# Dating



## cash (Mar 5, 2011)

What do other forum members think is an appropriate amount to spend on dating? How should the costs be split? This mostly relates to young single people.


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## newfoundlander61 (Feb 6, 2011)

One way to handle it is to give them a set amount of cash for the date. Maybe a movie and pizza afterwards would be good. Say $50 bucks should cover that nicely.


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## peterk (May 16, 2010)

First date? An alcoholic drink followed by a brief walk around the town/park is the best first date there is. It gives you a chance to talk, sit close to each other to flirt, and costs ~$10.

Save movies and dinners at restaurants you want to try for friends or a serious (several months) girlfriend. 

Spending 50 bucks on someone you've just met is only asking for trouble in that:
1) It sets a bad expectation from the start that you will provide for her when she hasn't done anything for you yet.
2) You will forever be in mental anguish/kicking yourself for wasting money if you spend big bucks on every woman you meet only to have things fizzle out in a date or two or three.

This advice is for men, obviously.

**************************************************************************

OCT 14 UPDATE:

I would, with respect to all CMF members, suggest that anyone aged 15-30 reading this who's interested in casual dating, to click the back button. IMHO the cumulative advice of this thread will do more harm than good.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

Great advice, peterk!

I think it's good to dress well/get cleaned up beforehand. Be respectful and be yourself. Be on time or early and try to keep things light at first.


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## Nemo2 (Mar 1, 2012)

I still remember a Jules Feiffer cartoon from about 50 years ago, (the guy's 83 now), featuring two vertical parallel strips.......the guy on the left reviews, day-by-day, a week of dating where he spends more money on his date each time, dinners, live shows, etc; at the end of the week he's broke so he asks her if they can stay in and watch TV......she dumps him.

The guy on the right side looks at his week.....day one, they go for a walk....day two, window shopping, etc, etc, (he hasn't spent a dime)........come Saturday he offers to take her to the movies....."She was SO grateful" he said.


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## Dopplegangerr (Sep 3, 2011)

Yea I took the new bird Im seeing out for Lobster Thermador in the first week. Now three weeks in she is complaining we dont go out enough. 
Maybe I went about things backwards....


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## underemployedactor (Oct 22, 2011)

Perhaps if you'd taken her for Lobster _Thermidor she'd have been more grateful._


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## Young&Ambitious (Aug 11, 2010)

With all the above being said already I feel I should add that taking a girl out and showing her a good time and spending money does show that you are seriously into her. For example, taking a girl to the Keg versus McDonald's shows you mean business.


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## newfoundlander61 (Feb 6, 2011)

I used $50 after going to a movie myself last week and saw the cost of food there, crazy. 



peterk said:


> First date? An alcoholic drink followed by a brief walk around the town/park is the best first date there is. It gives you a chance to talk, sit close to each other to flirt, and costs ~$10.
> 
> Save movies and dinners at restaurants you want to try for friends or a serious (several months) girlfriend.
> 
> ...


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## Dmoney (Apr 28, 2011)

Coupon date all the way...
Two can dine for $8.99 at McDonald's
50% off mini-putt
$2 off milk shake

If she sticks around for a second date you know she's a keeper!!!!


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## riseofamillionaire (Feb 23, 2012)

If it's the first date don't spend a lot because she'll expect it forever. Besides that, mcdees drivethru and movies at home. The walk by the river or downtown works well too, maybe buy a coffee just to not be a total cheap ***


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## Dopplegangerr (Sep 3, 2011)

underemployedactor said:


> Perhaps if you'd taken her for Lobster _Thermidor she'd have been more grateful._


Thanks for correcting my spelling. Good work


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## blin10 (Jun 27, 2011)

not sure what type of girls eat macd's, whales ? 



Dmoney said:


> Coupon date all the way...
> Two can dine for $8.99 at McDonald's
> 50% off mini-putt
> $2 off milk shake
> ...


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## HaroldCrump (Jun 10, 2009)

Dmoney said:


> Coupon date all the way...
> Two can dine for $8.99 at McDonald's
> 50% off mini-putt
> $2 off milk shake
> ...


Seriously, guys?
You'd take a girl to McD's on first date?
Geez, I've been out of the game for too long it seems :rolleyes2:


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## Guigz (Oct 28, 2010)

Why not do some sports as a first date or some type of outdoor activity?

Maybe some light refreshments afterwards?


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

these are the Lost Boys whom no woman in her right mind would ever date.

dmoney in particular is slumming here - D look at all those $$ you keep throwing around in this forum including your high salary-plus-bonus. U should be mortally embarassed to be caught dead talking about taking dates out for a cheepio $4.495 mdD 1/2 coupon.

oh, well. One good thing is that guys like this are never going to find the class women.


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

Dmoney said:


> Coupon date all the way...
> Two can dine for $8.99 at McDonald's
> 50% off mini-putt
> $2 off milk shake
> ...


 ... maybe ... did you get her to pick up the tab too? That would be even nicer...lol. :tongue-new:


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## Barwelle (Feb 23, 2011)

The Lost Boys? "...oh the lost boys... they never grew up yet..."

How about convincing a girl who said she was afraid of rides, to take a ride on a roller coaster?

