# Gold diggers



## ShowMeTheMoney (Apr 12, 2009)

I just read Pea's post and replies on another thread, and I wanted to start a discussion about this because I've seen so many posts about our young generation of female "gold diggers". My experience of my friends has been mostly of men "artists", "in school", supported by a wowen. Personally, i am divorced, and would not dream of getting support from my ex, and I'm the one that paid to get rid of him (well worth it). My username is a joke based on the movie, appropriate for this forum, I'm not a gold-digger and many respected posters on this forum are independent wowen.

Given that, I realize that a lot of women don't have this luxury. I think that's it's reasonable that women, should they have kids and sacrifice their own career should expect to have some compensation for that upon divorce to care for themselves and the kids, and the courts do allow that. Is that gold digging?

Women (those who are sane) want to have a mate that is self-sufficient, that will care for his children (and herself if she's taking care of the children). That does not make her a gold-digger, just pragmatic.

Is there really a gold-digger epidemic going around? If so my generation of women have failed miserably to teach young women to be self-sufficient themselves. But if there's kids, both parents have to help, that's only fair.

Making sure the guy has a bank balance as high as his charm is smart, and a smart guy would appreciate that rather than put her down and miss chances at nookie for it.

What do you think?


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## hypo (Aug 11, 2010)

Any discussion of this is basically meaningless without statistics. Otherwise it just tends to devolve to personal anecdotes and "get off my lawn" or "young people these days..." type sentiments.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

I disagree, hypo. Stats are VERY easy to manipulate to prove whatever point someone has. For instance, you can post a stat that says the glass is half empty and I can post a stat that says it's half full. Who's right? 

I see no problem with expressing opinions. This is an emotional issue. Nothing has to be proven when people have formed opinions based upon their own experiences as well as those of people they've known who have been through it.


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

I looked up the thread OP is referring to and skimmed through it. I don't know what I could add to what has already been said there.

I've noticed on other forums when this topic comes up, that women who insist that a man's wealth match his charm, are considered to be prudent. But the guys who would like to find the same quality in a woman, are accused of putting money first and not capable of giving love a chance.


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## Dana (Nov 17, 2009)

My Mother use to tell me:



> If you marry for money you will end up earning every penny.


She was a self-made, successful woman (in a male dominated industry) and she was right. 

She also told me that many men are intimidated by successful women and again, she was right. 

My husband is very successful in his career and he is an excellent provider. We have been together a _very_ long time (20 years) and when we first got together we were both starting out and didn't have an asset between us. However the qualities that attracted me to him happen to be the very same qualities that have likely allowed him to be successful: he is ambitious, somewhat competitive, driven, focused and very intelligent. 

My point: it is these qualities that are attractive, not the money, the money is a byproduct. 

I think that on a primative, basic level we are hard-wired to be attracted to certain traits in a mate. Women are hard-wired to be attracted to men who are able to provide and protect - it was once necessary for the perpetuation of our genes. Wealth accumulation is one indicator of the ability to provide and protect. 

I think "gold diggers" are the exception and not the rule. If you seem to attract more than your fair share of gold diggers then you need to take a good look at *yourself* and figure out what it is about you that attracts these leeches and make some changes from within.


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## Dana (Nov 17, 2009)

Lately I have noticed some ex-wife bashing, gold digger bashing, etc. on this forum (by a select few posters) and it is offensive. It lowers the tone of the entire forum and distracts from the focus of the forum. 

It is inappropriate. If these posters were bashing people based on race, religion or sexual orientation it would not be allowed to continue...why is it acceptable when it's ex-wives, girlfriends or gold-diggers?


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## stinsont (May 29, 2009)

I agree with Dana. I think 'gold digging' discussions are ridiculous generalizations. Tell me how talking about this crap makes me a better investor? Isn't that what this forum is supposed to be about?

When I read Pea's thread I thought he needed to invest his 'wealth' in some couch time with Dr. Fraser Crane to work on his unhealthy opinion of women rather than back packing across some country.


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Dana said:


> It is inappropriate. If these posters were bashing people based on race, religion or sexual orientation it would not be allowed to continue...why is it acceptable when it's ex-wives, girlfriends or gold-diggers?


^ I think you are taking it too personally.

Relationships are 50-50. If you go out, you split it. Go dutch. Anything you pay for is on your head, your loss, your own responsibility. You can't cry about it when he/she leaves you in the end.

If you get married without a prenup, that's your own doing. You are setting yourself up for a clusterf*ck if things go sour.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

KaeJS said:


> ^ I think you are taking it too personally.
> 
> Relationships are 50-50. If you go out, you split it. Go dutch. Anything you pay for is on your head, your loss, your own responsibility. You can't cry about it when he/she leaves you in the end.
> 
> If you get married without a prenup, that's your own doing. You are setting yourself up for a clusterf*ck if things go sour.



