# Curious about how spouses stash their money after paying for shared living expenses



## Flyaway (May 2, 2013)

I came across a very good thread on this forum about how couples share ling expenses. It seems like either both spouses pay 50/50 or the proportional to their relative income.
So naturally the question arises - What to do with money left in your wallet after having paid off the shared living expenses?
Do you put it a personal savings account?
Spend it away becuase it will be 50/50 in case of divorce anyways?
Hide it away in secret offshore accounts?:chuncky:


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## jcgd (Oct 30, 2011)

Our money is pooled and then we save and buy what we need or want. There's no splitting or percentages, we just share everything. 

We check before we buy expensive items to make sure the other doesn't need the money.


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## My Own Advisor (Sep 24, 2012)

Same rules in our house jcgd.


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## Jungle (Feb 17, 2010)

Same, one pool. Left over money is usually for investing.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Same with us. All money in one account then it gets moved for whatever investments


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## mind_business (Sep 24, 2011)

I have a feeling that most couples that get married early on (20's) typically pool their money. I've seen people who get married later in life keep their finances separate, largely because they have more money, and more at stake later on in life. Yes I'm generalizing a bit, but this is my experience.

We pool our money, with the same rule to check prior to buying something expensive.


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## jcgd (Oct 30, 2011)

I think so as well. My peers think I am crazy to not keep everything and each pay half. Especially with my girlfriend in school full time. But we are common law and we had nothing when we got together so half is her's anyway. I'm not going to sit there eating nice meals while she can hopefully afford Kraft dinner, if anything at all. She does her fair share and contributes money when she can and she does a heck of a job taking care of me. That's more than I could ask so I think we are both content. Both of us feel secure, I know that much.


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## Daniel A. (Mar 20, 2011)

The wife and I keep separate accounts I pay my side she pays hers what she does with the balance is up to her.


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## Just a Guy (Mar 27, 2012)

To me, people who keep things separate seem to be planning for separation, not a successful partnership. 

For me, when I earned more, my wife spends my money, when she earns more she spends her money, what's left the government tries to take...it's a pretty simple system...much simpler than figuring out percentages.


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## cainvest (May 1, 2013)

What you do with the money after the expenses are paid is up to the couple, regardless if its pooled or separate, it should make no difference.
Now if you're are planning on getting divorced, by all means hide money away.


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## brad (May 22, 2009)

Just a Guy said:


> To me, people who keep things separate seem to be planning for separation, not a successful partnership.


No, it really depends on the situation. We've always kept separate finances and it works smoothly because we each have our own responsibilities: I pay the mortgage and buy the food; she pays the property taxes, telephone, and electricity. My income is a lot higher than hers, so I usually pay when we go out for supper or if we have large expenses (e.g., home repairs). With this kind of division of responsibility separate finances can work very well. It's analogous to household chores: one person cooks, another washes the dishes, etc.; to me pooling our finances and sharing expenses equally would be like having each of us cooking part of every meal and each of us washing half the dishes.


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## Homerhomer (Oct 18, 2010)

Just a Guy said:


> To me, people who keep things separate seem to be planning for separation, not a successful partnership.
> 
> .


20 years of marriage here, mostly very happy, and doing much better since the portion of finances started being separated about 15 years ago.


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## jamesbe (May 8, 2010)

I do the same as Brad. There is never arguments about money this way.

A few co-workers say they pool all their money and each get $300 a month for spending money. So it's all fair, whatever works for you $300 a month wouldn't get me very far lol


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## Echo (Apr 1, 2011)

Daniel A. said:


> The wife and I keep separate accounts I pay my side she pays hers what she does with the balance is up to her.


A poll conducted by me and my wife revealed that husbands who refer to their wives as 'The Wife' are 100% more likely to have separate finances.

We're a single-income household so all our expenses, saving and investing come out of one account and then we discuss any big purchases and short-term savings goals.


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## Nemo2 (Mar 1, 2012)

I've been divorced once, widowed once, and am happily married now.......all three marriages, (especially the current one), were pretty much in tune fiscally.......the money went/goes into one pot and there were then, and are now, no abuses by either partner.


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## Koala (Jan 27, 2012)

Echo said:


> A poll conducted by me and my wife revealed that husbands who refer to their wives as 'The Wife' are 100% more likely to have separate finances.
> 
> We're a single-income household so all our expenses, saving and investing come out of one account and then we discuss any big purchases and short-term savings goals.


You should poll more people 
My husband only refers to me that way when it's just us though. Our online banking nicknames to the joint account are The Hubs (no apostrophe implied) and The Wife.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

I think that was the joke -- it was an n of 1 study!


