# Am I cheap or...



## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

When asked what her children would like for Christmas, my SIL said brand name sportswear. I have never bought any brand name stuff for myself, my husband nor my children even though we can easily afford them. I often buy the cheapest yet respectable items on sale. That, I believe have gotten us to financial independence. It just seems very wasteful to be buying high end stuff for a 2 year old. Ughhhh! 

When I'm done ranting here, I'm going to try to find them online. I have myself to blame for asking her in the first place


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## Nemo2 (Mar 1, 2012)

LOL.......reminded me of a scenario at a friend's place some 13-14 years ago........her youngest daughter, working after school, had blown a portion of her pay on a pair of 'designer' sweatpants.....basically they were sweatpants with a white 'C' on one leg.

Her older sisters and their boyfriends were telling her that she paid waay too much for these sweatpants and that she could have purchased a comparable pair (_sans_ white 'C') for considerably less..............it was a "failure to communicate" because the youngest daughter couldn't get beyond the fact that _her_ pants had a ('fashionable'?) white 'C' while the others being recommended didn't.

She could see the (perceived) 'value' in 2¢ worth of white material, and that (to her) justified the doubling of the price she might otherwise have paid.


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

It is very difficult for me to pay over $50 for a toddler sportswear. It is killing me, actually.


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## lonewolf (Jun 12, 2012)

piano mom 

your not cheap or a sucker just practical.


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## heyjude (May 16, 2009)

Ignore the unreasonable request. Rather than getting these kids something that is ridiculously overpriced, or sportswear they don't want because it's not designer, get them something completely different. Hopefully something meaningful.

How about a charitable gift in their name? I think World Vision has a gift you can give where the recipient gets to choose how the money is used. So they could decide to sponsor a child's school fees in Africa, buy a goat for a family in India, or pay for school meals for underprivileged children in Canada. 

Or you could always get them a good book.


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## Nemo2 (Mar 1, 2012)

heyjude said:


> Or you could always get them a good book.


+1 That's what our granddaughters get.


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## lightcycle (Mar 24, 2012)

I'm going to weigh in differently here.

If the $50 is not going to cause you undue financial hardship, I think you should view the gift as an offering in a language that your SIL understands, even if she's not perceptive enough to pick up on the fact that you are doing this against your personal principles. It should be enough for yourself that you are giving something to her that SHE values, as opposed to what YOU think she should value.

Because really at 2-years old, the gift is more symbolic to your SIL than a practical item for your niece.


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## lonewolf (Jun 12, 2012)

I don't think I would ever give a gift if I thought it was a waist of money. I would not waist money on myself so I would not treat someone differently then I would treat myself. If a gift cant be a win/win for both parties I would simply not get a gift. Buying anything just because a certain manufacture made it goes against my values, I m the one that has to live with myself so I try not to go against that which I value. I would simply tell them that if they cant come up with something else the buying name brands I would tell them they are SOL


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## 6811 (Jan 1, 2013)

Nemo2 said:


> +1 That's what our granddaughters get.


+1
Books are a wonderful gift for any age. May I suggest the following http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/17382 since we're coming up to that season. I read this to my kids from a very young age for years and they just loved it. It's still available in hardcover.


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

That's just it. I don't shop brand names and here I am buying it for a toddler. Funny, as I was in the mall looking for the items, I find myself huffing and puffing about the waste. Have to laugh it out.


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

You are cheap - I don't mean that as an offence but it fits the definition.

I believe you should give people what they want. It's drives me nuts when I mom buys crap for my kid that I, nor he, actually want. She'll spend a bunch of cash on what I perceive as cheap crap - it's borderline worthless it to me and I'd rather she just save her money. It's always important to remember: The gift isn't for you, it's for the other person. 

This is no different than buying the kid a car. if it's outside your price-point then don't buy it. But if it just doesn't fit into what you value, remember, the gift isn't for you it's for the other person.

just because you spend $50 on something it doesn't mean the other person will value it at $50. Vice- versa is true too. Consider:

1) you spend $50 on something they want and they really value it, or;
2) you send $50 on cheap knock off that they don't want and they just take them to good will.

Which would you prefer? I'd take the former myself. The latter is truly throwing money away.


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## Sprucegum (Dec 12, 2012)

Just to make your point buy a good used brand name item at a good will store and include a "Canada savings bond", in the child's name, with the gift.


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

Thanks, none. You actually opened my eyes! Its true what you said about the gift being for them not me. I did, after all asked her.