It was a risk... buuut she [grudgingly] admitted afterwards that it was fun.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

I like to be democratic about these things. Her area of town or mine? Pick her up or meet her there? Tea? I try not to go overboard during the first date, keep it low key, casual, respectful. The daycare called MCD's isn't really my idea of a nice first date place. I want to go somewhere where I can have a discussion with her and hear what she's saying, not a bunch of noise and silliness around.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Courting [behaving] with class is definitely not dead, but there are plenty of men [and women] everywhere, who lack social etiquette, period.

I would expect an adolescent to take his/her date to MCD/THI, but not an adult. 

I don't quite understand why a grown person would need this sort of advice, it's no rocket science.


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## Guigz (Oct 28, 2010)

Toronto.gal said:


> I don't quite understand why a grown person would need this sort of advice, *it's no rocket science*.


Whereas personal finance is? C'mon, it's an internet forum.... for discussion...:rolleyes2:

This could be your chance to contribute by sharing the social etiquette that so many are lacking?


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Barwelle said:


> How about convincing a girl who said she was afraid of rides, to take a ride on a roller coaster?


Sure, why not? I actually find this helpful, but as long as you did not put a weapon to her head. :biggrin:


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

McDonald's for coffee--maybe. For dinner? I don't go there myself.

I think it's good advice not to go over the top on the first date. You don't want a woman who is looking for a man to 'take care of her' (buy her stuff). You should be looking for a partner, not a dependent.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Guigz said:


> 1. Whereas personal finance is?
> 2. This could be your chance to contribute.....


1. No rocket science either; I said so many times on the forum, with examples! 
2. Given your post count is rather low after 2 years, I'll let you do that!


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## Guigz (Oct 28, 2010)

Toronto.gal said:


> 2. Given your post count is rather low after 2 years, I'll let you do that!


Sure, because quantity = quality right?

If I had to guess from your post, I would say that the first rule of social etiquette is to be rude to people that ask questions. AMIRITE? :encouragement:


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## Barwelle (Feb 23, 2011)

No no, T.Gal! Of course there were no weapons! Just soothing words of encouragement. 

I'd go to McD's for ice cream... or maybe DQ. Not for real food though. (They don't even have real food at these places.)

I agree that you can't cheap out... but andrewf, you got it spot-on. "You should be looking for a partner, not a dependent." While I am no great success with women myself... I inwardly shake my head at an acquaintance when he tells me how his expensive clothes, watches, and truck help him with women. Though maybe all he wants is a series of flings (or other short term arrangements).


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

I agree with tgal and humble - McDs for food is definitely a no-no unless maybe you are in high school.

It's not that you have to spend a certain amount per date, it's just that for a particular activity - minimum levels of decorum (and expenditure) must be met.

If you want to do a food date (ie lunch/dinner), you just can't do fast food. Find some other option else that doesn't cost much (ie ethnic food) and do that.

Or just do something else that doesn't involve a lot of money - hiking for example.


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## blin10 (Jun 27, 2011)

Barwelle said:


> No no, T.Gal! Of course there were no weapons! Just soothing words of encouragement.
> 
> I'd go to McD's for ice cream... or maybe DQ. Not for real food though. (They don't even have real food at these places.)
> 
> I agree that you can't cheap out... but andrewf, you got it spot-on. "You should be looking for a partner, not a dependent." While I am no great success with women myself... *I inwardly shake my head at an acquaintance when he tells me how his expensive clothes, watches, and truck help him with women.* Though maybe all he wants is a series of flings (or other short term arrangements).


you shake your head but he's sleeping with girls, you probably deep down jealous of that... it was from day one where women would go for a guy who would catch animals the fastest, who would be the biggest, who would have more tools for survival, etc, etc, her live depended on it... now that instinct is still there it's just instead of a horse it's a car, etc... girl does not have to be a gold digger, why would a good looking girl settle with a guy who uses coupons at macd's where she can be properly treated to a decent place? you call that gold digging I call that plain simple logic


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## Nemo2 (Mar 1, 2012)

I'd suggest that women with character/personality would choose coffee and a chat at a diner with someone who interests them, (and is interesting), over a 'fancy' dinner with a guy that bores them shitless.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Guigz said:


> If I had to guess from your post, I would say that the first rule of social etiquette is to be rude to people that ask questions. AMIRITE? :encouragement:


Pick on me all you like Guigz; wouldn't be the 1st time. :rolleyes2: 

Seems your definition of 'rude' is not the same as mine, and that's perfectly fine, so how about we leave it at that?

Have a pleasant weekend.


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## blin10 (Jun 27, 2011)

agreed, but you can't always go for a coffee... and I wasn't talking about fancy dinners that cost a fortune



Nemo2 said:


> I'd suggest that women with character/personality would choose coffee and a chat at a diner with someone who interests them, (and is interesting), over a 'fancy' dinner with a guy that bores them shitless.


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## Guigz (Oct 28, 2010)

Toronto.gal said:


> Pick on me all you like Guigz; wouldn't be the 1st time. :rolleyes2:


Ah come on, you know that I tease because I l:love-struck:ve!


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## Barwelle (Feb 23, 2011)

Fair point, blin. Women don't want losers who cannot provide. Same goes for men and our ideal for women... we are wired to be attracted to the characteristics of a woman that would make her a good mate (whether temporary or long term).

But: Since when is being flashy a requirement for being a desirable man? You don't need a gold watch to be the modern-day equivalent of the guy who can catch animals, start fires, and has tools for survival. 

