# Joining Belguy - Had to put my dog down last night.



## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

Quite an emotional roller-coaster. Our little dog went from being reasonably normal to barely able to move and not being able to eat anything since Sunday. Had her on IV and massive amounts of anti-biotics at the animal hospital but she wasn't improving. She was only semi-coherent. If I left her she would basically starve to death which I didn't think was a very good way to go. The hospital seemed to want to keep her hooked up for one more day but she was 12 and a half years old and already had a major surgery in May - I just couldn't see her coming out of it and even if by some miracle she did, I suspect we would be reliving the scenario in a month or two. One of the hardest parts was feeling bad for my daughters - The oldest always considered the dog to be hers and the youngest basically grew up with her. My oldest daughter wanted to bring the dog home for the afternoon before taking her back for the final needle - which she did, but it was heart-wrenching. All the family was there when our dog was administered the needle - my eldest daughter held her. Even my son, who always pretended to not care too much for the dog, was pretty choked up. 

Perhaps they are trying to be helpful but I wonder if these animal-hospitals are overly optimistic for a positive outcome. People I talk to who have owned several dogs, say that older dogs who won't eat or move for several days have almost no chance of recovery. That's apparently how they typically check-out.

Dogs are one of the only creatures that are always thrilled to see you and accept you unconditionally despite your faults. Not many other people come excitedly running to the door when I walk in. Heck, most of the time you are lucky to get a smile. 

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Maybe I just have to get my thoughts in writing. Maybe I could use some advice from others who went through it - particularly regarding what might be a good way to help my daughter's through it. 

All in all, it has been a very positive experience for our family to have a pet and I think it has been wonderful for the kids. But we wont be getting another pet. We want to start traveling more and soon the kids will likely be moving out on their own and probably getting their own dogs. Maybe we will babysit.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

I have to admit I find it difficult to even open these threads. Our pets are a huge part of our lives, and my older daughter still talks frequently about a cat we had that died when she (my daughter) was just under 3. 

We are also going through some end-of-life care and planning issues for a family member who is 94 and in declining health...it is always interesting to me to contrast how those two very different scenarios are approached. 

It sounds like you handled the decision with a lot of grace and care for your kids' feelings (and for the dog!) There isn't a lot that can make these decisions easier. Please allow yourself time and space to grieve! I always find a little memorial - whether it is a picture in a special frame or a special rock in the garden with an inscription - can help process these feelings of loss.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

Hi Spidey,

My condolences on your loss. I understand how you feel as I went through the same thing with my cat of 12 years, last winter. I was devastated as the sadness and grief hit me hard and very unexpectedly. I loved my cat but never realized that love had run so deep until towards the end when the vet explained the situation to me that first time I brought cat in to see what the problem was. It knocked me flat and I was very upset and needed a lot of time to sort this out. A cat that had run to the door, made a fuss over me when I got home, slept right beside me at night, was always there through many very difficult life experiences, my rock if you will, was suddenly at terrible risk. These are very difficult decisions and experiences to go through and I had a really hard time with it.

How are you coping right now? Functioning ok?

There are many supports to help you through this type of grief process. I took advantage of all of them, including seeing my doctor for initial guidance, taking time off work (unless retired etc), seeing a grief counseller and allowing yourself to grieve.

Personally I found it difficult that there is an undertone in society that my pet was "just a cat". Dealing with that was difficult. This is not the time to surround yourself with people who will pass judgement or are ignorant/disinterested, but with people who understand exactly what you are going through. Your local humane society may offer dedicated pet counselling group sessions you and your family may attend together. I recommend them. I did so and while it did not take away the pain it did help me to understand and connect with my feelings and have them legitimized when I saw that other people were going through the exact same thing.

Pretty heavy stuff.

Please allow your kids to grieve also. Every person reacts to this sort of thing differently. Perhaps let your friends know what's going on as well. And don't make any important decisions while you sort through this. There is no timeframe or correct response.

All my best,


TRM


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

Our dog crossed the Rainbow bridge in the vet's office. I was holding her and she licked my hand just before the needle was inserted. We probably kept her alive for 4 months longer than we should have. It took us all many months to get used to being without her.

You and your family have my sympathy during this tough period. :distress:


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## mind_business (Sep 24, 2011)

My condolences Spidey. I know how difficult it can be. Like kcowan, held our Snoopy's head while she passed away. Takes a long time to heal, and will never forget.


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## Jon_Snow (May 20, 2009)

I had a dog during my late childhood/early teen years. Non-dog owners might roll their eyes at this, but this dog was probably my best friend during those years - hard to explain the bond that can exist between a dog and a boy.

