# Convincing the spouse



## J Watts (Jul 19, 2012)

How have you convinced your spouses or significant others to be okay with investing in the market? Mine is completely risk-averse and sees even the _potential_ for short-term loss as reason enough to not have any money in the market. For example, one fund is down 30% or about a $150 loss, but she ignores the other funds which have made significant gains _in the past few weeks_ to cover this amount.

How have you approached the topic of investing to be smart while not seeming aggressive with your family money?


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

Solution: don't invest her money in the market. Only invest yours. Maybe in your case there really is no "family" money.


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## rikk (May 28, 2012)

I manage my wife's RSP ... I trade, nothing risky, well ok, not too risky, I limit losses to 10%, I have no problem being in cash for extended periods until I get back to it ... she's happy with the end results, gets her QTrade statement monthly ... she is 100% passive ... and I am very very careful ... it's not my money.


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## kaleb0 (Apr 26, 2011)

My wife sees my returns and dividends and gets curious and interested in investing, but then gets cold feet when I actually try to open a brokerage account with her. One of these days she'll come around though.. if not, then to each his/her own.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

I should note that I am both a woman and a spouse, and I manage my accounts and my husband's. I don't think he's even opened a brokerage statement in years. However, we hold regular family meetings to review plans, statements, positions, trades, etc. But if I didn't have and keep his agreement, I wouldn't do this.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

I think it's a series of open conversations to try and determine what are both of your goals and find out why your spouse has the concerns that they do, and see if you can mutually work out something. If your spouse doesn't want to take part in it, and is willing to hand everything over to you, but will also support your outcomes then thats fine too.

I manage the long term investment strategies with my spouse. We discuss all the time what are short, mid, and long term goals are. My role is to make it happen. We talk about the risks of certain strategies, along with the benefits. I don't think my spouse knows exactly what we are invested in, nor the exact amounts.


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## Addy (Mar 12, 2010)

MoneyGal said:


> I should note that I am both a woman and a spouse, and I manage my accounts and my husband's. I don't think he's even opened a brokerage statement in years. However, we hold regular family meetings to review plans, statements, positions, trades, etc. But if I didn't have and keep his agreement, I wouldn't do this.


I manage my own money as well as my daughters RESP. I regularly check my accounts, my daughters RESP account and my husband RRSP and TFSA accounts. If I see something extraordinary, I let him know about it. He as well expresses his wishes about certain stock (ie buy if you see it going down below a certain point).

Interestingly enough, of the three of us, my portfolio is the only one in the red right now.... made a dumb move with ZENN a while back and am still recovering. My daughters RESP is doing soaringly well, thank goodness. I'd rather lose my money than hers!

We have regularly weekly meetings to discuss where our finances are, both personal expenses, business expenses and income, and personal investments. Even if we both know exactly where we're at, we have a quick look over it just to be sure.


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## 44545 (Feb 14, 2012)

I made a PowerPoint presentation for a friend who was looking to invest, including graphs of projected growth and portfolio volatility using bonds, equity, and a mix of both. (take home message: developed market equity has averaged 8.5% annually from 1900 to 2012 - Credit Suisse Yearbook - bonds averaged much less)

I offered to provide her with the reference documents backing up my presentation and she just said, "no, I trust you." I also told her to be careful who she trusted. While I had her best interests in mind, most "financial advisors" had no fiduciary responsibility to their clients. They might be just the type to panic sell during a market depression when just the opposite would be a better idea.

She's also the type who never checks her investments - call it "benign neglect" - which I told her would work in her favour compared with futzing with her portfolio or selling during a market depression.

A quote from Warren Buffett to shareholders in 1997 (thank Bylo for extracting that one)...



> A short quiz: If you plan to eat hamburgers throughout your life and are not a cattle producer, should you wish for higher or lower prices for beef? Likewise, if you are going to buy a car from time to time but are not an auto manufacturer, should you prefer higher or lower car prices? These questions, of course, answer themselves.
> 
> But now for the final exam: If you expect to be a net saver during the next five years, should you hope for a higher or lower stock market during that period?
> 
> ...


