# Depression



## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Hello CMF.

I recently went to see my Family Doctor a couple weeks ago regarding my melancholy/sadness. (yes, lots of family doctor threads going on now.... funny how that happens?) 

After spilling my guts out to my Family Doctor, she said that she doesn't think I have depression. She said that if I can get up in the morning and go to work, I don't have depression. This confused me. Of course I'm going to go to work every morning, or else I would have even less money than I do now which would *add* to my depression. I thought about it for a while and figured that she *may* be right, so I would let it go for a couple weeks and see how things progress or worsen.

Ultimately, nothing has changed (which is exactly what I thought would happen) and I still feel like I have depression. I am not always depressed, but I definitely do have depressive episodes where I fall into a deep dark hole and nothing matters. All motivation is lost, everyone is a waste of time, and suddenly staring blankly at the wall becomes my favourite activity.

When I say that I am not always depressed, I am usually eating pizza and drinking with a friend or a few friends, or I have a girl over. Any other time? I'm pretty much miserable.

The reason for the thread is that I feel like my depression stems from the fact that I cannot relate to anyone around me. By this, I mean that everyone I know is broke, married, pregnant, has a child, goes clubbing and partying every night, or just has no common sense.

I remember there was a recent poll/thread on here about introverts and extroverts. Naturally, most people on this board will be introverts.

I'm wondering two things:

1. Because I can relate to people on CMF more than people in real life, has anyone else experienced depressive episodes?

2. Should I get a second opinion on whether or not I may have depression?

And for those that are going to pull the "alcohol is a depressant" card...... it actually makes me feel better and _not_ depressed. (I have done many tests. :biggrin


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

Could be S.A.D. = Seasonal Affective Disorder or a chemical-imbalance and not because you're introverted (unless you've been pretty depressed all your life). But I'm no doctor. I'm sure a real doctor onboard here on CMF can help you out. Good luck.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

I thought it was only severe depression that made it hard to wake up and go to work. You may want to get a second opinion.

On the other hand, there are things you can do to treat depression that do not require a doctor to diagnose and prescribe.



> * Lifestyle changes that can treat depression*
> 
> * Exercise. *Regular exercise can be as effective at treating depression as medication. Not only does exercise boost serotonin, endorphins, and other feel-good brain chemicals, it triggers the growth of new brain cells and connections, just like antidepressants do. Best of all, you don’t have to train for a marathon in order to reap the benefits. Even a half-hour daily walk can make a big difference. For maximum results, aim for 30 to 60 minutes of aerobic activity on most days.
> * Nutrition.* Eating well is important for both your physical and mental health. Eating small, well-balanced meals throughout the day will help you keep your energy up and minimize mood swings. While you may be drawn to sugary foods for the quick boost they provide, complex carbohydrates are a better choice. They'll get you going without the all-too-soon sugar crash.
> ...


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## jamesbe (May 8, 2010)

Sounds more like you are lonely/bored more than depressed. You are fine when you are with friends, so that means you want more friends or friends related activities.

Sounds like you need to find more like minded people or a hobby that has the same. But I have no basis to anything I just said but personal experience, I can feel the same sometimes and it will go for awhile until I find something to keep me occupied or interested.


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## Nemo2 (Mar 1, 2012)

I'm going along with andrewf vis-a-vis exercise......get a good pair of running shoes and hit the road...early in the morning when there's no-one around, and you feel as if you have the world to yourself....('bin there, done that).

As to not relating to people around you.....I recall reading a comment by the late Jim Unger, of _Herman_ cartoon fame.....said he sometimes felt as if he was from Mars and didn't belong 'here'....(also 'bin there, done that).......in fact, when you consider a large percentage of the population, would you _want_ to relate to them?

Good luck!


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

andrewf said:


> On the other hand, there are things you can do to treat depression that do not require a doctor to diagnose and prescribe.


I've tried those before. Exercise helps and so does sufficient sleep. I found that nutrition does not play any part for me. Sleep is a big factor. If I do not sleep long, or if I have a disrupted sleep, I am usually depressed / easily irritated the next day.



jamesbe said:


> Sounds more like you are lonely/bored more than depressed. You are fine when you are with friends, so that means you want more friends or friends related activities.
> 
> Sounds like you need to find more like minded people or a hobby that has the same.


You're right on the money. The hard part is finding like minded people.

When I spend time with friends that are more like myself, I am not depressed. However, if I spend time with friends that have kids, for example, I still become depressed, sometimes even worse than if I was just by myself.


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Nemo2 said:


> in fact, when you consider a large percentage of the population, would you _want_ to relate to them?


Nope. But it's good to have a partner or two in crime. Makes things easier.


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## Nemo2 (Mar 1, 2012)

KaeJS said:


> Nope. But it's good to have a partner or two in crime. Makes things easier.


