# "HUMOUR" thread is closed, so I'll stick this here.



## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

*Code of Rules ~ Hotel Fort Macleod ~ September 1, 1882*

(1) Guests will be provided with breakfast and supper but must rustle their own dinner.

(2) Boots and spurs must be removed at night before retiring.

(3) Dogs are not allowed in the bunks but may sleep underneath.

(4) Candles, hot water and other luxuries charged extra, also soap.

(5) Two or more persons must sleep in one bed when so requested by the proprietor.

(6) Baths furnished free down at the river, but bathers must furnish their own soap and towels.

(7) Jewelry or other valuables will not be locked in the safe. The hotel has no such ornament as a safe.

(8) The proprietor will not be responsible for anything. In case of fire, guests are requested to escape without unnecessary delay.

(9) Guests without baggage may sleep in the vacant lot.

(10) Meals served in bedrooms will not be guaranteed in any way. Our waiters are hungry and not above temptation.

(11) All guests are requested to rise at 6 a.m. This is imperative as sheets may be needed for tablecloths.

(12) No tips to be given to any waiters or servants. Leave them with the proprietor and he will distribute them if considered necessary.

(13) The following tariff subject to change: Board $25 a month. 
......Board and lodging with wooden bench to sleep on, $50 a month. 
......Board and lodging with bed, $60 a month.

(14) When guests find themselves or their baggage thrown over the fence, they may consider that they have received notice to quit.

*~ proprietor, Harry Taylor*










Image source: http://www.pbase.com/bmcmorrow/fortmacleod&page=all

*Wilf Carter* sings a tune while-U-wait:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoN3lPyv0V8


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

^ :highly_amused: on the above list of Rules, especially #11. 

With rule #9, do guests have to pay for that too? 

And code #13 board $25 a month? $25 per month to sleep on a board? especially in 1882 - that's more than outright robbery!


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Beaver101 said:


> And code #13 board $25 a month? $25 per month to sleep on a board? especially in 1882 - that's more than outright robbery!


Considering the town became almost a ghost town..perhaps they overpriced themselves in 1882? 

The latest population is just over 3,000 and it costs about $75 a night to stay there.


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

*iThink these would be yankee-doodle prices*










source:
http://www.choosingvoluntarysimplic...and-1882-groceries-provisions-dry-goods-more/


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## Spudd (Oct 11, 2011)

Beaver101 said:


> And code #13 board $25 a month? $25 per month to sleep on a board? especially in 1882 - that's more than outright robbery!


Board is meals. "Room & board" refers to a room with meals provided.


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

Spudd said:


> Board is meals. "Room & board" refers to a room with meals provided.


 ... okay, thanks for clarifying but it's still a joke that board alone costs $25 a month ... where's the room/lodging in that price??? And what meal costs $25 a month in 1882, wild rice?


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## Spudd (Oct 11, 2011)

Beaver101 said:


> ... okay, thanks for clarifying but it's still a joke that board alone costs $25 a month ... where's the room/lodging in that price??? And what meal costs $25 a month in 1882, wild rice?


Well, I did an inflation calculator and found that $25 in 1882 is $604 in 2014. That works out to $20.13/day, which seems fair for 3 meals cooked & provided to you in a hotel-type establishment. I don't think it's too crazy!


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

Spudd said:


> Well, I did an inflation calculator and found that $25 in 1882 is $604 *in 2014. That works out to $20.13/day, which seems fair for 3 meals cooked & provided to you in a hotel-type establishment*. I don't think it's too crazy!


 .. no, $20.13/day for 3 cooked meals wouldn't be crazy in 2014 ... in fact it would be a bargain even in a B&B establishment! But if you note from the above Code of Rules, #1 and #10, there was no guarantee you would get 3 meals.


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

Spudd said:


> Board is meals. "Room & board" refers to a room with meals provided.