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## My Own Advisor (Sep 24, 2012)

Yes, she has been convinced. We index 90% of her portfolio. She understand the market is like the ocean, waves go up and waves go down. She understands selling is the wrong thing to do and the most important thing is to stay invested. I guess I'm lucky.


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## Oldroe (Sep 18, 2009)

My wife is happy never listening to a newscast and much less biz news. I tell her when I make any moves. In one out the other.

I did tell her about our 1st crash, bad mistake, this last one she was aware I was buying. She just happy to work and shop.


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## gibor365 (Apr 1, 2011)

MoneyGal said:


> I should note that I am both a woman and a spouse, and I manage my accounts and my husband's. I don't think he's even opened a brokerage statement in years. However, we hold regular family meetings to review plans, statements, positions, trades, etc. But if I didn't have and keep his agreement, I wouldn't do this.


My situation is worse  My wife just gave me full authority in discount brokarage to invest her money .... she even never in her life paid any bills ...  She doesn't even what to listen what I'm buying or selling. (even though she has very solid position in Canadian bank ... once per year she can ask how much money we have....
So, I'm taking care about our 6 registed accounts in discount brokarage + 3 RESP accounts, + several checking/saving accounts(include my mother accounts) in 3 different banks...
Also my wife compaining that I spend too much time managing those accounts....lol


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

CJOttawa said:


> A quote from Warren Buffett to shareholders in 1997 (thank Bylo for extracting that one)...


And the same holds true in spades for real estate owners. Lower is always better until the moment that you downsize.

Hell even AAPL has reached a 2.4% dividend yield. What is not to like?


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

CJOttawa said:


> I made a PowerPoint presentation for a friend who was looking to invest, including graphs of projected growth and portfolio volatility using bonds, equity, and a mix of both. (take home message: *developed market equity has averaged 8.5% annually from 1900 to 2012* - Credit Suisse Yearbook - bonds averaged much less)


While I have no quibble with your data, your underlying assumption is that this average will continue. I'd be cautious in making that assumption. I personally think the equity premium will remain but that we are in for another long while of sideways markets.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

My Own Advisor said:


> 1. the market is like the ocean, waves go up and waves go down.
> 2. She understands selling is the wrong thing to do and the most important thing is to stay invested.


1. I loved that comparability! I have now gotten rid of the word 'roller-coaster' effectively immediately!
2. Selling is not always the wrong thing to do.


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## Young&Ambitious (Aug 11, 2010)

Presently the commonlaw hubby has no investment account but as it is I tell him what I'm buying, selling, and where my stocks are at. Once he has some other financial items sorted he has given me the go-ahead to do all of our investing and manage our finances. The trust is nice


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

yay ! sideways markets ! option traders rule !

seriously on the topic of all those saying they invest for their spice while the spice don't understand but just smile mistily & trustfully & yes-dearily ... this approach could blow up bigtime for the passive mate, i think, if anything were to happen to the investment manager partner.

i mean divorces happen. Worse can happen.

2 inspiring posts on this topic have appeared on this topic from 2 senior forum members, although not in this thread. I hesitate to mention their names (invasion of privacy ? even though the names are only avatars.)

but both these gentlemen had wives & both had significant retirement assets. In both cases, the wives had not particularly participated in building up the retirement assets.

what was significant was the big effort these senior members were making to make sure their wives actively understood everything that was being done & planned. So that, if anything were to happen to the senior members themselves - which god forbid - their wives would be calmly equipped to take over.

it was really quite lovely to read about. I wish the practice were more widespread in this forum. It surprised me that it was the senior members, not the younger members, who voiced these responsible & democratic attitudes. So to our 2 thoughtful senior members - châpeaux ! & thank you for setting good examples.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

The "younger members" think that women who don't earn "their own money" are gold-diggers.  I suspect only senior members of the forum (defined in age terms) will have non-earning spouses. 