Indeed. I have very few friends, (as opposed to acquaintances)......none from my childhood, but those I _do_ have I've know for around 45 years, (give or take, depending upon who it is).........except for my wife, but she & I are very closely aligned in every respect, (and that counts for a lot).


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## Eder (Feb 16, 2011)

Well I doubt I have any business posting here, but one of my kids,the youngest, thought he was depressed. He is almost 30. 
I told him external things ,iPads,movies,booze,food etc, cannot make you happy.
Happiness comes from within yourself.When you feel abandoned,alone,afraid....embrace the feeling,use it as a tonic to make you stronger. I often love emptiness...makes the good things in life just so much better. He is starting to understand and is happier.

Btw don't take the pills docs love to prescribe,you don't need an addiction to add to your concerns.


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## Barwelle (Feb 23, 2011)

Eder said:


> When you feel abandoned,alone,afraid....embrace the feeling,use it as a tonic to make you stronger. I often love emptiness...makes the good things in life just so much better.


Would you be able to expand on that, Eder? That piqued my interest... the idea of embracing the negative feelings to make you stronger.

KaeJS... I find myself to be stuck in unmotivated, miserable moods occasionally as well. But sometimes, all it takes for me is to chill out for a bit, and listen to some of my favourite tunes. Not the kind of music that suits the mood I'm in, but rather, the mood I want to be in. If it's something in particular that's bringing me down, sometimes I'll grab paper and a pen and write it out. Usually gets it off my mind, or at least helps to sort out my thoughts about it instead of churning them around in a jumbled mess in my head.

If you really want to find new people like you, you could try online dating websites. I've dabbled a bit and there were always people just looking for new friends for various reasons. There you can sort through and at least sort out people who have similar interests / mindsets. Be cautious though, it's not the be-all end-all of ways to find friends (or girlfriends). By that I mean, don't count on it because you don't want to let it bring you down if it doesn't work.


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Eder said:


> Btw don't take the pills docs love to prescribe,you don't need an addiction to add to your concerns.


I would never touch that stuff.



Barwelle said:


> Not the kind of music that suits the mood I'm in, but rather, the mood I want to be in. If you really want to find new people like you, you could try online dating websites.


The funny thing is that I listen to depressing music for the most part. I listen to 90's Grunge music. One of my favourite songs of all time is "Outshined" by Soundgarden. If that isn't a depressing song, then I don't know what is. However, it's not to say that song makes me depressed, because when I'm in a good mood, I love blasting it. However, if I'm in a depressed mood, I will continue to listen to it.

My "friends" told me I should try the dating websites, too. Though, I am hesitant. Also, most of them cost money.

eHarmony, for example, costs a fortune.


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Eder said:


> I told him external things ,iPads,movies,booze,food etc, cannot make you happy.


I know this, but I think I sometimes refuse to believe it.

Why? Because I think people have always let me down more than my material possessions have.

If my car breaks down, I just fix it. If a girlfriend leaves after 2 years, well, there's no fixing that. (For example).

I feel like people are a liability and sometimes a responsibility that I do not wish to deal with. Mainly because I feel that most people are incapable of looking after themselves and I end up somehow becoming intertwined into their problems. I end up driving someone somewhere because they don't have a car, or become a verbal punching bag because they are angry at person x, or whatever the reason may be. I feel like people cannot take control of their life and they suck me down with them. Which, in itself, is depressing.

I view almost everything in life as a liability.

I mean, come on, you have to hand it to Murphy. If something can go wrong - it will.


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## Eder (Feb 16, 2011)

KaeJS said:


> If a girlfriend leaves after 2 years, well, there's no fixing that. (For example).


boink...

This is what this is about haha. Girls are a dime a dozen.


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Eder said:


> boink...
> 
> This is what this is about haha. Girls are a dime a dozen.


That's not what it's about.

I'm seeing someone at the moment. It was just an example.

I can see how you would think that though. I should have been more careful with my example.


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## Daniel A. (Mar 20, 2011)

Depression stems from a chemical imbalance, start by seeing a counselor lifestyle changes may be all you need.

I would ask for a second opinion.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Barwelle said:


> 1
> 
> If you really want to f*ind new people like you, you could try online dating websites.* I've dabbled a bit and there were always people just looking for new friends for various reasons. There you can sort through and at least sort out people who have similar interests / mindsets. *Be cautious though, it's not the be-all end-all of ways to find friends (or girlfriends). By that I mean, don't count on it because you don't want to let it bring you down if it doesn't work.*


yes, that is a place where he can meet more "depressed", socially deprived members that just want to waste your time. I tried that about 3 years ago with one of the online match making services advertised on TV. E-Harmony)
Not only do they suck you in for a full years membership, but the matches they come up with really don't match what you are interested in either.

