# Relationship where the woman's salary is a lot higher? How did you make it work?



## Causalien (Apr 4, 2009)

As the title said. What ended up working? What was the main problem that killed previous ones?


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

What's the issue that needs working on? As in: someone's salary has to be higher, even "a lot" higher. Why shouldn't it be the woman's?


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

I have seen examples where higher earners in relationship treat their partner in an inferior way.If relationship is strong it wont matter who earns what .


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## uptoolate (Oct 9, 2011)

Yes what is the issue exactly? Why wouldn't this work quite nicely?


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

What is the problem exactly? Is it that the higher income earner is being disrespectful or dismissive or controlling to the partner? Or is the problem that the person is a female?


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

C'mon ladies-you don't think it might have something to do with the male e.g.o ??(have none of you been around men..lol!)Most men are brought up or conditioned to be "providers" A lot of males derive there self esteem/worth from work.A lot of males were born before the big ''movement" and we grew-up watching are fathers be the ''breadwinners'' and our mothers be the ''caregivers".I think this is where the op is coming from on the issue.I could be wrong.Some,not all,but some males could feel there masculanity threaten or confusued of there role in a family.aka-beta male?alpha female?It's the male physc.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

As a female, then I say get get some self esteem and over it, or find some one else that you can play the traditional role with. However, then don't come whining about how the wife is spending your money, is a old digger, or you have to be the breadwinner, etc. 


Sorry, have NO empathy for this at all. Guys complain often about women not contributing, not interested in finance, spending too much, being goldiggers, etc. a lot of the guys here talk about making sure they have pre nuts. Then there s a female who makes more, REALLY? Unless, she is being controlling, disrespectful, or minimizing, the problem is his itty bitty ego. 

If one is wondering ow to make it work, then it's really about getting in touch with your own feelings and self worth, and deciding if your ego can handle it. If not, then it will always be an issue just like any other insecurities. If you really want to be with this person and this is going to bother you, then find a way to make more money than her.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

What is so wrong with wanting or desiring(as a male)to want to be a provider and take care of a women?What's wrong with the traditional roles?(my upbring & what i would be comfortable with)I'm just speaking for myself.I hope i can meet a women that would be by my side.My comments were just general plugging along(was'nt trying to be offensive)I don't want a tea towel over my shoulder and i don't want to sit in the passenger seat while driving with my partner....jk!!!! lol.(and i don't want to get in touch with my feelings!what are those?)I'm joking!....don't take things so serious.There is some merit with my previous post though.-Women generally ''marry-up" more than males.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Nothing wrong with I at all, as long as both parties want the same thing, and both are willing to accept the good for the bad.

If you want to find someone with traditional views to take care of, and have your babies, and take care of our and the kids, that's great. However, don't ask for a prenup, don't feel she is a gold digger if she expects you to be able to provide for her well, don't expect her to go and work outside of the home, etc. I am not saying that you, Donald, would do this. I just see many double standards. Guys want to be the provider and all the traditional roles, but then want the women to step. Can't have your cake and eat it too.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

In all fairness to the op, I have been in both situations as the main bread winner, and the more traditional role. When my spouse and I were first engaged, made a lot more than him. It did hurt his ego, and I knew it. I also knew it was all about him either growing up, getting more comfortable with himself, or it wasn't going to work. I was also very respectful about it. It was never a big deal, and we were equals.

My spouse took an option I didn't expect. He decided that it did bother him because that was what he grew up with. He also knew that the reason we were together was that he didn't want a high maintenance partner, and appreciated my independence. He took me making more than him as a kick in the pants for him to push himself further. 