This is getting a little personal. Okay... maybe a little jealousy is involved. If I was so jealous, though, and wanted the (allegedly) long list that he has, I'd be wearing a fancy watch and driving a $50,000 truck.


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## Nemo2 (Mar 1, 2012)

blin10 said:


> agreed, but you can't always go for a coffee... and I wasn't talking about fancy dinners that cost a fortune


I was just talking in generalities.


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## Barwelle (Feb 23, 2011)

If you want to talk about simple logic, who is logically the better mate? The guy who spends his money on flashy material posessions, or the guy who saves money for things like retirement, investing in a business, buying a house, travelling, etc.?


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

I like women with big RRSPs.


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## Young&Ambitious (Aug 11, 2010)

Four Pillars said:


> I like women with big RRSPs.


Haha I like guys with big assets :biggrin:

That's why girls often go for guys who look the part (ie. Barwelle's friends with the superficial goodies), the assumption is if one can walk the walk they have a better odd of being able to talk to talk. Er did that make sense?


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## blin10 (Jun 27, 2011)

"Since when is being flashy a requirement for being a desirable man?" , it's not so much of being flashy it's standing out a little, it's all psychology... you might think girl is stupid and reacting to the flashiness but in reality girl might like that someone standing out, a little cocky (not going over board), get her gfs jealous, or a ton of other things that we as men cannot understand... money and expensive cars will not get you women on it's own but it does help


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## blin10 (Jun 27, 2011)

how would a chick know you're investing and planning ahead? you can have millions saved up but if you're going on a date via subway and eating macd's you will not stand out in any way for her, you'll be just a regular joe shmo... 



Barwelle said:


> If you want to talk about simple logic, who is logically the better mate? The guy who spends his money on flashy material posessions, or the guy who saves money for things like retirement, investing in a business, buying a house, travelling, etc.?


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## Barwelle (Feb 23, 2011)

That's why I shake my head... being flashy seems to be this guy's game plan. He's focusing more on _looking_ desirable, rather than _being_ desirable.

Y&A that does make sense... that's the way it is. Whaddaya guys think, should I start carrying my bank statements with me to show girls?


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

guys you are hilarious. But it's easy to see that it's the older males who are carrying the day.

they're the ones who know how to treat people with respect. Grace. Courtesy. They have a twinkle in the eye. They're even better at certain, ah, sports, that are definitely beyond rollercoaster riding.

barwelle i suspect you are going to be what they call a Late Bloomer. They don't really come into their own until they're in their 30s. There's a long polishing process involved, but in the end they are pearls beyond price. It can be disappointing for a young man in his early 20s to see flash/truck making it so easily, but ask yourself this, would you really want those girls.

cheer up, bar. In the end, flash/truck is more likely to wind up a mess, while at 35 you'll be the porsche-driving lord of several thousand hectares ...


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## blin10 (Jun 27, 2011)

humble_pie said:


> guys you are hilarious. But it's easy to see that it's the older males who are carrying the day.
> 
> they're the ones who know how to treat people with respect. Grace. Courtesy. They have a twinkle in the eye. They're even better at certain, ah, sports, that are definitely beyond rollercoaster riding.
> 
> ...


who knows humble, life is funny... flash/truck might actually enjoy life and women while making good money and can also drive porsche at 35 (i'm a living proof to that, and i'm not even 30 yet), while guy who saves until 40's might not even make it to that age or have depression and not have confidence with women down the road, then all the money in the world won't save him...


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## Daenerys Targaryen (May 11, 2012)

I'm a fairly shy and humble woman and I've never been attracted to "flashy" guys or people who are materialistic. I haven't dated a lot, by my perfect first date is to go somewhere for a drink, hopefully a fairly quiet place without a live band, and sit, talk, and get a sense of the other as a person. Than go for a nice walk to finish out the evening.

Spending a lot of money on a first date is unnecessary and uncomfortable.


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## jcgd (Oct 30, 2011)

I think it's strange to meet someone as a date and try to find friendship in it. I'm more of the "love is friendship set on fire" opinion.

My girlfriend and I were good friends for six years before we started dating. I suppose this isn't typical though as many people are afraid to risk the friendship if the relationship doesn't work out. The thing is, I was crazy about her, she was crazy about me. We were great friends for six years, and you don't do that if you don't feel a connection to each other. When we decided to be together we were both in points in ours lives where it just worked out. 

Going on a date and finding true love is luck of the draw in my opinion. The chances are just as good if you stopped some random on the street and talked them into a date. I think the chances are much more stacked in your favour if you have whittled down the options through the years and have found someone through the test of time and friendship.

I can't think of a single friend of the opposite sex that I was strictly only attracted to in a "friendly" way. I've always* loved* them strictly on the personality level, at least. Otherwise why be friends with them? Same goes for males. I would honestly say that I love my long term male friends just like my brothers. But when you are fiercely attracted to both someone's personality AND physical attributes it doesn't make sense how you could only want to be friends with them if there is nothing stopping it, such as a shared workplace, significant others, etc. And only staying friends in order to not lose the friendship could cost you the best part of you life.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

^ Yes. To be fair to the ladies, part of spending a lot of money on a first date is also some pressure on the woman to go farther than she might want to on the the first (or second) date. Women obviously don't owe a guy anything if he spends a lot, but I think some guys think that they do. Better not to put someone in that position, I think.