I finally got discouraged (not depressed though), and started to "pad" my interests and goals just to see if that would generate any better matches/interest...didn't work for me.
Of course, stating that *I was interested in Wine, Song and Women with uh.."large endowments"*..didn't help my case either. 
My one year prepaid membership eventually ran out , and they were going to charge me by the month. 
No way, I told them..you are not going to sucker me again!. ..but I still had a lot of fun in towards the end of the membership,
when I didn't care about the outcome anymore..it was just another online amusement thing for me. 

I was so confident, I wouldn't meet anyone from that online service, that I even substituted a picture of a younger man...
and they accepted it.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

KaeJS said:


> My "friends" told me I should try the dating websites, too. Though, I am hesitant. A*lso, most of them cost money.
> 
> eHarmony, for example, costs a fortune.*


Yes, been there, got the t-shirt and got nothing for it in exchange. Just a lot of time wasters, IMO. I regretted joining
because they suck you in with their free "communication" weekends, but stick it to you with very expensive membership
and you have to go through all their BS first..to see if you are even compatible according to their formula, before you
can even communicate one on one. Found it to be an expensive waste of time. At first, I tried to be honest, but
towards the end, I just gave up and became a clown (exaggerated things) to see if that would raise any interest.

Booze, Money and big B**bs was my final personal interests, and even that didn't seem to help. I got rejected
because they didn't think I was compatible with their interests, when I was honest with them and still got
rejected when I wasn't..so what's the difference? 
Stupid setup..you get a match rejected notice coming into "review your matches" even before you have a chance
to communicate. Save your money and get a case of beer..you will enjoy it a lot more!


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## callyhan (Dec 7, 2010)

KaeJS said:


> I would never touch that stuff.
> 
> Please don't totally discount medication. I have had depressive episodes my whole life, and was to stubborn to entertain medication. I tried therapy, etc. but I could explain my emotions a million ways and it didn't really help me. It wasn't until I was going through a really rough episode and I started having major anxiety on top of everything, that I finally cracked and asked for help. I was started on a low dose and honestly, I can't believe how I managed before. It's made a world of a difference but I am still me somehow.


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## Islenska (May 4, 2011)

KaeJS, that is an enlightening, honest thread.
In my pharmacy practice (part time now) many people of different ages do take medication for this problem and I have had patients come back saying how it really helped them and after say 3months were able to drop the meds and carry on in a better frame of mind.
Not advocating the prescription route but it is certainly not the bugaboo many portray it to be. Lack of a decent sleep seems to be a big problem which these meds overcome. Good luck and am sure you can overcome this.


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

Good advice so far. I especially like Andrewf's advice. I find exercise, in particular can be one of the best self medications against depression. The problem is often exercise is one of the last things one wants to do when depressed so you have to force yourself. 

One other thing I would throw in to the mix is being grateful for what you have. You might want to contemplate on 5 things that you are grateful for every night before sleeping.


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## GoldStone (Mar 6, 2011)

@Spidey: Top-notch advice. 5 things to be grateful for is spot on.

Exercise outdoors might work better than gym. I cycle to/form work. It's the best part of my day, by far. Helped me tremendously.

Try and get sunshine whenever you can. If you can't, supplement with vitamin D3.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

Dale carnegie-read him-read from them greats about:struggle,fear,a worried mind(transform:negitives to positives)your not alone kae-the vast majority of people struggle with the mind(it's the human condition)!your mind is like a ocean-the waves are always going to be there,you just got to let them pass and learn to ''feel" them.Everyday is a new day-what you worried about last year @ this time is forgotten!.....I don't know what is weighing you down,but it will pass,it always does.This kind of self talk always helps me when im in a gully-next week-you will be better-you will wonder what you were worrying about.It's all about what you think about.(think foward)

Not trying to sound like a self-help guru(aka dr phil ****)-but it works!


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## Potato (Apr 3, 2009)

*I am not that kind of doctor.

Kae, it doesn't sound to me like you have depression, at least not severely. Heck, you just bought a house, and making that kind of commitment should have been paralyzing to someone with serious depression. It sounds like you're melancholy, or you might be a bit depressed -- note that "feeling depressed" and "having depression" are different things due to the imprecision of language. 

One issue with depression is that it's not "being sad a lot" which is how people tend to think of it. That's associated with it, but just because you're sad doesn't mean you're depressed, and you can be depressed without feeling sad -- indeed, that was the case with one friend who took years to accept all the doctors telling her she was depressed because she didn't feel sad. So having periods where you feel depressed doesn't necessarily mean you have clinical depression. When you're with your friends and not feeling depressed, is that genuine, or are you just temporarily distracted from feeling down? Do you sit there and fake a smile and nod, feeling like you'd rather just be in bed, but it's just easier to smile and nod than to leave your friends to be alone and wallow?