My husband understands markets very well. His lack of participation in actively managing our accounts has nothing to do with his knowledge level, but his interest and relative skillset. I don't need to "set him up" with a system to replace me.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

MoneyGal said:


> 1. The "younger members" think that women who don't earn "their own money" are gold-diggers.
> 2. I don't need to "set him up" with a system to replace me.


1. Even those that do earn $$s, are sometimes considered as GDs.
2. +1. Same in my home; I handle all, but every quarter, I provide an update and have a discussion that is informative for all & makes me very replaceable!


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

on the subject of mate financial management & younger generations, by far the most alarming 20-something member this forum has ever seen was a youthful one-timer who said he was engaged, not yet even married, & furthermore he said he had zero investment knowledge.

his girlfriend - who held a job, therefore earned a paycheque, therefore had the basics of financial knowledge - was said by this little cockatoo to be imploring him to manage her investments for her, as she was (he said) not up to the task.

what he asked the forum to do - since, as he said, he was incapable himself - was design an investment program for the girlfriend.

i'm sticking to my knitting. There are certainly exceptions such as MoneyGal. But there are other members of this forum who may be using their so-called investment expertise to infantilize their mates. There have been numerous & extensive threads in this forum about how-to-get-the-silly-little-woman-to-obey-my-superior-investment-knowledge, for example.

what i praised above were 2 older spouses who are absolutely in another league, in a place of democratic & affectionate sharing.


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## Jungle (Feb 17, 2010)

Some people I've talked to believe the stock market is a big risk and everyone lost their money in 08 and it's still gone. 
They got most their knowledge from the news, or a family member that had some bad stock picks and lost a lot of money. 
They don't know how to invest to be successful. 

They have no idea that inflation is actually a risk to your purchasing power. (for the mattress savers)

So try and educate by showing the opportunity on how the stock market can build tremendous wealth over a long period for retirement savings. 
With a good strategy and sticking to the plan, you can do something like couch potato to give you the best odds by not screwing up. Slow and steady wins the race.


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## rikk (May 28, 2012)

Addy said:


> Interestingly enough, of the three of us, my portfolio is the only one in the red right now.... made a dumb move with ZENN a while back and am still recovering. My daughters RESP is doing soaringly well, thank goodness. I'd rather lose my money than hers!


So true ... my wife's account benefits now and then from my experiences as in ... I've made some buys, watched them go down, then settle ... and that's when I make the buy in my wife's account ... she can't lose :rolleyes2:


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## jcgd (Oct 30, 2011)

MoneyGal said:


> While I have no quibble with your data, your underlying assumption is that this average will continue. I'd be cautious in making that assumption. I personally think the equity premium will remain but that we are in for another long while of sideways markets.


Perfect. A decade or two of buying opportunity.


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## avrex (Nov 14, 2010)

My spouse and I share the same savings and retirement goals.

However, my wife has absolutely zero interest in how we invest our money to reach these goals. 
She has 100% faith in how I am investing our money. (I guess that's a good thing. )

She knows about the cost savings of being a Do-it-yourself investor. All of our retirement savings are in discount brokerages, in low cost investments.

I had her read my blog post about the detrimental effects of high-fee mutual funds on your portfolio . She completely understood the post and implications.

Then, I asked her, what she would do with her money if I passed away or if we separated.
Her answer. "I would see a financial advisor and have him direct the funds to where he saw fit." 

Of course, this would mean that her portfolio would be moved into mutual funds with MERs that averaged 2.00%

I've posted this to show that *some people* simply don't have the interest / time / initiative to be a do-it-yourself investor, even when they are aware of the costs. They would rather pay others to relieve themselves of the investment decision making burden.


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## jcgd (Oct 30, 2011)

OP, I think you have to do the same with your finances as you do your entire marriage. If you're wants differ you will need to reach a compromise that you are both comfortable with. Being extremely risk adverse can be just as damaging as investing in a speculative manner. You need to reach an agreement where you can both be satisfied that you will reach your retirement goals in a safe and effective manner. Actively stock picking may not be the answer just as GICs may not be the answer. 

