# Dating scene



## awesomeame (Nov 15, 2011)

So, single mid 30s guy here. In Canada's largest urban area..Toronto/GTA. Where do I go to meet normal girls? I'm not the worst looking, have a great career/position, all my ducks in a row, but keep meeting total morons. One dumber than the next. Girls who place pets higher on the rung than humans, and girls who just plain want to bankrupt me. Brutal. At the same time I have to wonder why I keep attracting these types of people, ah!!! I've tried online dating to no real success, and am at a loss for where to go to meet people who aren't out to steal my money, come from good families, and don't place their ridiculous pet as the most important thing in their life. I see tons of girls daily, but they all have the earphones in, or are more engaged with their stupid phones than the world around them..How do I even approach these people. Thoughts?

Matt ///frustrated///


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## like_to_retire (Oct 9, 2016)

So what's wrong with being single?

You get to come and go as you please without answering to anyone.

You don't have to buy stupid gifts for stupid anniversaries or valentines days.

You get a good nights sleep every night.

You don't have to pretend you like someone else's stupid pet.

You get to decide where you live that's most convenient to you.

You can come home at any time of the night that you wish.

You only have to associate with people that you actually like.

You end up with a heck of a lot more money in your pocket.

You get to spend time with your own family on holidays.

You don't have to justify your friends - even the crazy one.

You can do whatever you like, whenever you like.

Why would you even want a "normal girl" you so desperately seek?

ltr


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## awesomeame (Nov 15, 2011)

'cause I'm lonely. I do everything myself...bike, hike, travel, you name it. Fall into rivers on my dirtbike, crash my sleds, do other dumb sh!t..all on my own. All would be more fun with someone else, even if they're laughing at my sorry a$$. Building wealth with someone else would also be way more fun too, the single game is getting old fast

Matt


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## like_to_retire (Oct 9, 2016)

awesomeame said:


> I do everything myself...bike, hike, travel, you name it. Fall into rivers on my dirtbike, crash my sleds, do other dumb sh!t..all on my own. All would be more fun with someone else................
> 
> Matt


Yeah, been there, done that. 

Forget about it Matt. There are no girls like the ones that you're looking for.

Enjoy your life as it is.

ltr


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## gibor365 (Apr 1, 2011)

> 'cause I'm lonely. I do everything myself...bike, hike, travel, you name it


 This sux  . I don't even want to go abroad with my wife when she has a business trip.... whole day to walk alone...

Travel to East Europe and find normal girl there


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## twa2w (Mar 5, 2016)

Try meetup.com
This not a dating site. It is broken down by city so you can search for groups within 5, 10, 25 etc km of where you are.
There are groups for all kinds of things. Hiking groups, skiing, meditation, women ovr 60, divorced dads, you name it, there is likely a group or two or three
The groups have organisers who post events and members can sign up to attend. Often they centrally and car pool ifvthe event is a sports event.
Some charge an annual fee, some a fee per trip, some are free.

Sometimes you meet after the event for a drink at a local pub.

Great way to meet people who share the interests. You may make new friends and you might meet the one.

Many of the events place a limit on numbers so watch and see how it works.

You can set your profile on each meetup ypu join so you can get an email when an event is posted, or a weekly summary, or not St all so you can sign in when you want to look to see what is what.
In the GTA, the areas may be more refined than just one for all the GTA.

Check it out.


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## ian (Jun 18, 2016)

Don't go to Eastern Europe. High chance of ending up with a gold digger whose primary aim is to leave home and get a Canadian passport. Same with Philippines, Thailand, etc. Danger Will Rogers!

If it makes you feel better my SIL is not having any luck. Her egg salad sandwiches are not drawing the right prospects I guess.


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## STech (Jun 7, 2016)

I had a pretty good run with online dating. Met a few girls, had a lot of fun. But it's definitely not a walk in the park like some sites make it out to be. The ratio of guys to girls was very high. I bet attractive girls had their mailboxes flooded on constant basis. Then you run into the whole internet persona vs real life thing, and a few other quirks that wasn't too fun. Otherwise I can tell you for a fact online dating works. All of my fun and dating came to a crashing halt 12 years ago, when I met my wife . I keep telling her she's the one night stand that never left, and she keeps reminding me it was hook, line, and sinker and I had no chance.


