# Help! My wife thinks I'm obsessed with money



## Brian123 (Sep 4, 2010)

I've recently (last 8 months) began taking a much closer look at our family's finances and realized we are in deeper than I expected. I decided to look closer when my wife told me she still wants 2 more children to make a total of 4. To make this happen we will need to sell our house for a much bigger, cheaper house. 

I told her this isn't going to be easy considering Im the primary source of income with about 85k/yr, she runs a small in home daycare making about 10k/yr which a lot of goes back into toys, meals, etc. I started spending a lot of time tracking spending, calculating goals, budgets, and so on to help explain to her our situation. I've explained that we need to make some changes in our spending habits, be more careful how we shop etc.

The other day she went to get some storm (hurricane earl) supplies from Wal-mart, and a few groceries. I noticed on the bank account she had made a total of 180.00 worth of purchases and very few groceries. I asked her about what she had bought, she accounted for about $50, after a couple more questions she accounted for some new shoes, a halloween outfit, some kids clothes, 20.00 worth of batteries, 2 flashlights, a case of water, and a whole lot of uneeded things.

She claims shes committed to paying down our debt, but I see room for improvement. We need to find a way to get on the same path forward.


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## Jon_Snow (May 20, 2009)

I sympathize with you... I am fortunate that my wife is as frugal and debt averse as I am. Although she does think that my obsession with early retirement is a little overdone.


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## R.O.V. (May 16, 2010)

My situation is similar to yours in that I've become very aware of our finances over the past year. I spend a lot of my free time on these forums trying to educate myself and eventually become debt-free. My wife is somewhat onboard with our new financial direction, but does make occasional senseless purchases(to me). The last time this happened (last week) I asked her about her $85.00 Wal-mart purchase....it didn't go over great. Arguement followed by not wanting to talk about it etc. However,the next day I sent her a text specifically outlining our goals i.e. paying off LOC, maximizing mortgage pymts,funding our kids resp and finally funding our vacation account. This was the part she bought in to. I tied to explain that sacrifice now is worth the payoff in the end. Anyway, I hope to keep her motivated by actually looking at our finances on a regular basis and watch the dramatic improvements in our net worth...


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## Brian123 (Sep 4, 2010)

Jon_Snow said:


> I sympathize with you... I am fortunate that my wife is as frugal and debt averse as I am. Although she does think that my obsession with early retirement is a little overdone.


You are very fortunate that your wife is frugal. Mine just thinks shes frugal. As for retirement.. i've began to accept the fact that there wont be such a thing if I plan to fulfill my goal of putting 4 kids through education. Im 30 now, very little in RRSP's, no savings, big debt.


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

Saving money is much easier when you have an end goal in mind, so all that I can suggest is to start making future plans together. Since family is important to your wife, it may be productive to introduce this aspect into the conversation. For example, you can stress that it is important that you are in good financial shape in order to provide your children with a reasonably nice lifestyle. Perhaps you could stress that you would like to get the debt under control so that you can start contributing to an RESP so that your children have the option for post-secondary education. However, don't only plan for the "serious" things. Plan for a bit of fun, as well, such as a nice vacation. 

I would avoid monitoring every dollar that your wife spends, as that will cause major resentment and may very likely backfire. Instead I would suggest that the 2 of you have a discussion if the monthly budget seems to be veering severely off course. Also recognize that with a family, every once in a while it is normal to not meet budget expectations. Don't sweat it too much unless it becomes a pattern.

As for the extra children, that's a tough one and something that only you and your wife can decide together. However, it may be one of those situations where a compromise is in order and possibly you can settle on a total of 3 children once you reach a certain milestone in your financial situation. (Don't make it an impossible milestone.)


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

Money is the most common cause of marital discord. You might need marriage/credit counseling, but your partner has to admit there is a problem before you can get her to buy into any solutions.

There is an old thread on MoneySense Forum http://forums.canadianbusiness.com/thread.jspa?messageID=59926&#59926
titled Saver/Spender Relationship that you might find helpful.


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## Scottlandlord (May 27, 2010)

You seem like a responsible and caring Father and Husband.

Canada needs more guys like you (and me).