Your best bet may be to sit down with an advisor or planner who can couch you through your financial picture and help you formulate a plan which you can both stick to and believe in, mutually. 

My partner and I have things worked out relatively well for our age. She is in university full time, yet she pays all the bills and manages the general cash flow. I handle the debt, savings and portfolios; things which she has little time for and also little interest. I fill her in every few weeks and she makes sure our everyday finances are in check. This is an area I'm terrible with, and it affects our credit history so I'm happy to let her do it. And she is happy to let me take care of the portfolios. I also manage the debt repayment and savings but she takes care of the actual payments, I more manage the scheduling. 

Luckily, our skill sets and interests almost perfectly overlap. I may bring home the bacon, but she is working on her education and I expect we will see a return on this with her earning power in the future. We will also be swapping roles in the future while I earn a degree so if I were to consider her a gold digger I would be required to label myself as one later.

You need to have a serious talk and prove to her the problems with her risk adverseness, but you also need to consider the issues she has with your ideal methods and reach a compromise you can both work with.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

avrex one among your many virtues & talents is that u are a very patient person.

constant dripping wears away stone. Please keep on nibbling at madame. You've made an excellent beginning; she already understands. In the next level, she might agree to take action. At least enough to reach couchpotatoland on her own.

this could easily take 10 years or more. Upthread i praised 2 senior members who have taken pains to educate their wives; i'm pretty sure their campaigns took longer than 10 years.

a consolation for avrex is twofold. In the first place, any flight to a financial advisor by a widow of avrex will be unknown to him, since he will be, by definition, in the sweet by-and-bye. Therefore there can be no pain.

in the second place, any widow of avrex is going to be such a rich widow - because avrex is going to be so successful - that she will easily be able to pay 2% to advisors & still come out fabulously wealthy each:


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## Uranium101 (Nov 18, 2011)

For those of you lucky people out there with spouses that understand what you are doing.

For me, I am in a terrible situation. Long story short, I finally convinced her to give me the money to invest in her name.
Bought a stock for her in 2010 at $12.50, it soared to $18+ in early 2011, but it dropped back down to $5.50 in late 2011.
Stock went back to $12.50 in early 2012. She took her money and ran like the wind.
Now this stock sits at over $30 as at the close on January 25, 2013.

This time around, she won't let me invest her money anymore because she now is fully convinced that the stock market is rigged.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

So you took your risk averse wife's savings and invested in some hot stock? 

Think it through, people!


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## GoldStone (Mar 6, 2011)

Uranium101 said:


> This time around, she won't let me invest her money anymore


Sounds like a very smart girl. I wouldn't give you a dime either.

(no offense... just a reflection on your investment strategy)


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## Oldroe (Sep 18, 2009)

101 I see a guy that doesn't no how to sell and buy and sell.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

My spouse is very bright but has no numeric orientation. She is wise in her spending. But I will ask her how much was the charge to her credit card and she will have to look it up. I manage all the finances.

I maintain a Word doc that spells out where all our assets are invested and why. In the unlikely event of my early death, she will I hope move all the holdings into low MER ETFs using TDW.


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## peterk (May 16, 2010)

MoneyGal said:


> The "younger members" think that women who don't earn "their own money" are gold-diggers.  I suspect only senior members of the forum (defined in age terms) will have non-earning spouses.


CMF ladies, you are the lovely exceptions that prove the rule  but this is a financial forum with a majority of members, young and old, being men. When the topic of relationships and asset protection is brought up it's only natural that the discussion will end up taking place from the male perspective. 

You gals seem to passive aggressively take personal offense with a "you can't smack talk about women like that" attitude a bit too often, don't you think?


