# What should I do about my roommate?



## mriegger (May 18, 2012)

He's a friend of 10 years and he's been renting out my spare bedroom for a year after his GF broke up with him and he was in-between jobs. He's 33 and makes a moderately good income as a programmer.

He's definitely a slob though. Doesn't clean the apartment unless I guilt him too, and his room is incredibly messy. No bed, just a mattress on the floor. Unpacked boxes and clothes scattered everywhere. Plays video games for several hours a day along with occasionally painting Warhammer figurines. 

Setting a good example doesn't seem to be working. I kicked the video game habit a while ago and I'm seriously grateful for doing that. The rest of the condo is, quite frankly, beautiful and spotless (I also pay for housecleaning every month)

I kept tell myself for months that, "well, at least he is saving a lot of money for a house". But then he impulse bought a nearly new Mini Cooper S and a new Triumph motorcycle. The bike is actually the more practical of the two, since he occasionally commutes with it. 

I'm getting a little disgusted with him right now, especially after he told me he doesn't floss and hasn't been to the dentist in years. On the flip side, he's easy to get along with, really nice and the extra income every month is awesome. I can't figure out if I should say something or what.

For me, kicking video game addiction was incredibly empowering and the start of a much better life for me. I haven't been able to convince him of that at all though. I'm sure a lot of people would say, "it's his life, mind your own business", but I really don't recall him being this much of a, well, _man-child_ before moving in.


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## HaroldCrump (Jun 10, 2009)

He is your room-mate, right?
And he pays his share of the rent regularly?
And he pitches in his share for the monthly housecleaning?
He's not doing drugs, booze, or anything illegal or disgusting?

If all the above is true, I say let him be.
He's 33 and responsible for himself.

If you have had enough, you can always tell him that you need to use the spare bedroom and he should start looking for other accomodations.
But stay out of his life.


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## ddkay (Nov 20, 2010)

I agree with Harold, you can't really tell him how to live. You either want him there or you don't, right? He probably doesn't think spending money on a clothes dresser and bed frame is worth the trouble, that's just more stuff he needs to move after, and he thinks its temporary. If it really bothers you, you could buy one of your own. You should have that in the "spare bedroom" anyway. Then your guests staying for some extended period only need to buy their own mattress protector pillows and sheets.


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## Argonaut (Dec 7, 2010)

The answer is simple. Kill him.


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## GoldStone (Mar 6, 2011)

Yep. He deserves it. Can you imagine, he doesn't floss! That's like, you know, OMG!! EWW!! BARF!! SO GROSS!! SO GROSS!!!!!!!!!!


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## ddkay (Nov 20, 2010)

Some people wear the same pants all week, don't wash their hair every morning and smell like vinegar. Does it really matter unless you're sleeping together?


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## Daniel A. (Mar 20, 2011)

If your tired of having a roommate just tell him its time to find somewhere else to live no drama needed from you.


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## indexxx (Oct 31, 2011)

Make it clear that you have the right to live in a decently-kept apartment and expect him to share the household duties or you will give him notice. Everything else he does is not your business.


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## Homerhomer (Oct 18, 2010)

indexxx said:


> Make it clear that you have the right to live in a decently-kept apartment and expect him to share the household duties or you will give him notice. Everything else he does is not your business.


His rommate has a right to live in a messy apartment and OP doesn't have a right to tell the rommate how he should live.

OP seems to have this idea that he has the answers for everthing and his way of life is the only way to go.

If adults prefer not to floss, avoid dentist, play video games, sleep on the mattress, not to have furnitures, buy cars and bikes, ........ and an on and on and on, it's their business, not the roommate business.

You do however have a right not to live with him or anyone else for that matter, the solution to the problem is very easy.


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## LondonHomes (Dec 29, 2010)

Your not his Mom, his life style is his problem. If he was my friend I would mock him mercilessly about the bad BO.

About the mess give him a choice of either picking up after himself or increase his rent to cover weekly house cleanining.


