# For those of you who are married / in a relationship ...



## Kathryn (Apr 10, 2009)

Are both of you frugal? Who is the spender and who is the saver .. or are you both one or the other?


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## Jon_Snow (May 20, 2009)

Thankfully we're both rather frugal. Not to say that recently there haven't been a few discussions about shoe purchases (her) and an expensive gas BBQ (me).

Generally though, we REALLY have a hard time parting with our hard earned cash. Although there are some large projects looming in our future that will require us to let loose the purse strings... we might need therapy.


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## brad (May 22, 2009)

We're both pretty frugal, although I'm less frugal than she is. Her income is a lot smaller than mine, and when we met she balked at things like going out to supper or going to see a movie. She couldn't even afford a toaster; she was grilling her bread over the stove. I've gradually convinced her to let me take her out and treat her occasionally, but even so we only go out to eat once or twice a month, and go out to the movies at most once a year. She insists on keeping our finances separate and wants to pay her own way, which sometimes frustrates me as there are things I could afford to do that she can't. But I respect her decision and she in turn understands that sometimes I want to live a bit larger; she doesn't try to stop me.


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## FrugalTrader (Oct 13, 2008)

For us, i'm definitely the saver in the relationship, but I guess anyone would look like a spender next to me.  I guess it's all relative?


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## takingprofits (Apr 13, 2009)

I would be the saver although I am in no way frugal in the classic sense. Funny how that works as when we met it was my wife who actually had savings and not me


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## stardancer (Apr 26, 2009)

My husband and I are a little of both. I learned early on that his idea of saving/budgeting is to take the grocery money and buy penny stocks. So I have always controlled the household money with an iron fist, especially when we had children at home. I made sure $$ flowed into the RSPs over which he had no control. On the other hand, I have no hesitation in replacing appliances with new ones rather than used. Now that we are older and a little more flush, he has his penny stock account and I have the savings.

About needing therapy.... After saving up for years and planning renovations, we have actually been fixing up around the house. It's hard to let go of the $$ even when you have earmarked them for specific purposes.


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## casey5 (Apr 3, 2009)

We're both frugal; MOST of the time. We do splurge on big ticket items when it's time for replacement. His one weakness is electronics, and I got the house I wanted


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## Kathryn (Apr 10, 2009)

We're both savers to but we aren't afraid to spend money on quality either. We live a simple life and don't have a lot of stuff but what we do have is nice. We like to save up for things before we buy them. 

We both hate debt.


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## mrcheap (Apr 4, 2009)

I'm like FrugalTrader, I'm the saver in any relationship I'm in (as everyone is a spendthrift compared to me ;-) ).


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## AshleyT (May 1, 2009)

> It's hard to let go of the $$ even when you have earmarked them for specific purposes.


This rings true for us (well me anyway). Looking at the household cash flow like a business, it makes perfect sense to spend the money on things you have been wanting to spend it on. You invest in life much as a business would invest in itself (or pay it out in a dividend). I don't generally want to own a business that just sits on cash with no plan for it. I should have the same thoughts when it comes to my life...there is money saved/invested for retirement, and then there is money available for now, or saved for purchases of big-ticket items. However, when it comes time to buy those big ticket items, it is not so easy. I get used to the larger number in the account and the security it seems to bring. Life is about balance.....but that is a much easier statment to say than it is to actually put into action.


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## Ben (Apr 3, 2009)

We are both savers, which tends to be a pretty smooth ride. 

I was not particularly a saver before I met her, but neither did I have any real cash flow. I never bought "stuff" in any event. In school, I would blast through $40-50 a night at the bars, 5 times a week, but who doesn't I suppose? Difficult to say whether I would have turned out as much a saver as I am today without her influence. 

She's always been a saver, from age 6 or so. I remember a story she told me about having $97.32 or so in the bank account, and then getting together exactly $2.68 and depositing so that she could see the big $100 displayed in her chequebook.


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## Bullseye (Apr 5, 2009)

My wife was always the saver, from a young age, and I was the one in loads of debt when we got married. I moved out at 17, with no high school diploma, working at MCDonald's, and no concept of money at all.

Over the years since, I've become our finance expert, managing all the money, and keeping our spending in check. My wife has zero interest in managing money, finding deals, cutting costs, etc, but she is happy that I do, and is happy to go along with whatever. 

So we're lucky to be very in sync with our spending and savings habits, we never argue about money. 

I see other couples, family and friends, who have large differences in their approaches to finances, and it causes them endless problems. One spender and one saver is a bad combo for a relationship.


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## Alexandra (Apr 3, 2009)

We're both savers.

He tends to be the risk-taker, while I like to plot a slow and steady course. He did way better than I did in our investments...until recently ;-).

We're both careful spenders - we tend to buy things rarely, but when we do, we buy quality items so they tend to be expensive.


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## ashby corner (Jun 15, 2009)

we both WANT to be frugal, but we can each lead each other down paths...."I just bought a bunch of new shoes, you should go get that guitar you want" or "I think I'm going to have another drink...you"? BAD influence on each other.


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## eddieparker (Jun 18, 2009)

My wife and I are both pretty frugal, although it was interesting coming to that realization.