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## riseofamillionaire (Feb 23, 2012)

Daenerys Targaryen said:


> I'm a fairly shy and humble woman and I've never been attracted to "flashy" guys or people who are materialistic. I haven't dated a lot, by my perfect first date is to go somewhere for a drink, hopefully a fairly quiet place without a live band, and sit, talk, and get a sense of the other as a person. Than go for a nice walk to finish out the evening.
> 
> Spending a lot of money on a first date is unnecessary and uncomfortable.


This is where I would stand. It would be awkward if I took out a girl for the first time and she expected a lavish dinner etc. You want to get to know the person, money should be irrelevant in relationship.


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## Mall Guy (Sep 14, 2011)

. . . but what if you could reserve the leather seats in front of the fireplace at McDs . . . changes everything!!! Seriously, if you have to go this route, make it a picnic . . . somewhere with a view and a couple of those self contain 375 ml wine-n-glass-in-one thingies . . . me, I live in Canada's ocean playground, so picking up a couple of McLobster sandwiches and off to the beach at sunset . . . all right


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## Young&Ambitious (Aug 11, 2010)

Mall Guy does not take a girl to the mall on the first date I see :chuncky:


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## Mall Guy (Sep 14, 2011)

Young&Ambitious said:


> Mall Guy does not take a girl to the mall on the first date I see :chuncky:


Just the one time, but that was for lunch, and I needed a woman's opinion on a new suit for an interview later that week! Still have the suit, but not the girl 

Seriously, I find that taping a copy of my T-4 to my car window and "Cruisin' the Dub" works just as well !!!


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

IMo-red wine goes a loooong way on a first date lol,i don't mind spending $ on a first date(ie formal)they way i date ive already meet her in somekind of setting that leads to the date.I like to have a good time regardless of the outcome and having a good time requires spending some $$!I'm in my thirties so mcd and coupon clipping is out!You got to bring some game!

I want to present myself as a ''man" and not a ''boy".I always pay everything on a first date 2(does'nt matter what we are doing),always.......that is just me.There is no other way to do it.


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## Mall Guy (Sep 14, 2011)

Anyone tried It's Just Lunch or POF ?


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## riseofamillionaire (Feb 23, 2012)

I'm not looking to portray myself as a man or boy. I'm just looking to be me. If you try to portray anyone but yourself, down the road, your real self comes out and she won't like that guy very much. I do pay everything on dates tho - in that way I'm old fashioned.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

Fair-enough!I'm old fashioned also(ie:conservative).Im also looking to be me(and that is not going to mcd)I don't do ''fake" guy crap.I agree 100% with you!


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## riseofamillionaire (Feb 23, 2012)

fyi im hopelessly single and always have had trouble approaching/ talking to women. Take my messages with a grain of salt! LOL


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

Don't worry riseofamillionaire - with that moniker, certain women will want to approach/talk to you. :biggrin:


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## Young&Ambitious (Aug 11, 2010)

Mall Guy said:


> Anyone tried It's Just Lunch or POF ?


*Shyly puts up hand*

Yes and and almost two years later going strong; although I do find it embarrassing to admit I met my guy online. But you know what, it's about meeting the right person and those online profiles do weed out alot of people who don't meet your interests. It probably saved me from a lot of first dates where I had to figure out that profile information about the other person. Not that that's a bad thing persay but oh gawd but there can be some bad first dates (and good stories).


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

No worries!im just chiming in.Confidence bud!that is half the battle!But you look like your in your 20's,i get it.


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## riseofamillionaire (Feb 23, 2012)

That's great that you found someone special online. Never seriously thought about doing that but if this drags on I might. If you don't mind YandA, what site did you use?


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## riseofamillionaire (Feb 23, 2012)

Beaver101 said:


> Don't worry riseofamillionaire - with that moniker, certain women will want to approach/talk to you. :biggrin:


Some women do like my 'what you see is what you get/ nothing to hide' style, but I think I just need to try more and be more cognizant of what they want. Need to start swinging at more pitches.


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## riseofamillionaire (Feb 23, 2012)

no worries Donald! I am in my 20s too, so no rush right.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

30 is the new 20 and 40 is the new 30.....so im like 14 rise lol!No rush @ all!lol


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## Dmoney (Apr 28, 2011)

HaroldCrump said:


> Seriously, guys?
> You'd take a girl to McD's on first date?
> Geez, I've been out of the game for too long it seems :rolleyes2:





Beaver101 said:


> ... maybe ... did you get her to pick up the tab too? That would be even nicer...lol. :tongue-new:





blin10 said:


> not sure what type of girls eat macd's, whales ?





humble_pie said:


> these are the Lost Boys whom no woman in her right mind would ever date.
> 
> dmoney in particular is slumming here - D look at all those $$ you keep throwing around in this forum including your high salary-plus-bonus. U should be mortally embarassed to be caught dead talking about taking dates out for a cheepio $4.495 mdD 1/2 coupon.
> 
> oh, well. One good thing is that guys like this are never going to find the class women.


Ouch!!!!!

I wouldn't want to be a girl who actually eats at McDonald's :upset:
And yes, the feminist equality agenda would dictate that she pays, since the coupon covers my half, so it's only fair that she pays the rest :tongue-new:

I do love the responses and discussion generated from my contribution.
Was a little heavy on the sarcasm... 
But it's kind of funny that you can only attract "class" ladies with egregious displays of wealth.