I think as long as there is a mutual respect, it reall shouldnt matter. In fct we have had many times where one has greatly surpassed then others income. I think if you stop looking at it as an individual number but as a family number, then that helps. Right now, my spouse has decided that we should make more money, and now he wants me to move to do so. I would focus less on the number as t will take big if you don't. Think about job loses, careers interruptions, mat leaves, ect. These may all change who is making more.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

Of course i would provide for her,why would i want to deny her?(if i could and it would make ''life" better)That's the whole point of a healthy realtionships!(being a team)Just because a ''man" would prefer a more tradition role does'nt make him less loving.(i would want my women to partake in anything that makes her happy,just would be nice if she would stay at home for the younger years and it's in the budget-id hope she would want that also)I'm just not that comfy visualizing myself as this ''new'' male i keep reading about-ie:the globe had a article about this the other day-aka the daddy mommy(no thanks,for this amigo)That's all.I want to be Don drapper!ha.(half-serious)off topic.


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## Causalien (Apr 4, 2009)

God damn. I just want some ideas from people who've been through a relationship like this and the problems that pop up exactly because of the way we are brought up and are viewed by society. I want to know what might be coming up in the corner so I can better prepare for such a thing. Did I say it's a problem? Please don't move this thread into a guy vs girl thing, cause that's not going to help anybody.

If you are a "Trophy Husband". I want to hear from you.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

I doubt you will hear from any here, because I suspect that men whose wives seriously outearn them _aren't interested in finance_. Speaking for myself, I outearn my spouse and it really and truly doesn't pose problems for us. I'm a woman in finance. People in finance generally earn a lot of money. It doesn't make me an "alpha dog" in our house -- we honestly don't relate to one another like that. 

How men and women are viewed by society can pose problems in life but those are not problems that are present in my relationship. ...I suspect people in relationships that have the one single characteristic you've identified don't actually stumble over this issue because they've worked it out. You either develop a powerful relationship to the circumstances you're in, or you let the circumstances dominate you, and the relationship fails - but it will never be just this one single issue that dooms it.


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## Karen (Jul 24, 2010)

This thread reminds me of something that happened in my family many years ago (sometime in the 1960s). My mother was working at a government job where she earned slightly less than my father did, but after a few years she got a promotion. That brought her salary up to significantly more than Dad earned, and she was so concerned that he might not like that that she refused the raise. Sometime later, a colleague of hers said something to Dad about Mum's raise, which he knew nothing about. When the company left, Dad asked her what her colleague had meant, and Mum confessed. My Dad was horrified. I remember his exact words were, "Good god, woman - don't be ridiculous! I'll be only too happy to help you spend the extra money!" So she accepted her raise, and for the rest of their working lives, Mum earned more than Dad did, and they both enjoyed spending it!


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

I don't know that many would characterize me as a "trophy husband" but I've been tossed into this type of situation. I was laid off from a job where I have a very precise set of technical skills that don't easily transfer to other situations. (Job was outsourced.) I think there are adjustments that must take place in this type of situation. Despite women claiming that they want men to do more household tasks, I sensed that my wife had difficulty adjusting to that. While being mundane, I think that household chores imply a certain amount of control over family life - what is cooked for dinner, what food is purchased, how certain things are organized, etc. I've also sensed subtle shifts in other areas. We are doing okay financially because of years of frugal money management and investing but, of course, we have to be a little more cognizant of where money goes. We've always been a fairly down-to-earth family and my wife has often traditionally been more frugal than I am. But we live in a fairly affluent neighborhood. Perhaps I'm just more sensitive to it but I seem to also suddenly notice more comments about so-and-so's latest purchase, renovation or lifestyle. So to answer your question, I think there are adjustments to be made in the situation described both in the relationship and to society generally.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

I think it's probably different when that isn't the plan going in, but you are "tossed into" this situation--as you've described, Spidey. 

I don't want my husband to do more household tasks, but we really and truly have a division of labour that works and I don't feel put upon (nor do I feel that I do more than 50% of the housework) -- or that the house is "my" domain. 

I think in general it is very hard to generalize about this topic. It doesn't matter what "women claim" if that's not what the woman in your particular relationship wants/needs/claims/thinks. I don't like being lumped in with women as a group (as I find this is usually intended as a limitation, no matter how well-meant).