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## Retired Peasant (Apr 22, 2013)

We've lived common-law for 30 years and I'd estimate that for 20 of those we kept everything separate. He'd pay the bills, and I the mortgage. Once the mortgage was paid off,we split the bills. Now that we're mostly retired, our accounts are still 'separate', but they are now joint in ownership. Bills get paid from whatever account currently has the funds.

Neither of us ever treated excess $ as 'do what you want with it'. Thankfully we are like-minded when it comes to money.


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## Sampson (Apr 3, 2009)

Interesting that so many of the couples with more years under their belt are mainly separating finances. It seems many respondents are not on their first relationship but I always thought the old school way was to share/pool finances.

My wife and I are 100% poolers. Neither of us spend much money, so we don't have to worry about non-discretionary spending.

I know some splitters that separate even things for their children. One parter pays for schooling related costs, one pays for clothes etc. If our household did that, my wife would pay for private school and I would send them there in rags.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

Seems to me that, from an attribution perspective, it is better to maintain separate accounts. The higher income spouse can cover all expenses so that the lower income spouse is saving more. It's cleaner than splitting expenses then Spouse A giving money to Spouse B to invest in a non-registered account.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

We are 100% pooled and this issue doesn't ping my radar in even the slightest way. Separating our finances would solve any problems for us [just speaking from personal experience; this isn't a comment on anyone else's situation]- the reality is that we save a very sigificant fraction of our earnings, and we are absurdly like-minded financially.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

p.s. I'm on my second marriage. Finances were a huge issue in my first marriage. I screened better the second time 'round.


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## avrex (Nov 14, 2010)

Everything is pooled for my wife and I. We are a team.

Income is always considered joint income. We are fiscally like-minded. We pay down debt as fast as we can and we make sure that we are saving for our future.

As far as discretionary spending, we probably spend about the same amount each, so there's never any issues.
She has a shoe fetish. I have an electronics fetish.


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## Islenska (May 4, 2011)

I find this whole thread rather spooky
We have been married since 1980 and never cropped up that money was hidden
That line of thinking will lead to other issues I'm afraid, but if you are talking about the SkiDoo-------there is no 50/50!each:


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## Homerhomer (Oct 18, 2010)

Islenska said:


> I find this whole thread rather spooky
> We have been married since 1980 and never cropped up that money was hidden
> :


Did even one person here state that they are hiding money ;-) Why do you think this thread is spooky? After all this forum is perfect for financial exhibitionists ;-), you can ask away and share details you normally wouldn't have.


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## Spudd (Oct 11, 2011)

I am hiding the money I've saved to buy my husband a very extravagant 40th birthday present. 

In our house we pool all the living expenses money but we each maintain our own spending accounts and retirement accounts. It's not to "hide" the money but rather so that we don't feel the need to ask our spouse if we feel like buying something. As I am much higher income than him, I fund the joint account fully, and he only funds his personal spending account & investments.


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## Eclectic12 (Oct 20, 2010)

mind_business said:


> I have a feeling that most couples that get married early on (20's) typically pool their money. I've seen people who get married later in life keep their finances separate, largely because they have more money, and more at stake later on in life. Yes I'm generalizing a bit, but this is my experience ...


Interesting ... only one couple I've personally met, where the subject came up - kept complete separate account where they were both in their late 20's. 

Everyone one else who has been willing to comment or discuss were all of the "pooled" variety.


Cheers


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## Daniel A. (Mar 20, 2011)

Some relationships are more complicated than others.

My wife and I have always had different goals.
Mine was to retire early, my wife on the other hand said she will work till 65.
Today she makes far more than I do as I'm living on my pension.


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

Same as MG above. Everything come out of the same pot. My wife is a crazy saver, and I am a disciplined invester. We are a good match.

We do have a rule that any ourchase over like $500 has to be ok'ed w the other. But as we are not spenders, I can't remember if either of us has ever had to check with the other on this yet. LOL.

Well put avrex, it is a team apporoach.


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## uptoolate (Oct 9, 2011)

We pool everything and pay expenses out of that. Finances are separate only in that we have our own TFSAs and RRSPs but they have essentially the same holdings as each other. I am incorporated but that is mainly for tax purposes and we still count that money as ours. I'm sure that the government does too.


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## Flyaway (May 2, 2013)

*Thanks*

Thanks everone for replying.
It does seem like most couples are united in spirit:biggrin:
Thats pretty much the way we do it as well. 
:encouragement:


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## NorthKC (Apr 1, 2013)

If there's one thing that my couple friends have mentioned why they keep finances separate was to protect the bank accounts from being frozen. Due to ID theft of this friend's husband, all bank accounts with his name on it were frozen, including the joint. Thankfully, her bank account was still open so they could still pay the bills!


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