I see these "class" women every weekend I go out with guys from work, willing to do anything for the guy who spends $200 on them... They subsequently do the walk of shame in the AM, never to get called back.
I see these same "class" women emerge as the second or third wives of the top guys at my firm.
Also see them as the first and second ex-wives of the same top guys.

I prefer to call them what they are: Gold Diggers.

While McD's is a bit of an exaggeration, any women worth pursuing will see past the venue to the guy they are out with.


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## riseofamillionaire (Feb 23, 2012)

The mcdonalds thing is a bit of a stretch on the first date. My recent first dates have been for a beer and walk, went to a casino and walked (didn't spend money) and out for sushi.

humblepie can have the "class" women. Id rather have a cool 7, than a classy 9. I don't want to have to sustain a relationship with money.


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## lonewolf (Jun 12, 2012)

Who ever does the asking should pay the costs for the activity they invite the other person to do. Unless the person that was asked wants to pay thier own way.


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## Compounding1 (May 13, 2012)

I took my gf out for mini putt on our first date. I think it makes for a good date. Gives you something to talk about, active, cheap, etc. Bowling is another one that can be cheap depending on the day you go and is usually a good time.
I expected to pay on a first date, but come the second date if I haven't even at least got a fake attempt to pay for her share then shes done and it's on to the next one!


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## callyhan (Dec 7, 2010)

I remember one of mine and the bf's first dates was to the boat show at the direct energy centre. Pretty low entrance fee, ice breaker to talk about the boats, and lots of time to chat as we were walking around. We both are not even into boating, but maybe that's why it was so fun.


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## travelgeek (Nov 29, 2009)

Compounding1 said:


> I expected to pay on a first date, but come the second date if I haven't even at least got a fake attempt to pay for her share then shes done and it's on to the next one!


This. I'm old fashioned in that I don't mind paying for most of the dates, and I don't really like the exact splitting of bills, but I have to see at least some attempt to pay for something.


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

None of the guys here like romance??maybe its just me(im single,and like it,but by society standards ive failed-ie 33 yr old)I feel like it shows class to pay.Im italian so maybe that explians it!


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

No offense, there may be a reason why there are so many single guys here... 

It's been a long time since I've been in the dating scene, but there's got to be a balance here. I don't think its necessary nor the best environment for a 5 star restaurant for a first date, but fast food:stupid: Keep in mind that when one is dating, they are in the 'Wooing' stage, and really are trying to make a good first impression. We all know that it generally goes downhill in terms of effort and romance after a while. I would be wouldn't be sticking around to see what is down hill from McD's... dumpster diving :tongue-new:

Really, it's about effort, being able to find out if you want to see the person again, and not how much you spend. A lack of effort can somewhat be compensated with an expensive evening out (the effort of the money, getting dressed up, reservations, etc), but this can be done in many other ways. McD's shows no effort what so ever.


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## ddkay (Nov 20, 2010)

+1 what Plugging Along said. Dumpster diving, LOL. There's another thread here where someone actually does that : (


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

I was just thinking about the worst first (and last) date I EVER had. We talked on the phone alot. The other person was a huge golfer, I am always up for something new, but did say I never golfed before. He said he would show me how, and would be really easy going about it. 

I borrowed some clubs, met up with the guy. I offered to pay for myself, he accepted, then he forgot something in his car, so I ended up paying for his. He didn't say much. He didn't want to rent a cart, or those little pull cart things, as he said it wasn't worth the money, and we could get some exercise. It was AWFUL... The guy was a serious golfer, so would get mad at me for not watching his ball, who knew that I was supposed to watch his balls, I didn't want to be too forward. He He also would ask me to pick up his bag as he planned he next stroke or looked for his ball, so I had to carry both sets of clubs. Heactually made me count most of my strokes, I stopped counting after I hit the hundreds, and started throwing the balls on the green. I lost 27 balls by the first 8 holes, and I am sure he was actually picking them up and pocketing them, as I found a couple with special markings that I had. He 'lent' me a few balls, until I could get to the club house to buy more. Then there were 9 more holes wtf!!! After 6 hours on the course, in very hot weather, I just wanted to get the heck out of there. He apparently had a great time, and tried to make a move on me, and asked when we could see each other again. I guess I was a good date because I paid, gave him some of my balls, and he ended up with a caddy for free. The part of the date was that I had sun stroke, so had a good excuse not to go out for dinner with him. 

I still shake my head thinking about that date. Please boys, do not do anything like this to any future dates unless you want to remain single for the rest of your lives.


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## peterk (May 16, 2010)

I'm afraid this post has gotten extremely off topic. The advice requested was regarding appropriate spending on dating for young people. Much of the advice being given is useful only to ~35 year olds seeking to become married because time is running out.

CMF is by far the best place to come to for finance related discussions. But I would respectfully suggest that the advice given here is as useful as the advice one would get if they came to CMF for information on how to repair their car's engine, and everyone in the forum chimed in with their opinions.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Of coarse this thread Is going to be all opinions. There are no rules to dating, and one should spend what they are comfortable with and based on the image they want to portray.



It's the tangents which are the fun part of this thread.


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

peterk said:


> I'm afraid this post has gotten extremely off topic. The advice requested was regarding appropriate spending on dating for young people. Much of the advice being given is useful only to ~35 year olds seeking to become married because time is running out.
> 
> CMF is by far the best place to come to for finance related discussions. But I would respectfully suggest that the advice given here is as useful as the advice one would get if they came to CMF for information on how to repair their car's engine, and everyone in the forum chimed in with their opinions.