Keep up being responsible, but understand your wife's and kid's needs.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

Yikes. I don't think your wife is showing any concern for the household finances. It sounds to me like her words agree with what you are doing, but not her actions. I think you need to work this out with her but doing so could be risky and cause marriage problems. My last gf and I were very much disconnected when it came to how we each manage money. She was in debt, not paying her bills, not answering calls from creditors and accessing the bank of family on a fairly regular basis. Constant emergencies and min-crisis. It was very draining. I showed her to manage her money using a simple spreadsheet, it seemed like she listened and understood and then within a week she was clearly not adhering to anything I recommended. We ultimately parted ways.

I'm NOT saying that will happen with you, but I am saying that you'll need to sit back and observe for a couple more weeks. Watch how things go and see what happens. If no improvement you'll probably want to have a sit down talk about it. Not a technical discussion about the mechanics of saving money but on her buy-in. It doesn't sound like you have her buy-in.

P.S. That comment about you being obsessed with money is just empty/meaningless rhetoric meant to shock you and take your attention off her.


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## Jungle (Feb 17, 2010)

Brian123 said:


> I started spending a lot of time tracking spending, calculating goals, budgets, and so on to help explain to her our situation. I've explained that we need to make some changes in our spending habits, be more careful how we shop etc.


Do you both go over your budget every month to see your progress? It's important for you to both know how much you are spending. 



Brian123 said:


> The other day she went to get some storm (hurricane earl) supplies from Wal-mart, and a few groceries. I noticed on the bank account she had made a total of 180.00 worth of purchases and very few groceries. I asked her about what she had bought, she accounted for about $50, after a couple more questions she accounted for some new shoes, a halloween outfit, some kids clothes, 20.00 worth of batteries, 2 flashlights, a case of water, and a whole lot of uneeded things.


Stores like Walmart or Cosco are dangerous for shopping bills. Individual prices are great, but it's very easy to accumicate more items. Spending $200 in Walmart is too easy. This is not really a good thing for saving money. 

When my wife goes to these stores, I ask her what she wants to buy. The key to preventing a Walmart spending disaster, is to know exactly what you are buying, BEFORE you go in. NEVER decide in the store. Write it down on a list. I tell my wife to be careful and avoid temptation, as the bill can get out of control. 



Brian123 said:


> We need to find a way to get on the same path forward.


If you can both agree that your share an end goal of financial independence and support for your family, then sit down and go over a plan. Generally speaking, one person should be the master of finance control. However, you need to communicate everything and get your wife to contribute with budgets and be on board at all times. Work together and encourage her to do so. 

It sounds like you have already started tracking your money. Look for ways to save and cut back. See if your wife agrees with the goals. Track and share the results monthly, make adjustments if needs be. 

Communicate (not text or email) everything when it comes to money. Changes, spending, bills, budgets, goals, groceries, tell each other every time money comes in and goes out. It gets dry, but you can avoid surprises and at least it gets you talking about it. 

At least if you start communication, let's say of the monthly budget, you can then lead it into further conversation, such as:

"Honey, FYI, we've already hit out max budget for this month. Oh, I think we should wait next month for new shoes." (Just an example). 

There are so many things you can mention about this topic. The important thing is to have patience, encourage and educate your spouse to work with you. To sum it up:

Always Communicate
Come up with a plan, write it down
Review your goals monthly

I hope that helps.


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

The-royal-mail quote: _"Yikes. I don't think your wife is showing any concern for the household finances."
_
I think you guys may be being a little hard on the wife. I don't think we can conclude that she is a spendaholic based on what was posted. It's not hard to spend $180 when you buy food for a family of 4, hurricane supplies, Halloween costumes for the kids and a couple of pairs of shoes (it doesn't state whether they were for her or the kids -- remember school is about to start). Most disaster experts would tell you that it makes sense to prepare for an incoming disaster by buying exactly what she bought. Friends of mine who experienced a disaster (an earthquake) found that it was almost impossible to find these supplies after-the-fact and ended up paying through the nose for simple supplies such as batteries and flashlights. 

My wife is very frugal, but I know lots of husbands who would trade places if $180 is the extent of the OP's wife's shopping sprees.


