# Funeral Time Off Question



## Harp (Jul 18, 2012)

I work in a corporate office - started there in January this yr and just made my 6 mos prob period.

Anyways, my wifes first cousin just past away after a long battle with cancer - funeral is Wed. I am going to the viewing the night before but is it professional or not professional of me to request time off for the funeral? The funeral is smack in the middle of the day and over 2 hrs from where I work so not like its just around the corner.

Just wondering do I bother asking for the day off to attend or just go to work? What does work think when its not really a close direct relative like a parent or sibling?


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## Nemo2 (Mar 1, 2012)

Ask to take a vacation day...give the reason.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

Ask for the day off, say what it's for, and ask how they would like to account for the time in your pay: paid time off, unpaid time off; if paid, formal vacation or informal (does not reduce your vacation time earned). 

Going to your wife's cousin's funeral is a demonstration of responsibility and integrity...you should not worry at all at how this might make you look to your employers - they want employees who have this level of personal responsibility.


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## Harp (Jul 18, 2012)

I just dont want them to feel like I am scamming or anything. Am I worrying too much?


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

It is good to worry about these things, but you are overworrying this one. :02.47-tranquillity:


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## My Own Advisor (Sep 24, 2012)

Make the responsible call. Take the day off. Don't overthink it.


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## birdman (Feb 12, 2013)

Suggest you just approach your boss and mention that you have a funeral to go to and you not mind taking it as a vacation day or that you could certainly "make up the time". Shouldn't and probably won't be an issue and I'm sure your boss will just say "of course, go ahead" and "I'm sorry".


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

To not (or at least offer) take a vacation day and expect the employer to automatically cover your day off is unprofessional.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

I'm going to sound like a jerk but i like to ''weight" things!Of course take the day off!But if you never knew the cousin(did you?,or were you just really informal with him/her? a couple times in life type thing)Even so support your wife.......(that is likely the important thing here)

Maybe i'm strange but i would run this through my head:
Would my wife go to my cousin's funeral?,same circumstance.
Would my wife's cousin go to my funeral?I know it awful!but i would prob think quickly about it.(because it is a new job)


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

I think if your wife was close to her cousin it is appropriate for you to go to so you can support her. I think I would handle it this way. Go to your boss and tell him that your wife's first cousin died and you feel you need to go to the funeral to the funeral to support your wife. Ask what the policy would be regarding such a leave. If you haven't used any sick leave to this point, I think they should give you the day.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

Thinking about this further.I'm not really sure you should go!(if you were close with the cousin ect,you would of never posted the question-it would of been a no questions asked)
I actually think you should think about this,esp if this a firm you want to rise up in

You took a demanding corporate job and now(esp)management is going to be looking at everything(gotta be honest a cousin from a spouse side might be a ''grey'' area.What is next?I think you should def support your wife but at the same time your wife should also support you(your new corporate job that directly takes care of you and her and your well being together)

Like it or not your boss might not be a bleeding heart and he might not give you a mark against going(but might also ''file'' it away as not a positive)
You are ''meeting'' your spouse half-way(going the night before)


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## Harp (Jul 18, 2012)

Taking the morning to attend the funeral and will work from home the rest of the day. :encouragement: 

Not sure how much more I could have offered, other than not going at all.


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## Eclectic12 (Oct 20, 2010)

MoneyGal said:


> Ask for the day off, say what it's for, and ask how they would like to account for the time in your pay: paid time off, unpaid time off; if paid, formal vacation or informal (does not reduce your vacation time earned).
> 
> Going to your wife's cousin's funeral is a demonstration of responsibility and integrity...you should not worry at all at how this might make you look to your employers - they want employees who have this level of personal responsibility.


+1 ... though with way the criteria for "bereavement days" has changed over the years for the companies I've worked for, I'd also call HR and/or ask the manager what the criteria is. I'd make it clear that one is not looking for anything special (i.e. willing to take vacation or unpaid time off if necessary).




Harp said:


> I just dont want them to feel like I am scamming or anything. Am I worrying too much?


Yes ... as long as the message is clearly communicated that you are being responsible by arranging in advance as much as possible & confirming what the options are, unless there is some over-riding factor (ex. are doing tax returns or havesting in the busy time), only a bad boss is going to give you a hard time. 

At the end of the day, MG's approach is a clarification question - which is part of the supervisor or manager's job.


Disappearing & not telling anyone on the other hand ... is unprofessional. 

Cheers


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## Eclectic12 (Oct 20, 2010)

donald said:


> Thinking about this further.I'm not really sure you should go!(if you were close with the cousin ect,you would of never posted the question-it would of been a no questions asked) ...
> 
> You took a demanding corporate job and now(esp)management is going to be looking at everything(gotta be honest a cousin from a spouse side might be a ''grey'' area ... What is next?
> 
> Like it or not your boss might not be a bleeding heart and he might not give you a mark against going(but might also ''file'' it away as not a positive ...