The grief I experienced at its passing is a large part of why I don't own a dog today. I will be a dog owner again in the future.....


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## Mall Guy (Sep 14, 2011)

I read a book last week which is written from the dog's perspective . . ."The Art of Racing in the Rain" (Garth Stein) in which the dog knows he's ready, but that his owner isn't . . . http://www.garthstein.com/arr/ Might be too soon, might be just the thing . . .


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## Jon_Snow (May 20, 2009)

Don't think I'll be reading that. :hopelessness:


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

That sucks, sorry to hear spidey.


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

Thanks for all your kind words and advice - it does help. I'm sort of taken aback by how attached I became to that little beast; I'm usually a fairly detached character and expected this scenario to be much easier. So many little things seem different and leave an emptiness in our home. It was weird coming into the driveway yesterday. Usually Mocha would recognize the sound of the vehicle and be waiting by the door. When the key went in the lock, she would start to bark. (Something I used to find annoying but now I find the silence eery and unsettling.) And then when I walked in she would be jumping excitedly. The house seemed so empty yesterday without that greeting. When one of the family left a bit of egg from breakfast yesterday my first inclination was to give it to an eagerly awaiting Mocha as a treat - it seemed so unusual and wasteful to throw it in the garbage. Getting up this morning and making breakfast, there was no little creature annoyingly tripping under my feet, hoping for some scraps to fall. 

I think one of the harder parts about loosing a pet is that holding a pet and experiencing that unconditional acceptance is a source of comfort when the world appears to be conspiring against you. Feeling crappy over the loss of a pet is a bit of a double whammy as that source of comfort is also missing. (Except perhaps for those with multiple pets.)


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Sorry to hear your sad news Spidey. You a detached character? Didn't think so.

I had a few dogs in my childhood, and still remember vividly, as you described above, how 'excitedly running to the door' they came when arriving home. Like JS, those dogs I had considered best friends as well, and to this day I adore & have not forgotten them; in fact, none of us loving dog-owners ever forget our treasured friends.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

My wife is recovering from an operation and the cats sense a problem and act differently. They are not expressive like dogs but they are affected more than we think.

Our dog used to react when she heard my Dad's car on the street (ears up, tail wagging). About 8 minutes later, he would reach the door of the house.


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## Belguy (May 24, 2010)

Oh, Spidey, I just came across your thread and I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. It was five months ago today that I was going through what you are now and yes, it does get easier but you will never, ever forget your friend and the more that you loved her, the longer it will be for you to get over her. I still talk to Tara quite frequently to tell her that I love her as I did when she was alive. After I had her put down, I put all of her things out of sight and couldn't even bring myself to look at her pictures. However, after a couple of weeks, her pictures became a comfort to me and helped me to recall all of the happy times which we spent together. I have a small shrine in the living room where her bed used to be with her picture and her favourite toy alongside her urn which I find helps to keep her near but everyone is different in how they grieve and what comforts them. There are also some books out there including 'Saying Good-bye to the Pet You Love' by Lorri Greene and Jacquelyn Landis, 'Goodbye Friend' by Gary Kowalski, 'I Will See You in Heaven' by Friar Jack Wintz and many others which you can source from Amazon should you be interested. Did you see the Sun Media cartoon by Donato when their founder Peter Worthington passed away? It showed Peter in heaven surrounded by all of the dogs that he had in his life with the caption 'the long wait is over'. I was so touched when I saw that in the paper. Dogs are such noble animals and no wonder that they are called man's best friend. Believe me when I tell you, Spidey, that time does lesson the pain and you tend to think more about the things that you did together with your pet and the good times that you had together. You sound like you would have made a wonderful pet owner and I'm sure that you gave your dog a terrific life with a good family. When Tara passed away, I really questioned whether the good times were worth the terrible grief that you feel at the time but now I know that those good times were priceless. You have your family to give you strength at a time like this and you will always have wonderful memories of your beloved pet. Please accept my sympathy and kind thoughts. I will say a prayer for you tonight. Take good care of yourself and try, as much as possible, to continue with your normal routine.

Goodnight, Tara. I love you.

Sincerely,

Ron (Belguy)

P.S. Let's face it, sometimes life just really sucks!!


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

Great advice. I also found it necessary to remove the dog bed and dishes; although my daughters seem to find the space empty now. My girls wanted to bury her at home and we made a little garden in the back yard with some nice plants. We have some of Mocha's photos on the fireplace mantle which helps us remember the good times with her. Thank you Belguy and I that hope everything is going well for you and that some of the sadness is being replaced by the happier memories.


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## My Own Advisor (Sep 24, 2012)

My sincere condolences for your loss Spidey. Pets are truly part of the family.


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