother as he undertakes his journey to the Rose-coloured cottage in the sky.


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

I'm trying to think of something comforting to say but nothing seems to work in this situation. I just wish your brother can find some comfort and a little joy in the time he has left. I'm not overly religious in the traditional sense but I also believe that there is more to our existence than we are capable of understanding. My prayers are with you and your brother.


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## fatcat (Nov 11, 2009)

my mum and dad who were married a month shy of 60 years both died within 6 days of each other and they were in decent health considering their age
it came as a surprise and shock (yes, they were elderly but as i say they were sitting at home laughing and enjoying life and within 6 days both had died)

i would have liked the opportunity to say goodbye and share memories and help them pass

you have a chance to really give a gift of love and support to your brother
he is facing a difficult death and he is lucky to have you at his side


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

Your brother sounds very brave. Take comfort in knowing that he is comfortable at this time.

It is a reminder that we all should cherish our time with loved ones.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

Marina
You are in our thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

You are doing what you need to do. It is tough. But you are getting ready.

(In 2009, I was talking to my bro on the phone from my home in Vancouver to his hospital bed in Toronto.
I told him that I loved him and to ask me if there was anything I could do for him. DW said she was impressed that I was so solicitous. I said I just felt it was right at that time. The next morning he went comatose during breakfast and passed that night.)

Anyway, keep the faith!


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## Daniel A. (Mar 20, 2011)

Marina 

There is no right or wrong way to feel it just is, mad - sad -glad-scared are the basic feeling as long as you can figure out which one your feeling at the moment that is half the battle.

Every day is a gift and you will be left with tearful memories to cherish .


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Marina, you are such a kind, patient & strong woman, and have taken such good care of your brother, so I'm sure he is saying/thinking, blessed are YOU.

Your love and devotion has been touching. Thanks for sharing.

Prayers for you both.


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## Jungle (Feb 17, 2010)

Brothers know this love does not go unnoticed, our thoughts and support go out for you and your family.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Thanks everyone for your kindness and I wish I could report good things today but in past 24 hours my brother has gone down so much that we are looking at hospital beds today for him.Thank god he has very good medical coverage from his Military Plan and they cover $15,000 a year for a private nurse which we have yet to use.We got the paperwork about a year ago and they told us when the time comes to submit it so we are doing this now as I believe we are entering the final chapter.
My blood sugar has been unstable the last few days so I try to tune out from reality and come here to keep my brain thinking of something else.I know my brother is ready to let go but I am not so I have been pushing him to eat and continue the fight.I don't want to see him suffer or to lose his way to communicate with us ,we know this cancer is going to progress into the brain tissue so I am trying to find my own way to let him go and not be selfish.
We made a deal last night that he will do the surgery and the 10 radiation treatments but if that does not reduce the tumor I will fly him home to Newfoundland to die and he will not try any more chemo.


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## summer (Jul 7, 2011)

I am sorry to hear that. It's very difficult to go through.


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## PuckiTwo (Oct 26, 2011)

Marina,
we have never been in touch with each other on this forum but I know you from your posts and we recently went through something very similar. 
There is nothing more comforting for a sick person than having a loving person and family around, knowing that everything will be in good hands when one has to leave. And I am sure your brother knows that everything is in good hands with you. It is and will be very tough for you. Your presence is a gift which will give him peace and in the end comfort to you knowing that you have been there with him all along. 

I hope you will also take care of yourself and your blood sugar as you will need all the strength you can get. My thoughts are with you and your family.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

I just wanted to share with you guys that the Canadian Forces in Trenton had a few people come today to visit my brother and it is first time I seen him smile in a long time.I have started writing my brother's Eulogy and I know that I will never be able to get through that on my own so I asked their help to find a guy who started out with my brother 30+ years ago and we were in contact with until about 3-4 years ago.This is what started the phone call to Trenton and apparently my brother is legendary so they gathered 10-12 guys who served with him over the years and they all came out today.
Anyway I asked Master Corporal Lawrence when the time comes if he will read my eulogy at my brother's funeral and I can tell you today I feel like I gained a dozen new brothers.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

I can well imagine how much their support means to both of you at this time!


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

marina628 said:


> Anyway I asked Master Corporal Lawrence when the time comes if he will read my eulogy at my brother's funeral and I can tell you today I feel like I gained a dozen new brothers.