And a lot of the factors can play both ways: Alcohol is a depressant, but depression is often caused by over-active firing of inhibitory neurons. So if you damp down the inhibitory neurons with alcohol, you may feel better for a while -- hence the self-medicating of depressed borderline alcoholics. Similarly, the treatments for ADHD are often stimulants. Sleep is very important: if you go from being well-rested to losing sleep, you can trigger/aggravate depressive episodes. But chronic sleep deprivation can help you push through depression. Same for stress: it's bad, but enough stress can help force you over the hump to get things done in your life. 

So exercise is as mentioned a really good one. I wouldn't suggest running though: too easy to fall into the depressive catch-22 where exercise will help, but you're too depressed to exercise. Instead do something with an element that forces you to do it, either running with a regular running buddy, or a team sport (or a bunch -- join the Toronto or Waterloo Sport & Social Club).


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

When we focus our attention on ourselves, we become acutely aware of the weaknesses and failures we all have.

I have observed that religion seems to be a foundation for inner peace.

They come in all flavors...........perhaps you could try one that suits you.

I think of the Salvation Army for example. Maybe by serving others..........you will find tranquility for your soul.

And...........you may find the type of person you would like to spend the rest of your life with.


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## mrPPincer (Nov 21, 2011)

Seasonal affective disorder could having an effect here if you`re indoors a lot without a bright window nearby or the lights on.

I`ve discovered many years ago that a mild case of SAD is easily remedied by controlling the photoperiod with artificial lighting; I like a warm fluorescent which I think more closely approximates sunlight, and tend to leave it on after 7pm or if it`s overcast when I`m indoors.

I think SAD is a bit of a misnomer because I don`t think it`s really a disorder but an adaptation to lower our activity levels during the winter months when it`s more expensive caloriewise.

The wiki- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder#Incidence


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

.


Potato said:


> *Heck, you just bought a house,*
> 
> I wish I didn't. I didn't have a choice, though. It was either spend $500/month in rent and live in a single room, or buy a house and collect $1500 in rent and have one floor to myself and one shared floor. Buying a house is stressful. But I'm not paralyzed.
> 
> ...


.


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## Sampson (Apr 3, 2009)

mrPPincer said:


> I`ve discovered many years ago that a mild case of SAD is easily remedied by controlling the photoperiod with artificial lighting; I like a warm fluorescent which I think more closely approximates sunlight, and tend to leave it on after 7pm or if it`s overcast when I`m indoors.


Human circadian rhythms can much be affected by normal fluorescent lights. They are not capable of generating the wavelengths of light that truely influence these processes.

There are full spectrum fluorescence bulbs one can easily buy from most gardening stores though.


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## peterk (May 16, 2010)

Can we recap the facts of your life here? (Correct me if mistaken)

23 years old
Live in cambridge work in sauga
Just bought a house in Cambridge
Low-mid level job at a bank making 30-40k
Have a newish girlfriend.

The following feelings I've felt lots of lately, extrapolated to what I know about your life. Perhaps you can relate...

You just bought a house, and it seems like now that that's done your life/future is more concretely "defined". You get up, drive down the shitty 401 every day, sit at a desk and do generally interesting but largely unimportant work. You have good career prospects, but you want it to move FASTER, and you're bored. While successful, you can't see how you can ever break out of middle-class living. The city you live in is average, calm and boring, your job is average, calm and boring, perhaps your girlfriend is average, calm and boring, and you're greatly worried that if this carries on for a number of years that you will become trapped by your own mind in this average life. You often get mad at yourself for thinking too much, too rationally, for never doing anything "extreme". Even when you do something extreme, it never seems as fulfilling or memorable as you thought it would. You often wonder "is this it?" regarding life in general. You look at friends that are more carefree, yet with no money or steady job, trying to tell yourself that "they are going to regret it" but deep down you regret that you value having 50k in a home and a stable job more than a carefree attitude.

Anyways, I have no real "advice" as I don't know how to fix these problems myself. One person I really like to follow on youtube is Brent Smith. He's a life/dating coach, who focuses on teaching how to make your life more fulfilling, and controlling your own emotions and destiny. I find it very inspiring.

Also, if you're into some medical voodoo trickery.... try taking a zinc supplement. Unless you eat a a truck load of beef and boat load of shellfish every day, you aren't getting enough zinc. I just started a few weeks ago and it has helped both my body feel stronger and my mind feel sharper.


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## jcgd (Oct 30, 2011)

Kae, I have feeling much like yours alot of the time, mine more cycles though. Although alcohol makes it worse for me so I don't drink much. Anxiety also plays a big part so I try to cut back on the caffine (a big factor of the anxiety); I also try to get outside more and take a vitamin D supplement. I found the vit D really helped perk me up.