I don't think it's that complaining about the ex's is the problem, but rather how disrespectful some of the comments are. I don't take things personally nor do I take offense to very many things (I banter with Carve all the time). I realize that women are the minority here, but really, here's some comments of recent

Quote: 
*Originally Posted by bmckay 
Being nice with women doesn't work. Believe me, I have tried it, and i'm sure im not alone.

Look, life is short. Use your wealth to your advantage. Lure women in with your wealth, do your 'thing' with them, and chuck them as soon as you sense they may be trying to reach into your wallet. Serves them right anyways. If they don't reach for your wallet, then you may have found a keeper. Simple 

As unfortunate as it is, I have been the most successful with women when I was a cocky p***k as opposed to being the nice pleaser. This is a fact no matter how unforunate it is.*

That is a great way to treat a fellow human. Let's lure people in, use them, and f!ck em. Maybe these guys are luring their own kind or equivalent, the gold diggers... serves them right... 



ramy98 said:


> Congrats dude!...
> I like the comment above about luring in women with your wealth and if they are gold diggers give em' the boot.... haha


Again, let's go with the heard mentality... 

And of course one of my favorites....


bean438 said:


> Should something "happen" to her I dont pay.
> 
> If it were me I would beat the living **** out of her and her new hubby.
> 
> ...


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## Dana (Nov 17, 2009)

Well said, PluggingAlong!


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

I see nothing wrong with looking for certain qualities in a potential future partner. If you are a middle class professional - what's wrong with looking for someone similar? 

If you choose someone who has a full time job that pays a decent amount (ie $40k+) over someone who is a hobby artist or professional student or perpetual failed entrepreneur (all other things equal) - does that make you a gold digger?

I think not.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

I agree that few people on the forum have broken basic grammatical politeness lately & have made comments that have been abusive, crude, disrespectful, offensive, plain vulgar & unacceptable.

I also see no purpose for such a thread.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Back to the OP thread...

When I first started dating my husband, I was in University, and my husband was in retail. He had a college diploma, and thought he would manage a retail store. Near my convocation time, and I figure we were getting pretty serious, I told him that he would need to do something more with his life. Was this because I was a gold digger... here was my reasoning,

I was going to be graduating with my business degree, and and knew that I would be climbing the corporate ladder, and I would be successful in what ever I decided to do. I knew my husband (boyfriend at the time) though was supportive was also very competitive. Even though he was happy for me, I knew that if I was that much more successful than he was, that it would take a toll on our relationship, and it wouldn't last. I also knew I needed to be with someone as ambitious as I was, and could not be happy with someone who expected me to take care of him financially (I take care of him in almost every way now ) I wanted to be with someone that could understand what I was going through as I climbed the corporate ladder, etc. Most of all, I knew he needed a kick in the pants to work to his potential. He's a smart guy that coasted, and needed some focus. He went back to school got his degree, and then his masters, now looking at a PHd... what did I start. 

He's done decently financially, and has done better than me at times. One of his chauvanistic friends even said that I must be happy with all of his promotions so I could go shopping, implying I"m a gold digger. My husband's response is that I am the reason that he has gotten these promotions. Some people just assume that because the male is doing well, the female is getting the benefits. If they look beneath the surface, there's alot more to the women, sometimes. Behind every great man is a great women.

Do I see an issue was someone having certain standards? No, I think those standards should be held for both genders though. Nothing wrong with that. 

The ironic thing was that his parents when they first met me, thought I must be gold digger because I came from the 'wrong end of town', or a much less affluent area than they did. What the didn't know what that my family as a whole had a large amount of self made net worth, but just didn't show it. Now, they tell their son how fortunate they are to have someone like me who understands finance. I make the joke that if I was a gold digger, I already had more gold than where I was digging.


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

@Plugging Along - That's a great story. Sounds like your hubby was the gold digger! 

(I'm kidding!)


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

While we discuss gold diggers there is some poor bugger out there just dying to get taken advantage of.


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## bmckay (Mar 10, 2011)

It's a dog eat dog world out here. Eat or get eaten. As soon as someone goes for my money I show them the door. CYA!

There are many women out there that are gold diggers. And there are women out there who are not. But For those that go into a relationship to exploit a man financially, she deserves to get used. Sad but true. If I have offended anyone - it's time to get real.

On the otherhand, women who are independent and self-supportive deserve all the respect. Feminists want equality, I agree with that 100%. Women can take care of themselves. Time for gold diggers to "woman-up".