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## spirit (May 9, 2009)

My husband and I always "traded" off on our jobs. He was in construction and when there was work, it was long hours. So I was a substitute teacher, worked part time and looked after the home. When he was laid off, I took on long term contracts and he stayed at home. He learned how to cook, cleaned house and yes, changed diapers. Worked for us for many years. We saw ourselves as a partnership and knew that life was long. No matter our situation, it was not going to be forever. I must admit, that I was the driving force behind our arrangement. But once he accepted it, he enjoyed being a 'kept" man....
Now he is retired and I am working part time. Life has not always gone our way, but we always had what we needed, not always what we wanted. We LBOM, have our health and dogs like us.


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## LondonHomes (Dec 29, 2010)

Karen said:


> I remember his exact words were, "Good god, woman - don't be ridiculous! I'll be only too happy to help you spend the extra money!" So she accepted her raise, and for the rest of their working lives, Mum earned more than Dad did, and they both enjoyed spending it!


This should be the proper response if you have a good and healthy relationship.


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

I agree with Plugger. The person asking the question is the problem. Ergo ego.

I think a more useful topic is how to find such a woman...  

Or in my case, how to get a stay at home mom on the career track to be making more money than I.


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

MoneyGal said:


> I think in general it is very hard to generalize about this topic. It doesn't matter what "women claim" if that's not what the woman in your particular relationship wants/needs/claims/thinks. I don't like being lumped in with women as a group (as I find this is usually intended as a limitation, no matter how well-meant).


I could be wrong but I think women generally, not individually, would say that men don't do enough housework. And I didn't say that women, as a group, would have trouble adjusting to this particular change - only my wife. I just don't see the slight.


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## Helianthus (Oct 19, 2010)

I would have absolutely zero problem with my future wife making more money than me.


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## Sampson (Apr 3, 2009)

I'm a trophy husband. An an unusual for M_G, but I spend plenty of time taking care of our family household finances AND spend time here on this forum.

My ego isn't particularly hurt. I earn enough so that my wife COULD stay at home if she wanted, but guess what? She doesn't.

We are in a bit of a fortunate situation that we both earn pretty healthy incomes, and both share very similar financial and life goals. We are both pretty frugal, and money has never been an issue - although we did have an awkward conversation about what would happen in the event of separation. Our finances are so intermingled that we invest much of the money under the name of the lower income person (or read differently be CRA - she pays for everything, and I invest all my paycheque).

In terms of problems, we haven't encountered any.

Unless you want to break this down to a discussion about traditional and non-traditional roles - you just have to grow up and be mature. I may not earn as much, but that doesn't mean I don't contribute to raising our child, to helping out with chores, to planning our future and making steps towards those common goals.

We are a team through and through. One person is bound to make more money that the other - I'm okay with that. I'm just waiting for the day my wife asks me to stay home permanently, then I could play with my son all day long.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

Nice post, Sampson!


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## crazyjackcsa (Aug 8, 2010)

How about working for a female boss! How do make that work!?! :tongue-new:


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## atrp2biz (Sep 22, 2010)

I'm in the same boat as Sampson. My wife currently earns ~3x what I make. It will eventually be 5-7x. She earns her income through a PC which we view as the nest egg. She draws a minimal amount out (actually to date, $0 has been drawn), but we will draw to avoid Part IV taxes. We're generally frugal (although our largest expense is our live-in nanny) and live off of my salary. I have to bug her to go shopping for herself. :eek2:

We haven't had any problems as we are both open-minded. We both enjoy work and have the luxury of not having to fuss about money.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

For a couple of years, DW made double what I made. During that period, I was extra supportive offering to do some chores that she had viewed as hers. I was in transition and working from home. Later I was up to 50% above her earnings but continued to do the things she had relinquished. Because my job involved travel, she took up the slack when I was away in SE Asia every quarter.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

Probably pretty safe to say im the only Italian male here,who grew up with a italian mom (lol)It's a cultural thing i guess!(maybe my mom did me a dis-service,cooking for me,laundry ect ect-past the point of normal)It's changing but there is still a ''tradition".The new male role is not for me.(+ i have a business to run--I could'nt/would'nt do both,i will need to lean on a wife(for things outside of work)I have no problem with women in business/corporate,exces ect(they are usually smarter!,and handle people better,very strong business women!)It's the roles at play(inside a family,not in the corporate world).Maybe im ignorant(old school).Just be easier.I know men who choose to be stay at home dads(that would be hell on earth for me,but im sure id change if i was married(women are always the boss,and they know it, lol).I've never been in the show(married)Though.