You need to be honest about what you bring to the table, what you expect, and realize nothing and no one is perfect. Definitely reflect on why you've attracted or have been attracted by girls so different from what you're looking for.

Try joining groups in your hobbies. The sled and dirtbike won't have too many girls, but biking will have quite a few. The nightlife is buzzing in TO, and there is a very good chance single professional 30s females are asking the same question you're asking. Try some of those speed dating get togethers, or maybe try the services of a match maker. The legitimate ones 

Good luck, and I agree with you. Being alone isn't fun for any extended period of time.


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## awesomeame (Nov 15, 2011)

gibor365 said:


> Travel to East Europe and find normal girl there


Not so far fetched! Colleague of mine put a post on some Russian site saying he was coming to Moscow and wanted someone to show him around. Some girl responded, she showed him around for a day, fu*ked him that night and came back to Canada with him. They've been married like 10yrs, have 3 kids and from me looking in, things looks fab.

Matt


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## awesomeame (Nov 15, 2011)

awesomeame said:


> Not so far fetched! Colleague of mine put a post on some Russian site saying he was coming to Moscow and wanted someone to show him around. Some girl responded, she showed him around for a day, fu*ked him that night and came back to Canada with him. They've been married like 10yrs, have 3 kids and from me looking in, things looks fab.
> 
> Matt


Only thing keeping me from that plan is that I also have a friend who met a girl overseas. She soaked him for about 100k, he left his wife for her, and the end result was he's like 55 and living in his mom's basement with $0 in the bank! So it can go both ways

Matt


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## awesomeame (Nov 15, 2011)

ian said:


> If it makes you feel better my SIL is not having any luck. Her egg salad sandwiches are not drawing the right prospects I guess.


Is she in Toronto?? I like all egg salad sandwiches lol

Matt


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## new dog (Jun 21, 2016)

I see a lot of guys going to the Philippines looking for girls.


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## awesomeame (Nov 15, 2011)

STech said:


> Definitely reflect on why you've attracted or have been attracted by girls so different from what you're looking for..


Man I don't know. The last GF I met through tennis lessons. Seemed very nice, common interests, attractive...but she wanted to marry me in 6 months, move my *** to Milton, (45min west) have kids and get a dog...once I figured that out it was goodbye. All I could see was me working 'til I'm dead. But it's a revolving door, I keep meeting the same types, ahh

Matt


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## james4beach (Nov 15, 2012)

awesomeame said:


> So, single mid 30s guy here. In Canada's largest urban area..Toronto/GTA. Where do I go to meet normal girls? I'm not the worst looking, have a great career/position, all my ducks in a row, but keep meeting total morons. One dumber than the next. Girls who place pets higher on the rung than humans, and girls who just plain want to bankrupt me. Brutal. At the same time I have to wonder why I keep attracting these types of people, ah!!! I've tried online dating to no real success, and am at a loss for where to go to meet people who aren't out to steal my money, come from good families, and don't place their ridiculous pet as the most important thing in their life. I see tons of girls daily, but they all have the earphones in, or are more engaged with their stupid phones than the world around them..How do I even approach these people. Thoughts?
> 
> Matt ///frustrated///


I used okcupid when in Toronto and met a few excellent women there.


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## STech (Jun 7, 2016)

awesomeame said:


> Man I don't know. The last GF I met through tennis lessons. Seemed very nice, common interests, attractive...but she wanted to marry me in 6 months, move my *** to Milton, (45min west) have kids and get a dog...once I figured that out it was goodbye. All I could see was me working 'til I'm dead. But it's a revolving door, I keep meeting the same types, ahh
> 
> Matt


I was going to say something, but deleted it because it sounded a little stereotypical. So my apologies to the ladies, I know I'm generalizing and it's not always the case.

This is just my opinion, but ladies in their mid 30s and looking, are going to have a kid or two, or will be in quite a hurry to settle quickly. So you better be ready for this. Of course there will be the odd few that don't want a family and kids, which seems like what you're looking for. So I'd say it's best to be very upfront with them all about your plans. The ones who are into family and kids, have a time clock ticking, and I honestly don't blame them.


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## tygrus (Mar 13, 2012)

So you want someone to hang with, go hiking and biking but not someone who will want a committed relationship where marriage and kids are part of the deal. Dude, this is why you fail. Your still a kid dating women who are growing up and they don't want time wasters in their 30s. Get a dog then.