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## hystat (Jun 18, 2010)

My mother used to say 

"money isn't everything.........
unless you have none"

Sounds like you feel trapped. More responsibility than you signed on for, and a proposal of more.


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## Square Root (Jan 30, 2010)

Your situation reminds me of my first marriage. Did not end well. Our problems ran deeper than finances but financial pressures were probably one of the major issues. She never saw a credit card limit she couldn't spend up to. New wife and I are in sync on financial matters and it sure makes things better.


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## square one (Jan 19, 2010)

I used to fume over the cash my husband was spending on lunches at work, but he enjoyed the social outings with coworkers. The compromise: we each give ourselves $40 per week to spend as we wish and remind ourselves that whatever we don't spend can be saved up and is still 'no questions asked' money (it also lets me, the frugal one, give myself permission to spend it on me). I think it sometimes limits him, but he usually keeps it under $40 now, and we're both happy that I'm not fuming over lunch money.

Also, we decided on a mutual goal to save for (in our case, an inground pool!) and began putting an agreed upon amount into an ING account for that goal, which always was transferred over on payday so it couldn't be spent first. Although I am the one making the transfers, my husband has been very happy watching that account grow, and we are both excited to be moving ahead with the pool! So maybe you can both agree on what you want to save for, then shuffle that amount on payday to a separate account. We also transfer our RSP and RESP money on payday. Even if the amounts are small, you will see the savings over time!


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## mrbizi (Dec 19, 2009)

my wife was the same way early in our marriage. she has changed for the better over the years when it comes to finances (we've been married for 17 years). there is _*hope*_, people can and do change.


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## Seth (Aug 16, 2010)

Brian,

If your wife was prepping for Earl, it sounds like you're in my neck of the woods.

I'm in Halifax, and I've also been accused of being "money obsessed" by the wife, my folks and friends.

It's not a bad thing really, Napoleon Hill said it best,

"You become, what you think about - Most of the time"

If you think about building wealth and paying down debt, you'll become that person... so don't let up whatever you do!

My advise to you is, try to get the wife on board with your line of thinking.

It's a slow process but you can begin by playing audio cd's in the car on long trips (I played Dave Ramsey, David Bach, Robert Kiyosaki etc) you'll subconsciously program the entire car's brain to start thinking properly about money!

Then I sat down with her and watched a few "Til debt does us Part" marathons, thankfully we weren't in as rough shape as those on the show, but you'll see just how nasty differences on the subject of money can effect an otherwise good marriage. 

I bought her Gail's book she's almost finished.

Lastly I got her playing Kiyosaki's Cashflow 101 she picked up on it quick and after a few games had bought into the notion of buying assets, not liabilities...

A couple of months ago, we bought our first investment property, and we're looking for more!

Good luck, if you'd like to meet up and play a game of Cashflow or just grab and coffee and talk about getting rich, drop me a pm!


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## OptsyEagle (Nov 29, 2009)

You are going to have a very rough go. When you say your wife was on board after you explained your goals ... you may need to think about that a little more. You need to understand that when you talk to anyone about having no debts, educated kids, a paid off house, money in the bank, early retirement ... who is NOT going to want that. Everyone wants that, savers and spenders alike.

The real question is ... who is willing to sacrifice for that. Not a spender. They want more immediate gratification. They enjoy spending money. They enjoy the feeling of acquiring things. This characteristic was instilled in them when they were about 6. They don't worry about tommorrow because someone else has always made tommorrow work out for them. You are going to have a very tough go re-programming this behavior.

You see a saver is the exact opposite. They like the feeling of having money more than the feeling of having what the money can buy. This feeling comes from a sense of financial security and freedom. They know they are on their own and want to make sure that they can provide for themselves and their families. They feel bad when they spend money even when they really want or need what the money can buy. This behavour, also instilled at around age 6, is perfectly suited for saving.

Of course there will be many exceptions, usually coming from either having an above average or below average level of income (with a very above average income you can still spend pretty good and save a bundle as well and some spenders with below average income, do need to save some money since they have no where to turn during emergencies). These exceptions do not change their overall personality drivers.