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## lightcycle (Mar 24, 2012)

A: Can I buy you dessert?
B: Thanks! I'll have a chocolate cake.
A: I'm personally boycotting chocolate because of the ecological damage that over-harvesting cocoa causes to the rainforests in Brazil. Pick something else.
A: ...

You offered to buy a gift. You shouldn't turn this into a lesson or a stance on personal ethics. You don't have to "win" by buying someone a gift.

It's a gift.


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

Lol, lightcycle. But I do like chocolate and would definitely buy the dessert.


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

I say just buy the gift asked for this year ... but don't ask your SIL about any gifting next year.


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## Charlie (May 20, 2011)

2yo doesn't care.

I'd go with something else -- book/toy etc -- unless they're really expecting this particular gift (rather than the sportswear just being a suggestion)

I'd suck it up for an older kid for whom brands matter -- but not for a 2yo just because her parents are brand loyal.


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## lonewolf (Jun 12, 2012)

none said:


> You are cheap - I don't mean that as an offence but it fits the definition.
> 
> I believe you should give people what they want. It's drives me nuts when I mom buys crap for my kid that I, nor he, actually want. The gift isn't for you, it's for the other person. She'll spend a bunch of cash on what I perceive as cheap crap - it's borderline worth it to me and I'd rather she just save her money.
> 
> ...


 Who is the adult here ? A toddler is not old enough to make a rational decision


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

^ If you think she's buying the gift for the 2 year old and not the mother you are truly delusional.


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## Just a Guy (Mar 27, 2012)

Since you asked, you're screwed if you buy clothes. That being said, kids hate clothes in my experience, and two year olds don't care much about gifts 5 minutes after they're opened in most cases. 

That being said, toys are always good, especially if they make a lot of noise, your sil will appreciate it I'm sure. Make sure it comes in a good box though, as the kids always love the box more. 

My kids were all blanket kids, my sister hand made them all blankets and they all love them still today..of course, by two they may not like blankets...


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

My kid likes clothes (he's 4 now) but he could appreciate a nice shirt when he was 2ish.

I like Gap stuff - pretty cheap but quite high quality. I usually buy them in the states though when on a road trip.

Buying stuff for babies is fun! Enjoy it!


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

I don't think Pianomom is cheap - she is frugal (and sensible IMHO).

I didn't get he impression she minds spending $50. She minds spending $50 on overpriced designer c**p that the 2-yr. old will grow out of in 6 months, in order to please her shallow SIL (who wants her precious to be seen dressed in designer c**p)

Asking for gift suggestions is just that - suggestions. Not mandatory demands. Go to a really good children's store and spend $50 on good-quality age-appropriate toys. If SIL has the nerve to ask why you didn't shop from her list, just say you didn't see anything that appealed to you.


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

Designer stuff is usually pretty nice. By your reasoning she could spend $50 on burlap sacks and sew them into moomoos and that'd be OK.

People value things differently. Sure she may not value designer stuff at $50 but the gift receiver certainly does. Further, I'm sure there are a lot of people who would be horrified that she even bought new clothes for a 2 year old considering you can get near-new stuff at consignment stores. Should she just buy stuff there?

It's just an arbitrary line that her SIL and her has chosen. I would say (and something she has decided not to do) that buying something for someone that they obviously don't want in order to save a few bucks would be the definition of being cheap.


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

Just out of curiosity, how much do you guys spend on Xmas gift for your nieces/nephews? I have 5 to buy for.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

This isn't a question about cheapness, rather it's about values. 

You are trying to put your values on them. It is a gift for the child, not you. I buy things for people (kids and adults) that I do not for my own family. I look at the gift as some thing I do because I want them to enjoy it. I base it on my budget and what the person wants, as long as it doesn't harm me or the other person, then I am fine with it. If this goes against your values so much, then get the toddler something else, but then don't ask again. How I get around it is that I ask for several things that the person may want. I don't believe in violence, and I don't like video games , however, my nephew wanted a violent video game. It went against my believe for the violence, so I asked for serveral titles. I still gave a video game because that doesn't harm anyone even though I don't personally approve. 

Is the case you don't want to spend $50 or you don't want to spend $50 on this particular item. If it's over your budget, then stick to your budget, if $50 is your budget, then if you think the toddler would really like it or the parents, then get it. 

I have 5 nieces and nephews, and I spend between around $100 each.


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

Wow, Plugging Along, that's $500 spent on your nieces and nephews. My budget is more like $50 each (gotta save some for our cruises ) I think I will go ahead and get the track suit that she requested (it's actually about $70, yikes). I have also found a coupon website that will help a little.