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

I understand the concerns a few people have with a discussion of this type. As I said above, this is a sensitive topic for men who have been treated anything but equally in divorce court. Ladies, please try and understand that this has left a great deal of bitter men out there. I do agree that this thread is a minefield, but as with most issues let's all (yes, even me) try to be respectful of each other and our opinions. Let's try and have a meaningful discussion in the spirit of the forum. Both sides of this could learn a lot if we would be open and friendly. OK that's all I want to say for now, just my opinion anyway.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

And PA, no, I do not consider what you did to be gold digging at all. That's just common sense. I believe that it's difficult enough to get and maintain a good relationship these days and so you want to have as many common things as possible when selecting a mate. I firmly believe that you need to be of a single financial mind and ideally should both be in similar income brackets. I know that doesn't always happen but there is nothing wrong with trying to find a good match in this regard. I think that is what you did. I think gold digging is more along the lines of a woman marrying a famous person/millionaire, going through a divorce 5 years later and then expecting half his fortune just because they have a child together. C'mon. How is that fair?


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

Dana said:


> My husband is very successful in his career and he is an excellent provider. We have been together a _very_ long time (20 years) and when we first got together we were both starting out and didn't have an asset between us. However the qualities that attracted me to him happen to be the very same qualities that have likely allowed him to be successful: he is ambitious, somewhat competitive, driven, focused and very intelligent.
> 
> *My point: it is these qualities that are attractive, not the money, the money is a byproduct. *
> 
> ...


Excellent post, and I've bolded some sections that I think should be required reading for all. The traits associated with success are almost more important than success. I developed a lot of those before I developed any financial success (not that I have much ), but it made a significant difference in my life and my dealings with the other gender. You're right on the mark when you say money is just a by-product. 

I also think it's important to understand that the times are changing. A lot of the legal biases have been against men for quite some time, and they do still exist in many forms. That's where a lot of bitterness and anger comes from.

But over the last 20 years, women have made huge strides. They're doing better than men in university, they are making significant strides in the work world, and now 33% of primary breadwinners in a household are women. That has led to an increase in women paying alimony. NOTE: CNN calls it "manimony." I hate CNN so hard.

So the shoe is shifting to the other foot, and there are plenty of gold diggers on both sides. If we're going to have a serious discussion about protecting yourself from the perils of a bad relationship, great. But it shouldn't deteriorate to a gender flame war.


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## dogcom (May 23, 2009)

It is all about con artists here on this thread. One gender cons the other and one gets screwed over or deserves to get screwed over. 

It usually comes down to who is smarter and can get what they want through reading the other person or attracting the person they want to exploit.


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## Taxsaver (Jun 7, 2009)

marina628 said:


> While we discuss gold diggers there is some poor bugger out there just dying to get taken advantage of.


I am one of those buggers.  Those women are easy to spot. You can tell after a few minutes of conversation. If they never gave a damn about you, and all of sudden they are nice and friendly, you know she is up to something. A female co-worker did just that, and she was able to pull off several thousands dollars from me. I admit I did deserve it. I knew the game was going on, and I decided to keep playing it. There are rarely real victims. You are actually victim of yourself.

With the price of silver now, maybe we should talk about silver diggers?


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

For those of you that have read the Millionaire Next Door one of the stats I remember about that book was that most of the "millionaires" were married their whole life to the same person. 

The deal is that it takes a team to accumulate wealth, both parties have to be frugal and work together with saving/investing as a priority. 

Personally having three long term relationships in my life (rather than one) was extremely disruptive in wealth accumulation, when my home life is tumultuous and fractured, I don't care if I'm making good money. 

In today's times it is hard if both partners are not working to accumulate money.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

I think if it wasn't for me, my husband could be one of those victims.

One time we went to Vegas with a group of friends, and our flight was the last to arrive. When we went to check into our hotel, they didn't have our room anymore, and the last room available was the Penthouse suite, so they ended giving it to us for the same price.

I met up with my friend for a drink, while hubby was going to put away the luggage. Some lady must have heard my husband asking someone how to get there (it was a different elevator), and followed him. She asked him where he was going, and he said to his room. She asked if she could come up with him, and he said sure, the elevator had lots of room. When she clarified that she wanted to go to his room with him, he said, 'uh, no, I think I need to find my wife', and came back looking for him. He told me that he was still a catch, and what happened. He wouldn't believe us when we told him it was a prostitute, because we was dressed so elegantly.


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## Taxsaver (Jun 7, 2009)

Plugging Along said:


> I think if it wasn't for me, my husband could be one of those victims.
> 
> One time we went to Vegas with a group of friends, and our flight was the last to arrive. When we went to check into our hotel, they didn't have our room anymore, and the last room available was the Penthouse suite, so they ended giving it to us for the same price.
> 
> I met up with my friend for a drink, while hubby was going to put away the luggage. Some lady must have heard my husband asking someone how to get there (it was a different elevator), and followed him. She asked him where he was going, and he said to his room. She asked if she could come up with him, and he said sure, the elevator had lots of room. When she clarified that she wanted to go to his room with him, he said, 'uh, no, I think I need to find my wife', and came back looking for him. He told me that he was still a catch, and what happened. He wouldn't believe us when we told him it was a prostitute, because we was dressed so elegantly.


