# should I marry her?



## moneyhungry87 (Nov 11, 2016)

Ok what i'm about to tell you is 110% true, this is a serious thread and i'm looking for serious advice. So i'm 30 years old, and i've been dating this 30 year old woman for almost 3 years now and in the past 6 months its gotten alot more serious. We do not live together. She's latina, attractive, in good shape (diets/exercise), pleases me sexually, great with money ( she's cheap and doesnt buy chick junk), treats me like a king ( respects me, cooks, cleans, never asks for material things/money, extremely loving, I don't spend money on her and she doesnt complain etc) shes literally perfect in every aspect of her personality. On the other hand i'd say i'm the less than perfect boyfriend personality wise... I get grumpy alot, don't call when I say i will etc however I always treat her well in general as in i've never yelled at her etc ( but how could I?). I'm generally a good guy just very unromantic. I've told her i'm the way i am and I will never change and she accepts me and loves me for who I am. She's literally obsessed with me and madly in love with me ( but not a crazy stalker, needy, or jealous). She also knows all of my deep dark secrets. Also shes only been with one guy before me who was an ex bf.

Ok now heres my problem. First, she's going to be a Doctor as she was a physician back home, shes working on being able to practice in Canada. I on the other hand have a community college education, few hundred k to my name ( hopefully will grow to much more), and no real career prospects like she has. I have never lied to her about myself and have been completely honest around her so she knows my true self very well. Anyway chances are she will be much more successful than me over the long run. I've always had the view that If I were to get married itd be in my 40's and maybe start a family then, but I may never want kids and i've told her this. I'm actually a huge marriage cynic because of the way the majority of women are these days plus the divorce rate and have pretty much been anti marriage, anti relationship all my adult life. However, this woman is literally perfect and i'm torn on whether I should marry her or possibly lose her forever. IF she doesnt change, I could actually spend the rest of my life with her and be happy. I know all of the financial risks incase things fail but I really don't know what our situation could be like in 10 years from now. she'll be a successful doctor and I could be a multimillionaire from my investments, or I could have nothing and she'll be vastly more successful than me ( which would benefit me in divorce).

I think the odds of her divorcing me would be very low due to her strong cultural upbringing, and her unconditional love for me. Her father, for example, cheated on her mother and they are still together and by all accounts have a good marriage now( shes extremely close to her parents, siblings ). Her family likes me btw. Even though her father did what he did, she loves him and has a great relationship with him they talk almost daily. But look there is always a risk she could leave me for a man who's more successful ( say a fellow doctor) or there's a risk that if we were to get married, her personality could change and she would get on my nerves. As far as i'm concerned, with me she knows the man I am ive drilled it into her head to not try and change me and that I am the way I am so accept it. She also tells me i'm exactly like her father. Though being a huge cynic I do believe the odds of her changing for the worse are pretty low i've thought about this alot and have tested her many times I truly believe she is 100% genuine and not say hiding any personality flaws from me.

anyways so bottom line here is should I risk losing a woman like this? seems like ive hit the jackpot? pre nup? TBH besides my unique personality, being better than average looking, and being great in the sack, I don't know why she loves me so much. I'm kinda scratching my head but shes just a awesome woman. very tough...


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## moneyhungry87 (Nov 11, 2016)

Basically i'm considering moving in with her for a true test but tbh I doubt things will change...moving in with her is like getting married to me...so just assume we already live together and things are as they are...


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## GreenAvenue (Dec 28, 2011)

Try to see love and your finances as two separate entities. And treat them that way. You don't have to get married, a marriage contract is no guarantee for success. 
Also people change. I married the girl I fell in love with 25 years ago and she changed. We are going through a heap of doodoo now and I regret not having my finances put apart. And did she change oh yes she did, think about meno pause. Well those are the two words that screwed my 25 years of marriage, buying houses, collecting rent, emigration, raising three kids, you name it. Down the toilet. Think of it this way: if you have doubts now, you will have them more 20 years down the road. You clearly have thought about it. Create a worse case scenario and take it from there.