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

I use a power function

Present value = how much I like the kid ^ 2

For example, My niece Amy who is lovely and adorable get a like factor of approximately $10 = so her presents average around $100. Sometime a bit more, I just can't so no to her.

Contrast this to Little Jimmy. god I hate that kid. He gets an obligatory score of $5 = so his gifts average around $25 and it kills me.


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## lonewolf (Jun 12, 2012)

none said:


> ^ If you think she's buying the gift for the 2 year old and not the mother you are truly delusional.


 none well said
I feel sorry for the kid. The parents must be saying something about the brand name, Come on is a kid really going to notice something like a label on clothing ???. I know of parents who have trained their kids to be foolish with money & buy things just to impress i.e., labels on clothing, The results I have seen is the kids end up being spoiled rotten & as the kids get older & turn into adults they conform to the herd & spend money hand over fist to be part of the herd. Kids with parents that promote flushing money down the toilet type spending end up mostly high in debt, not be independent instead conform to not being financialy independent like the majority. These parents in my opinion are setting their kids up for financial dependence not financial independence.


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

lonewolf: You should watch this: http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story?language=en


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## Jon_Snow (May 20, 2009)

I'm leaning towards "cheap".


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

Jon_Snow said:


> I'm leaning towards "cheap".


I suspected I might be :redface-new: But where I came from, I felt blessed just to get new clothing let alone an expensive one.


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## Synergy (Mar 18, 2013)

The answer is not black or white. It's really about quality construction, not necessary name brands. Some name brand garments are built really well and last a long time, while others fall apart and are cheaply made. Similarly, some "non" brand name clothing are built great and lasts while others are not. If you disregard quality and look solely at the price, they I'd also be leaning towards "cheap".


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

She is prob asking for the designer stuff to 'fit' in with her girlfriends(no different than high school)
That brand item just looks a wee bit better on the old facebook post just 'dying' for 50+ likes(i have noticed women love posting there precious/baby becomes a extension for mom)
I bet her girlfriends buy designer stuff for there little one's.

For actual kids that are self aware i would say don't cheap out,sometimes the label can make it or break it!
I remember my grandpa(god love him)bough me the knock version of nike clothing if i remember(was called swoop i think and i think brooks made it)
I could not wear it to school because well i was in junior high!could not be caught dead in the zellers brand)
I would rather buy what they want instead of buying something that may never see the light of day(bigger waste imo)


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## youngdad3 (Jun 29, 2013)

Since this is a frugality forum I'll give my take on kids clothes

For 80% of our daughters clothes, what my wife does, and I give her all the credits because I really don't have the spare time for this, is she looks on facebook groups or mom's forums for brand name good quality USED clothes. Up to 5 yrs old they don't really get worn out before they get too small anyway. The only thing you've got to make sure is that there is no stains on them. Good pictures helps. So we get best quality clothes for 20-30% retail price that we usually re-sell for the same price paid (or maybe 10% lower) when our daughters grow up. In the end TCO is next to nothing but a few hours spent online browsing for deals and dealing with a few hormones-filled moms :biggrin: Again, I would not do it alone but my wife is happy to deal with this.

EDIT: it works mostly for girls clothes though, and only up to about 5-6years old


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## HaroldCrump (Jun 10, 2009)

piano mom, you can just give cash as gift, and let them choose how to spend it.
I personally don't agree that cash is a gift (just a traditional aversion to giving "money" as a gift), but it seems that is where society/culture is headed these days.
Everyone has their own idea of value, consumption, lifestyle, branding, show-off potential, etc.
You can never match everyone's idea of lifestyle.

So, a cash "gift" allows them to choose what they want to do with it.
IMO, that is better than them taking your "gift" back to the store the very next day for an exchange/refund.
If they feel that spending the cash gift on an expensive, branded product is good "value", so be it.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

piano mom said:


> Wow, Plugging Along, that's $500 spent on your nieces and nephews. My budget is more like $50 each (gotta save some for our cruises ) I think I will go ahead and get the track suit that she requested (it's actually about $70, yikes). I have also found a coupon website that will help a little.


My nieces and nephews are all pretty awesome, and I don't mind spending on them. In our family, for my siblings that's pretty much the budget we all had for kids under 18. We also don't buy gifts for the adults, and believe building memories. One year, we decided that a cruise was how we would have the memories. 