Off topic? So what? 

Every single thread here has different opinions - especially the investing ones.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

peterk said:


> First date? An alcoholic drink followed by a brief walk around the town/park is the best first date there is. It gives you a chance to talk, sit close to each other to flirt, and costs ~$10.
> Save movies and dinners at restaurants you want to try for friends or a serious (several months) girlfriend.
> Spending 50 bucks on someone you've just met is only asking for trouble in that:
> 1) It sets a bad expectation from the start that you will provide for her when she hasn't done anything for you yet





Dmoney said:


> Coupon date all the way...
> Two can dine for $8.99 at McDonald's
> 50% off mini-putt
> $2 off milk shake
> If she sticks around for a second date you know she's a keeper!!!!





riseofamillionaire said:


> If it's the first date don't spend a lot because she'll expect it forever. Besides that, mcdees drivethru and movies at home. The walk by the river or downtown works well too, maybe buy a coffee just to not be a total cheap ***



these are troubling messages. Troubling because they demean women. Troubling because they tiptoe on the edge of gender abuse.

as it happens, i don't know any women of any age who would be willing to spend any time on a so-called "date" who hoards mcD half-price coupons. Labelling such women as shameful gold diggers is beyond ludicrous. Whatever happened to these posters when they were growing up, that their mothers & sisters taught them such attitudes.

& there's more. All the women i know, without exception, go overboard to share expenses. I teach my kids not to split cheques in restos, it's a tacky practice. Better to take things turnabout. An outing or 2, then the other person picks up the cheques for a while. Nobody keeps tab & nobody frets about the dollars. In the end, the only thing that matters is the relationship.

& i ask my young kids to take care, because a new acquaintance who is upfront cheap & stingy could mean a red flag. Cheap-fearful-deep-discount is not the life experience i want them to have. What i hope is that they will turn out to be generous & good to others.

fortunately, there are posters here saying be respectful. Get to know the date. Listen to the date, find out what she likes, dress right. Do healthy activities. Sports are good. Rollercoasters can be fun.


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## Maybe Later (Feb 19, 2011)

I think my first date with my wife was lunch & a walk through a museum. It hardly seems to matter now who paid.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

humble_pie said:


> Labelling such women as shameful gold diggers is beyond ludicrous.


Could not agree more, but to be fair, no less grotesque than by insulting women via other adjectives.

Dmoney is on his way to his 1st million [congrats btw], so he needs to be careful with the potential opportunists out there looking for something other than a Mac Café on a 1st or 2nd date.


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## Compounding1 (May 13, 2012)

Plugging Along... you weren't his date you were his Caddy LOL


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

Plugging Along said:


> I was just thinking about the worst first (and last) date I EVER had ... Please boys, do not do anything like this to any future dates unless you want to remain single for the rest of your lives.



this is what i mean. Plugging wasn't cheap. It was a first date, but she paid for herself without turning a hair. And then she paid for him as well. It was class.

she didn't let any of this get to her one bit. Instead, she sized him up, had a good laugh, & years later got her money's worth back w interest when she turned him into a great story in an internet forum.

who won here ? who lost ? did the price of the date even matter, in the end ?


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## jcgd (Oct 30, 2011)

It's getting sticky these days with equality and such. For example, I take great pride in paying on dates. Sure it's a gender role (and I'm all for equality) but it makes me feel special. Things like that cannot last with equality as the whole act is base on man taking care of woman. I'm finding it hard to articulate what I'm trying to say. For example, I like to do things for women, be kind to them, help them out, etc. Not because I think they need help, but cause it makes me feel good to do so regardless. With 100% equality these acts would pretty much be discriminatory - although they are now, but only from the viewpoint that is looking for discrimination. 

In my home life I could never except a woman who didn't see herself as an equal to myself. I want someone who can stand side by side with me. I don't want someone who won't speak their mind, sits in the back seat, spends their life repressed. I need someone who can challenge and also work with me. I respect my partners wishes, goals, opinions, wants, needs...

But I also want to be able to stand in front of her and protect her. I want her to make me feel like I am the protector of my family. What's the point of being a man if all the natural instinct is stripped and all I am is unisex?

Gender equality and equality of any sort is a extremely complex issue. It's in no way black and white. The thing is, if you make everyone literally the same, what is the point to having a gender? The only things left would be bathroom use and pregnancy. 

The balance is stripping the unwanted repression while leaving the natural instinct that in my opinion is healthy and normal. There is a difference between having to pay for a date and wanting to. The choice has to be decided by the individual rather than the society.


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## Sherlock (Apr 18, 2010)

www.frugalsingles.com

now there's a business idea...


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Dmoney said:


> Coupon date all the way...
> Two can dine for $8.99 at McDonald's
> 50% off mini-putt
> $2 off milk shake
> ...


Dude. I don't know how many times I have to say this on CMF, but you seriously know what you're doing. 

I always agree with every post you put on this forum. Kudos.


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## KaeJS (Sep 28, 2010)

Sherlock said:


> www.frugalsingles.com
> 
> now there's a business idea...


I'm buying the domain. Anybody want to go 50-50 with me?