In a nutshell, what I am saying is that you do not think like your wife thinks. The direction you think the finances should go will be polar opposite to what your wife thinks and don't be fooled by her agreeing to be rich some day. That is not an agreement. This is another acquisition.

Hate to be so negative. Good luck to you.


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

Have the two of you sat down and made a family budget?


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

I agree with Eagle. This is NOT the time to sugar coat things. Let's be very clear. I think you've got a problem on your hands. Hopefully the responses in this thread will show you how to properly deal with that problem.

This is actually one of my criteria when selecting a mate. We HAVE to be on the same page when it comes to this. Proper money management is one of the elemental building blocks of a home.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

One possibility is to let her spend the net from her daycare business any way she wants. She can have a separate bank account and CC/DC. That way she will have to become financially aware. You can set a budget for common items like mortgage, utilities.

Once she sees how impulse purchases kick the hell out of her account, she might get religion.


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

And I wonder if perhaps she doesn't really understand your current financial position. Perhaps the two of you should sit down and discuss that as well, before you consider more children, or taking on more debt for a larger home.


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## Jungle (Feb 17, 2010)

Brian123, I think there is more to the picture, after responding to your new thread, Equifax FICO Score




Brian123 said:


> My situation, lots of debt, 1 missed payment in 6 years.
> Her situation, *very little debt, lots of missed payments in 6 years.*
> but for some reason banks continue to try and stuff debt down my throat


You've come to the right place for advice. Missing bill payments for little debt shows a concerning behavior and problem.


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## Brian123 (Sep 4, 2010)

Jungle said:


> Brian123, I think there is more to the picture, after responding to your new thread, Equifax FICO Score
> 
> Yes your right, there is more to the picture. However it would take me all night to explain it. I've made lot of mistakes with my money in the past. When I look back I often wonder if my kids education or my retirement could have been paid for by now had i been more careful. It's payback time now. I've learned a lot from my mistakes. Now i'm starting to learn before the mistakes happen. I always thought being frugal meant cheap, now I see a whole new definition.
> 
> I've also noticed after reviewing my initial post that I wasn't being completely fair on her behalf. I posted that shortly after an agrguement we had and my fingers may have typed faster than I was thinking. I am just as much at fault for our past finance problems as she is. When we first got together we were both on the wrong track with money. Regardless of our mistakes, I still love her dearly and it is my ultimate responsibility and goal to fix things right rather than end up walking away in a divorce settelment.


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

What solutions have the two of you discussed? 

You have the right attitude in that you are both in it together, so you should both sit down and discuss your financial situation and get on the same page. Make the budget together and WRITE IT DOWN, stick it on the fridge. It is give and take in making the budget.

Even if you go to a cash budget for a few months (Gail Vaz-Oxlade).


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## dilbert789 (Apr 20, 2010)

I think a lot of people here jump to drastic and extreme conclusions, either from their own lives or what they have read. Just because your spending behaviors differ, doesn't mean that you are going to get divorced(which is exactly what a few of the responses sound like). It's this constant 'OMG s/he's a spender, I'm a saver' and the only solution it appears is to go your own ways... People change, and people can adapt. Maybe not as drastic of a change as you would like but you can find a middle ground. 

My wife is a spender, I'm a saver. She's told me the exact same thing as yours. 
I've tried the scare tatic's and if anything that just made her shut down and spend more because I'm "telling her what to do". In the end we sat down together and made a budget with a pretty good buffer. Figure out how much each of you gets to keep for your allowance and the other has no say in what they spend that on. If she wants to spend it all on interest fees on a credit card, then that's her choice. I might try to show her that she could have bought another pair of shoes if she hadn't loaded up the card, but pushing doesn't often make for a convincing argument. In the end it came down to her agreeing on the variable amounts in the budget and then saying to her "You move $X from each pay cheque into the joint account; anything left is yours. So you get $X a month to spend on anything. I move $X and have $X left over."

EDIT:
I wanted to also add this. My wife over the years we've been together has gotten WAY better at watching what she spends and where she shops and now is to the point where she doesn't tend to spend outrageously. However the biggest issue that still exists is now me still having that idea in my head that she does. I know it is quite disheartening for her when I say something like 'my wife spends like crazy' or something of the sort as she has really tried hard and has changed her ways a lot. This means the issue is now in my court to fix. If I continue to not recognize her changes in behavior and praise them, she will probably return to her original ways.