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## STech (Jun 7, 2016)

MoneyHungry, not trying to offend you, but I gotta say that you come across in your post, and attitude, as self centered and a DB. It doesn't seem like you care one bit about how she feels or wants. Basically you want to marry her, because you want to lock up the "jackpot"?

If that's the case, then from your point of view, the choice is pretty clear. But I agree on one thing, and I tell younger people all the time too, yes, move in together first, and yes it does make a difference.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

I would run through a scenario in which she decides to stay home and raise a family and refuses to return to work. If that is OK with you, then give it a try.


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

To OP: get a prenup to iron out the financial risks, then move in and see how it goes. (The negotiations over the prenup may decide a few things for both of you.)

To OP's GF: See an analyst. Why do you want to marry a man who is incapable of responding positively to your affection, has real issues with marital commitment, and is too much like your father?


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## birdman (Feb 12, 2013)

Just buy her a nice ring, propose, and get married within 6 mos and enjoy your life together. Speaking for myself, marriage has been great. Dated my wife for a year, proposed, got married 6 mos later, raised 3 children, and have been married 47 years. Great times and wouldn't have done it any other way. While not opposed to it we never moved in together and neither did our married children. In other words "just do it" and don't lose her.


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## Zipper (Nov 18, 2015)

I think the better question should be, "Should she marry you?"

She can do better and needs to move on.

She is in or is slowly passing her prime child bearing years.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

moneyhungry87 said:


> Ok what i'm about to tell you is 110% true, this is a serious thread and i'm looking for serious advice. So i'm 30 years old, and i've been dating this 30 year old woman for almost 3 years now and in the past 6 months its gotten alot more serious. We do not live together. She's latina, attractive, in good shape (diets/exercise), pleases me sexually, great with money ( she's cheap and doesnt buy chick junk), treats me like a king ( respects me, cooks, cleans, never asks for material things/money, extremely loving, I don't spend money on her and she doesnt complain etc) shes literally perfect in every aspect of her personality. On the other hand i'd say i'm the less than perfect boyfriend personality wise... I get grumpy alot, don't call when I say i will etc however I always treat her well in general as in i've never yelled at her etc ( but how could I?). I'm generally a good guy just very unromantic. I've told her i'm the way i am and I will never change and she accepts me and loves me for who I am. She's literally obsessed with me and madly in love with me ( but not a crazy stalker, needy, or jealous). She also knows all of my deep dark secrets. Also shes only been with one guy before me who was an ex bf.
> 
> Ok now heres my problem. First, she's going to be a Doctor as she was a physician back home, shes working on being able to practice in Canada. I on the other hand have a community college education, few hundred k to my name ( hopefully will grow to much more), and no real career prospects like she has. I have never lied to her about myself and have been completely honest around her so she knows my true self very well. Anyway chances are she will be much more successful than me over the long run. I've always had the view that If I were to get married itd be in my 40's and maybe start a family then, but I may never want kids and i've told her this. I'm actually a huge marriage cynic because of the way the majority of women are these days plus the divorce rate and have pretty much been anti marriage, anti relationship all my adult life. However, this woman is literally perfect and i'm torn on whether I should marry her or possibly lose her forever. IF she doesnt change, I could actually spend the rest of my life with her and be happy. I know all of the financial risks incase things fail but I really don't know what our situation could be like in 10 years from now. she'll be a successful doctor and I could be a multimillionaire from my investments, or I could have nothing and she'll be vastly more successful than me ( which would benefit me in divorce).
> 
> ...


I don't do this often, but I call bs on this poster. Something is not quite right. He cross posted in RFD (sorry can't seem post hyperlinks, maybe someone who is better at it can help me). 