Work doesn't do anything for me besides make me feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I don't particularly like it, but it pays well and it keeps me active. A means to an end. If you're bored and people don't cut it for you, maybe consider getting some more education. I just enrolled in a bachelor of finance at AU to keep me busy. It's more or less something to do, and with your affinity for investing it'll likely be pretty easy for you. 

You could also switch careers if what you are doing isn't helping. I'm not sure if that's an issue for you or not. 

Just another idea, if your end goals are anything like mine... I'm starting to realise that my retirement goal isn't really a good goal for right now, so I'm trying to break it down into manageable bits. Such as save $10k this year or pay off a loan or something other than "retire at 43 with 2.5 million. You might find having goals that are attainable in a reasonable time frame with help with the feeling of treading water.


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

peterk said:


> The following feelings I've felt lots of lately, extrapolated to what I know about your life. Perhaps you can relate...
> 
> You just bought a house, and it seems like now that that's done your life/future is more concretely "defined". You get up, drive down the shitty 401 every day, sit at a desk and do generally interesting but largely unimportant work. You have good career prospects, but you want it to move FASTER, and you're bored. While successful, you can't see how you can ever break out of middle-class living. The city you live in is average, calm and boring, your job is average, calm and boring, perhaps your girlfriend is average, calm and boring, and you're greatly worried that if this carries on for a number of years that you will become trapped by your own mind in this average life. You often get mad at yourself for thinking too much, too rationally, for never doing anything "extreme". Even when you do something extreme, it never seems as fulfilling or memorable as you thought it would. You often wonder "is this it?" regarding life in general. You look at friends that are more carefree, yet with no money or steady job, trying to tell yourself that "they are going to regret it" but deep down you regret that you value having 50k in a home and a stable job more than a carefree attitude.


Ho-ly ****.

*peterk,* you knocked everything right out of the ballpark. I actually started laughing as I was reading your post because it was so completely accurate. Wow. Everything you said was bang on.

Have you ever thought about being a therapist? 

I'm not into the medical voodoo trickery, in fact, many people call me foolish because I am (for the most part) a non-believer when it comes to remedies, medical treatment, or doctors. With that said, I will skip the zinc supplement and substitute it for Brent Smith. However, I have done research and heard that adequate zinc levels in men are hard to find and zinc is very important for males.

Your post was very therapeutic/relieving - even though you didn't really "help" me with anything. It's reassuring to know you could understand in such detail. After all, I believe my main source of depression stems from the fact that I feel like nobody else thinks like I do. So, thank you.


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## Square Root (Jan 30, 2010)

No advice really. Just hope that things improve and you feel better soon.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

I have not much to add here, KaeJS. Everything has been said. But to pick up on the theme, maybe the execution of your strategy to buy a house has caused you to think" "Is that all there is?" after all the anticipation and planning consumed you for many months.

Often we are let down after achieving one of our goals. I suggest Dale Carnegie's How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It is old but the principles remain unchanged. The course can also help. Putting some time into managing your state of mind will deliver great returns during your life. It is all internal. The external stuff is all about managing symptoms.

Good luck...Keith


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## Causalien (Apr 4, 2009)

The problem I see is that your entourage are taking you for granted which leads to them treating your actions as if they have no significance. Which leads to your inability to actually change the environment around you. Which gives you a sense of "Is this it?"

I started saying no to people and no to interactions I don't need. Not sure if it's the right path, there are certainly times when I regretted doing it. But here I am.


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## crazyjackcsa (Aug 8, 2010)

Not to minimize what you're going through, but it sound like it's a quarter life crisis. I had one around your age (I'm 32 now). Basically, you're between steps. Out of school, working at a lower end job, and just trying to make a go of it. Not advancing, not moving forward, just treading water. Mine lasted from about 23 until 27,and I was only broken out of the funk by the birth of my son. (Not saying you should have a kid, I'm only saying it worked for me). When I read PeterK's post, I was nodding my head in agreement. I felt the same way.

The root of my problem was my job. Not that I don't like it, in fact, I'm still doing it. But at the end of each and every day, I have no physical result to show for it. I didn't build anything, I didn't produce anything, all I had was words on a screen.

So I started taking on projects around the house. Not simple painting tasks, actual renovation. Electrical, Plumbing and windows. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment that I don't get at work. I took a keener interest in repairing my hobby car, not paying people to do it.

That helped a lot. So does a change of outlook. So your life is "middle class, average and boring" ever looked at it the other way? "Everything is amazing and nobody is happy"

It's a joke by comedian Louis CK, and it's true. We live in an age of wonders (compared to even 20 years ago) and we're jaded about it. 