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## Dmoney (Apr 28, 2011)

humble_pie said:


> these are troubling messages. Troubling because they demean women. Troubling because they tiptoe on the edge of gender abuse.
> 
> as it happens, i don't know any women of any age who would be willing to spend any time on a so-called "date" who hoards mcD half-price coupons. Labelling such women as shameful gold diggers is beyond ludicrous. Whatever happened to these posters when they were growing up, that their mothers & sisters taught them such attitudes.


Rough childhood what can I say 
But I stand by my comments. While I wouldn't dream of actually taking a woman to McDonald's on a date (clearly was not a serious initial comment that began this discussion), I've seen the gold diggers first hand, and will call it like I see it. When I see a young lady have her fiancee return an engagement ring because the diamond wasn't big enough, ya, that's a gold digger. Definitely not a class act.

In my few short years I have learned time and time again that money can't buy class. 



Toronto.gal said:


> Dmoney is on his way to his 1st million [congrats btw], so he needs to be careful with the potential opportunists out there looking for something other than a Mac Café on a 1st or 2nd date.


I'm telling you Toronto.gal, they're all out there trying to get me :hopelessness:

Luckily I've got a fantastic girlfriend who has been around since before I was employed and on my present path, so I'm not too worried.


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## Dmoney (Apr 28, 2011)

KaeJS said:


> Dude. I don't know how many times I have to say this on CMF, but you seriously know what you're doing.
> 
> I always agree with every post you put on this forum. Kudos.


Hahaha glad I have a fan. Similar age and ambitions I suppose.
We could hit up a Taco Bell, McD's double date, really impress the ladies.

How's the house treating you? Taken possession yet? Found tenants?


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## Young&Ambitious (Aug 11, 2010)

Dmoney said:


> When I see a young lady have her fiancee return an engagement ring because the diamond wasn't big enough, ya, that's a gold digger. Definitely not a class act.


Really? This is a peice of jewelery you never take off and you will never get another one (hopefully), so just saying, the girls gotta like it. Capeish (or however you spell that word).


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## Dmoney (Apr 28, 2011)

Young&Ambitious said:


> Really? This is a peice of jewelery you never take off and you will never get another one (hopefully), so just saying, the girls gotta like it. Capeish (or however you spell that word).


Yes really. And no, I definitely do not understand. Someone just spent $10,000 on you, you said, that's not good enough, I want a $20,000 ring. 
I would understand spending $10,000 and exchanging it for a preferable $10,000 ring, but her complaint was literally that it was not expensive enough.

That's like the spoiled brat who is given a brand new Toyota for her sweet 16 and whines about not getting a Porsche. Sure, "mommy, daddy, I wanted red not blue", I might understand. But not, "screw you mom, I wanted a Porsche."


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## Mall Guy (Sep 14, 2011)

. . . wow, interesting turn of event, but in any case, I always pay. I like nice places, and the companionship of an interesting person. I also live in a smallish town, work for a large employer, and my salary is available on SEDAR (see earlier post re T4 taped to my back window). Doesn't everyone google their date at some point ???


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## Sherlock (Apr 18, 2010)

KaeJS said:


> I'm buying the domain. Anybody want to go 50-50 with me?


This can be the logo on the website:


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

Apparently the Queen approves! I see her looking over your(?) shoulder!


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## donald (Apr 18, 2011)

I'd forgive a return(if it was only the same $amt)A upgrade would def be a slap in the face!OFF Topic-buying jewelery is tough stuff(i tryed that with a ex before and learned this:ie earnings didnt frame her ''face" right or something like that....lol)Don't know too many guys that know jewelery----Most of it is a hope and a pray and for good measure abit of hand-holding from the sales clerk!

Don't ''most" know there date already in some context???-------the google/gold-digger........unless it is completely blind-date.Blind dating is a whole different ball game(been there done that-like playing russian roulette)


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## Barwelle (Feb 23, 2011)

The girl I'm seeing now... we did actually go on dinner+activity dates every time at the beginning, and she was great with offering to pay enough to be fair. To be honest, I don't think I would have pursued her if she didn't... I generally agree with the idea of chivalry and the guy should pay because usually he's the one who asks her out anyways, it's a tradition and I like keeping it... but after a while, both sides should be contributing. jcgd's post was interesting. I agree with you, I like having a masculine role to fill if I want to. I don't want to be 100% equals in the sense that you are talking about. But now that we are in the modern age where women have [nearly] equivalent capability to work and earn money... it's fair to want a woman to reasonably contribute to funding a relationship after the initial wooing.

Lately, now that we are comfortable enough to have each other at home, we have been cooking together at one of our homes. Cheaper, and more fun.



humble_pie said:


> barwelle i suspect you are going to be what they call a Late Bloomer. They don't really come into their own until they're in their 30s. There's a long polishing process involved, but in the end they are pearls beyond price. It can be disappointing for a young man in his early 20s to see flash/truck making it so easily, but ask yourself this, would you really want those girls.
> 
> cheer up, bar. In the end, flash/truck is more likely to wind up a mess, while at 35 you'll be the porsche-driving lord of several thousand hectares ...


Thanks for the support humble, but no worries, I'm not getting down on myself about it... still trying to, yes, work on the polishing. I wouldn't be driving a porsche though. To paraphrase Henry Ford... I'd get something that comes in any colour, as long as it's green.



Mall Guy said:


> Anyone tried It's Just Lunch or POF ?