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm only passive in my investing. :love-struck:

That said, the thread title did get my back up. 

p.s. There are more "gals" here than just the ones with "gal" in their names. There are women here that have never come out of the closet, so to speak; I wouldn't be sure that everyone you assume is male actually is.


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## dogcom (May 23, 2009)

Uranium101 said:


> For those of you lucky people out there with spouses that understand what you are doing.
> 
> For me, I am in a terrible situation. Long story short, I finally convinced her to give me the money to invest in her name.
> Bought a stock for her in 2010 at $12.50, it soared to $18+ in early 2011, but it dropped back down to $5.50 in late 2011.
> ...



If she was paying attention to this the entire time then you are lucky she didn't puke on you. I also think she is right and the stock market is rigged. You have big players smashing stops like the flash crash or knocking people out by trigging stops so they can load up as people sell in a panic. 

Having said that the market is the market and you have to accept all this if you wish to invest. So it may be better to explain investing using DCA into an XDV or something and picking it up cheap during a drop and less in a rising market. With bonds so expensive right now you could put most of the money in short term bonds and go from there when you slowly DCA into an equity ETF or very low MER mutual fund. I would think selling it this way would be far easier as you also point out the risk of holding cash to inflation and doing something about it.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

peterk said:


> You gals seem to passive aggressively take personal offense....


Were you not the one PeterK, that suggested that men should marry 'uneducated immigrant women'? 

Hmmm, there was nothing offensive in that, eh?

*Moneygal:* hihi, I know what u mean. :wink: However, one could also say that some don't pay close attention to what is written.


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

Toronto.gal said:


> Were you not the one PeterK, that suggested that men should marry 'uneducated immigrant women'?


"uneducated immigrant women" is a good start, but not enough.

I think she should be an uneducated immigrant woman who is very good looking and can beat the market by a significant amount.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Four Pillars said:


> can beat the market by a significant amount.


And just how will she do that if uneducated/unread?

Oh, I get it, you want a genie! :rolleyes2:


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## Beaver101 (Nov 14, 2011)

*MoneyGal & Toronto.gal: *:encouragement: with salutes! each:


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

Toronto.gal said:


> And just how will she do that if uneducated/unread?
> 
> Oh, I get it, you want a genie! :rolleyes2:


Yes, that's the right term!


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## Belguy (May 24, 2010)

As one of the few females on this forum, I too take exception to some of the sexist comments posted by some of the male participants!!:tongue::topsy_turvy::cupcake:layful:

Women generally make better investors because they are less apt to actively trade to try to time the markets.

In other words, they are better investors because they are more apt to buy and hold, and take on less risk, than most male investors.

http://articles.marketwatch.com/2011-06-24/commentary/30712136_1_women-trade-anthony-weiner-study

And that is why I am proud to be of the female persuasion.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

I don't think men are any more knowledgeable of financial/investing matters than women. If anything, I see more women managing finances than men. And I see more men getting sucked into stupid things like junior mining/oil and gas companies. I had a coworker who lost his wedding fund investing in some north sea oil/gas company that folded around 2009. Anyone remember what the name of that company was? -98% return....

If you are going to invest someone else's savings (even a spouse), you owe them a duty of care--not to act like an asshat. My opinion...


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

andrewf said:


> 1. I don't think men are any more knowledgeable of financial/investing matters than women.
> 2. And I see more men getting sucked into stupid things like junior mining/oil and gas companies.


1. They are in comparison; women are catching up, no doubt about this, but not there yet, not by a long shot.
2. Don't you mean to say obscure penny stocks? Because not all jr. companies are stupid.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

Highly concentrated bets on highly speculative companies, usually after they've already seen large run ups in price. They are the greater fools.

You should not be investing your entire wedding fund into a single stock. Hell, you shouldn't be investing it in equities. But to put it in a coin-flip stock is patently stupid.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

andrewf said:


> Highly concentrated bets on highly speculative companies, usually after they've already seen large run ups in price.


Now you're talking!