That's why having a child helped me. Seeing the world with somebody else who is new to it is awesome.

[video=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r1CZTLk-Gk&feature=player_detailpage[/video]


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

I did the handyman thing but it was just a diversion. Sure it was rewarding. But that just enabled me to ignore the primary issue for a while.


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## crazyjackcsa (Aug 8, 2010)

kcowan said:


> I did the handyman thing but it was just a diversion. Sure it was rewarding. But that just enabled me to ignore the primary issue for a while.


I hear that. For me, the primary issue was not seeing any forward progression or growth in any part of my life. It seems to happen in some lives at some points. You work really hard at school, and there is a set of yardsticks you pass and you can feel your life moving forward. Then you get out of school and... nothing... so you work for a couple of years, maybe you get ahead, maybe you don't. So then you work a couple more years, and maybe you get ahead and maybe you don't. So you start to think, "Is this it?"

And really all you should be doing is preparing for the next stage: Professionally, moving up the ladder, or personally, wife, house, kids, or whatever you want to do.

In my case, I couldn't just magically grow career advancement. I decided to expand my skill set and put it to work. Now whenever I come home, I can see a physical representation of my hard work and progress.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

crazyjackcsa said:


> Now whenever I come home, I can see a physical representation of my hard work and progress.


Just don't let those accomplishments become a chain around your neck, preventing you from selling your place and moving up when the situation warrants it. I remember chatting with buddies about how many rumpus rooms we had built! Then later about how many decks we had created.


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

carverman said:


> yes, that is a place where he can meet more "depressed", socially deprived members that just want to waste your time. I tried that about 3 years ago with one of the online match making services advertised on TV. E-Harmony)
> Not only do they suck you in for a full years membership, but the matches they come up with really don't match what you are interested in either.
> 
> ...
> ...





> Stupid setup..you get a match rejected notice coming into "review your matches" even before you have a chance
> to communicate. Save your money and get a case of beer..you will enjoy it a lot more!


 .... LOL!... and so eHarmony is a money-grabbing site. I think you have better luck here on CMF instead. :biggrin: (Not to hijack this thread)


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Beaver101 said:


> .... LOL!... and so eHarmony is a money-grabbing site. I think you have better luck here on CMF instead. :biggrin: (Not to hijack this thread)


Yep! Maybe for the 20+ age group crowd, there is the odd chance of hooking up on E-Harmony.
But if you are in the 50+ age group...most of the ones on there are divorced, losers or "players" that are looking for security 
in their old age. 
They are past menopause and well..only interested in discussing artistic or cerebral level mindless drivel and very selective too!

E-Harmony is a BIG RIPOFF! They get you up front with a $240+ fee for 12 month membership whether you want to stay 
in or not. 
Once they have your money, they supply you with computer matches with absolutely no guarantees it will go any 
further than a few messages exchanged with their identity protected online message service. 
The matches ( assume female, ) are sheltered by E-Harmony, so you really don't know what their real names are 
as they can use ANY assumed IDs (maybe just their first name) on the E-Harmony matching service. 

*It may be entertaining for a little while, but soon you get tired of the same thing over and over again.*

Some matches, read your online profile and reject you right away (anonomously) without even further exchange of this back and forth 
"preamble " before you can even communicate with them by send them secure messages through the e-Harmony site. 

Here's how they suck you in (roughly):

1. E-Harmony advertise on TV for a free communication weekend...they supply some matches based on the profile you 
enter for yourself.
You may managed to get past the "upfront filters" to actually generate an interest..then they cut you off and demand a 
credit card payment IF you want to continue talking to these on line "interests".

2. After answering 50 questions or more in your profile..they ask you to fill out..yet more info on yourself..
Likes, Dislikes, Your interests, What you are looking for in the other person..yada yada yada.

3. Then you wait for your computer matches to login and scan THEIR MATCHES (WHICH YOU MAY BE PART OF), 
and wait to see if ANY of them may be interested in going any further after reading your profile.
Note: you are not permitted to send these matches a message until you complete ALL THE STEPS BELOW..
SO Days or even a couple weeks may go by, before you get to that point (if ever) ...with each match. 

Step 1: (if you successful in getting that far, provided you are not rejected yet by the matches, go to step 2)

Step 2: Likes/Dislikes (another questionaire and you are forced by the computerized site to select at least 3 choices)
about what you like or dislike If step two is successful AND you are still not rejected yet, by your interested matches)
GO TO STEP 3

Step 3: Yet another questionaire on your personal attitude and demeanor...(ie: are you ever been abusive? or depressed,
treated for drug use or alchoholism, or convicted of something...and you are trustworthy, always in good humor , stable
income sourceetc..
and Oh yes... You would like "to bend over backwards" for your "new" online interest (that you are communicating with) 
(..ie: rub her feet when she comes home from work, cook for her...help her with the shopping etc.. yada yada.)