She's definitely the penny pincher (she shops at three different grocery stores to get the cheapest items amongst the three), and she somehow thought I wasn't as good of a saver early in our relationship because it wasn't as outwardly apparent. Only until she realized I never truly bought anything for recreation did she realize I was a decent saver. 

Similar story regarding misconceived notions about the other's spending habits: a friend of mine's wife chastised him for his video gaming habit; only to discover that she spent more on her knitting habit than he did on his gaming! Good stuff these relationships.


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## Andrew (May 22, 2009)

I am definitely the saver compared to my girlfriend. Although she is pretty good at being frugal as well so it works.


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## samorchard (Jul 3, 2009)

We are both generally good, I am a saver more than my partner but we both have the downfall that if we do want to spend money we usually end up spending a lot of money.


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

My better half and I make a good team. He is great at research and finding sales and deals. He cannot be trusted in the computer store though. He does all the coupon clipping and grocery shopping

I do all the craigslist shopping, returning of items and investing. I take a lot more risks in investing than he is comfortable with so he is in charge of our son's RESP but the retirement account is mine.

It is important to note that even if we differ sometimes our direction is the same. We both love financial stability.


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## Rickson9 (Apr 9, 2009)

She is the saver and I am the investor. It works very well.


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## michika (Apr 20, 2009)

I'm the saver & planner. He is the spender, but we have a good system which works out well for us. He can spend all he wants with his "allowance money", and he still saves even if he can't actively see it.


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## az9tu (Sep 21, 2009)

Both of us savers, pretty much, but don't mind indulging once in a while. I am mostly a deals and coupoins researcher. Recently, was looking for an exercise bike for regular workout, found a good used one here.


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## Canadian CC (Oct 14, 2009)

I love to spend money but I am in charge of the budget ;-)

Therefore, even if I am the spender, I have to be careful about how I spend my money to make sure we have enough at the end of the month ;-)

However, I prefer to find ways of making more money instead of findings ways to save money. It's a source of motivation for me!


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## HaroldCrump (Jun 10, 2009)

In our case, I _think_ I'm the saver and she _thinks_ she's the saver.
It works out in the end.
We have a kind of unspoken competition going on who can optimize and get better value out of our discretionary income.


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## ykphil (Dec 13, 2009)

Luckily, we are both frugal. We love shopping at thrift stores and buy groceries on special as much as possible. We both recycle, reuse, reduce. Since I've been with my wife, my grocery bills are half what they used to be, even though I now eat much better than before. In fact, we are both "foodies" and enjoy cooking daily. We also have a passion for travel which, thanks to my job with an airline, we can fulfill as often as possible for very cheap. During our short but frequent holidays, we go shopping at vintage clothing shops and hunt for the best food at small restaurants and markets, whether in New York or Hong Kong. We both wear trendy designer clothes and apparel from vintage shops, that cost us next to nothing, particularly compared to the low-quality junk other people buy at the mall. Before I met my wife, I was making an indecent salary to do a job I hated, and surprisingly (or not), I used to be broke all the time. A year ago when I met this wonderful woman who became my wife, I re-focused my priorities and took a ridiculously low paid job which I love. My wife encouraged me to follow my heart instead of my head. I know from the outside, my decision makes no sense and seems irresponsible, as I'm now making literally 10 times less money than I was making a year ago, plus I am the only earner in the household, but I have a much fuller life now.


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## moneymusing (Apr 3, 2009)

I'm the saver (aka debt eliminator) and she's the Starbuckser, although it's not that cut and dry. There are some indulgences that we both enjoy and don't skimp too much on. Travel and dining are two biggies.

We don't keep a strict budget but have a good working knowledge of where things are going so they don't get too out of hand.


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## Kirkland (Sep 15, 2009)

She's massively frugal but she does love her bags/shoes etc! I am more of a spender more than anything else but I do budget my moeny to allow this. Over half of my pay cheque in a month is banked into savings and then the rest is cut into bills/entertainment, it works well for the soul!


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## John_Michaels (Dec 14, 2009)

I thought we were both frugal but since I'm the one with the religious underwear & undershirts, perhaps I take the frugal part too far...


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

you're a survivalist you never know when you need a fish net


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## Oldroe (Sep 18, 2009)

I hate that word " budget " 

Mortgage $X
Phone $X
Hydro $X
Heat $X
Divide by 4 weeks is not a budget it's a realities 
Then your yearly bills 

House insurance $X
Car Insurance $x
Life insurance $x

This is still not a budget, it happens every month and if you divide by 12 and mail the check it's a no stress life.

Then some investment $

Whats left is when the fun begins.


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## ssimps (Dec 8, 2009)

We both used to be real savers; then we started making some good $$ and started to get caught up in spending it, loosing site of our original values.

Then the crash happened 15 months or so ago and it was a real wake up call for us both. Not because our income has been effected (fortunately), but that it made us realize that, saving for our future, questioning everything in terms of 'want' vs. 'need', and "paying yourself first" (our original priorities) should not have changed just because we had income to spare.

At the same time I started reading forums like MDJ and it was very refreshing to see others with similar ideals.

So now we are back to saving every way we can so that we can reach our goal of financial independence as soon as possible. We feel much happier now as well!


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