Absolutely idiotic, especially the first & last part. :hopelessness:


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## dogcom (May 23, 2009)

Andrewf I would give it much worse odds then a coin flip. Bottom line is men are far more willing to take the big risks and the big losses that come with it. Sure they may make the big wins that make them look great leaving the women in the dust but that is more like winning the lottery. So all in all I would risk my money on the women because the odds will be far in my favor. Of course we can't put everyone in this boat.


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## Uranium101 (Nov 18, 2011)

andrewf said:


> So you took your risk averse wife's savings and invested in some hot stock?
> 
> Think it through, people!


I don't buy hot stocks for anyone.
I bought stocks while they are cold. Very cold in some cases. And I add more as they can colder lol.


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## dogcom (May 23, 2009)

Uranium101 cold stocks can often stay cold for a very long time and even go away completely leaving you with nothing. Think of RIM although it is doing better recently and Nortel. I think ETF's low fee mutual funds and DCA is best for people who don't know much but need some risk going forward.


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## Uranium101 (Nov 18, 2011)

dogcom said:


> Uranium101 cold stocks can often stay cold for a very long time and even go away completely leaving you with nothing. Think of RIM although it is doing better recently and Nortel. I think ETF's low fee mutual funds and DCA is best for people who don't know much but need some risk going forward.


I don't just go into any cold stocks lol.
I go into stocks that has potentials to become hot or become hot again.
I don't mind hanging on to it for a decade or 2 as long as I get my 10% annually returns by the end of the waiting period.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Uranium101 said:


> I go into stocks that has potentials to become hot or become hot again.


Like uranium stocks?


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## Uranium101 (Nov 18, 2011)

Toronto.gal said:


> Like uranium stocks?


Not just any uranium stocks. Cameco only for me lol


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

Uranium101 said:


> I don't just go into any cold stocks lol.
> I go into stocks that has potentials to become hot or become hot again.
> I don't mind hanging on to it for a decade or 2 as long as I get my 10% annually returns by the end of the waiting period.


Yeah, but that's you. Doing that with someone else's money, even a spouse, is questionable judgment. Did she understand the risks you were taking on her behalf?

Frankly, I don't blame her for taking back control. She made the right decision.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

Uranium101 said:


> For those of you lucky people out there with spouses that understand what you are doing.
> 
> For me, I am in a terrible situation. Long story short, I finally convinced her to give me the money to invest in her name.
> Bought a stock for her in 2010 at $12.50, it soared to $18+ in early 2011, but it dropped back down to $5.50 in late 2011.
> ...





> [today] Not just any uranium stocks. Cameco only for me lol


the above is not the profile of cameco so you must have been fooling around on the side ...


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

jcgd said:


> My partner and I have things worked out relatively well for our age. She is in university full time, yet she pays all the bills and manages the general cash flow. I handle the debt, savings and portfolios; things which she has little time for and also little interest. I fill her in every few weeks and she makes sure our everyday finances are in check. This is an area I'm terrible with, and it affects our credit history so I'm happy to let her do it. And she is happy to let me take care of the portfolios. I also manage the debt repayment and savings but she takes care of the actual payments, I more manage the scheduling.
> 
> Luckily, our skill sets and interests almost perfectly overlap. I may bring home the bacon, but she is working on her education and I expect we will see a return on this with her earning power in the future. We will also be swapping roles in the future while I earn a degree so if I were to consider her a gold digger I would be required to label myself as one later


here's a fine example, full of give-&-take, of how to do it.

jc thankx for reminding us to keep faith in the younger generation.


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## Uranium101 (Nov 18, 2011)

humble_pie said:


> the above is not the profile of cameco so you must have been fooling around on the side ...


It is the profile of USG Corporation.

Uranium stock (Cameco) is just one of those cold stocks.
MFC is another cold stock.
I have other cold stocks if you got ears lol.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

Uranium101 said:


> I have other *cold stocks* if you got ears


Lol, it sounds like you have a long list. I trust that you also have hot/warm ones while the cold ones slowly heat up.


