# Wife worried about lost financial independence in retirement



## cannon_fodder (Apr 3, 2009)

My wife surprised me tonight. We work at the same, small, company. We are facing cutbacks and many people, including ourselves, may have our positions eliminated. 

Since another person in our office was fired today my wife came home a bit shaken. Since she knows that we have enough to retire on, and my investing generates more money than we earn at work, I was puzzled by her concern.

Her first marriage broke down after about 12 years. Her ex was never one to put money away for the future. When she left hjm , she had to drastically cut her expenditures with two small children for whom to care.

We found each other a few years later and my financial focus has rubbed off. We have separate (and a joint) bank accounts. We don't worry about how each other spends, although big purchases are discussed beforehand. I manage all of our investments and have greatly increased our portfolios - especially this year.

However, she worries about the disappearance of that constant paycheque and the freedom realized from its deposit into her account.

how can I easily and tactfully implement a process where she doesn't feel money is being meted out almost in an allowance fashion when we retire?

We have TFSAs, RRSPs and a non-registered account. Ideally, I'd like to fund our living expenses from the profits from our non- registered account.


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## FrugalTrader (Oct 13, 2008)

Since she's gone through it once, she's probably worried that separation can happena gain (not saying that you guys don't have a strong relationship). You can easily reassure her that if you guys were to separate, she'd get half anyways. 

Alternatively, why not open a joint bank account which the investment income gets deposited into on a monthly basis? From there, household bills are paid, and anything left over gets split between the both of you.


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## Spudd (Oct 11, 2011)

What about setting up an automated transfer from the non-reg account to her account every month, in an amount that you guys agree on? That way it's not like she has to ask you for money, and it's more like a paycheck than an allowance (since it comes automatically).

If the non-registered account is not currently joint, can you make it joint? That way she'll feel like she has some control and it's not just being metered out to her.


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## OptsyEagle (Nov 29, 2009)

My wife gets her dividend cheques sweeped into her bank account, twice a month, (her account is at TD Waterhouse). Feels like a paycheque, timings like a paycheque and the money works just like a paycheque. The only difference is she gets a lot more vacation time.

Didn't take her too long to get use to that.


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

I think you have to involve her more in the financial stuff. Maybe not the details of your natural gas hedge fund, but rather the over all strategy. This should include some discussion of how much the "payroll" will be for each of you.

Maybe agree that each of you will get $X/month or 2 weeks (whatever the current pay schedule is) and that will be your new income?

Alternatively, she could look for a new job if that makes her feel better - nothing wrong with continuing to work.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

I think you're getting great advice - you need to address both the emotional issues and the pragmatic ones. I'd set up a systematic withdrawal plan to fund her living expenses (as has been suggested) while telling her that you won't abandon her and will do what you need to do to ensure she feels safe and cared-for.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

it is great advice, especially the part about involving the spouse more in the financial management.

fodder you have written before about your thoughtfulness & your concern for your wife & your messages are an excellent example for all to follow.

as it happens for some time i have been wondering Where are the spouses in this forum. We have some husbands & wives here who are making many intelligent moves. Some of the results are dazzling. But we never see hard evidence that the spice are being brought into the know-how loop.

what would happen if a managing spouse were to, like, disappear, even temporarily. Are all the spice - who would presumably be the attorneys under a mandate or even the heirs & executors - ready to jump into the saddle.


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## cannon_fodder (Apr 3, 2009)

FT - you are right about her fear. As much as I've tried, she still has as little interest in investing as I do with gardening. So she feels she would need to go back to work. With some effort, even if we split everything 50/50, her portion could be transformed into dividend paying equities to cover her expenses. Of course sacrifices would have to be made (at least until we can enlarge our nest egg).

And just this week I linked our nonreg account with our joint account with the idea of taking out a portion of each month's profits. Perhaps that will begin the transformation process which will enable her to see another steady stream of income. Then, next year, we could see if it makes sense to siphon off from the joint account to our own accounts or link our own accounts directly.

FP/Optsy- those are great ideas. If I take out an amount equivalent to her current income on the same schedule, that would have to make it easier for her. Consistent and automatic payments would likely do the trick.

MG - yes there is definitely an emotional side to it. Just when I think an issue has been put in the past, something triggers its resurrection. That's where we are different. So I'm glad she isn't suffering in silence as I can't help fix what I don't know is broken.

HP - my wife is good with the basics of managing expenses. I haven't found the magic formula to get her interested in investing. I think it is critical for both spouses to be well versed in all of the holdings and strategies. I don't expect her to be able to do what I do but at least be able to know where to look and to whom she should go for help. 

We have a good friend who has managed money for years that I would trust to do the right thing and ensure her long term needs are met.


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## cannon_fodder (Apr 3, 2009)

Less than 2 weeks from opening this thread my wife's position was eliminated. Tomorrow I hope to conclude negotiations on my own severance package. Next week I will implement the great ideas posted here. In a few months I should know if its effective.

lucky for us we are both leaving with a package as opposed to emptyhanded. BTW this is the first time I've been through this process and I followed good advice to not accept the first offer but negotiate for more.


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## FrugalTrader (Oct 13, 2008)

So what is the next step cannon? Take early retirement now? Are you guys staying in Canada?


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## Mall Guy (Sep 14, 2011)

Spudd said:


> What about setting up an automated transfer from the non-reg account to her account every month, in an amount that you guys agree on? That way it's not like she has to ask you for money, and it's more like a paycheck than an allowance (since it comes automatically).


That's exactly how it works with my ex-wife


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## spirit (May 9, 2009)

*May I speak on behalf of the spouse*

The situation you are in sounds very similar to mine. My husband has been semi retired for almost 20 years and has handled all the investments because he had the time to do so. I went back to work when he retired and have been very busy rebuilding my career. I had no time nor any inclination to learn the ins and outs of investing although I went with him yearly to meet with our advisor. I had a general idea of what was going on but not the details. However when the market crashed 3 years ago I realized that my lack of knowledge left me in a precarious position. I had put in my retirement papers and then begged my employers to recind them. To describe that mindset as one where I was panicking was an understatement. Remember that at that time even all the market pundits were in disagreement on what was happening in the market place and how to resolve it. I never want to be in that situation again.
I started watching BNN with my husband, discussing the financial news, I found this forum and I began to educate myself. I also knew that I could dig up the back yard to grow potatos, carrots and turnips in a worse case scenario.
Now three years later the world economy has still not recovered, depending on who you listen to, and may fall again, depending on who you listen to.....
I am not saying that I have all the answers but at least I am not floundering around in total darkness. In large part to the posters here on this site.
I suggest that to aleviate some of your wifes anxieties, you suggest her learning about financial matters at places like this. She can learn at her own pace and her own time. Remind her that she has lived way below her means before and could do so again but that by taking some time to know your financial situations she would not be doing so without any control or say in the matter but with informed wisdom.
I know how your wife is feeling. I love and trust my husband but now that I understand his financial decisions he made over the years I have to say I agree with them all. Well, not so much about our lack of get away holidays, but that is another post Good luck. Your wife is lucky to have found you and vise versa.


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