I suspect in the context of those tables, "Boards" would be "Room & Board". It wouldn't make sense to compare it tenement rents otherwise. Few people would sell "Board Only", so it would be difficult to survey. "Boarding House" commonly means a large house with rooms to let. In that day and age they generally offered meals as well.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

re zylon's 1882 code of rules for Hotel Fort MacLeod ...

imho the language signature is not authentic. The language of these rules reads like a contemporary creation by a comedian.

for example, reference to "vacant lot" in rule No. 9 sounds 21st century, not 19th century. In 1882 fort macLeod was only 8 years old, permanent population consisted of the North West Mounted Police detachment, a few local farmers, the merchants & outfitters who served them plus itinerant traders, whiskey smugglers & rustlers. In beautiful downtown fort macLeod in 1882, just about every lot would have been a "vacant lot."

same thing for the Rents & Boards post. Was *tenement* a word that was in broad popular use in the alberta district of the northwest territories in 1882? was *rent* a word that was then in use? was not *let* a more common word used at that time to signify chambre à louer?

rules 2 & 3 are timeless, though. In 1882 as today, canadians took off their boots before going to bed & they did not sleep with their dogs either.


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

What a lot of commotion due to posting of what I thought was a bit of funny prose; although I myself find historic records most fascinating.

@h_pie #10:
- the 'rents and boards' post #4 has nothing to do with post #1. 
It's a price list of wide variety of items, of that period, with source link provided in post #4.

As for the authenticity of the *'Code of Rules'*, you'll have to take that up with Grant MacEwan, author of *"Fifty Mighty Men"* where I found said Rules in the chapter titled *"The Keeper of Hotel Fort MacLeod - Harry Taylor".*

Quite sure that *Harry Taylor* was authentic character though, as I find this excerpt in my browsing:
http://wayback.archive-it.org/2217/...grantmacewan/feature_articles/Frontier2.html#










Also, this reference to the man from: 
*"Denny's Trek: A Mountie's Memoir of the March West" By Cecil E. Denny*


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## Rusty O'Toole (Feb 1, 2012)

According to the rules "board" would include 2 meals per day. That would be 60 meals in a month for $25. In the city, the cheapest meal ticket would cost you $2.50 or $3 per week. So his prices were high, but not out of line for a remote settlement where supplies were expensive and hard to get.

As for the beds, many travellers brought their own bed roll and blankets, and would be satisfied with a wooden bench in a room to put them on. If the house furnished a paliase sheets and blankets that would be extra.

Tenement was a common name for rented rooms. The word apartment had not yet come into use, in fact the concept of apartments as we know them, was brand new in the 1880s. About that time an exclusive new hotel in New York advertised "French flats" for permanent residents as the latest thing. Vacant lot, rent, tenement were all terms in common use.

If you want to know what a tenement looked like, have you seen the Kramden's apartment in The Honeymooners? Like that. The bathroom was at the end of the hall, shared by all tenants on one floor.

I don't know if the list of rules is authentic or not but it is not impossible.

PS If you want to know how millionaires lived in New York in 1883 I give you the exclusive Hotel Gerlach

http://daytoninmanhattan.blogspot.ca/2013/09/the-1883-hotel-gerlach-nos-49-55-west.html


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

I don't dispute that Harry Taylor was a real person. But like Humble_Pie I too am suspicious of the authenticity of the "1882" code of rules. It sounds like it has had some more modern creative editing/writing over the years.

PS. In doing a web search I came across at least one reference to a similar set of rules for the Hotel Mayo in the Klondike.


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

*some people are humourLESS - but that's a'rite*

*If you feel the need to "fact check" this story, then by all means - as they say in the oil patch - Fill Yer Boots!*

Marriage Counselling

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling. When 
asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every 
problem they ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling 
unloved, and unlovable; an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had 
endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist 
got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he 
embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband 
watched-with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a 
daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said "this is what your wife 
needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?

The husband then replied "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and 
Wednesdays, but I golf on Fridays."


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## indexxx (Oct 31, 2011)

Nice one, zylon!