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## Uranium101 (Nov 18, 2011)

Toronto.gal said:


> Lol, it sounds like you have a long list. I trust that you also have hot/warm ones while the cold ones slowly heat up.


Yeah, USG is now a hot one i would say. Tripled my investment in 2 years.

My most recent position is JC Penney.
They got killed by the old management team. Now i think the new management can turn this thing around. It is a turn around story.

These are significant investments in my portfolio. Around one year worth of my gross day time job salary in each. Mfc, cco, irbt, jcp. usg, brk.b.

i always try to keep my list under 10 stocks.
some other insignicant cold holdings are su, swn.
none of my stocks are under 10 per share. if you see any stock showing up as penny stocks, then you should check the nyse.


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## Sampson (Apr 3, 2009)

I'm very fortunate to have a partner in life AND finances.

When it comes to education, I have a post-graduate degree, and my wife is a few years into a CFA. She has a finance background, and more specifically, corporate finance background (although I think there is some personal finance topics covered in a BComm). My knowledge only comes from my own interest. She is more than adequate, and in fact, superior to me in knowledge regarding taxes, insurance, real estate investing and all the formal company valuation metrics we use in our investment strategies. This is very useful since I lay out a plan, and review it with her to make sure she is in full support.

With respect to our own finances, I do most of the heavy lifting. For whatever reason, she is just not too interested in managing our families money, from budgeting, to investing, to insurance, to savings and legacy. All our accounts are joint, and she hands me the reigns and even grants me power of attorney. However, *not for one second* would I manage her money in a way she does not feel comfortable (she indexes, I pick stocks). She earns more, deserves more, but we both throw everything into a pot and benefit from each other.

Personal finances, like anything else in a relationship should be about trust. She grants me trust in our budgeting, short, mid, and long term planning. We have never fought about money as we are in complete sync with each other. I realize many people could not manage each other this way, but for us, I see it as an asset. We work towards common financial goals and have consensus as to how to get there.

Makes life enjoyable and makes me (and I hope her) feel like we have someone that will fight to the end of the World for and with.

If you wife doesn't like it, don't do it!


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## avrex (Nov 14, 2010)

@Sampson. That is terrific. Compatible investment philosophies and shared goals. It doesn't matter who actually implements the plan. Total trust. Sounds great.


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## avrex (Nov 14, 2010)

Belguy said:


> As one of the few females on this forum, I too take exception to some of the sexist comments posted by some of the male participants!!:tongue::topsy_turvy::cupcake:
> And that is why I am proud to be of the female persuasion.


What? So Belguy is actually Belgal? :biggrin:


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

But not BelleGal?


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## Sampson (Apr 3, 2009)

avrex said:


> @Sampson. That is terrific. Compatible investment philosophies and shared goals. It doesn't matter who actually implements the plan. Total trust. Sounds great.


This just means we fight about different things  but thankfully money isn't one of those things.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

Sampson said:


> This just means we fight about different things  but thankfully money isn't one of those things.


ha! I nearly spit out my coffee. With the laughter of recognition!


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## Belguy (May 24, 2010)

avrex said:


> What? So Belguy is actually Belgal? :biggrin:


I was just pullin' your leg. Actually, I am a real man's man!!

If you Google 'why women make better investors', you get some 37 million hits.

However, if you Google 'why men make better investors', you get some 65 million hits.

Conclusion: Men do make the best investors after all!!:congratulatory::adoration::friendly_wink:


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## webber22 (Mar 6, 2011)

A little off topic, but nevertheless the google hits on these ones ....

why men hide under the bed 49,700,000 
why men hide under the bed during market crash 57,900

why men wet the bed 72,500,00 
why women wet the bed 60,200,000 
why women wet the men 159,000,000

clearly google has taken on a twisted persona


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## Koala (Jan 27, 2012)

MoneyGal said:


> The "younger members" think that women who don't earn "their own money" are gold-diggers.  I suspect only senior members of the forum (defined in age terms) will have non-earning spouses.