My siblings actually buy brand name and designer items for my girls (I have never asked for brand names), and I personally find it a little crazy, as I am quite frugal and don't see the point. It brings my siblings joy to see my kids in really cute outfits, and my girls enjoy it, so even though their clothes are nicer than mine at times, it is a gift that both the receiver and the givers get joy out of. Who am I judge? 



youngdad3 said:


> Since this is a frugality forum I'll give my take on kids clothes
> 
> For 80% of our daughters clothes, what my wife does, and I give her all the credits because I really don't have the spare time for this, is she looks on facebook groups or mom's forums for brand name good quality USED clothes. Up to 5 yrs old they don't really get worn out before they get too small anyway. The only thing you've got to make sure is that there is no stains on them. Good pictures helps. So we get best quality clothes for 20-30% retail price that we usually re-sell for the same price paid (or maybe 10% lower) when our daughters grow up. In the end TCO is next to nothing but a few hours spent online browsing for deals and dealing with a few hormones-filled moms :biggrin: Again, I would not do it alone but my wife is happy to deal with this.
> 
> EDIT: it works mostly for girls clothes though, and only up to about 5-6years old


I don't think the OP should buy a used item for Christmas. I do think that is bad karma. However, you being a great point, I know someone in my mom group that had her girls in really expensive designer outfits since birth and found that they could be resold. Can't do that with cheap brands Or anything that gets dirty. My girls some how wear through and get their things dirty, so i just buy cheaper things.


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## PrairieGal (Apr 2, 2011)

I would have to agree that clothing for a two year old is a gift for the parents. I would buy him/her a toy or a book, something that a kid would enjoy. A $70 track suit for a toddler is crazy.


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## PuckiTwo (Oct 26, 2011)

I love brand clothes but does a two-year ankle biter care if it pees in Armani- (or whatever designer) pants or is it more that the parents want to show off what they can afford? This is how you create children's later desire of "needing" brand named clothes, toys, etc. A friend's 13 yr old daughter always gets the latest iphone - crazy ....do we wonder where the feeling of entitlement comes from in young people nowadays?

Often little kids are flooded with gifts and clothes from all sides, relatives, friends, neighbours - it overwhelms them. Our very little ones (and we have 7 to take care of) will get a small coin from the Canadian Royal Mint, value usually not more $20-25. It's not something they can play with but we hope that, doing it every year, thru their parents they will learn financial responsibility.


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## thompsg4416 (Aug 18, 2010)

Sometimes the best gifts are things you normally wouldn't buy yourself - which actually makes them something special. Since it's a 2yr old child we're talking about this doesn't really apply. I just wanted to throw that out there.

That being said brand name sports wear isn't totally frivolous - it is a piece of clothing after all and the child will wear it. It might be over priced but its still a somewhat practical item. In the end you need to do what is comfortable for you. I'm 100% in agreement with the OP in that I think brand name clothing is a big waste of money and wouldn't ever buy it for myself. I wouldn't however let it bother me to the point of not giving it as a gift if he situation suited it.

I'll give you an example - I don't buy brand name anything but my father in law bought me a very expensive watch.. Unless you're into watches you probably wouldn't even know it's special.... That said I think its kinda cool. I wear the watch daily and find it cool when people notice its "special"...


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## moisimplementmoi (Oct 20, 2014)

For a 2 year old, buy something with nice wrapping... Beyond that it's more about your relationship with your SIL, not the 2 year old.


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## rford (Aug 16, 2014)

can i recommend a packing box. kids love boxes to play in.

wouldn't ever spend big bucks for clothes that the kid is going to grow out of in less than a year anyways. all you're doing really is satiating your SOL's desire for brand name clothing. the kid doesn't care.


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## youngdad3 (Jun 29, 2013)

Plugging Along said:


> I don't think the OP should buy a used item for Christmas. I do think that is bad karma. However, you being a great point, I know someone in my mom group that had her girls in really expensive designer outfits since birth and found that they could be resold. Can't do that with cheap brands Or anything that gets dirty. My girls some how wear through and get their things dirty, so i just buy cheaper things.


I know the OP asked for a christmas gift so maybe I should have specified that no, I would not do that for a christmas gift, especially for a family member :hopelessness: You are right that used items, except maybe a good used car :biggrin: do have a bad karma for a gift. sorry for being unclear


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

^ thanks for the clarification. Like I said, I have no problems with used clothes when not gifted, except maybe underwear? I did get a used car for a gift and that was great.