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## peterk (May 16, 2010)

awesomeame said:


> Man I don't know. The last GF I met through tennis lessons. Seemed very nice, common interests, attractive...but she wanted to marry me in 6 months, move my *** to Milton, (45min west) have kids and get a dog...once I figured that out it was goodbye. All I could see was me working 'til I'm dead. But it's a revolving door, I keep meeting the same types, ahh
> 
> Matt


First you said all you get are gold diggers who "want to bankrupt you", but now you reveal that you are simply finding women that want to get married quickly, which if you are 35 and they are ~30-35, that is not surprising in the least. Obviously you don't know what a gold digger is...

It's not wrong to be worried about getting married and hosed by unscrupulous women... but someone who _"wanted to marry me in 6 months, move my *** to Milton, (45min west) have kids and get a dog"_ is not a sign of anything wrong. 

If you want to continue "dating" at age 35 without serious commitment, you need to find younger women. And to find younger women you need to step it up as a top guy who isn't a cheap ***. And to splash money down on an impressive lifestyle, responsibly, you need even more excess money beyond what you care about for your financial goals.

Also, to do "things" and not be lonely at it, especially energetic outdoorsy things, you need to get some male friend. Most women aren't interested in any of this beyond some light hikes and casual tennis, and the ones who are are surrounded by younger fitter men and are hooking up with a new one of them every week, so your best case scenario is to be one of those guys for a short while, and tossed out. That doesn't sound great, and you'll probably complain about that too.

Aging into your late 30s you only have 3 options:

-Get married ($$$)
-Date younger women through an impressive lifestyle and spending on them ($$)
-Date younger women by ditching your job, spending all your time at the gym, riding motorcycles and tending bar (dubious at age 35), becoming a badass. Then you won't have to "spend money on women" all that much, but will you will have lost all tons of money by throwing a good career away ($$$$).

Not trying to be a downer... Best of luck


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## atrp2biz (Sep 22, 2010)

You seem to be a guy that like sports. Have you tried the *Toronto Sport and Social Club*? It's a co-ed focused sports organization where you can meet plenty of like minded people who are there under the pretext of intramural sports but are actually there for other reasons.


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## Koogie (Dec 15, 2014)

peterk said:


> Aging into your late 30s you only have 3 options:
> -Get married ($$$)
> -Date younger women through an impressive lifestyle and spending on them ($$)
> -Date younger women by ditching your job, spending all your time at the gym, riding motorcycles and tending bar (dubious at age 35), becoming a badass. Then you won't have to "spend money on women" all that much, but will you will have lost all tons of money by throwing a good career away ($$$$).
> Not trying to be a downer... Best of luck


Option 4: date an older woman (40s) Most of the ones you will find are independent (maybe divorced), don't play the games younger girls do, know what they want, have moved past the nesting stage and often screw like bunnies. Plus, eligible single guys in their 40s are thin on the ground (at least ones who aren't losers) so there is less competition and women nowadays like dating younger too.

Before you ask, yes, DW is older than me...


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## Koogie (Dec 15, 2014)

Also, a buddy who got divorced a few years ago had luck on the Fitness Singles site. He met a couple of girls on there that were just stunning.
He ended up marrying a headcase that he met through friends though because drama is kind of his thing.
There is an over/under pool on that marriage.


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## tygrus (Mar 13, 2012)

Guys are crazy. Someone 35 can easily have a GF 10yrs younger than him if he is willing to pony up marriage and family. Imagine you when are 50-60 and your wife is still looking hot. 

But no, instead of that, they sabotage themselves and have to look for some 40 yr old who missed the boat too.


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## gibor365 (Apr 1, 2011)

ian said:


> Don't go to Eastern Europe. High chance of ending up with a gold digger whose primary aim is to leave home and get a Canadian passport. Same with Philippines, Thailand, etc. Danger Will Rogers!
> 
> If it makes you feel better my SIL is not having any luck. Her egg salad sandwiches are not drawing the right prospects I guess.


More chances that he may " ending up with a gold digger" with some NA girl .


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## gibor365 (Apr 1, 2011)

awesomeame said:


> Not so far fetched! Colleague of mine put a post on some Russian site saying he was coming to Moscow and wanted someone to show him around. Some girl responded, she showed him around for a day, fu*ked him that night and came back to Canada with him. They've been married like 10yrs, have 3 kids and from me looking in, things looks fab.
> 
> Matt


Probably meeting online can be somehow dangerous... but when you are there, there are many places where you can meet someone you like, like museums ( and there are tons of excellent museums there, not like in Canada), concerts, sport events, just randomly in subway .
Also, I know guys who met nice couples on AI resorts in Caribbean (both regular and youth oriented).

