# Woke up dis mornin' en I wuz still here!



## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Well so much for these doom and gloom predicators of the world coming to
an end today..May 21, 2011.
http://www.bibleplus.org/12signs.htm

I've heard this so many times in my lifetime, that it's becoming a standing
joke with these religious bible-thumping-money-grabbing-fornicating-self
proclaimed saviours of the unwashed and "rather thick" sheepish masses. 
I probably shouldn't take it seriously anymore..
just like Tim Hudak's promise of a new tomorrow for Ontario tax payers...
.. and the relief for the over-gouged hydro consumers. 

I'm glad that I wasn't one of the "chosen" 2%ers that get a free ticket to Heaven leaving the rest of us to wallow in our own self pity and misery with much weeping
and gnashing of teeth, cast into the sea of fire and brimstone known as HST. 

I'm glad that I didn't have to leave my savings (and guitars) behind, not
getting a chance to spend my savings (Harper's inflated money) on at least
wine, women and song, and a bottle of that rather rare $250 vintage wine that P.A. claims it's the greatest thing since sliced bread was invented.

If those 2% have already depharted while I wuz sleepin', then Bon voyage
suckers!...leave me yer earthly possessions as you are not going to need
them where you are going.

Now the negatives...REALITY BITES!

This morning, still single..looking for the "gal wid da money".
Money_gals..where is you? I need your tender love..and maybe a "few thou"
to pay my bills and buy a case of that expensive wine. 
I'll haveta put that on my WANTS LIST...along with the Ferrari, Porsche and
maybe an nice custom Harley. 

Well, I wuz hoping to get to GUITAR HEAVEN and play with some of the
guitar gods that I admire so much..but alas..that was not to be. :-(

as they say.."all the world's a stage..and I'm leaving on the next one!"


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

Hey don't count your chickens too soon. There are 14 hours to go (11.5 in NFLD)!


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## m3s (Apr 3, 2010)

Only 1 hour left in Japan


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## steve41 (Apr 18, 2009)

My personal fave is the guy who is offering to look after your pets once you have raptured off the earth. (presumably, only humans are invited to the rapture).... For a $135 flat fee, our guy will agree to feed and care for Fido. I hope he makes a ton of money.


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

Another guy had "rapture orphan rescue" because of course children are born sinners and can't be raptured until they choose, except that they need to be around 5 ish before they can make that choice. 

I wish they would be raptured, so we wouldn't have to listen to them yak about it anymore.


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## Karen (Jul 24, 2010)

I've just been listening to an open-line show on the radio, and I find it disturbing - even scary - hearing how many people take this nonsense seriously. I wish the media would just ignore the whole thing and maybe these idiots would just go away.


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## DanFo (Apr 9, 2011)

I read this from a link someone else in the forum had posted...

Macho Man Randy Savage died to save us, by keeping Zombie Jesus in a headlock through the appointed hour. Thus every year henceforth, followers of this sect will celebrate Macho Mania on or about May 21 (Canadians may do double-duty with Victoria Day), to celebrate the Macho Man’s sacrifice for all. Ooooh yeah.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Karen said:


> I've just been listening to an open-line show on the radio, and I find it disturbing - even scary - hearing how many people take this nonsense seriously. I wish the media would just ignore the whole thing and maybe these idiots would just go away.


Yup!..and the media makes a field day out of it, so all the "lost sheep"
out there seem to take it as it was the "gospel truth" or facsimile.
It's amazing how many human tragedies have happened over the years, because some religious zealot goes around preaching his interpetation of
a document that can be interpreted in a thousand ways, first written
in hebrew, then translated to latin, then translated to the King James version
and spinoffs with many translations from that.

Now these 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse...

White horse/rider = Conquest or Victory? (translation /interpretation?)
Red horse/rider = War/spilled blood or a consuming fire (again, interpretation)
Black horse/rider = Famine or commerce? (stock markets/oil based economy)
Pale horse/rider = Death/Grim Reaper/Pestilence/natural disasters/destruction of the earth's resources....

....still seem to be hanging around this world.

So whether its a prediction or a concocted story or a premonition..
in the history of the world, these 4 horsemen still continue to dominate
world events.

OK then!
N*ext 'END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT*" date is now: *OCT 21, 2011*.


Here's what Camping has to say about it.
_"Camping has preached that some 200 million people would be saved, and that those left behind would die in a series of scourges visiting Earth until the globe is consumed by a fireball on Oct. 21."_

_"The May 21 doomsday message was sent far and wide via broadcasts and websites by Camping, an 89-year-old retired civil engineer who has built a multi-million-dollar Christian media empire that publicizes his apocalyptic prediction. According to Camping, the destruction was likely to have begun its worldwide march as it became 6 p.m. in the various time zones, although some believers said Saturday the exact timing was never written in stone_."


Ok, so the world population is about..say..nearly 7 Billion...and the Jehovah's Witnesses have reserved 144,000 places in Heaven and claim "no more room". 

