# Coming to terms with your Mortality



## condor (Jun 15, 2014)

I have had a number of different collections that I have been building up for years...always on the hunt for that one special item. But it seems now...that I am older...getting older every year..i am viewing my quest in a different disturbing light for me. Canadian average for life expectancy is around 85 years...which is good of course. But now I see just about all of my possessions...house..investments..collection as playing the role of a...caretaker...just a caretaker who can take exactly zero with him. Of course it is great all my world possessions will be eventually parted out to the deserving.

But when I was younger...i never viewed my role in owning a house as a caretaker...but it has changed now.

Has anybody else had those kind of views and feelings...or is it just me. Would be interested to hear other views on this topic.:05.18-flustered:


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## Just a Guy (Mar 27, 2012)

You can’t take it with you and usually no one else wants your stuff, they have their own junk to deal with. Buy stuff that makes you happy and enjoy it. Assume it will be disposed of after your gone and be okay with that. 

Of course there are things you can pass on, I collect houses because I enjoy playing monopoly with real houses, but make sure you take the steps necessary to pass them on to people and not the government because of taxes.


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## STech (Jun 7, 2016)

I'm 40, so not old, or young anymore. I've already reached the point of not wanting anymore stuff. 

As with any red blooded male, I grew up loving cars, motorcycles, electronics, and tools. I just couldn't have enough, and couldn't get enough learning about them. But one day I got to realize just how much time I was spending on these inanimate objects. Speaking of care taker. I got really tired of the maintenance and all, even on the stuff I haven't used in years. 

I've already started paring down, and soon I should be down just down to the essentials when it comes to material stuff. The time is better spent reading, excreising, and enjoying good company. 

We're definately not taking anything with us. The Egyptians tried and failed.


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## AltaRed (Jun 8, 2009)

Stuff has definitely become an entrapment, boat anchor, cement over shoe or however one wants to characterize it. I've been paring back here and there but cannot get spouse to do likewise. It will become a crisis for her when we downsize to half the floor space 5-10 years from now.

Meanwhile, I will simply do what I can with my own stuff. I had collected lapel pins for about 40 years from my travels and had until 5 years ago, displayed them on pin boards. Just got rid of all that shite about 3 months ago.

P.S. Now age 70


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## jargey3000 (Jan 25, 2011)

....anybody want a bunch of dylan lps....that mean the world....to me.....?


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## jargey3000 (Jan 25, 2011)

.....and in the end...the love you give...is equal to the love.....you make.....


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## jargey3000 (Jan 25, 2011)

beatles had it right....All You Need Is Love.....


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## jargey3000 (Jan 25, 2011)

....hic!....


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## fireseeker (Jul 24, 2017)

In his 70s, my father became concerned about the collection of stuff filling the four-bedroom family home. He realized that one day his children would face the burden of disposing of it. He wanted to give us yet another gift -- that of a simpler estate cleanup. This has created some conflict with my mother, who who grew up poor and isn't quite ready to pitch things that may still have some notional value.
I am now in my 50s and have everything I need (including a motorcycle!). My wants have mostly withered to things that support the list STech suggested -- reading, exercising and company.
In a way, this feels like wisdom.


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## AltaRed (Jun 8, 2009)

Our 40something adult children won't want any of our shite, just like I wanted nothing of my parents. Now to convince dear wife......


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

We began to seriously get rid of stuff after retirement when we began to home swap. Ten years before that we had downsized from a large estate home but still had plenty of room. What was a real lesson was trading homes and finding all the crap in the traded home: cupboards so full we had to keep our clothes in a bedroom, one bedroom devoted to surplus furniture, two garages filled with no longer used stuff.

Now when we head south, all we leave is held in a triple closet and a storage room. At least half the triple closet has winter clothes just in case we ever have to experience winter again.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

I had a wide variety of "collections" my whole life. Ball caps, sports cards, tea figurines, domain names, motorcycles, boats, ATVs....blah, blah, blah.

It is all gone and sometimes I look around and think what a waste of time and money that all was.

The only thing I really regret is selling our last home. That is a difficult thing to get used to.

I think people need some entertainment or hobby to get them through life but there is one lesson I learned from it all.

It is a lot easier to buy stuff than to sell it., at least sell it to get your money back. 

As the hobby shop owner said to me when I offered to sell my extensive sports card collection....."Nice collection but I can't eat cardboard".

If I were doing it all over again, I would save gold coins. Easy to purchase, easy to collect, easy to store, and easy to sell......and you might even make money on it.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

Coming to terms with your mortality...........becomes much more of a factor as you approach the later years.