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## dogcom (May 23, 2009)

For me if my wife earned more today it wouldn't be as big a deal but earlier on in life I think it would have. I know my wife would put here foot on my head if I earned a lot less and I would lose a lot of power in the decision making in the house or would take extreme blame if something goes wrong from a decision I make. 

So in my house I work hard pull my weight and I am accountable for most everything. As hard as it is I see the house as my responsibility and I need to make the ultimate decisions so a loss of power is a big deal to me. Also I forgot to mention that unless I was drinking I would do all the driving when in my car when with my family.


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## Sampson (Apr 3, 2009)

I don't see it as necessarily a 'feminization' of the male role. In fact, many of the classic 'female' jobs around the household are still done by my wife, and I do most of the male roles. The one exception is cooking, but only because I love to cook, and I prefer the food I make over my wife's.

For me, it is about finding the right person for the right task. There are some things I despise doing like cleaning, she doesn't care as much, so she takes that role. There are things she doesn't like to do or is unable to, like repairs around the house and dealing with being a landlord, so I do those things.

Taking care of children, maybe this is one facet of modern life that has really changed. Were absentee fathers of previous generations better at preparing children for their future? Maybe, but I don't believe so. I love taking care of my son, but I also love to work. Modern employees, the fact some dads have to stay home (because they earn much less than their spouse), or if they choose to has allowed some traditional lines to become blurred. But truthfully, we choose this arrangement because we both think it works best.

I'm not such a pompous male chauvinist to think there is a 'way' the World works (I also come from a culture that is extremely patriarchal). I do things in support of my family, and I do things because I want my wife to be happy. She is the same.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Many of you have heard my story before but will tell it again as it relates to ops question.I was in a car accident years ago that left me permanently physically disabled ,at time of accident my husband earned more than me.I had about 3 years of very little income because i had 3 insurance companies fighting over who was at fault ,I was a passenger in a car that was hit by a bus .My husband worked long and hard hours caring for us financially plus having to come home cook , clean and care for me as well.You cannot put a price on that sort of love and devotion and it took years for us to reach a financial settlement.I worked all my life and was never one to sit home and do nothing ,my physical disability and attendant care needs made it impossible for me to go back to work outside my home so i decided to try to do something online.
Within 3 years of starting my journey I built up a business that would earn more in one month than my husband did in a year.I gave my husband a cottage and a boat which i paid for cash , I bought him a sports car and a SUV From May 2008 -Aug 2010 .We traveled 16 countries together during that period of time ,if you seen some of the places he pushed my wheelchair you would say he earned every penny lol.The best gift my husband gave to me was quitting his job in 2009 and being home with me except for his 1 day a week he works just to keep the insurance benefits.
When we didn't have enough money and were struggling in every way after my accident the money was more important but now we are in such a good place in every way and I never look at whose money it is.Giving him the assets was my way to give him his own security and IMO the settlement I got was for both of us although the cheque was in my name.
My husband is my best friend and an amazing father ,the kids loved it when he could be here to take them to school , make their breakfast ,we have a full time house keeper yet he does all the cooking in the house .I am totally fine being his sugar mama


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## brad (May 22, 2009)

crazyjackcsa said:


> How about working for a female boss! How do make that work!?! :tongue-new:


In the past 32 years all of my bosses except two have been women, and most of my colleagues/coworkers have been women. It's never been an issue for me, and I don't notice any difference in management styles or capabilities between men and women. I view the people I work with as people first, their job titles/roles second, their individual competencies and skills third, and somewhere far down the list of considerations might eventually come their sex, age, race, etc.