Great idea. I had the minister read the eulogy I wrote at my Dad's funeral and it went over well. Then I tried to read the one for my brother and it did not go as well.

You are amazing!


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Please pray for us tomorrow as he is having his surgery at 7:30am to insert the stent.High risk of a stroke in this procedure for him so if he makes it through they will then do radiation treatments for next 2 weeks.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Marina my thoughts and prayer are with both you and your brother. 

Take care of yourself, and know how much love your brother is feeling .


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## Spudd (Oct 11, 2011)

Sending out my best wishes to your brother this morning. I hope the procedure goes well.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Hope it went well, & waiting to hear from you.


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## My Own Advisor (Sep 24, 2012)

Marina, thoughts and prayers are with your brother...he is incredibly strong to go through this.

Take good care of yourself.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

Sending compassion and best wishes to you and your brother and everyone in your family.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Hi Everyone ,
It has been a long day as we left at 5:45am in the thunder storm to go to Toronto for the surgery.My brother came through it ok but he is still in hospital as they have him on morphine for the pain and he really needs to be on the IV for a while longer.Back into the city tomorrow and they are keeping him as in-patient for the radiation.Trying to balance things with my daughter being 10 and in school and still being there for my brother .We will probably stay at a hotel for rest of week but just wanted to give you all the update.

Marina


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## liquidfinance (Jan 28, 2011)

Marina. 

Sorry I can offer little comfort.

My thoughts are with you, your brother and your family.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Thanks for the update Marina.

We're thinking of you.


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

Hi Marina, 

I hope you're doing ok ((((hugs)))))


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## SpendLessEarnMore (Aug 7, 2013)

I feel your sadness. I've been away from my family last 3 years and miss them every day. Stay strong and positive. Wish you and your family all the best.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Just wanted to let you all know that radiation started today .Not really thinking beyond the radiation as they have told us he is too weak for chemo right now and we know without the chemo his cancer will take over.I realize how lucky we are to be able to afford things like massage therapy and private care after seeing some other families in there struggling.He is getting some pain medication but just to help him sleep at night , he is insisting on sitting outside as much as he can .He is convince the hospital will kill him with pain drugs before the cancer so he made them take his IV out yesterday !


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Just wanted to update you guys on my brother.We are waiting to get a permanent feeding tube for him which takes 1-2 weeks and they expect after a week of training we should be able to bring him home.There is no plans for any additional treatment just Palliative care at home with a nurse once he can be released.


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## dubmac (Jan 9, 2011)

thanks for this Marina. I have been following your posts. You have been everything that a loving sister can be. Stay well.


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## My Own Advisor (Sep 24, 2012)

Thinking of you and family through this. Stay strong.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Hi everyone just wanted to update you about my brother.He has the feeding tube in for about 13 days now and it is not making as much of a difference as we had hoped.They have him on 1400 calories a day which is as much as his body could handle and he is too sick to even think to bring home as he needs 24 hour care now.He does not want to die in the hospital so we have promised him that when the end is close we will have him home with us and a nurse.We have wanted to bring him home now but the Doctors feel that he is better there because of all the equipment he needs.
So most of our time is spent there with him ,my sister and her husband take the afternoon shift while my parents my husband and I do the morning and evening time.It has been tough to balance things with our daughter , our business and other things we have going on so just taking it one day at a time.
Tomorrow is our 25th and we should be on a cruise but we cancelled it and all other plans indefinitely now.

Marina


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

love

will never forget you


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## Itchy54 (Feb 12, 2012)

What a wonderful family. I am so very sorry for the pain and sadness .....
Stay strong


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## Ihatetaxes (May 5, 2010)

Very sad and he is lucky to have you!


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Just an update my brother has received blood transfusions today ,he is still only 87 pounds even with the 2400 calories a day going in the feeding tube.My day is spent sitting with him most of the time watching him sleep ,we still hang on to hope but are realistic as it seems now the cancer is affecting more of his functions.Been a difficult 3-4 days here and this will be my last post for a while ,thank you for the friends I have met through this forum .Over the next week or two we will be arranging to have my brother flown back home to Newfoundland where he wants to die.Letting go of Princess Margaret and hope for another chance for chemo and to buy us more time is the hardest thing in my life that I have had to do.I plan to spend what time he has left with him at my parents back home and will spend a month with my family there .I really have no clue what to do after that as my heart breaks just thinking of this life without my brother.If you are able please donate blood as it is much appreciated by our family and all families of cancer patients.
Signing out ,
Marina


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## Daniel A. (Mar 20, 2011)

Truly a painful time for you and your family.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

I just wanted to let you know that on October 30 ,4:45am my brother died in hospital in Oshawa Ontario. We never got to bring him back home to die but we are here now and will bury him on Monday morning.Thanks for everything Marina.


