# Canada, eh?



## jcgd (Oct 30, 2011)

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
5. Weed.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the 
country.
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own 
country.
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw.
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours. 
4. People will assume you live on a farm.
5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that! 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out 
next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada .
4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick ..
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear 
a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, 
new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
3. The workday is about two hours long.
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.




The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
· Californians shiver uncontrollably.
· Canadians plant gardens.

35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
· Italian Cars won't start
· Canadians drive with the windows down

32° Fahrenheit (0° C)
· American water freezes
· Canadian water gets thicker.

0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
· New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
· Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
· Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
· Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-109.9° Fahrenheit (-78.5° C)
· Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice.
· Canadians pull down their earflaps.

-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
· Ethyl alcohol freezes.
· Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg

-459.67° Fahrenheit (-273.15° C)
· Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
· Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"

-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
· Hell freezes over.
· The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup


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## Mall Guy (Sep 14, 2011)

jcgd said:


> TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
> 1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
> *2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.*
> 3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick ..
> 4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.


Old school thinking, NL is now a "have" province, and ON a "have not". And AB, big labour shortage when all the east coasters move back home!


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## jcgd (Oct 30, 2011)

I take it you didn't find my post humourous. The temperature conversions are very accurate and based in science.


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

Sounds like it was written by an Albertan.


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## uptoolate (Oct 9, 2011)

Hilarious! I am definitely going to forward this around! Thanks jcgd! 

And obviously, I am looking forward to 22 below absolute zero!


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## jcgd (Oct 30, 2011)

OhGreatGuru said:


> Sounds like it was written by an Albertan.


Hah, it totally does. I didn't write it though, it was just a chain mail that made me chuckle.



uptoolate said:


> Hilarious! I am definitely going to forward this around! Thanks jcgd!
> 
> And obviously, I am looking forward to 22 below absolute zero!


Well who wouldn't? 

I wonder, would everything cease to exist if every molecule stopped moving?


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## Dmoney (Apr 28, 2011)

I think the only way the Leafs win the cup is if every other team stops moving.


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

Reminds me of the old joke:

2 Torontonians died and went to hell. They really enjoyed the heat, which made the devil very angry. So he turned down the heat. Still no change, the Torontonians were loving it. This went on for days until it was absolutely freezing in Hell. The devil went to find out why the Torontonians were jumping with glee. "Why are you so happy?" the devil asked. The Torontonians replied, "Hell froze over, the Leafs won the Stanley Cup!"

Also, if you haven't heard it, The Toronto Song - Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie.

Starts out bashing Toronto but eventually expands to all of Ontario, then the rest of Canada. Written by Albertans of course.


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## uptoolate (Oct 9, 2011)

Yes great joke about the Leafs! I'd love to watch the video but there is no way I am given Sergey and Larry my cell phone number. Especially with the latest privacy stuff. Google's pledge to be a benevolent agent for good notwithstanding!


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## MrBurns (Sep 12, 2010)

Canadians always forget Nunavut, Northwest Territories and the Yukon.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

jcgd said:


> Love it!
> TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
> 1. You live in the centre of the universe.
> *2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.*
> ...


Aye..and ye be waiting a long time..bye..for that too!
GO SENS GO!


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## Mall Guy (Sep 14, 2011)

jcgd said:


> I take it you didn't find my post humourous. The temperature conversions are very accurate and based in science.


I did indeed, but just pointing out that NL has one of the hottest economies in Canada.


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