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## Rusty O'Toole (Feb 1, 2012)

1) Take the difference between what you were prepared to spend on cheap crap, and what the kid really wants.
2) Consider this the price of making the kid happy
3)Picture the joy this small increase in expense will bring. Is it worth it to see their face light up?
4)Reflect that NEITHER YOU NOR THEY WILL EVER BE ABLE TO BUY THIS MUCH HAPPINESS SO CHEAP AGAIN.

Especially with a girl, $5 to $20 at the age of 5 - 15 will buy as much joy as $1000 at age 18 - 25 or $10000 at age 25 - 40.

Please note that this assumes there is no difference in quality, durability etc whereas more money sometimes buys better quality. But that is a different added value.


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## lb71 (Apr 3, 2009)

You are not being cheap. You have a budget in mind, and would rather maximize that usage of the money. You could spend $100 on the Gucci sweater for your niece, or $100 on no name a sweater, pants, two pairs of socks, 3 t-shirts, leggings, 5 books, and a pack of diapers. That's not being cheap, that's practical. As for the quality of the material, kids at that age grow so fast, you would be hard pressed to wear it out. As our kids out grew their clothes, we would pass it on to others. Most of if was in great condition, and some of it still had the tags on it as we were just getting so much clothes as gifts. 

Buy the practical stuff. Include a gift receipt and leave it to your SIL to return and upgrade to Gucci.


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## lonewolf (Jun 12, 2012)

piano mom

What is the clothing brand name, maybe someone on the site has that brand of clothing & could cut off the label & ship the label to you. Then just sew on the label. 

Its kinda like putting cheap whiskey into an expensive whiskey bottle to impress your friends.


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

Very funny, lonewolf


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## OurBigFatWallet (Jan 20, 2014)

I just don't understand parents who insist on expensive brand names for their kids. The younger they are, the less they will remember and the more they are growing which means they won't get much use out of the items anyways. I could be wrong as I don't have kids but I think it's a waste of money and if anything is a reflection on the parents


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Whether someone likes brand names or not is really a personal choice. I like brand names, but don't like the prices, so I buy them on sale if possible or will buy the cheaper brand. That's a different thread 

I personally think many things kids do is a reflection on the parents. 

For my girls I have always given them the choice but in something they can understand. It's not just clothing, even on kids toys. When we bought my oldest her first bike, the plainer one, but better built was on sale for $50 the Disney crappy pink princess was $100. We told her that we would pay for the $50 bike because that was what she needed. If she wanted to pay for the difference because she wanted it, she could make her own choice. Before she made her decision, we showed her within the store, what the extra $50 could buy if she went with the practical choice. She choose the $50 but did negotiate us paying for extra stickers and streamers. =)

I find showing the price differences in term of other things they would like really helps. In the case of the OP though, it's not her job to be parent her niece, though we have asked our nieces and nephew the same things when they want something expensive, we do present more practical options. However, once they tell us what they would want we stick with it even if it's not what I personally agree with.


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## piano mom (Jan 18, 2012)

I think we have "trained" our 2 children well . My 11 year old actually thanked me for teaching her to be frugal. She now asks us to deposit her money (which she gets for good grades, birthday or from her grandparents) into her bank account. My kids doesn't like shopping. They never ask for things when we are in the mall. When shopping for school supplies and clothing, they actually are very price conscious and would try to save us money by going with the cheaper option . They say they don't feel deprived and appreciate when we get them new things even the no name brand. My goal is to raise children who will grow up to be debt free


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## cainvest (May 1, 2013)

piano mom said:


> My goal is to raise children who will grow up to be debt free


That's an excellent goal and sounds like they're well on their way, nice going.

I taught my son at an early age the lesson of being frugal, he's very good at it now. When he was old enough to really decide what he wanted for xmas I gave him this option. I can spend a fixed amount of money now and put presents under the tree for you OR we can go shopping during boxing day/week with that same of money and you'll likely get twice the presents due to the sale prices ... which do you want to do? I'm sure you can guess which option he picked.


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

piano mom said:


> ...I think I will go ahead and get the track suit that she requested ...


A 2yr. old needs a track suit? Or is this a different niece?


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## Nemo2 (Mar 1, 2012)

OhGreatGuru said:


> A 2yr. old needs a track suit?