As for relationships, I've seen happy couples where the woman was taller than the man, happy couples where the woman was older than the man (I've been in relationships like that myself; young women never much attracted me even when I was young, and in my 20s and 30s I was mostly going out with women in their 40s), happy couples where the woman earned more than the man. These are problems only if you care about social expectations, or if your masculinity is so fragile that it's threatened by a woman who earns more than you.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

I really don't think there are issues with this unless one of the persons in the relationship makes it an issue.

If the couple wants to have their tradition roles, reverse roles, new roles, or whatever the combination, it really doesn't matter, as long as both parties agree.

In terms of the social norms, does it really matter? Any time someone does something out of the 'social norms' there will be questions and opinions. They don't have to live it, so who cares. Many of here buck the norm of being in debt, and people will even make comments about not being in debt. I don't feel the need to justify my decision, neither should anyone here.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

Spidey said:


> I could be wrong but I think women generally, not individually, would say that men don't do enough housework. And I didn't say that women, as a group, would have trouble adjusting to this particular change - only my wife. I just don't see the slight.


Spidey. I missed this earlier. I didn't feel slighted by you, not at all. I think almost every woman would agree that men in aggregate don't do as much housework as women in aggregate. My comment about not wanting to be "lumped in with women" is a much more general reaction on my part than to your comments - I so frequently don't fit with social expectations about what "women" want and do not want that I find it frustrating to constantly bump up against those limits.


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## Sherlock (Apr 18, 2010)

I doubt there are many relationships where the woman earns a lot more because women usually won't date guys who are at a lower level career or income-wise. If a woman earns 60k she will want her man to earn 100+. If a woman has a BSc she will want her man to have a MSc. If a woman has a MSc she won't date a guy without a PhD. That's been my experience. Just look at the profiles on plentyoffish, how many well educated successful women do you see who don't demand that a guy is at least as educated and successful as they are? How many female doctors do you know whose husband is a janitor? Guys on the other hand are different, rarely are they preoccupied with how successful or educated the woman is and a high-earning highly-educated guy would usually not have a problem getting into a relationship with a woman who has no university degree and earns min wage. I don't have any factual sources to support any of this but those have been my personal observations from living in Canadian society.


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## Jon_Snow (May 20, 2009)

My wife makes 20k more than me. I think its bloody awesome, to be honest.


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## Koala (Jan 27, 2012)

Sherlock,

Your experiences are very different than mine. Of my group, there are currently 7 females. One is single. 4 of us are married, and only one of the husbands has any grad studies (and they are on a equal level). One is dating someone who has no grad studies. The last couple, I believe he is still an undergrad and I'm not certain if he will be going to grad studies. Only one already has her PhD already, but in a few years the women will have their MScs/PhDs and other than the one undergrad I don't expect the guys to pursue further education.

The biggest thing I have noticed, is that women do not want to date down when it comes to intelligence. We want to be able to have discussions with our spouses. I think most men are the same, but I do know some where they basically want a 'the only thoughts in my head are the ones you put there' type of wife.

For most women, it's not about money or degrees it's about someone we feel we can truly connect with.


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## uptoolate (Oct 9, 2011)

Sherlock said:


> I doubt there are many relationships where the woman earns a lot more because women usually won't date guys who are at a lower level career or income-wise. If a woman earns 60k she will want her man to earn 100+. If a woman has a BSc she will want her man to have a MSc. If a woman has a MSc she won't date a guy without a PhD. That's been my experience. Just look at the profiles on plentyoffish, how many well educated successful women do you see who don't demand that a guy is at least as educated and successful as they are? How many female doctors do you know whose husband is a janitor? Guys on the other hand are different, rarely are they preoccupied with how successful or educated the woman is and a high-earning highly-educated guy would usually not have a problem getting into a relationship with a woman who has no university degree and earns min wage. I don't have any factual sources to support any of this but those have been my personal observations from living in Canadian society.


LOL. Every female in my office makes more than her spouse by quite a bit in most cases. I can think of several female MDs who are happily married to blue collar guys - sanitation engineer and bus driver quickly come to mind along with several house husbands/office managers. Times they are a changin'! I don't think that there are too many of my sons' friends who would be anything but ecstatic if their wives were pulling down more than they were.