Finally, If you manage a pass on that one (Step 3)..you can ask for a communication (Step 4)(, to each one of the 
remaining matches on your match list, that haven't rejected you and still may be (slightly) interested in you..
or maybe just "playing their game" for entertainment... or lack of anything better to do.

Step 4; After exchanging messages, either party can decide if they want to meet someplace in a public place ..
or quit right there and say "well it's been nice talking to you" but currently I am communicating with someone
else right now, and I'm sorry but we have nothing in common"...
and then you can go on to the "next fish" caught in the E-Harmony net waiting to communicate with you.
AND REPEAT Steps 1-4 for each match...this gets boring very quickly!

BTW..you can also multi-task and communicate with several matches at the same time..what a time waster
that can turn out to be!

*Worse of all..when you join E-Harmony, and pay for 12 months of this "messing around" up front..
and the 12 months membership expires, the ONUS IS THEN ON YOU to CALL THEM TO CANCEL your membership..
otherwise they just RIP OUT another $20 (PER MONTH) from your credit card without your permission!

I found that out the hard way, and had to call them and my bank to reverse the $20 charge on my credit card
after the 12 months had expired. 

E-HARMONY can scam you, once they have your credit card number on record!*


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## Jon_Snow (May 20, 2009)

I joined a premium match making company over ten years ago. I believe it cost me almost $2000, but my desire to find a true "life partner" was so strong I bit the bullet and went for it.

Ten years later, I can honestly say it was the best single decision I've ever made... Although at the time it reeked of irresponsibility (I really wasn't in a position to spend 2k) and desperation.

Before finding my eventual wife, my life was eerily similar to KaeJS's current situation. Not saying he needs to find a wife... But if you manage to find "the one".... It's life changing... And two incomes really can fast track financial progress, trust me.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Jon_Snow said:


> Ten years later, I can honestly say it was the best single decision I've ever made... *Although at the time it reeked of irresponsibility (I really wasn't in a position to spend 2k) and desperation.*
> 
> It depends on the matching service and your age group.
> 
> ...


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## JustAGuy (Feb 5, 2012)

KaeJS said:


> Ho-ly ****.
> 
> *peterk,* you knocked everything right out of the ballpark. I actually started laughing as I was reading your post because it was so completely accurate. Wow. Everything you said was bang on.
> 
> ...


Yeah man, you're not the only one in that boat.


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## Compounding1 (May 13, 2012)

I hear you man. I'm 23 too in GTA, east though. Saving my money, investing etc. and all my friends don't know anything about it, heck my best friend probably doesn't even know what a dividend is lol. 

The only thing I can say is if there's something in your life thats making you unhappy, change it. Lifes too short to be upset all the time. Spending time with friends makes you feel better? Ask to hangout more often or find a hobby or a sport that you like and can look forward to, where you could meet new friends. (I got into 10pin bowling...not the coolest but w/e I like it). 

GL


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

In regards to what Peterk wrote....yeah, welcome to the real world. Maybe you weren't ready for it. Or somehow thought it would be different.

But you can log on here more and interact with like minded people whenever you need some social interaction! Only some of us are 'broke, married, pregnant, has a child, goes clubbing and partying every night, or just has no common sense'. :biggrin:


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Yeah, I know that it's considered "life". But I guess what's depressing is that people make it that way.

Some people like having kids. And now they are happy because they have had their own child.

I don't want kids. So... what do I have? Money. That's it....


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Compounding1 said:


> all my friends don't know anything about it, heck *my best friend probably doesn't even know what a dividend is lol.*


So teach him/her/recommend a book/this forum, etc. It's what friends do.

*KaeJS:* you don't need kids at your age anyway; just focus on finding good friends & that smart brunette. 

You have more than what you think [other than money].


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Not really sure what makes me happy. Guess that's a problem. 

Making money makes me happy. Driving. Drinking Beer. Eating Pizza. Playing Video Games. The occasional female. :wink:


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## JustAGuy (Feb 5, 2012)

Do you understand what it is about money that makes you happy? If you can't take pleasure in more things in life I think it would be good to evaluate why.

I'm not suggesting there's something wrong with taking pleasure in money, but I think it's disappointing to not be able to enjoy other things as well. There are infinite things out there to do with your time. My biggest point of stress is that I don't have time to do everything I want to do...


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Having a real rough day today for some reason. How's everybody else doing?



JustAGuy said:


> Do you understand what it is about money that makes you happy?


I don't know. It's freedom. More Money = Less Stress.


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

I think one of my problems is that I've accomplished too much for my age.