You should not have told him that it was a prostitute!


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

It wasn't me that told him. It was the rest of the guys that we were with. My husband was telling them how this really hot, sophisticated 'lady' was hitting on him, and then they described what she was wearing. Hubby was wondering how they knew, and they told him that they watched her earlier in the evening approaching men. It was pretty funny though.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

In Heathrow the hookers do their business out of the handicap washrooms , I opened the door to see some skillful negotiations going on lol. Actually is was very creepy as we had 3 hour wait and lost count how many guys that girl took to the bathroom .Needless to say I didn't want to pee in that toilet lol


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## Addy (Mar 12, 2010)

marina628 said:


> In Heathrow the hookers do their business out of the handicap washrooms , I opened the door to see some skillful negotiations going on lol. Actually is was very creepy as we had 3 hour wait and lost count how many guys that girl took to the bathroom .Needless to say I didn't want to pee in that toilet lol


Ohh that's the time I would almost wish for a wickedly stinky deposit to leave for them! Although sadly I doubt it would negatively affect negotiations very much!


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## Dave (Apr 5, 2009)

Funny thread. When I think about gold digging, an image of a young sexy lass going after an 80 something milionnaire comes to mind. 

It is hard to imagine this concept in my day to day life, but maybe I am too young and I lack experience. When I go out with someone, we both pay for each other. Exchanging gifts for birthday or Christmas is welcome and fair game. However, I do not see how you can spend several thousand dollars on someone if you are not married or in a serious relationship.

Maybe I am not rich enough 

Dave


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

I think there is so many different elements in the situation of gold diggers and rich men.Both are in a power position,the man has wealth,the gold digger is obvioulsly going to be a knock-out,and is very good at seduction,money aside most every man can do very little not to be inticed with a women like that.Your playing against hard wired dna.

Also,beautiful woman are a challenge,which again does not help the man,and lets face it,they are more fun to be with,plus you never really know until downstream how things are going to go,thats why its dangerous.

Every man thats watched,the countless movies out there that(think that movie with demi moore,micheal douglas,or all the others know how increadibly hard it would be to fight off your desires if you were put into that situation.The margin of error is small.Think Bill clinton,he knew he was playing with fire,the governor of new york,he knew too,so did that other president nominee from the south,cant think of his name.These are very intelligent men,that got burnt...any man breathing can somewhat understand how these guys got in hot water,even thou once the **** hit the fan,they looked like dummies.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

getting mixed up here between true gold digging & power groupie syndrome, which is what afflicted clinton & other political leaders w trousers problems.

power, said henry kissinger, is the greatest aphrodisiac of them all.


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## bean438 (Jul 18, 2009)

****


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

bean438 on monday 25 april/11 at 12:58 am:

_" No comment from me. Wouldn't want to upset the ** in here. 
If you don't like what I say, *."_ 

lol bean this is at least the 2nd or 3rd time you've told me to eff myself.

previously the moderators have always deleted your messages, but this time i copied it so i can post it back from time to time.

everyone in the forum needs a chance to admire your profound respect for women. Not to speak of all that l-o-v-e which you give & receive.

ps one of the women you effed in this forum - in an explosion of anti-native racism - is a sweet young bride whose highly successful husband has an ojibway mother. Did. you. ever. think. of. something. like. that. Bean.


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

bean438 said:


> No comment from me. Wouldn't want to upset the** in here.
> 
> If you don't like what I say, **.


What is this crap? Seriously. Are you 11?


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## CanadianCapitalist (Mar 31, 2009)

bean438 said:


> No comment from me. Wouldn't want to upset the dumb bitches in here.
> 
> If you don't like what I say, go **** your self.


Keep in mind that we should keep discussions polite and civil around here. You've been given a warning. You may not get another one.

Forum Rules


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

humble_pie said:


> power, said henry kissinger, is the greatest aphrodisiac of them all.


Indeed!

http://www.economist.com/node/15328544


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

Toronto.gal said:


> Indeed!
> 
> http://www.economist.com/node/15328544


Good read. I wish I could say I was surprised at the findings, but I'm not.

I also think there's a lot of good stuff in donald's earlier post for those who haven't read it. It's easy to say we'd do one thing, but love isn't about rationale or logic, it's an emotional thing, and it's easy to get swept up and carried away.


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## stinsont (May 29, 2009)

CanadianCapitalist said:


> Keep in mind that we should keep discussions polite and civil around here. You've been given a warning. You may not get another one.
> 
> Forum Rules


an idiot like 'bean' gets a warning? seriously?


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