At what age is one considered to be a 'senior member'? Currently, I am the non-earning spouse (he's posted at least once). When we were common-law, there was a period where I was bringing in money and he wasn't. There was also a period where neither of us did. I hope I'm not senior already! 

As for the OP, sitting down and having a conversation as to why you each think investing a certain way is best, along with anything that contributes emotionally. Try to compromise from there, which may mean each person invests an equal amount of money. In marriage, I'm not one to believe in his money and her money (or his/his, hers/hers), but each person can handle the investing for 50% of *our* money.


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

Teamwork and division of responsibilities are good traits of a happy partnership. Ideally both parties can do anything.

But good communications on all major decisions is fundamental. DW is more of a speculator than I am. So we talk a lot.


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

kcowan said:


> Teamwork and division of responsibilities are good traits of a happy partnership. Ideally both parties can do anything.
> 
> But good communications on all major decisions is fundamental. DW is more of a speculator than I am. So we talk a lot.


kcowan - you are one of the 2 older democratic-&-sharing couples i was praising upthread !


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## MrMatt (Dec 21, 2011)

kcowan said:


> Teamwork and division of responsibilities are good traits of a happy partnership. Ideally both parties can do anything.
> 
> But good communications on all major decisions is fundamental. DW is more of a speculator than I am. So we talk a lot.


For some relationships.

I know working relationships where one partner is very passive, or others where they completely steamroller the other with regards to "their thing".
To be sexist, child rearing and cars are quite often the womans and mans task. 

I think the equal team oriented approach works very well for me. That being said we still have our own "things", she dreams up krafts for the kids, I research stocks. Yeah I know thats a stretch because we actually both do most things, changing diapers, making meals, home renos (she does most electrical, and much better drywall), I tend to plumbing.


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## Ethan (Aug 8, 2010)

I don't have access to my fiancé's trading account, but she does all of her buys and sells on my recommendation. The important thing to me is that she is willing to save and not just throw her money away in high fee mutual funds.

Side note - She had an employee share purchase plan, where she could put up to 10% of her paycheque into company shares, with the company contributing 50% of what she did. I suggested to her, and she agreed, to put in the maximum amount, because if the stock stays flat, it is like receiving a 5% raise. We also agreed that she would sell periodically to fund other investments, so that she did not have too much of her net worth tied up in her employer. The last time she sold shares was on a Monday, by Friday a takeover bid was made 60% higher than what she had sold her shares for days earlier. My sell periodically strategy cost her several thousand dollars that week, although I maintain that we had no way of knowing a takeover offer would come.


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## Uranium101 (Nov 18, 2011)

Ethan said:


> I don't have access to my fiancé's trading account, but she does all of her buys and sells on my recommendation. The important thing to me is that she is willing to save and not just throw her money away in high fee mutual funds.
> 
> Side note - She had an employee share purchase plan, where she could put up to 10% of her paycheque into company shares, with the company contributing 50% of what she did. I suggested to her, and she agreed, to put in the maximum amount, because if the stock stays flat, it is like receiving a 5% raise. We also agreed that she would sell periodically to fund other investments, so that she did not have too much of her net worth tied up in her employer. The last time she sold shares was on a Monday, by Friday a takeover bid was made 60% higher than what she had sold her shares for days earlier. My sell periodically strategy cost her several thousand dollars that week, although I maintain that we had no way of knowing a takeover offer would come.


She works at Manulife or something?


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## Ethan (Aug 8, 2010)

[HR][/HR]


Uranium101 said:


> She works at Manulife or something?


Viterra/Glencore


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

MrMatt said:


> I think the equal team oriented approach works very well for me. That being said we still have our own "things", she dreams up krafts for the kids, I research stocks. Yeah I know thats a stretch because we actually both do most things, changing diapers, making meals, home renos (she does most electrical, and much better drywall), I tend to plumbing.


Be careful which chores you choose:
Certain chores pay back much better than others (humour)


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