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## Video_Frank (Aug 2, 2013)

I'm very sorry for your loss.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

*Marina:* wishing you comfort, peace & strength during your time of deep sorrow.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Marina, I am sorry to hear about your loss. I wish you comfort in this difficult time, and peace knowing all the wonderful things you have done for him.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

He had a great sister to make his passing more bearable! My sympathies.


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## mind_business (Sep 24, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Marina. My condolences.


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## dubmac (Jan 9, 2011)

Toronto.gal said:


> *Marina:* wishing you comfort, peace & strength during your time of deep sorrow.


Thinking of you Marina - stay strong during this difficult time.


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

My condolences to you and your family.


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## My Own Advisor (Sep 24, 2012)

Very sorry to hear of your loss Marina.


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## bayview (Nov 6, 2011)

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

"What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes part of us" by Helen Keller.


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

Sorry for your loss Marina.


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## Daniel A. (Mar 20, 2011)

Just got back on line here in Cabo very sorry to hear the news Marina.

It does take a brave person willing to share such a difficult personal experience.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you.


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## NorthKC (Apr 1, 2013)

My condolences. Please take in the fact that your brother had you and the rest of his family to the end which obviously made it that much easier for him. Thoughts and prayer to you and your family.


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

Please PM me if you need anything.


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## PrairieGal (Apr 2, 2011)

So sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## leoc2 (Dec 28, 2010)

Sorry to hear about your loss. Condolences.


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## slacker (Mar 8, 2010)

I'm sorry for your loss. I thank you for sharing your pain and experiences.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

Sorry to learn of your brother's passing. Even though we try to prepare, it is still a heartbreaking loss.

May you find some peace and comfort in knowing your brother knew he was surrounded by those who loved him.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Hi friends ,
I can't begin to tell you how I feel physically since my brother died ,my brain feels like it is in a fog like I have been numbed inside out.I really wanted to share with you guys what a wonderful brave soldier my brother was right to the end.He left his beloved Newfoundland at the age of 18 and join the Canadian Armed Forces to follow in the footsteps of our father.He spent 30 years in the Military including four years in Afghanistan until he retired only to go to Alberta to work with a Oil company in Security.

Feb 20 ,2012 he went to the hospital in Fort Mcmurray and then they sent him by Air Ambulance to Edmonton where he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophageal Cancer that had spread to his Liver. The Doctor there told him he had 2-4 months the latest would be 10 months. My husband and I were with him when he got the news ,we bought a used Saturn Vue and we drove across Canada back to Ontario with him ,there were snow storms and 6 nights in hotel rooms .One night my brother had to stay in a kids themed room with Gorillas on the wall as that was the only 2 bedroom suite available LOL.We made some memories on that trip and on that journey we thought we were moving him back to Ontario for his remaining few months to die.

On May 11 he got his first appointment at Princess Margaret Hospital and Dr.Jennifer Knox was his Doctor .She gave us hope and surrounded us with Positive thoughts and in the last week of May 2012 he had his first chemo Appointment. He did chemo until November 2012 when they felt he was well enough to take a bit of a break as nobody can endure chemo indefinitely.He got to spend three months with our parents in Newfoundland and his last Christmas with his daughter and returned home with me in time for my Birthday on Feb 5,2013.

He never got sick once with chemo and never complained,he got good CT Scan in May 2013 and we were so grateful for the time that Princess Margaret gave us.In July 2013 he had more scans and the chemo had stopped working and cancer had now spread to his bones.They wanted to start a new chemo immediately but my brother was 101 pounds and he was weak ,he had his last chemo Aug 6 and on August 13 he flew home to Gander.He wanted to go home to newfoundland to spend a few weeks with our family and his daughter and the plan was to return for his chemo mid September.