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

uptoolate said:


> I can think of several female MDs who are happily married to blue collar guys - sanitation engineer and bus driver quickly come to mind along with several house husbands/office managers.


I think that high earners have to be ok with partners that make less (probably a lot less) then them. If someone making $300k will only date someone who makes $200k or more - it might be slim pickings.


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## londoncalling (Sep 17, 2011)

I'd gladly be a stay at home dad with no kids...:tongue-new: My wife makes more than me with our regular jobs. I do some side work... Not because I need to be the bread winner but because I have the opportunity to do so... For us it doesn`t matter as it is all going to the same pot... Our mortgage... our retirement... our sons` RESP... So far it doesn`t look like you`ve found the answer you were looking for and I don`t think you started this thread with mal intent... Hopefully, someone can point you in the right direction... My take is that if the relationship is working these details no longer matter


Cheers


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## Sherlock (Apr 18, 2010)

I would suggest that being highly educated is more a function of persistence than intelligence (with the possible exception of certain hard sciences like physics and math). A guy could have nothing beyond a high school diploma and still be very intelligent. Yet I don't think any woman with a MSc or a PhD would even consider going out with him.


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## Daniel A. (Mar 20, 2011)

My wife and I always both made good money, I retired and she brings in the lions share now I couldn't be happier.
When home I have always done the cooking & cleaning nothing has changed other than I have more time.

My wife covers half the bills, then does what she wants with the rest.
Sometimes she takes me out for dinner other times she pays for my car repair bills.

Every man should hope for a wife that can earn as much as possible, it makes retirement easier.


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

I make more than my hubby but he has the more important job of taking care of our son. 

Frankly with the hours I put in to make the money, I would have to stop doing lots of what I'm doing to make the money if he wasn't 100% behind me. 

Let's use today as an example, got up early, went to the home office started doing some stuff, looked up it was noon and hubby had lunch ready (he brings it down) next I had to go to the bank, our son was going stir crazy so we all went together, when I got to the bank I realized i had left $11,000 worth of checks in the home office, we went back home then back to the bank. Finished the banking I had to do decided we all needed a change of pace and asked everyone to Pacific Mall to eat supper. While there I get a phone call by a potential tenant to see a place for rent, now usually we would just go as a group but Matthew is misbehaving. I drive them home, help put Matthew to bed, then go out to do a showing. I leave my house at 7:30 and get back around 9ish. 

Is there a daycare in this city that has crazy brutal hours like that? A place where you can drop your kid off at 7-8 or whenever you need to work? Weekends etc. 
,
Plus the biggest difference isn't really that...I like making money and I'm good at it. Truth be told once I've made the money, I don't care as much about it. Like yesterday I was talking to my hubby about the rental I did myself this month and it was over 4K. Plus of course all my property management gigs. 

I make good money but we both work hard and I wouldn't be able to do it without him because of the crazy work hours. He cares for me. He makes sure I have food in my stomach and a granola bar in my purse. He is a special person. 

We live a total role reversal and its great. Most men's egos are too fragile and delicate to be with a woman like me. And I'm crappy at housework and I hate it. So it all works out.


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## thebomb (Feb 3, 2012)

Causalien said:


> As the title said. What ended up working? What was the main problem that killed previous ones?


I am late on this bandwagon, but I will be honest with my response. I make about 3x the amount of my husband (not including bonus). I also do all the grocery shopping/ cleaning etc. I resent that he does not kick in more of the household chores and I attribute my attititude as being directly correlated to the fact that I expect him to do more because I earn more and work more. There you are....the honest truth. Not healthy- I know.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

thebomb said:


> I am late on this bandwagon, but I will be honest with my response. I make about 3x the amount of my husband (not including bonus). I also do all the grocery shopping/ cleaning etc. I resent that he does not kick in more of the household chores and I attribute my attititude as being directly correlated to the fact that I expect him to do more because I earn more and work more. There you are....the honest truth. Not healthy- I know.