Hey two year olds like to bet on horses too, y'know.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Christmas and Birthdays are the two days of the year I believe in spoiling kids ,the younger ones love books ,dvd and toys although I would rather spend more on educational toys.I have bought stuff for my own kids at Old Navy and within a month they fall apart so when they get to a point their sizes won't change much and can actually wear something out I do buy better quality stuff.
I have one niece on my side as we were only 3 kids and my brother had 1 child and I have two.My husband has a huge family and nieces and nephews older than him.Because I only have the one I have always spend $200 -$300 for her Christmas Gift.We have two other nieces in university so we give them $300 every Xmas to help them out ,obviously when they lived at home with mom and day and did not have tuition expenses we spent close to the $50 -$100 range.
Every year since 2007 when our kids were 4 and 14 we generally did not spend a pile on Christmas day itself , just stocking stuffer ,some books,movies and games so the kids have something to open because we usually go down south for a week and that is our gift.


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## warp (Sep 4, 2010)

There is no such thing as being "cheap" with your own money , that YOU have earned, saved, etc.

Spend it as you wish, frugally, or opulently, foolishly, grandly, or whatever, and if people, including your sister-in-law don't like it...too bad for them or for her.


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## Jacq (Feb 8, 2014)

I can't tell you how grateful I'd be if someone told me exactly what they wanted for a Xmas present - plus if it was only $50 - what a deal! Might be so grateful that I'd buy two and donate the second and look at it as an interesting experiment in going out of my financial comfort zone... Possibly examine why I wanted to impose my own values on others so badly... Possibly would find it interesting to examine why I'd waste much time thinking about an exceedingly small purchase and wonder if that was what I wanted my life to be about or whether I'd want my kids to espouse values like "you don't deserve to have expensive/nice things".


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## banjopete (Feb 4, 2014)

Jacq said:


> I can't tell you how grateful I'd be if someone told me exactly what they wanted for a Xmas present - plus if it was only $50 - what a deal! Might be so grateful that I'd buy two and donate the second and look at it as an interesting experiment in going out of my financial comfort zone... Possibly examine why I wanted to impose my own values on others so badly... Possibly would find it interesting to examine why I'd waste much time thinking about an exceedingly small purchase and wonder if that was what I wanted my life to be about or whether I'd want my kids to espouse values like "you don't deserve to have expensive/nice things".


That's a different take isn't it, it blends into the better=more expensive fallacy to some extent. I think it's important to consider kids ages relative to the gifts they receive. Think of your most memorable toys and ones you played with most. Maybe not always the expensive/nice things category of toys? For young kids especially why waste money on things they won't understand or remember? It's not about deserving things, or about the money spent. No one should spend amounts of money they would fret about on a corporate/commercial holiday. No one will think less of you for not participating, and if your siblings do, it might be the slap they need to get back to reality.


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## nathan79 (Feb 21, 2011)

In my family we generally tell each other what we want for Christmas. I don't really care what it is as logn as it makes them happy. It makes things much simpler. 

I find that guessing what someone would like only has about a 50% success rate. I still do like to get people at least one surprise gift in addition to what they've asked for.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

In my family, we don't buy for the adults, just for the kids. For the kids, we go as far as buying the items for our own kids on behalf of the other siblings and paying each back. It usually works out to a net nothing, or net pretty close... We have found that we all know our kids better than our nieces and nephews, and it saves on the stress, and all the shipping costs to. The kids know that auntie and uncle x bought whatever. I actually save the things that I personally would not buy for my kids, because I think it's really wasteful, but my kids would love to be from their aunts an uncles. For example I didn't like them to have a certain doll (thought the clothing was a little hoochy), but the oldest LOVED it and all her friends had it. I was trying to balance letting my kids have sometime they really wanted, without going against buying it myself. This way they don't ask me to buy more, and its not something I approved and it becomes more special.


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## Jacq (Feb 8, 2014)

I just wouldn't think of fretting about - or posting about a $50 expense. I like getting people things they want and will actually use or enjoy vs things they'll give to goodwill ASAP. My ex bought our son an autographed hockey stick for Xmas when he was about 3 y.o. The kid has never expressed any interest in hockey, doesn't play hockey, doesn't watch hockey. It went to goodwill and I'm sure it was expensive. Don't really care, since it was not valued. So piano mom could buy 10 $5 outfits - but if they're not valued - what's the point? 
For context: I grew up in an EXTREMELY frugal home. Have had to struggle in the past with this feeling of "you shouldn't have" and in fact, "they shouldn't have" either. TBH, I would kind of think it was weird that the mom would want to spend that much on virtually disposable clothes - but I do love spending mega $ on babies even though I didn't on my own 2 kids.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Interesting comments about spending me go on other babies but not on your own. I do the same thing. I spend a lot on my nieces and nephews and friends kids, but our kids presents are really practical.


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