-Guy walks into a bar with a set of booster cables wrapped around his neck and says: "Hey, can I get a beer?"

The bartender looks up at him and replies: "Well, ok... but don't start anything!"


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## Bobbyjohn (Jul 28, 2015)

*Haha*

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

*Understanding Engineers #1* 

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one 
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." 
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." 


*Understanding Engineers #2* 

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


*Understanding Engineers #3* 

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept Golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


*Understanding Engineers #4* 

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?*
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.


*Understanding Engineers #5* 

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" 

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


*Understanding Engineers #6* 

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

*Wilbur on the Phone*

It was Saturday afternoon, branding had gone really well, two hundred and twenty-five calves branded, vaccinated, de-horned, castrated and ear-tagged without so much as a kick on the chin. 

The crew were having a Bud and a little rest before saying bye y'all 'till Casey's branding on Wednesday. 

The cell phone laying on the tail gate rang and Wilbur picked it up. 

"Hi honey, how's it going? Are you almost done branding?" 

Wil: "Yep. We're just wrapping up the loose ends." 

"I'm in town and looking at this beautiful saddle. It's only thirty-five hundred dollars! Think it'd be okay if I picked it up?" 

Wil: "Well sure. If it's what you really want, go ahead." 

"Oh you're a doll! You know, across the street at the dealership there's a bright sort of mauve looking one ton dually that would handle the horse trailer with no problem and they only want fifty-five thousand ... " 

Wil: "That's certainly not cheap, but if we're paying that much just make sure it has all the optional equipment." 

"And honey, you remember that acreage in the foothills we looked at a while ago - the one with the long winding driveway, the riding arena and the Spanish style hacienda? The price has been reduced to only nine hundred and fifty thousand and I think we have enough in the account to make a down payment." 

Wil: "That'll be fine. Just be sure to leave a few grand in the account so we can eat tomorrow." 

"Ha Ha Ha, you have a great sense of humor! Bye bye hon - love ya." 

Wil: "You too - bye." 

Then Wilbur held the phone high in the air and asked, "Who does this phone belong to"?


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## camrich (Apr 14, 2016)

What do you call a guy with no shins...




Tony


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

*Dear Abby,*

My husband hasn’t worked for the last 14 years.
All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies.
I know he's cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his granddaughters.
I know because he brags about this to me.
He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive Champagne day and night.
We sleep in separate beds because he's always telling me he knows I'm a lesbian and my varicose veins and big bottom turn him off!
Should I clobber him with my frying pan, or should I leave him?
Mad as Hell


*Dear Mad as Hell,*

You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man.
I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p.
Don't resort to clobbering him with the frying pan, and try to act like a lady!

Remember, you're running for President of the United States, so try acting like it!


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## mayallen (Aug 2, 2016)

I found this funny story about oldtimers online  : 

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen," he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down, because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream -- I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says... "Where's my toast?


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

*The Canadians did it!*



> CEO Technician: We’ve seen a so called “Trump Rally” in the US stock market since the election. What are your thoughts on this stock market rally? Is Trump really going to be great for the US economy and the stock market?
> 
> Bob Moriarty: *The Canadians started this rally.*
> 
> ...


____________________
*Unrelated, but I like a good pic.*










image source: https://www.quora.com/Why-was-the-t...-during-The-Great-Depression-What-did-it-mean


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## jargey3000 (Jan 25, 2011)

....speaking of ice cream....here's a CLASSIC!...
I'm not sure...but I believe that's one of our better-known CMFers laughing - at about the 35 second mark ...?


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

screenshot program


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

I like the vintage YouTube best;
many of the others, I don't even know what they are.


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## zylon (Oct 27, 2010)

Many won't believe this story, but it's a good one, so thought I'd post it in the "funnies" section.

The ending may disappoint and there is *NO part ten*.

David Adair - The 'Other' Space Program - Part nine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIr6hP75aWA


Source: http://www.coasttocoastam.com/guest/adair-david/6237


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