This poster in another thread had posted the following:
Trying to evade taxes so he would have to pay $250k capital gains and indicated he has made it ver $1 mil in resource stock
Ask numerous questions about trading while on ei

On Redflagdeals, he has started threads|
Same marriage thread which was locked for trolling 
Previously trying to trick immigration for the same friend he mentions this thread by wanting to fake a marriage which was also locked for trolling. 
Fired for with cause : being intoxicated on the job at a hospital and then posted stupid things on social media, and wanted 

MAny things are not cosistent, and I call bs. I am tired around d having the good memebers here waste their time with self absorbs little trolls.


But in spirit of offering helpful info.... absolutely do not marry this lady. If you care about her, she is too good for you until you Grow up, If she starts to learn about her self worth she will leave you. I don't get any sense that you care about what is good for her only yourself, and I think that is a disaster for a marriage.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

redsgomarching said:


> ahh yes I see what you mean, thanks for clarifying. Don't worry - I believe your sense of smell is on point




reds it's another whiff from the same pot

basically the pot is empty

no million dollars
no latina gf
no marriage
no panama


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## tygrus (Mar 13, 2012)

This is a serious reply. You are self centered time wasting DB as mentioned before. You and your investments should be alone.


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## james4beach (Nov 15, 2012)

humble_pie said:


> basically the pot is empty
> 
> no million dollars
> no latina gf
> ...


What a life that would be though! Million bucks, latina girlfriend who pleases me, wow! Sign me up.


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## STech (Jun 7, 2016)

james4beach said:


> What a life that would be though! Million bucks, latina girlfriend who pleases me, wow! Sign me up.


I really don't get it.

The scammer trolls that pump up websites, money secrets, or magic potions, that makes sense. They're in it to steal money.

But for someone to be up at 3 am, and write an essay on his giant bank account, matched by his massive manhood, this confuses me. Why waste all that time and energy to create a fantasy world on a keyboard? I suppose some loser in his mom's basement likely has nothing better to do, but doesn't their mom turn off the lights past midnight?

But I'm with ya, sign me up. Although I'm into tall Scandinavian blondes.


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## like_to_retire (Oct 9, 2016)

STech said:


> .............write an essay on his giant bank account, matched by his massive manhood, this confuses me.


The whole thing confuses me. 

Scamming is all about money, and while scammers are scum, I still do get it. 

But this? WTF...

ltr


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

james4beach said:


> What a life that would be though! Million bucks, latina girlfriend who pleases me, wow! Sign me up.




setup is still not quite good enough for yourself jas4. You deserve the best of the best.


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## ian (Jun 18, 2016)

Perhaps you should drop a not to Dear Abbey.


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## heyjude (May 16, 2009)

Shoutout to the girlfriend (if she exists): run!


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## james4beach (Nov 15, 2012)

humble_pie said:


> setup is still not quite good enough for yourself jas4. You deserve the best of the best.


Thanks humble_pie !


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## tavogl (Oct 1, 2014)

I think you should watch this video, it's only 5 minutes and it will tell you what to do.
It's called the Hot/Crazy Matrix - a Man's Guide to Women. You will thank me later.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwbKYcBdVyk


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## heyjude (May 16, 2009)

tavogl said:


> I think you should watch this video, it's only 5 minutes and it will tell you what to do.
> It's called the Hot/Crazy Matrix - a Man's Guide to Women. You will thank me later.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwbKYcBdVyk


Hilarious! And all in Harvard Business School Speak!


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## WGZ (Feb 3, 2017)

Strong username to post content ratio.

Attractive women with ambition are unstoppable. They're more alpha than most men are when they take advantage of it. Women have always been smart, cunning etc. especially on an instinctual level - they've had to be, to make up for physical shortcomings such as physical strength. The last 100 years they've been able to break through boundaries that previously held them back from male dominated aspects of society.