He was only home for tweleve days when my parents had to admit him to Gander Hospital and on Sept 3 we had to airlift him back to Toronto and Princess Margaret. They did surgery to insert a stent immediately as he was having trouble eating and was down to 84 pounds ,he lost 16 pounds in less than 3 weeks.They discovered the cancer was at the base of his skull and he needed radiation immediate.He was not well enough to drive to do this as a outpatient and Princess Margaret had 26 people ahead of him ,thankfully The Cancer Hospital in Oshawa could take him and he was admitted on Sept 13 and started his Radiation then. They also did surgery for a permanent feeding tube and by the end of Radiation he was getting stronger as he was finally getting fed .The week before he died he was able to walk stairs and use a walker and he was becoming more stronger,the only reason we felt he was still there is that they had to tweak his feeding schedule.We left him at 8:30pm on October 29 and he was watching his TV and we had waited all day for them to start a blood transfusion as his blood was down to 70.He even joked with the Doctor that he wanted to go out shopping that day so maybe he could get it done later.When we left at 8:30pm the blood still did not arrive and we asked him if we should stay with him but he said no ,that he was fine and it was not a big deal.We all kissed him and said good night and went home.

At 5:02am the hospital called us and said he was dead and we went to the hospital in shock.I am still waiting on medical records but the nurse who met us to take us to his body told us that 11pm he started having breathing issues so they put him on Oxygen although at 7:30pm his SAT level was 95.She said she called the Doctor twice but we don't know why and if he came the first time.There are many other details that I cant post here but the one thing I don't understand is why they waited until he died before calling us so at least we could have been with him in his last breath. I can't put in words how devastating it is to myself and our parents to think of him dying alone in that hospital room as he made me promise he will not die in the hospital.
So even though we dedicated last 18 months of our life to him I feel let down and that I let him down. This is why we want the medical records, hopefully something there will give us peace of mind but I cannot reconcile how wonderful he was doing at 8:30pm and that he was dead 8hours and 15 minutes later.
So I have been trying to exist these days I think of him day and night and just pray I do what he would want me to do in my future. There is a long road ahead for us ,life will never be the same,thanks for all the messages that you sent to me .When I return home to Ontario on November 24 I am going to start working on a website memorial to my brother and will share with all of you what a wonderful son ,brother and father he really was.
Marina


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

Best wishes Marina,

I don't know if it will help or not, but my wife was an RN for many years, and she told me that people often pass quite suddenly and unexpectedly.

We visited my mom in the hospital with severe lung congestion. She was in good spirits and feeling the best she had in a long time.....when we left her.

A couple of hours later, the hospital called to tell us she had passed away.

After fighting for a long time, her heart had simply given up and she slipped away.

Sometimes one wonders if people just get tired of the fight and want to rest.

My dad expressed that feeling at the end, and he had a similar illness as your brother.

My gosh, you didn't let your brother down in any way. You were there for him, and I am sure you gave him the comfort of knowing you were thinking about him always.

I should be so fortunate to have family around me when I am terminally ill.........such as you.

Your brother served us all with his service in the military, with dignity and honour, and we are mindful and thankful for his sacrifice.

He was a true Canadian hero, in my mind..........and so are loving spirits such as you.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

I understand the frustration you are feeling Marina. I suspect the records will not reveal anything. My Dad, FIL, MIL and Bro all died alone in the hospital in spite of our efforts. We were in touch with them all. I have the feeling that they struggle on until we leave them alone! MIL was over a day alone but doing well. But the others were all a matter of hours. FIL was 20 minutes after we left.

(I had not been going to see MIL because I had a cold, but when I went, she died the next day. I think she just wanted to say goodbye.)


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## Guban (Jul 5, 2011)

Happy Remembrance Day to all. Remember the sacrifices. I seem to recall reading that his cancer was from serving in Afghanistan.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Who knows why he got cancer but he did serve 4 years in Afghanistan and about 30% of the men and women who were there with him have died of cancer and being 53 he is one of the older ones.Our cousin lost his battle to cancer at agen of 50 in 2010 and also went to Afghanistan too.My brother spent much time 'sucking in fumes from aircrafts as he would say and that probably did not help as well. But he never linked his cancer to his service, kids get cancer too .The Dove wall at Princess Margaret is in process to get updated now so we just made that cut off .My parents are going with me on November 25 to see it in person and for us to set up the main Memorial Fund which will benefit Esophageal cancer research. I am putting my energy into this as a way to cope with the loss and to honor him.


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