I tried POF for a few months. The girls on there get a lot of messages, so you've really gotta stand out.



humble_pie said:


> I teach my kids not to split cheques in restos, it's a tacky practice. Better to take things turnabout. An outing or 2, then the other person picks up the cheques for a while. Nobody keeps tab & nobody frets about the dollars. In the end, the only thing that matters is the relationship.


+1. Take turns, try to get roughly equal, but if you start counting pennies, it ruins the mood and could mean future issues.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

humble_pie said:


> these are troubling messages. Troubling because they demean women. Troubling because they tiptoe on the edge of gender abuse.
> 
> & there's more. All the women i know, without exception, go overboard to share expenses. I teach my kids not to split cheques in restos, it's a tacky practice. Better to take things turnabout. An outing or 2, then the other person picks up the cheques for a while. Nobody keeps tab & nobody frets about the dollars. In the end, the only thing that matters is the relationship.
> 
> ...



Wow, humble, couldn't agree with you more. The troubling part I found with some of these posts is that it shows a higher value on money than on the person. 

Just because a lady doesn't pay on the first date, and doesn't like mcd's, makes them a gold digger. I was actually taught what you have taught your kids. I actually find it uncomfortable to split bills, I still have problems sometimes with close friends. I was taught to be generous, and what goes around comes around. I never kept track of who pays. Quite often I was more established than most of the guys around me, especially in my 20's. It actually concerns me about guys who worry about money so much. Generally people who are outright stingy with their money I find value money more than the relationship, and I would never want that. 




Compounding1 said:


> Plugging Along... you weren't his date you were his Caddy LOL


Yeah... to add insult to injury, he took my balls that I lost, and I paid for the experience to be his caddy. I still laugh about it. As of now when I golf, I refuse to go with out at least a pull cart. I don't care how easy the coarse is. 



jcgd said:


> It's getting sticky these days with equality and such. For example, I take great pride in paying on dates. Sure it's a gender role (and I'm all for equality) but it makes me feel special. Things like that cannot last with equality as the whole act is base on man taking care of woman. I'm finding it hard to articulate what I'm trying to say. For example, I like to do things for women, be kind to them, help them out, etc. Not because I think they need help, but cause it makes me feel good to do so regardless. With 100% equality these acts would pretty much be discriminatory - although they are now, but only from the viewpoint that is looking for discrimination.
> 
> In my home life I could never except a woman who didn't see herself as an equal to myself. I want someone who can stand side by side with me. I don't want someone who won't speak their mind, sits in the back seat, spends their life repressed. I need someone who can challenge and also work with me. I respect my partners wishes, goals, opinions, wants, needs...
> 
> ...


I really think this is the tough thing about dating and meeting someone, is for some, not offering to pay, you are a gold digger, for other's it's expected. It's always a fine line between gender roles and equality. I used to fight really hard for equality, and would push to prove that anything a male could do, I could do better. Now, as I am older, I have learned that I don't have to be better or equal at everything, unless I WANT to. There are some things I am just fine lettying my husband do. 



Dmoney said:


> Rough childhood what can I say
> But I stand by my comments. While I wouldn't dream of actually taking a woman to McDonald's on a date (clearly was not a serious initial comment that began this discussion), I've seen the gold diggers first hand, and will call it like I see it. When I see a young lady have her fiancee return an engagement ring because the diamond wasn't big enough, ya, that's a gold digger. Definitely not a class act.
> 
> In my few short years I have learned time and time again that money can't buy class.
> .


Definately agree, money can't buy class, but pushing the extremes, and not even making an effort really is trying to test the date. I would be very grautious, but in shock if I was taken on a fast food date, I would even pay. Then if I realized that the person was just doing this because they were cheap (not because they couldn't afford any more), that would be the last date, and I gaurentee, that it would be his lost. I think you attract class by showing class.


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## Young&Ambitious (Aug 11, 2010)

Dmoney said:


> Yes really. And no, I definitely do not understand. Someone just spent $10,000 on you, you said, that's not good enough, I want a $20,000 ring.
> I would understand spending $10,000 and exchanging it for a preferable $10,000 ring, but her complaint was literally that it was not expensive enough.


Size and money are different. You can get bigger for less quality and vice versa so I can understand wanting a certain look ie size. But based on your clarification I agree as $10k is a very decent price.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

KaeJS said:


> I'm buying the domain. Anybody want to go 50-50 with me?


If I split half, don't expect me to put anything else out. :biggrin:


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

Plugging Along said:


> If I split half, don't expect me to put anything else out. :biggrin:


Haha - nice one.


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## dubmac (Jan 9, 2011)

*The Dark Table*

I had dinner last night at "The Dark Table" - a restaurant chain that is somewhat "new". The restuarant is completely dark, and one places their order before entering with a waiter. You are served by a blind waiter/waitress. The entire experience is in the dark. Apparently there is a restaurant in Toronto I was dining with 3 women, and aksed whether they thought that a first/second date at that restaurant would be fun - (reponses varied from No, to maybe - one said it would be "a bit creepy!" Anyhoo - the food was somewhat sparse (lacking in quantity), and the fee somewhat excessive. A neat experience, but not one if you are particularly hungry. I don't know whether any singles in the forum would risk it.

edit: ths post is a little off-thread, maybe a new thread called "Good Restaurant's Thread" could be set up - but I'll wait for a critical mass of interest beforehand.


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## riseofamillionaire (Feb 23, 2012)

Sherlock said:


> This can be the logo on the website:


Classic. This thread is pretty awesome btw


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