Hypergamy and a fickle mind. Goes both ways, but mainly for women I think. But why should they stop themselves from wanting only the best/moving up in status? An example I'll use is Tinder where the M:F ratio on there is 75% guys to 25% gals just like in most bars/clubs. 80% of women are after 20% of guys. It may even be 90/10. All guys are expected to chase.

Way she goes these days. At least online.


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## lonewolf :) (Sep 13, 2016)

moneyhungry87 said:


> . Though being a huge cynic I do believe the odds of her changing for the worse are pretty low i've thought about this alot and have tested her many times I truly believe she is 100% genuine and not say hiding any personality flaws from me.
> .


Who is testing who. It is in a woman DNA to test 24/7 a lot do not even realize they are doing it


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## Richard55 (Aug 11, 2017)

I think if you would know that she is the one to marry, you wouldn't post this threat.


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## james4beach (Nov 15, 2012)

heyjude said:


> Shoutout to the girlfriend (if she exists): run!


Here's a 1967 film from the US Navy: How to Succeed with Brunettes. Probably good advice for any man. Even though the etiquette guide is 50 years old, I think nearly everything in the film still applies.


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## Rusty O'Toole (Feb 1, 2012)

Some people need a dream.


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## ian (Jun 18, 2016)

Get a grip.

Make a decision and move forward. No one else can help you with this decision.


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## redsgomarching (Mar 6, 2016)

ian said:


> Get a grip.
> 
> Make a decision and move forward. No one else can help you with this decision.


Its not a real decision. Only thing OP has to worry about is never actually being in that situation.


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

I definately think you should marry her, however, I think it is only fair that you tell her that she shouldn't marry you and you follow through to help her with that decision.


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## moneyhungry87 (Nov 11, 2016)

figured id check in...well we are getting married at the end of this month...a basic civil ceremony her family is flying in from overseas. one thing I failed to mention which was stupid in my first post is shes a foreign national and not a permanent resident/citizen of Canada. TBH i'm really nervous but shes an awesome woman but I just wish I was say 40 and not 30 I feel this is too soon but if I don't marry her I know I will lose a woman thats 1 in a billion. My plan is to divorce her if things turn south within the next 12 months...as we have no pre nup. we are moving in together at the end of this month. This had to be rushed because her visa is expiring soon and her attempts to gain permanent residency on her own failed due to our bs system. We do really love eachother, but thats how everyone feels when they get married right?

I may also just divorce her but continue living with her, then remarry her in a few years if we re still happy...she said she would do this to make me happy.


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## OnlyMyOpinion (Sep 1, 2013)

See Plugging Along's warning post #9 in this thread.
I don't usually read fiction but did in this case. Now I can't wait to read the chapter where she has become a doctor, he a multimillionaire, and he finds out she is seeing a male nurse at work who isn't really a male ....


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## moneyhungry87 (Nov 11, 2016)

OnlyMyOpinion said:


> See Plugging Along's warning post #9 in this thread.
> I don't usually read fiction but did in this case. Now I can't wait to read the chapter where she has become a doctor, he a multimillionaire, and he finds out she is seeing a male nurse at work who isn't really a male ....


what does his post prove? I posted on RFD? ok...i'm not a troll. anyways I find this whole thing kinda funny because it sounds so unbelievable tgtbt...so I must have it made then


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## STech (Jun 7, 2016)

OnlyMyOpinion said:


> See Plugging Along's warning post #9 in this thread.
> I don't usually read fiction but did in this case. Now I can't wait to read the chapter where she has become a doctor, he a multimillionaire, and he finds out she is seeing a male nurse at work who isn't really a male ....


Oh no no, it's much darker than that.



Turns out her father is on the lam from the cartel over stolen money, and was counting on his daughter to get him to Canada to escape. Once out of the reach of the cartel, they put a large bounty on his head and MoneyHungry finds out about it. MoneyHungry uses his "unique personality" to charm the father and lure him back to the cartel. 