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## OhGreatGuru (May 24, 2009)

dilbert789 said:


> ...
> 
> My wife over the years we've been together has gotten WAY better at watching what she spends and where she shops and now is to the point where she doesn't tend to spend outrageously. However the biggest issue that still exists is now me still having that idea in my head that she does. I know it is quite disheartening for her when I say something like 'my wife spends like crazy' or something of the sort as she has really tried hard and has changed her ways a lot. This means the issue is now in my court to fix. If I continue to not recognize her changes in behavior and praise them, she will probably return to her original ways.


Have you at least told her this and said you will try to do better? It may take some of the sting out if she knows it is just a bad habit you are trying to correct, and you know it is no longer true.


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## bbsj (Aug 26, 2010)

I think in this day and age two kids are enough. Things have changed so much during my stay in Canada for the past 40 years that very few people can really afford to have more than two children (many should not have even one). Those days are gone when summer jobs paid good enough money to pay for tuition and books, and the student loans were mainly grants plus some loan at a low interest rate. So, only those couples whose lives are in sync in all aspects and have good stable income, should have more than two children. Harmonious relations between a couple are a must for the well being of children.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

bbsj said:


> I think in this day and age two kids are enough. Things have changed so much during my stay in Canada for the past 40 years that very few people can really afford to have more than two children (many should not have even one). Those days are gone when summer jobs paid good enough money to pay for tuition and books, and the student loans were mainly grants plus some loan at a low interest rate. So, only those couples whose lives are in sync in all aspects and have good stable income, should have more than two children. Harmonious relations between a couple are a must for the well being of children.


I agree. Too many children being brought into this world when their parents aren't even capable of taking care of themselves and their finances.


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## dilbert789 (Apr 20, 2010)

OhGreatGuru said:


> Have you at least told her this and said you will try to do better? It may take some of the sting out if she knows it is just a bad habit you are trying to correct, and you know it is no longer true.


Yup. I still occasionally say it without thinking though.


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## dilbert789 (Apr 20, 2010)

bbsj said:


> I think in this day and age two kids are enough. Things have changed so much during my stay in Canada for the past 40 years that very few people can really afford to have more than two children (many should not have even one). Those days are gone when summer jobs paid good enough money to pay for tuition and books, and the student loans were mainly grants plus some loan at a low interest rate. So, only those couples whose lives are in sync in all aspects and have good stable income, should have more than two children. Harmonious relations between a couple are a must for the well being of children.


Those that tend to be the most financially stable tend to have fewer children than those that are not. This is before the children even come into play.


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## Brian123 (Sep 4, 2010)

dilbert789 said:


> Those that tend to be the most financially stable tend to have fewer children than those that are not. This is before the children even come into play.


For us the complete opposite, after having 2 children I started to realize just how important fiancial control really is.


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## Oldroe (Sep 18, 2009)

Can remember the book name mmmmmmmm maybe boom bust echo. Anyway if we only have 2 children we fail our country as it takes 2.75 children per house hold to maintain the population. So that's why we have immigration.


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## GeniusBoy27 (Jun 11, 2010)

I think the worldwide figure is quoted as being 2.18 children for replacement. But I always wanted a portion of a child, like can I only have them when they're awake and happy?


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

geniusboy27 said:


> i think the worldwide figure is quoted as being 2.18 children for replacement. But i always wanted a portion of a child, like can i only have them when they're awake and happy?


+1


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## Young&Ambitious (Aug 11, 2010)

Maybe we can do childsharing programs? That'll work out the decimals and alleviate some of that financial burden 

This thread is very interesting. My father himself was a spender (don't know what on, but enough to go bankrupt and be in debt again after) and my mom was a saver (read: cheap), so I find when I'm looking at guys to date I'm always trying to see where they fit in this scale and if I can be comfortable with their spending habits. And I love watching Til Debt Do Us Part, high amusement and high educational content


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## John_Michaels (Dec 14, 2009)

dilbert789 said:


> Those that tend to be the most financially stable tend to have fewer children than those that are not. This is before the children even come into play.