You are reminded with everyday aches and pains that you have many more days in your past than in your future.

It makes me wary of the idea to "defer" benefits like the CPP and OAS until age 70 that is sometimes touted on financial forums. 

It might sound like a good plan when you are 35, but by the time you reach 70 the extra money may not mean much to your lifestyle.

I adopt the traditionally held view that if you don't need the money to live on.....collect it asap. If you do need the money to survive......defer it so you have enough.

It is counter-intuitive but makes sense if you don't want to be old and broke.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

here in quebec many folks tend to valorize the old old things, the things that their ancestors lugged over here from france, scotland & ireland in the 18th century

so far our kids tend to like these things too. When they move out into their own apartments they raid the family homes & strip out lots to outfit themselves. The trick then becomes preventing them from moving back or sending back their extra furniture.

visiting them, what often surprises me is how the various mirrors, chests of drawers & sets of dinner plates that i remember from my own childhood - items that i never used, items i always thought of as Those Old Things - usually end up looking very nice in the offsprings' rental apartments.

last winter i was hanging up my coat in older daughter's hall closet when i espied my very own vacuum cleaner. It had gone missing from my house 6 years ago. I've had to buy 2 vacuum cleaners since then. But there it was, in my daughter's hall closet, looking large as life & excellent condition.

good grief what are you doing with my vacuum cleaner, i asked. You loaned it to me, don't you remember? but i just never got around to returning it, said the Dau demurely.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

Wow Humble that rings so true.

Our son "borrowed" a lot of stuff from us and when he split from his girlfriend she claimed everything. Apparently, there isn't much the police or anyone else can do in that instance.

In any event, we don't care and are glad it is her problem now. The only thing my wife constantly laments is a 25 year old Tristar vacuum cleaner they had "borrowed"

The thing was built like a tank and the wife is angry that it is gone. Funny though, she was pissed when I bought it all those years ago.

She was at work and arrived home to discover I had purchased a very expensive vacuum cleaner, mostly because I felt sorry for the salesman who had 2 young kids with him.

My dad was a door to door salesman who struggled to put food on the table for his wife and 5 kids, so I have always been a bit of a "softy" for sales people.

Sometimes my wife just had no sense of humor.


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## Prairie Guy (Oct 30, 2018)

condor said:


> Of course it is great all my world possessions will be eventually parted out to the deserving.


If you have people who want your stuff after you're gone, that's good. It also puts you in a small minority because the reality is that most people don't want other people's stuff, and that includes most kids with their parent's possessions.

When my parents pass on my brother and I will likely sort through the tools for a few things, sell the vehicles, give a few items of furniture and some dishes to nieces and nephews starting out, and then donate or give away the remaining 90% as most of it has limited value. Kijiji is full of ads offering furniture for free if people are willing to pick it up. One of my friends after a divorce went to an estate sale and bought half a house full of furniture for $600. He used the stuff for a few years while he gradually replaced the items with stuff he really wanted.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

I have been reflecting about this stuff a lot as we deal with my aging parents who are hoarders. They had very little when they arrived in Canada, and kept everything in case they needed it. Which is great for frugality, but as they had more means, they kept getting more stuff, with the pretense it could be used. I see I am like that too. 

As we slowly try to clean their place, it's a struggle as they don't want to throw anything out, 'just in case' I see that there are very few things that we will want or will keep. This had been getting me to rethink about the things I have 'just in case', and I have start to attempt to not buy as much stuff. 

I am at constant odds with getting rid of it and I can always buy it again I REALLY need it vs. how wasteful is that.


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## GreatLaker (Mar 23, 2014)

I can relate to this. Here is an article about how stuff used to be rare and valuable, and space was in short supply. Now stuff is really cheap so people have way too much, despite having more space.
http://www.paulgraham.com/stuff.html

My Mom's family was affluent, and my parents did well too, but her formative years were the depression, so she kept lots of stuff, just in case. Not hoarder level, but a lot of stuff to unload when she moved out of our family home, then when we had to deal with her estate. Even a 1 BR apartment was a hassle to move her stuff out of. Some of it was valuable and went to antique consignment, some to Goodwill and Sally Ann, and some to the dump. Oh well, what's a couple of van and truck loads to various places. C'est la vie. Mom's younger sister, born 7 years later does not have that depression era mentality at all.