The father in law and MoneyHungry walk down a dark corridor guarded by heavily armed men. At the end of the corridor is a shadowy figure sitting in a large chair. As they get closer to the crime boss, the shadowy figure lights a cigar, and that's when we all discover, the new crime boss is none other than the daughter.

She leans in a little and says, "you *******, this was never about the money". As the father and MoneyHungry are standing there dumb founded, the mother slowly walks into the scene, and she says "this is for cheating on me you sick *******".


OK MoneyHungry, you finish the rest of the story. Does the dad get shot behind barn, and you collect the bounty? Are you both killed? Or do you once again use your "unique personality" to it's full extent?


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

^^ LOL with the bonus story continuation.


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## againcome (Oct 17, 2017)

moneyhungry87 said:


> Ok what i'm about to tell you is 110% true, this is a serious thread and i'm looking for serious advice. So i'm 30 years old, and i've been dating this 30 year old woman for almost 3 years now and in the past 6 months its gotten alot more serious. We do not live together. She's latina, attractive, in good shape (diets/exercise), pleases me sexually, great with money ( she's cheap and doesnt buy chick junk), treats me like a king ( respects me, cooks, cleans, never asks for material things/money, extremely loving, I don't spend money on her and she doesnt complain etc) shes literally perfect in every aspect of her personality. On the other hand i'd say i'm the less than perfect boyfriend personality wise... I get grumpy alot, don't call when I say i will etc however I always treat her well in general as in i've never yelled at her etc ( but how could I?). I'm generally a good guy just very unromantic. I've told her i'm the way i am and I will never change and she accepts me and loves me for who I am. She's literally obsessed with me and madly in love with me ( but not a crazy stalker, needy, or jealous). She also knows all of my deep dark secrets. Also shes only been with one guy before me who was an ex bf.
> 
> Ok now heres my problem. First, she's going to be a Doctor as she was a physician back home, shes working on being able to practice in Canada. I on the other hand have a community college education, few hundred k to my name ( hopefully will grow to much more), and no real career prospects like she has. I have never lied to her about myself and have been completely honest around her so she knows my true self very well. Anyway chances are she will be much more successful than me over the long run. I've always had the view that If I were to get married itd be in my 40's and maybe start a family then, but I may never want kids and i've told her this. I'm actually a huge marriage cynic because of the way the majority of women are these days plus the divorce rate and have pretty much been anti marriage, anti relationship all my adult life. However, this woman is literally perfect and i'm torn on whether I should marry her or possibly lose her forever. IF she doesnt change, I could actually spend the rest of my life with her and be happy. I know all of the financial risks incase things fail but I really don't know what our situation could be like in 10 years from now. she'll be a successful doctor and I could be a multimillionaire from my investments, or I could have nothing and she'll be vastly more successful than me ( which would benefit me in divorce).
> 
> ...



Definitely you should. Or one day, you will regret for it.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

I know a girl who married a guy in Toronto because he was a British subject. They moved to London and she eventually got her citizenship, then divorced him. Make no mistake what women will do to get what they want.


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## Mukhang pera (Feb 26, 2016)

kcowan said:


> I know a girl who married a guy in Toronto because he was a British subject. They moved to London and she eventually got her citizenship, then divorced him. Make no mistake what women will do to get what they want.


That sort of thing goes on endlessly here. It is very often described in court judgments, where there is never any suggestion that anything is wrong with marriages of convenience. I suppose it would be racist and not pc to denounce the practice, so CIC ignores it. 

Here’s a recent case reference (see para. 5 through 7), where the husband sponsored the wife to Canada from India in 1975. He then divorced her, married the wife’s sister to sponsor her here, all the while remaining with the wife and having more kids with her. All very legitimate, says Canada.

See:

Nanara v. Nanara, 2017 BCSC 1447

http://www.courts.gov.bc.ca/jdb-txt/sc/17/14/2017BCSC1447.htm


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## Mzeus (Oct 17, 2017)

hahahah no her make money no marry


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