IMO, the first question is what one feels one needs to do, whether it's for one's self, one's wife or the cousin's family. Over time, one regrets sweating the small stuff, especially if others down the road ask for similar and get it.

Yes - it is a risk but "I work in a corporate office ... " does not tell us if it is a demanding corporate job, let alone what type of boss. Then too, if the boss is the type to hold it against one, they are likely to be blunt about their displeasure & probably already are marking down any perceived "bad" marks.

As for it being a "grey" area - how is it any different than "my fridge broke and I need to be home in the morning for the delivery of the new one"? Unless one has a large family & the misfortune of a steady string of deaths in a short time, I wouldn't worry about it.


Cheers


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

I was just looking at it from the boss angle.
Example:{boss}dianne where is xyz file?did you get that sorted out and are we on track with it?I want to wrap this up for client abc and it would be great to get it billed out by weeks end.
{dianne} Peter is working on it and as far as i know it is on track
{boss}Peter,yes the new kid,where is peter?have him see me 
{dianne}Did hr not tell you peter is at a funeral?
{boss}funeral?Look we need to get back on track with abc,you know we having been dropping the ball lately with that account,dianne sort this out now and get it back on track today!understood,thanks
{dianne-sara}fuk do you know how to get into peter's file?Damn peter is at this damn funeral and i forgot to sort this out!{sara}peter went to a spouses cousin's funeral?Since when is this the protocal?Damn i wish peter was here,were both staying after hrs you know.


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## Eclectic12 (Oct 20, 2010)

donald said:


> I was just looking at it from the boss angle.
> 
> Example:{boss}dianne where is xyz file? ...
> 
> ...


That's a pretty forgetful & sloppy boss - considering the advice was to go *to the boss*, explain that the time off was for a funeral & ask for the time off as well as what the options were. This would give the opportunity for the boss to identify any workload/timing issues as well as suggest any workarounds, would it not?

The post was on Sunday for a Wed funeral so likely, there's two days for the boss to deal with it. If the boss can't & is going to blame the employee, that's not a boss to keep working for long. Bungling a simple request that is part of their job likely means they are going bungle more important things like promotions, vacation and pay.


BTW - any time I've spoken to HR, after outlining the policy & options, like the posters here - they've said to talk to the the boss first. So unless both HR and the boss are useless - there shouldn't be any surprises.


Cheers


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

If you're employer is the type that would give you a hard time about attending a funeral, you're better off to find out now so you can start looking for an employer with a heart.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

Agreed that you should not work for someone who takes issue with employees taking time off (vacation or unpaid) to attend a funeral.


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

andrewf said:


> Agreed that you should not work for someone who takes issue with employees taking time off (vacation or unpaid) to attend a funeral.


Exactly. There's almost always more time to make more money. This is an important time to support your spouse.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

Fair enough.I have never worked in a corporate environment.Pure private sector(never had any benefits/human resources/paid time off/holiday/pension....ect)
My glasses might be skewed!
I have worked for some(contracts ect)tough private owners/companies before.I would prob think i was in heaven working for a company that ''puts'' employees first.
I'm looking @ it from my perspective.
I worked with a guy(father was on his death bed)and the guy was expected to not take time off and complete his work.(otherwise good bye)
This is off topic but i never assume the world or bosses have a automatic bleeding heart.....tougher environment perhaps.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

Donald - I often wish some of the environments I worked in were "tougher." I don't mean about paid time off; some of the entitlement amongst employees that I've experienced drives me INSANE.


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

Agreed. Most people are always scratching for more free time off. Oddly, it's always been in the corporate world and it's the government jobs that seem to have the tougher work ethic.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

MG-I wouldn't know how to relate(by the way i'm not saying i am jealous nor feel srry for myself)I just know or knew when i started in construction(house framing/roofing)and worked for my private owner boss things were the farthest thing away from what is ''now'' in the work force.
If my boss took on a contract to frame a house and it was expected to be done in 3 weeks time it was done.I guess what i am saying is it wasn't so much the boss was a a-hole as it was that he could not afford to stop the ''train" the builder gave him the contract with a specified dead line(the happy couple building the house and the bank probably)signed.
We had a four man crew and you HAD to pick your spots for time off(i personally would likely not attend in op shoes)If you took a week off you might not be coming back,i'm not kidding.
Heck my boss(could never do this now with cor/safety ect)use to remove guards from all the saws so it would save time(not kidding,dangerous be on believe!)these were just the way things were.There was no such things as labour laws ect(there was,we just did not know better or just went with it)


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

donald said:


> We had a four man crew and you HAD to pick your spots for time off(i personally would likely not attend in op shoes)If you took a week off you might not be coming back,i'm not kidding.
> Heck my boss(could never do this now with cor/safety ect)use to remove guards from all the saws so it would save time(not kidding,dangerous be on believe!)these were just the way things were.There was no such things as labour laws ect(there was,we just did not know better or just went with it)


