# Giving money at a funeral/wake



## atrp2biz (Sep 22, 2010)

In many cultures, including money in sympathy cards is the norm. I personally never realized this until I received money in cards when my mother died. At first I thought it was weird, but I suppose in older traditions before the advent of life insurance, these funds would be used to support any funeral costs or living expenses upon the loss of a bread winner.

A very good friend of mine has recently passed away leaving behind a stay-at-home wife and four young children. I will be including a cheque in my card, but just wondering what people's thoughts are on this potentially touchy subject. Tacky or thoughtful?


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## cainvest (May 1, 2013)

Personally I see no need for it and I would certainly reject (politely of course) money given to me for a loss in the family.
If they are good friends I'd be talking to them anyways and would definitely ask if he/she needed anything outside of the wake/funeral timeframe.


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## fraser (May 15, 2010)

Never heard of this before.

It is not a custom that I would adopt.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Usually the family will let their donation wishes be known in the funeral home death notice or in the paper. 

Giving to a charity along with the sympathy card, depending on the nature of the death of the person is accepted and in most cases you will get a charitable receipt from the charity.
or
You can also send a flower arrangement by FTD (or facisimile) to the funeral homes along with the sympathy card.
Giving directly to the family is to help in cases of the family being destitute, towards funeral expenses such as flowers.


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## Davis (Nov 11, 2014)

I haven't heard of that before. It makes sense in your friend's case if there is financial need, but maybe there isn't. He may have had a big insurance policy that now comes due, or may not. You can't ask that. Sending flowers is traditional, and sending a donation to a charity named by the family is a more modern version of that - it would be mentioned in the death notice if that is their preference. Above all, try to respect the wishes of the family, or if you don't know them, then the custom of their cultural background.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Our family does it all the time and when my brother died we received about $3000 in cards which we gave to the local Lion's Club in his memory .


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

This is a new one on me. I have found a couple of web articles saying it is customary for Japanese & Chinese funerals. 
eg.: http://people.opposingviews.com/etiquette-attending-chinese-funeral-give-money-2793.html 
But most "western" funeral etiquette guides say it is not proper to give money directly to the family - only to inquire if they would like a donation to a favourite charity in lieu of flowers. (If this is the case it will usually be stated in the death notice or on the funeral home web site.)

If in doubt, I would suggest trying to contact someone close to the deceased's family to ask for guidance on their customs. If there is going to be a formal funeral service, the officiant or the funeral home may also be able to advise you.

If it is not the family's normal cultural practice; but you suspect that the deceased's family may be in need; it would be better to discretely ask some of the relatives at a visitation how matters stand; and ask if a fund is being established "for the children" or some such thing.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

As a long time CMF contributor, I would like all my friends on CMF to know in advance that upon my death, send me M-o-n-e-y...lots of it! 
After learning what Donald Trump did, I want to be a realestate developer or financial whiz-bang investor in my NEXT Life, so naturally, I will need
all the help I can get...thanks in advance.:biggrin:

A song from the Blood, Sweat and Tears Album back in the 70s..

"I'm not scared of dying
And I don't really care
If it's peace you find in dying
Well, then let the time be near

If it's peace you find in dying
And if dying time is here just bundle up my coffin
'Cause it's cold way down there
I hear that it's cold way down there
Yeah, crazy cold way down there

And when I die, and when I'm gone
There'll be one child born
In this world to carry on, to carry on

Now troubles are many, they're as deep as a well
I can swear there ain't no heaven but I pray there ain't no hell
Swear there ain't no heaven and I pray there ain't no hell
But I'll never know by living, only my dying will tell
Yes, only my dying will tell, yeah, only my dying will tell "



Read more: Blood Sweat & Tears - And When I Die Lyrics | MetroLyrics


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## Jorob199r (Sep 4, 2014)

This is a tradition that was more common in earlier generations. Some people gave money to my family when my father died. We donated it to a cancer charity.


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

carverman said:


> As a long time CMF contributor, I would like all my friends on CMF to know in advance that upon my death, send me M-o-n-e-y...lots of it! ...


 ... aren't you supposedly to celebrating a birthday today? instead of talking about death ... bleh ...

As for the money advancement, how about this?

Canadian Flag Collector Card (2015)

$0.50 CAD 

* Add to wish list *

STATUS: 
Canada only
1 per order 
1 per household 

STORE AVAILABILITY: *Not available in store *
- See more at: http://www.mint.ca/store/coins/coin...urban_300x250_collector-flags_en#.VZQlu7TbJds


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Beaver101 said:


> ... aren't you supposedly to celebrating a birthday today? instead of talking about death ... bleh ...
> As for the money advancement, how about this?
> Canadian Flag Collector Card (2015)
> $0.50 CAD
> ...



LoL! I ask for some "life in the fast lane money"...and what do I get..a bubble gum card!.... and another day older and deeper in debt..
St. Peter don't you call me cuz I can't go...I owe my soul to those online stores..
sixteen tons..whatya get..another day older and deeper in debt..
They say the seniors are going bankrupt too.
Nobody told us we would get scr*wed"
Repeat chorus....


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## Estell Ault (Jul 4, 2015)

Personally, I don't see anything wrong when someone gives donations in cash to the bereaved family. I will accept whatever they give as I don't want them get offended especially if it's part of their tradition.


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