Generally, from what I see, finding a couple is a problem in Canada. At my workplace there were several single guys in mid-30's - early 40's with exact problem as you


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## jargey3000 (Jan 25, 2011)

my buddies 'n' me, we'd head out to some disco on the weekends, get loaded drunk, party & dance the night away...
fun times...
that's how we ALL met our wives, we were all married by 23, 24.. 'course, that was back in the 70's..... but ya know what? we're all still happily together! GET DOWN & BOOGIE!


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## james4beach (Nov 15, 2012)

tygrus said:


> So you want someone to hang with, go hiking and biking but not someone who will want a committed relationship where marriage and kids are part of the deal. Dude, this is why you fail. Your still a kid dating women who are growing up and they don't want time wasters in their 30s. Get a dog then.


As a guy in my mid 30s, I've seen this transformation happen right before my eyes. An easy going, relaxed, fun-loving woman in her 20s will very suddenly become focused on settling down, marriage, and kids right around age 30. I understand why, biologically.

So if you just want women to hang out with, date ladies in their 20s. If you date anyone 29 or older, you'd better be ready for a committed relationship and be ready to settle down.


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## Pluto (Sep 12, 2013)

awesomeame said:


> Man I don't know. The last GF I met through tennis lessons. Seemed very nice, common interests, attractive...but she wanted to marry me in 6 months, move my *** to Milton, (45min west) have kids and get a dog...once I figured that out it was goodbye. All I could see was me working 'til I'm dead. But it's a revolving door, I keep meeting the same types, ahh
> 
> Matt


it is unclear what the dealbreaker is for you. No kids? or no Milton, or no dog? would kids in TO work, for example? I'm not sure, but it sounds like you want a career woman who does not want kids, wants to live in TO. You have to state that upfront early on. They aren't mind readers. That will save you a lot of tennis with the wrong girl. 
In a previous post you mentioned wealth building alone is a problem (not to forget hiking and all the other stuff). I recall hearing about investment clubs in toronto, and meetups for Investors Business Daily users...maybe you will encounter some 30 something divorcee in some investment club who is trying to figure out how to invest her half of the family assets, or that elusive carreer woman who does not want kids....
Either way, it sounds like you do not want the responsiblity to finance a traditional marrage. Nothing wrong with that.


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## tygrus (Mar 13, 2012)

Any woman who didnt have kids because of her career is on a path to the top, one way or another. She will either have a super career where she makes more money than you and wont be interested in you - (you will be hiking while she is in the office), or she will be trying to get into the C suite dating zone to land a whale.


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## ian (Jun 18, 2016)

I worked with someone who was about to marry number 4. Frankly, I did not understand why they simply did not live together. Based on his track record, I would have kept both condos just in case things went south.


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## Chica (Jan 19, 2016)

Matt, you've had some good responses and insight. You know what you want and more specifically you know what you don't want, and you need to be upfront with women from the beginning in order not to be a time waster. I once met a man and he told me his wish list and I wished him good luck and that was that. At least I found out within 20 minutes and didn't waste any more time chatting with him. Whether you have an online dating profile you can put your wish list on or just tell the woman the first time you get together, you need to let her know right away that you're looking for a hiking, biking and bed buddy and you'd like to travel and both of you pay your own expenses. She needs to know from the beginning that you have no interest in a long term committed relationship, don't want to spend money on her, aren't interested in a woman who has a pet or might want one in the future, must come from a good family (whatever that's supposed to mean - you'll have to clarify it exactly) and you won't relocate. Your wish list is not unreasonable to you and you shouldn't settle for less than what you want. If you don't let a woman know your wish list right from the start, she'll figure it out after 2 or 3 conversations with you. Women can usually tell pretty quickly if there's no point in continuing a relationship, but we'd love it if you guys would just be upfront about some things right from the start that are deal breakers for you. Good luck finding "the one".


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

^ +1. Nicely put.


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## lifeliver (Aug 30, 2010)

I had good luck in the past meeting a great woman from OKCupid which I dated for 4 years. The relationship is now winding down and we will be going our own ways but it was great while it lasted and the separation is on good terms so no real hard feelings. We lived together and even moved provinces together but ultimately we are not a good match for the long term. 