Sometimes I just stand in my house and think "Okay. Cool. Now what?". Damn, it's depressing.

The worst part is knowing that people who have nothing are happier than I am. Which is even more depressing.

Then because I know it's depressing, I get even more depressed on top of all that.

I just feel alone all the time. Even when I'm with people. 
I can sleep (note, I said sleep, not have sex) with 3 different women during the course of a weekend. Yet, I still just feel lonely.

I could send a text message to someone and get a response in a minute. But, I still feel lonely. It's mucked up.

I guess maybe there are some people I wish would message me. That makes me feel lonely sometimes, because I know they won't contact me. But is that a feeling someone should be having?

Lately, I just don't want to deal with anybody.

I don't want to deal with clients at work. I don't want to wait for people on the road. I don't want to reply to my text messages, phone calls or emails. There are even a few CMF members who send me private messages, and a good portion of the time I don't respond, or it takes me weeks to respond. I feel bad, but in the moment, I just want everyone to go away - but I feel lonely. So why do I want them to go away? Is it because I'm not satisfied with what they are offering in terms of a friendship, relationship, or whatever? I am not pleased with the outcome?

Maybe my expectations of others are high, even though I don't expect anything from anyone.

The past week, I've been turning my cell phone off completely for hours, sometimes a full day or two. Sometimes I just want to "Opt Out". But as I said, I'm lonely. So why would I want to Opt Out so often?

I guess maybe I am just dissatisfied with most of the people that I know.
And I know lots of people.

I went to a party last night. After the party got a hotel. I was socializing from 8:30pm - 6am. Yet, still lonely.

Nobody on the planet is normal. Why?
How come?

I've got a lady friend coming over in a few minutes to shoot the ****, watch a movie and eat some popcorn with the ketchup sprinkle ****. I guess it will be a good time. But it's not satisfying.

What's wrong with me? Everything is so dull. Except for chocolate milk. Chocolate milk is never dull.

Even the Comedy channel is dull, regardless of their motto. (Ha-Ha, to those of you who got the joke...)

Anyway. Does anyone possibly have some suggestions?
I really don't want to go see a therapist.
I did the interview part, and it seemed like a huge joke to me.
It becomes a burden/time waste/gasoline waste more than anything. At least that's how I feel about it. And then it just adds something else to my dull plate of things I don't want to do that day. And usually it would have to be a morning session, which means I get less sleep. The less sleep I get, the more depressed I usually am the next day.

Probably a contributing factor to todays lows, since I only got about 3.5 hours of sleep last night.

I don't even have any Chocolate Milk. I've only got Whole 3.25% White Milk. That's dull. And I only bought it because white milk is cheaper than chocolate milk, and whole milk is cheaper than 2% or skim....

Anyway, Lady friend is here.. See ya.


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## mind_business (Sep 24, 2011)

First off, don't show your post to your lady friend. She might not want to know that she's not satisfying LOL.

These types of questions are partially answered through a collection of experiences. So, that's where I'll start ... I have a friend who was eventually diagnosed as a manic / depressive (no I'm not suggesting you are), It wasn't until he was in his 40's when he was diagnosed. For 25 years he struggled with the highs and extreme lows, that were very concerning for myself to see my friend go through. He is extremely intelligent and very artistic, which kind of fits the 'tortured artist' definition. I don't know how he deals with his condition now ... as he's a bit sensitive about it, but I have witnessed a significant change in his overall happiness level. I do know that he finally accepted the help of a psychiatrist ... not sure if he still goes. 

You mentioned that you felt you had accomplished a lot at your age ... and you have, but you've just scratched the surface. For me, the key to enjoying life is to be open to new experience and ideas. 

Btw, life is too short to deny yourself chocolate milk.


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## pksm (Jan 31, 2013)

KaeJS said:


> Yeah, I know that it's considered "life". But I guess what's depressing is that people make it that way.
> 
> Some people like having kids. And now they are happy because they have had their own child.
> 
> I don't want kids. So... what do I have? Money. That's it....


Hello KaeJS - having money is a blessing because it gives you the privilage to help others - time. There is nothing more satisfying and emotionally rewarding than helping others - I don't mean giving your money away, but your time. Volunteer at a food bank, an animal shelter, an old age home, children or aids camp, just choose one ....I know someone who saves up year to pay for her trip to Africa, she spend two weeks -one week she volunteer helping to build schools etc, the next week she spends as normal vacation (on the beach etc). She chooses a different country and repeat the same year after year. 

Make sure you go on a vacation every year. Doesn't have to be terribly expensive, but going away makes the everyday struggles a little more bearable ....your financial reward, in other words. Emotional emptiness gets filled when we reach out and help others less fortunate. It's the human connections that matter to all of us. Please give it a try. Take care KaeJS.


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