I have never been a collector of stuff that lines shelves or hangs on walls requiring regular dusting. My dilemma is hobby stuff that gets old, and I want to replace it with newer better stuff, but what to do with the old stuff. Audio gear that is just a notch below audiophile stuff, but does not work well in today's connected, digital, audio-video world. I imagine it will go to electronics recycling when I am ready to buy new audio stuff. DSLR camera and lenses that are getting dated and I'd like to get a mirrorless camera, but the old DSLR lenses are clunky on mirrorless bodies. I will probably try to sell it for whatever I can get. My real joy is two classic bicycles; a road bike from the late 1980s and a mountain bike from 1990. Both are esoteric bikes, low-volume hand made custom painted frames, that I built up with components myself. Both are keepers. Sort of like a classic Ferrari, but without the stratospheric prices. Not nearly expensive compared to today's high end bikes. Technology has really changed that sport. I'd really like a newer suspension bike I could race (yeah, at age 61) without bouncing off the technical trails.

It irks me to have this much stuff, but my camera gear would fit in a medium sized moving box, electronics recycling will take care of the audio gear. All told, the total cost of this stuff is well under 1% of my current net worth. And I have had a LOT of enjoyment out of it, and that's what life is about.


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## AltaRed (Jun 8, 2009)

GreatLaker said:


> All told, the total cost of this stuff is well under 1% of my current net worth. And I have had a LOT of enjoyment out of it, and that's what life is about.


I think the point is that if one is really using certain stuff and enjoys certain stuff, then by all means. We all have goods that are necessary/desirable to the enjoyment of our lives. What I rail against and disagree with spouse about is storage of stuff that doesn't see the light of day for a year or more.... Enough already! It is baggage!!!!


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

I'm 60 now and not ready to make drastic changes but would like to start minimizing a little in case some day we opt for a condo or apartment. However, my wife tends to for emotional attachments to things so I don't know how we will manage it. Still have many of the kids things that she refuses to part with including one of those plastic kitchen centers. The kitchen center has become a bit of a running gag with our, now adult, children at family get-togethers - much to my wife's chagrin. However, we've kept it this long we may as well now keep it for grandchildren that might arrive in a couple of years. Provided the plastic has not become so brittle that it will snap with a little use.


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## AltaRed (Jun 8, 2009)

It gets worse with grandchildren coming. We have a fully equipped functioning home with crib, sand and water table, water slide into the pool, innumerous pool toys AND other toys, more swim/beach towels than family members, crayon table, etc, etc, etc. I am sure trikes and bikes and ? will come in due course.


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## Retired Peasant (Apr 22, 2013)

I'm trying to slowly get rid of stuff. Having been executor for a couple of estates, I realize that stuff is worth nothing. I'm trying to get rid of a solid walnut dining room suite - about 100 years old. You can't give this stuff away; people no longer have a formal dining room, and younger generation just doesn't want it. It looks like I'll be taking it to the dump.


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## OptsyEagle (Nov 29, 2009)

I always remind myself that there is a very fine line between collectors and hoarders. Sometimes collectors stuff is a little more valuable but mostly just in the collectors mind. You start to face this reality as you age. I think Condor is possibly starting to see that humans have a hoarder instinct. Like fear and greed, etc. All hoarders get something out of it or they would not be hoarders. It does not change the fact that an outside observer would probably call it a disease more then a hobby.

Most collections will probably be sent to the salvation army, sold for 10cents to the collector's dollar on kijiji or simply dumped in the garbage bin by the heirs put to the task of cleaning out the hoarders house so that someone would actually buy it, after the hoarder has passed on.

Collecting is a difficult disease to fight because no one has truly recognized it as a disease and in many cases it does not create a life problem, as long as you have more room then stuff. But it does create a death problem, for sure.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

AltaRed said:


> It gets worse with grandchildren coming. We have a fully equipped functioning home with crib, sand and water table, water slide into the pool, innumerous pool toys AND other toys, more swim/beach towels than family members, crayon table, etc, etc, etc. I am sure trikes and bikes and ? will come in due course.




we all know the expression It's A First World Problem

your post has to be a variation of this, known as the Happy Grandparents' Problem

think what lies behind your complaints! beautiful, adorable, laughing, singing, shrieking grandchildren playing in the sand box you have installed for them, learning how to swim in your pool, plunging down the water slide.

eventually you will be able to give all the grown-past gear away to another family with a younger set of grandchildren, or possibly first-generation children. Pieces not actually worn out by your own energetic grandchildren will all serve again in another family. Nothing will go to waste.

sounds absolutely wonderful. Enjoy.

.




energetic grandchildren will all serve again 
laughing, singing, swinging on the swings ... playing in the sand box &


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## AltaRed (Jun 8, 2009)

We are nearing the "beginning of the end" of that 'being equipped' cycle. Out last, and youngest, grandchild is now 18 months. The oldest is 13 years old. Giveaway time will be starting in about a year.


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