Online dating is very time consuming and you have to filter through a lot of dates to find women that you are interested in. I would keep the chit chat online to a minimum and try to arrange cheap first dates where you can really talk to the women and get a feel for her quick. If you are efficient you can be dating 2-3 women a week and not spending too much on the dates... Maybe a beer or a coffee which you can pick up its not that big of a deal. 

I have a dog so I did lots of dates with simple dog walks. It was a great filter because this was very important for me that she likes dogs and simple things like a walk in the park with the dog. 

I am now 31 and I guess at some point ill need to re-enter the dating pool. My plan is to focus on dating younger women who are preferably under 25. Its not fair to waste women's time when they are close to 30 and you have no intentions to settle down and have kids anytime soon.


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## awesomeame (Nov 15, 2011)

Thanks everyone, these are all great responses! 

I commuted for years and hated it, so that's why I'm not moving out of the city. Not a fan of kids or pets, either. I'm not against a committed relationship or marriage, but I'm too cheap to pay for a fancy wedding, lol. But I see where I fail/waste time now-not being up front with people sooner on what i want. That still doesn't help me with meeting people, although it will save me some time later on. Great ideas on where to meet people in this thread too, I will action some of these ideas. 

Matt


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## off.by.10 (Mar 16, 2014)

It's really quite simple. The "normal" girls are taken and often have kids by their 30s. Or they have a closed circle of friends they're happy with. Often it's both. The ones which are single and looking will often have issues of one kind or another.

I think you've had lots of good advice so far in here. Be more upfront about your expectations. And perhaps try activities which more girls do (eg. running instead of driving a bike through mud). Odds are, the girl you want does exist but is out there having fun somewhere, not dating.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

awesomeame said:


> Thanks everyone, these are all great responses!
> 
> I commuted for years and hated it, so that's why I'm not moving out of the city. Not a fan of kids or pets, either. I'm not against a committed relationship or marriage, but I'm too cheap to pay for a fancy wedding, lol. But I see where I fail/waste time now-not being up front with people sooner on what i want. That still doesn't help me with meeting people, although it will save me some time later on. Great ideas on where to meet people in this thread too, I will action some of these ideas.
> 
> Matt


I don't think you should make the potential cost of a wedding prevent you from finding a partner. If it is the perfect partner otherwise, would you really let a $30k excess expense prevent you from settling down with them?


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## awesomeame (Nov 15, 2011)

andrewf said:


> ...would you really let a $30k excess expense prevent you from settling down with them?


logically, yes. Have you put $30k into a compound interest calculator over 30yrs @ 5%? That's a $130k wedding, crazy. My cousin spent $140k on her wedding..that's over 600k @ 5% for 30yrs. Emotionally, no. $30k is not much for the right one. But looking at my past-letting emotions dictate financial decisions never ends well

Matt


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

Ideally the 'right one' is not someone who wants to go crazy on material things. $140k wedding is well into crazy territory, unless you are wealthy.


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

^ +1.


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## tygrus (Mar 13, 2012)

Its nice to have someone who appreciated your financial goals, but to put everything through a compounding calculator is stupid and really shallow. That $3 latte you just had would have been worth $100 in 25 years. If you think that way, you will do nothing in this life but hoarde money and there are a lot more important things to experience. Its not the dating scene thats the problem, its your world view. You need to do a serious headcheck.


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## tavogl (Oct 1, 2014)

Op does not want a real partner, partners come with things we love and things we dont like that much, thats whats marriage about. If you are not up for the task that's fine, just don't complain about not finding the "right" person. Did I like spending 30k in a wedding? Meh, not really. I made it a destination wedding (aruba) to enjoy it for 2 weeks rather than 1 night. Life is not only about money and wealth, dont spend your life trying to be "rich" if you cant even enjoy your money with someone. 

On a different note, every time someone posta about finding the right parter i recommend the hot/crazy matrix video. Watch it it might help you
https://youtu.be/vwbKYcBdVyk


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## lonewolf :) (Sep 13, 2016)

Cory Wayne you tube this guy is spot on if you want to meet & have good relationships with women. He tells it like it is it works


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## lifeliver (Aug 30, 2010)

If you like new age type stuff you may enjoy this book:

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida


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