YeeHaw!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSROlfR7WTo&feature=related


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

Young&Ambitious said:


> ... my mom was a saver (read: cheap), so I find when I'm looking at guys to date I'm always trying to see where they fit in this scale and if I can be comfortable with their spending habits.


My mom was also the saver and gave my dad an allowance. But don't judge guys who are courting you until they get serious. Most of them will not reveal their true colours until you are serious.


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## Racer (Feb 3, 2010)

This IS a very interesting thread. 

I applaud your "let's work it out" attitude. Money philosophies can be difficult to reconcile sometimes, because when you think about it... money is purely symbolic. So it isn't very surprising that all kinds of beliefs and habits and values can get all wrapped up in a person's approach to money.

I've heard fabulous things about a book called Your Money or Your Life. You might find that a third-party voice can speak to your wife in a way that is more effective than your own. 



kcowan said:


> My mom was also the saver and gave my dad an allowance. But don't judge guys who are courting you until they get serious. Most of them will not reveal their true colours until you are serious.


+1 

When I met my hubby, I thought he was either kind of cheap or broke. It didn't deter me -- I habitually offered to pay for dinner, because I was intrigued by him. When we got serious, I discovered that his "language of love" (anyone heard of that theory? apparently there is a book about it or something) is service. He treats me like a queen -- far, far better than I deserve -- in so many ways, some of which involve spending and some of which don't. So we oscillate between frugality and spendthriftiness. It's an ongoing conversation.


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## dilbert789 (Apr 20, 2010)

John_Michaels said:


> YeeHaw!
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSROlfR7WTo&feature=related


How did I miss this movie?! So funny.


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2009)

You should let your wife read this thread and post her comments....


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## Arcaneind (Apr 3, 2009)

*Maybe*

My wife and I are pretty good. She spends a *little* more than I would like on hair and clothes than I would like but that is offset by my spending more on food than she likes. Neither is out of control and we are in good standing.

I also think you have a bigger issue on your hands than finances and you have different expectations out of what your lives look like together. Two more kids are a complete game-changer. The WalMart stuff isn't that bad, in my opinion, but there is probably a lot of other baggage with it; the straw that broke...

I often listen to the Dave Ramsey Show pod-cast on my way to work simply to remind me that I have it pretty good and keep me motivated. Beyond the religious slant some days, I find his bluntness and simple advice for people pretty good (sometimes not so much). Anyway, there are lots of callers with your sort of problems and it might be worth a listen...maybe on your computer with her in the background 

Nothing can happen without open communications and agreement.


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## Scottlandlord (May 27, 2010)

One of the great things about being from India: my wife never scolds me for being obsessed with money!


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## UP_N_GO (Sep 10, 2010)

A lot of good points in here, but let's face it; both parties have to be on the same page. One or the other (often both) spend too much = money problems = arguments = divorce, not good - not necessary. You can't question your wife about individual purchases, she will be insulted - feel restricted - angry, and matters will get worse. My wife was overly frugal when we married, and I told her that buying cheap stuff was not a good thing, "don't buy the most expensive, but buy qood qualty". She uderstood that easily enough. It got to to the point where she was spending in excess of her income (40K). I was not not concerned, I was earning about seven times her income. Once I went out to by a new steering cable for the boat; came back with a new cable AND a new bigger boat... Fortunately, she liked it and started boating and fishing with me... She told me I worked hard and deserved it... No questioning. As years went buy I was investing - GIC;s, stocks, rental properties etc she always encoureged me. Over time, I made her unferstand that if something happened to me, I wanted her to be comfortable with some left for the children. But she kept on spending and as I neared retirement I had to make her understand that "we" should monitor our expenses and slowly reduce them, if we wanted spend the winters south (she understood that), and I explained that we needed to use the same credit card and dump her's - it made tracking both our expenses a lot easier - (we had no debts). That worked and the expenses began trending downwards, while still enjoying our freedom... I only blew up once when she spent $700.00 on designer clothes for our 10 year old granddaughter for going back to school day (kids can't tell a 85 dollar teeshirt from a 25 dollar one ) and they don't wear them long... It was a waste, she never did that again. I regularly kept her informed of where the money went. We have been spending the summers in our new retirement home in Northern Alberta, and winters in 'our' home in Yuma AZ, - the spending is at a reasonable level and we enjoy our life. When you are young and start off on the wrong track, remember, it's a partnership, work at it slowly and diplomatically. Make your goal debt-free ASAP, and save for a comfortable retirement. Mostly, work together on all money matters - not independently. Good luck


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

I seem to be a voice in the wilderness here, but I haven't been convinced that a major problem exists.