It sounds like you need to talk this out with DH before thebomb goes off!


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## MrMatt (Dec 21, 2011)

Regarding a female boss, I don't see what the issue is.
The gender of my coworkers is irrelevant, I've worked with all types and all ability levels. Being male or female makes a slight shift in the interaction, but their general personality is a much larger impact.

As far as my spouses salary, don't see how that matters, but we got together before we had careers, and money is just a tool to do other things. 
Money and income isn't how we value our relationship.


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## DanFo (Apr 9, 2011)

I didn't read through the whole thread because it shouldn't matter..in any relationship one will always make more than the other and overall it shouldn't matter matter.


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## 44545 (Feb 14, 2012)

I've been on both sides. Some relationships were bad, others good. I learned from them all.

My current spouse makes about 50% more than I do.

The best: when both parties cover 50% of the shared expenses (rent, food etc) and manage their own finances completely separately. That way, there's no resentment about who's making more, who pays the bills, whatever. 

This only works when each partner is on the same page. We both have similar attitudes toward saving and investing - frugal, couch-potato, index fund based portfolios, good work ethic.

Another factor: we both have careers and don't have or want kids. I'm sure that adds a level of complexity to other relationships that we don't have to factor in. (nobody stays home to take care of the kids etc)

Nobody gets a free ride, nobody leeches off the other. It's a partnership.


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## Square Root (Jan 30, 2010)

When we were working I made many multiples of what my wife did. This was never an issue. She made low 6 figures and used her money for her own needs and savings. I paid all joint expenses. Now that we are retired she has a low 7 figure portfolio and pension that provides enough income for her personal needs while I continue to pay all joint expenses. We are totally on the same page concerning finances but I think it is still a good idea to keep them separate to a degree. 
The world is changing and we (guys) need to get over our ego's regarding this. Canadians from more traditional cultures may be a little behind the curve on this one.


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## jgood76 (Apr 3, 2009)

I'm a little late replying to this thread but thought I'd throw in my 2 cents as well.

My wife makes approx. 4 times what I make and I think it's awesome! I have a professional designation, and make just under $100k working for the government. I could make at least double if not more than that if I didn't work for the government, but then I'd be expected to work closer to 60 hrs/wk, instead of my current 40. Also, I have good benefits and pension, neither of which my wife has. I was also able to take off 9 months (at 93% of my salary) when each of our children were born, while my wife got pretty much no maternity leave benefits and went back to work 3 months after each birth.

For the first 6 years of our marriage, we lived off my salary and I paid her way through med school. The last 6 years she's made close to 4 times what I've made.

She sometimes feels like she should be doing more motherly things (cooking, cleaning, childcare, etc) but I just remind her that she's doing more than enough for our family by earning a large income (and that the nanny and I can handle the rest). She averages less than 40 hrs/wk at work, so she's still able to spend quite a bit of time with our kids. I do all the shopping and cooking, partly because I like to and partly because my wife is a very bad cook.

Our nanny is going to stay with us for 3 more years, until our youngest starts grade 1. We're discussing having me retire at that time (age 40), so I can be there before and after school, do the house and yardwork, shopping, cooking, etc. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this, but the ability to golf 5 days/wk while the kid's are in school (May-Jun & Sep-Oct) is definitely swaying me towards agreeing to this plan. In Jul & Aug I should still be able to golf almost every day, just taking our 2 kids with me (hopefully they'll both love golf as much as I do).

An interesting part of our relationship is that I handle all our finances, investments, banking, taxes, etc. I give my wife a 5-10 minute update every month or two, but she never looks at our accounts. She pretty much uses her credit card for all purchases, but when she's running low on cash she just asks me and I give her more cash.

Most of my buddies think it's awesome that my wife makes so much more than me, and I'm pretty sure wish their wives made a lot too. A number of people wonder why I'm still working now, and think I should speed up the 3 year retirement plan.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

Great story jgood! I would put off retiring if I were you. Those benefits and DB pension are worth a lot. Plus there are daycare facilities that handle kids before and after school.


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