Your boss was an idiot.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

Agreed. Your boss was an idiot. If his negligence caused a workplace injury, he could be facing criminal charges.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

Yeah i know(i'm not agreeing with his conduct)I honestly think it was just the ''culture" and lack of knowing better with a dash of the realities of a start-up company trying to ''make'' it.
This was mid 90's my boss was a 27 yr old(kid)i was like 20.He is doing good now and everything he does is above board and he is ethical but at that time he had 3 young kids and a family to support.
There was no intent to abuse anyone.I know that sounds crazy.
Re:safety-the government has only stepped in recently(10 yrs or so)it was highly unregulated!Today i need to literally need to almost wear a hard hat in my truck on the way to work!In the mid 90's we would be on a 2 story house without a harness and it was ''usual'' business,in fact i remember we use to say to new guys(if they came up on a roof)that we needed to beat the boy blood out of them if they were scared.


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

Ah the good 'ol days eh? yeah, a lot of the old guard think back to these days with fondness - unfortunately many of them forget how many people were killed or hurt.

Although regulation in some sectors seems a bit extreme - i would rather be over trained for safety rather than the alternative.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

Agreed!and i ''aint" even that old!
Not much different than how farmer's operate(or did)My cousin grew up as a farmer(different because it was a family farm but never the less)The things that were expected of my cousin would prob make a millennium these days crying to every legislative body there is.
I honestly do not know if he was ''paid'' half the time.........he would be deathly ill with tooth pick's in his eyes @ 3am in the mourning if it meant the field had to be harvested.
Also:I did not carry on after high school(i got grade 11,drop-out)So it was not like i had a choice,i took the first job i got in construction.
Today i run a business and am very well compensated and have a strong financial profile.


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## Eclectic12 (Oct 20, 2010)

donald said:


> Fair enough.I have never worked in a corporate environment.
> Pure private sector(never had any benefits/human resources/paid time off/holiday/pension....etc)
> 
> My glasses might be skewed!


Unless it's a typo ... your glasses are definitely skewed if to you, employers with benefits equates to gov't! 
The common use of "private sector" is to the area of the economy controlled by private individuals & groups instead of the gov't.

I've only worked for the private sector and mainly for corporations so the two can be the same thing.




donald said:


> I have worked for some(contracts ect)tough private owners/companies before.
> I would prob think i was in heaven working for a company that ''puts'' employees first.


Now I suspect you've gone from skewed to rose coloured glasses. Just because the corporation pays benefits, holidays etc. doesn't mean the boss isn't a jerk, underhanded or a slime ball. 

My first annual review started with "Eleven and a half months ago, you typed command x and you should have typed command y so I'm marking your score down because of it .... " Then too, when the tech crash happened in 2000 - my American co-workers didn't appreciate the across the board 30% pay cut to "become competitive again".

Or perhaps a better example was the corporation that the CEO dictated that no further overtime was to be approved but the work still had to be done. I know of at least three people who worked for free for the company to the tune of twenty hours a month for a year.




donald said:


> I'm looking @ it from my perspective.
> 
> I worked with a guy(father was on his death bed)and the guy was expected to not take time off and complete his work.(otherwise good bye)
> This is off topic but i never assume the world or bosses have a automatic bleeding heart.....tougher environment perhaps.


And I don't see how asking for time off and being responsible enough to request it in advance is expecting a "bleeding heart".


Cheers


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## Eclectic12 (Oct 20, 2010)

none said:


> Agreed. Most people are always scratching for more free time off. Oddly, it's always been in the corporate world and it's the government jobs that seem to have the tougher work ethic.


I disagree that most are scratching for free time off. 
It's the noisy 35% or so that takes all of the attention.

I've seen worse in the gov't but would not presume to know the percentages.


Cheers


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## Eclectic12 (Oct 20, 2010)

donald said:


> MG-I wouldn't know how to relate ... I just know or knew when i started in construction(house framing/roofing)and worked for my private owner boss things were the farthest thing away from what is ''now'' in the work force.
> 
> If my boss took on a contract to frame a house and it was expected to be done in 3 weeks time it was done ...


To come close to some of the jerk corporate bosses I've experienced - your owner boss would signup for the job to be done in three weeks, would send the crew to another job for two weeks then have two days of meetings to discuss other jobs and then threaten to dock your pay for not getting a three week job done in three days.

I'm not saying it works this way all the time but I am saying that the corporate world is not as easy as it sounds on paper.


Cheers


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## none (Jan 15, 2013)

Eclectic12 said:


> I disagree that most are scratching for free time off.
> It's the noisy 35% or so that takes all of the attention.
> 
> I've seen worse in the gov't but would not presume to know the percentages.
> ...


I agree with the 35% - I think I may have exaggerated by mistake. It's weird that I've found the government agencies I've worked with to be more efficient than the private -- seems contrary to many other people. Oh well, sampling I guess.


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