The women spent $180 on food, shoes (says "some", which sounds like more than one pair), Halloween costumes, hurricane supplies and a few other items. Women in my neighborhood would often break that budget on a single pair of shoes.

The OP has a family income of $95,000 and I would assume that since they were concerned with the hurricane that they live in the Maritimes. While perhaps $95,000 would be a fairly average family income in much of Ontario, it is an excellent income in the Maritime provinces.

http://www40.statcan.ca/l01/cst01/famil108a-eng.htm


So yes, the finances are worth a discussion but the situation is not likey as dire as projected.


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## dilbert789 (Apr 20, 2010)

Spidey said:


> I seem to be a voice in the wilderness here, but I haven't been convinced that a major problem exists.
> 
> The women spent $180 on food, shoes (says "some", which sounds like more than one pair), Halloween costumes, hurricane supplies and a few other items. Women in my neighborhood would often break that budget on a single pair of shoes.
> 
> ...


I agree, if $180 is an isolated incident and not a daily / weekly thing, I don't see where the issue really is. Heck, we spent $460 on 'stuff' at Costco on Sunday... That place is a money vacuum.


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## Jungle (Feb 17, 2010)

Spidey said:


> I seem to be a voice in the wilderness here, but I haven't been convinced that a major problem exists.


Spidy this was found on another thread. I quoted earlier, but let me repost this for you in a bigger size:



Brian123 said:


> My situation, *lots of debt, 1 missed payment* in 6 years.
> Her situation, very little debt, *lots of missed payments in 6 years.*
> but for some reason *banks continue to try and stuff debt down my throat*


7 missed payments, lots of debt with a 95K income: there's a problem somewhere.


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## Spidey (May 11, 2009)

That is a problem. I didn't see that thread or didn't relate it to this posting.


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## Brian123 (Sep 4, 2010)

Would just like to clear up a couple things here..



dilbert789 said:


> I agree, if $180 is an isolated incident and not a
> daily / weekly thing, I don't see where the issue really is.


It is quite regularly, at least twice a week..


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## Brian123 (Sep 4, 2010)

also,

This was when we were in university, (no income) when there was desks set up in the lobby by credit card company's handing out credit cards to students. It was our fault for accepthing their offers, i will not deny that. Again it's difficult to explain all these details in a thread post.


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## dilbert789 (Apr 20, 2010)

Brian123 said:


> also,
> 
> This was when we were in university, (no income) when there was desks set up in the lobby by credit card company's handing out credit cards to students. It was our fault for accepting their offers, i will not deny that. Again it's difficult to explain all these details in a thread post.


There isn't anything wrong with accepting the offers, the issue is the self control to manage the credit you have responsibly. 

I would wonder if you could hire a third party to come in and review your finances and do the forced live on cash, destroy your credit cards. It might be easier for her to hear it and follow it coming from someone else.


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## gregdo (May 18, 2010)

What we found worked the best was to create a budget. We use software from http://www.youneedabudget.com. The most important part is being able to see where you stand at any time during the month. The budget software allows you to not only set a budget, but track your purchases so that at any time you can see how much money you have left in each category. That way you know what you have available to spend before you go to the store. If you over spend, you have to take the money from somewhere else. Turning off all credit also helps so that you simply can't spend what you don't have.

My wife originally resisted, saying that she didn't want to be controlled. Now she loves it because she can budget for bigger ticket items and then buy them. She knows if she throws money away on something not really needed, it will delay her getting what she really wants. She can look at the budget any time and actually see the progress towards our goals.


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## wendyc.fulk (Sep 12, 2014)

*halloween costumes online*

I seem to be a voice in the wilderness here, but I haven't been convinced that a majo

see more:


*halloween costumes online*


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