_"They believe that 144,000 (which they believe to be synonymous with the "little flock" of Luke, have a heavenly hope and will reign with Christ, while all other people accepted by God (the "other sheep" of John )which includes "the great crowd" of Revelation .will live forever in an earthly paradise (an "earthly hope"). *According to the Witnesses, the first of the 144,000 were raised to heaven from their graves in 1918 *and others who die after 1918 immediately go to heaven when they die."_


So here it is folks..the GOSPEL TRUTH! Don't believe in false "profits". If you want
to be saved when the eventual "armageddon" happens, donate 50% of your
earthly wealth to CARVERMAN. I have deduced by mathematical equations and
serious numbercrunching that combo to the PEARLY GATES of HEAVEN.

But of course, this comes at a price as you may know..nothing is for free on
this earth..so yas gotta pay up if you want to be assured of eternal salvation.

I henceforth will be REFERRED TO AS Dr. KARVORMON, A SELF APPOINTED "FOR PROFIT" prognisticator, who through my personal connections with St.Peter (and fellow winged gate keepers), can put in a good word for you..

..but ONLY...and listen up folks... I need some good faith from you...
in the form of certified checks or cash....maybe I can get a M/C and Visa
account for those that prefer to pay in plastic too?..it's all the same to me.

Price of admission to eternal life? $50,000 per adult and $10,000 per child.
Smile on your faces for being granted eternal life..PRICELESS! 

You are thinking I'm joking..hmmmm? Well just think how you will feel when
the fires of destruction come through your neighborhood on Oct 21, 2011
and you hear the sceams of those that did not believe being BBQ!

Now, of course, I may be off a percentage point in a very complex
mathematical computation, so failing Oct 21, 2011..it WILL come at
the end of the Mayan calendar (December 21, 2012).

Folks, there just isn't any more hope for the human race..and at some
point "someone" will say that we shoulda saw it coming, as the warning
signs were ALL there.

So since you that will be uplifted into Heaven or Infinity and beyond...

give me all your money and earthly possessions..you won't be needing
them anymore when that time comes. Don't worry, I will keep them safe
until you return to re-populate a new world that will be created for you!


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## steve41 (Apr 18, 2009)

Guess what.....

158,857 people died yesterday. Unfortunately, 353,015 births occurred.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

steve41 said:


> Guess what.....
> 
> 158,857 people died yesterday. Unfortunately, 353,015 births occurred.


Yes, and how many of those 353K born will become the "new suckers'?


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## Rico (Jan 27, 2011)

carverman said:


> Yes, and how many of those 353K born will become the "new suckers'?


At the rate of one per minute, 1440 of them.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Apparently "nutcase" Camping had a sign on his door the next day.
"Closed for business..sorry we missed you"....
probably shoulda wrote..

"So long suckers!..thanks for the money..I'm retiring in my private palace
with 10 year supply of Viagra and a bevy of bikini clad beauties that
like to see the colour of green...so I'm giving up Bible Thumpin' ..and 
taking up frumpin' and humpin'....if it feels good....DO It!

Harold (inferno or non inferno..it's all the same!..ha! ha! ha!) Camping


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

Apparently he messed up the arithmetic a little. He now has a new date picked out...............and THIS time he isn't wrong...........says he.


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## Rico (Jan 27, 2011)

Aw man, he forgot to "carry the 1"? - you know doomsday math is important math so one should always double check the calculations!

Sometimes I sit back and think about how in this day and age people can make such claims and others can follow them. When he's wrong again, I wonder what the big excuse will be then? I guess the attention and excitement of getting his followers all worked up gives him some sort of personal satisfaction.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Rico said:


> Sometimes I sit back and think about how in this day and age people can make such claims and others can follow them.* When he's wrong again, I wonder what the big excuse will be then*? I guess the attention and excitement of getting his followers all worked up gives him some sort of personal satisfaction.


He will weasel out of it again..saying that the celestial powers have delayed
the "end of days" hoping that the human race will actively seek redemption.
This is can be considered "stalling tactics" and these bible thumping nut cases
are good at that..after all, it's all business to them..if they can get you
convinced that it might happen, they have won.

I am simply amazed at the media circus surrounding these claims and all the
stupid sheep that will do anything..(including giving up a big portion of their
life savings) to be included in "the flock". 

Now what percentage of the US population would be considered "religious
sheep", that the evangelican bible thumpers can target?

Don't forget to carry the "1" in your calculations.


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## Rico (Jan 27, 2011)

The ol' guy had a stroke . . .

http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/Radio+doomsday+prophet+Camping+suffers+stroke/4938141/story.html


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## nathan79 (Feb 21, 2011)

Rico said:


> The ol' guy had a stroke . . .
> 
> http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/Radio+doomsday+prophet+Camping+suffers+stroke/4938141/story.html


Dang, looks like he's going to recover.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

What bothers me is that many of the huge percentage of people who believe the rapture is imminent (a shockingly high percentage, at least in the US) use it as an excuse not to save, or provide for their children's future.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

Some of his followers gave all their money away. Others have donated a lot of money to "spread the word".

When you read about this........and all the income tax scams, Nigerian letters and all the rest..............you wonder how these people managed to gather together any money in the first place.

Inheritances.........do you suppose?


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## Zara Mari (May 19, 2011)

I watched this one video in the news wherein a one Aunt donated all of her money to that HC foundation thingy leaving all the relatives with nothing. she died before 5-12. Wonder how pissed she will be when she lives longer than that day. poor relatives though.


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