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## mriegger (May 18, 2012)

ddkay said:


> I agree with Harold, you can't really tell him how to live. You either want him there or you don't, right? He probably doesn't think spending money on a clothes dresser and bed frame is worth the trouble, that's just more stuff he needs to move after, and he thinks its temporary. If it really bothers you, you could buy one of your own. You should have that in the "spare bedroom" anyway. Then your guests staying for some extended period only need to buy their own mattress protector pillows and sheets.


Its so weird though, a year ago he was doing so well. His old apartment was so clean and well-kept. He was in a relationship with his GF and the happiest he's ever been. Then he gets dumped, moves in with me and everything just seems to fall apart. 

I was thinking about the Broken Windows Theory recently. Maybe I should buy a real bed for the room and insist that the mess be put into the storage locker. If you believe the theory that will help him in an indirect way. Although it appears unanimous from the responses that I should just collect the rent-check every month and mind my own business. Thats fine I guess, but he is an old friend and I kind of want to help the guy.


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## Dmoney (Apr 28, 2011)

Argonaut said:


> The answer is simple. Kill him.


Ahahahaha was reading through the original post and this was my first thought.
Does that make us bad people?


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## humble_pie (Jun 7, 2009)

mriegger said:


> Maybe I should buy a real bed for the room and insist that the mess be put into the storage locker. If you believe the theory that will help him in an indirect way. Although it appears unanimous from the responses that I should just collect the rent-check every month and mind my own business. Thats fine I guess, but he is an old friend and I kind of want to help the guy.


there you go, now you're sounding like a friend & a nice guy.

i find myself wondering if Roommate has any idea he's bothering you so much. Sometimes it's astonishing to learn what other people are thinking. He may have no clue.

if he's still suffering from the girlfriend fiasco - it does sound like he might be depressed - it would be traumatic for you to throw him out for a 2nd time in a row. You don't sound like a person who'd do that.

perhaps you could sit him down & just tell him how it bothers you to be living so close to so much mess. It's easy for me to say this, so hard to do in practice ... but can you convey to him only that you are sincerely bothered, not that you are thinking of kicking him out or passing judgment on his mattress.

if you can bring yourself to do this, perhaps you could offer to purchase a chest of drawers or a bed for the room.

he might change. Just a bit. Just a bit of change could start the ball of yarn rolling itself up again.


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## Toronto.gal (Jan 8, 2010)

mriegger said:


> a lot of people would say, "it's his life, mind your own business"...


That's not what friends would say and you are a friend.

I understood from the beginning of your post that your comments were more caring than critical, because you started by saying 'he's a friend of 10 years', so right away it was evident that you were not talking about a stranger, but about someone you cared about; have known for 10 years and have lived with for 1 year. You rented your place to him when he was in need, ie: in-between jobs and after a break-up.

*My thoughts:*

- Your friend definitely sounds depressed, which is normal after a break-up, but not too depressed if he has energy to play video games for several hours. 

- Unless your property is being destroyed, I would not care/worry about his messiness, that's his business, but you would help him by furnishing the room. How come a good friend rented him an empty room anyway? :rolleyes2:

- The Mini Cooper S and a new Triumph motorcycle may be his pre-middle age crisis. At least the man has great taste; love the Mini Cooper. :biggrin: How he spends his money is his business so long as he pays you the rent. 

- As a prior game addict [you, not me, lol], you know the bad side of it, and if you overcame it, then you would be a good friend if you helped your friend kick the habit as well [if that's what it is]. It's not easy to convince addicts right away, but don't give up on him too quick & keep trying to help him.

- Last, but not least, I would be totally disgusted at the lack of oral hygiene as well [no wonder his gf. left him]. :rolleyes2: But given that you're a friend of 10 years, YES, I would mention to him that dental hygiene is important to his appearance and more importantly, to his health. For example: untreated cavities/gum disease, etc., can lead to infections and there are now strong debates that some dental problems can lead to more serious ones, such as heart disease, diabetes, etc. And if by chance he has a heart murmur, even more important to keep clean.

http://www.health.harvard.edu/press_releases/heart-disease-oral-health
http://www.capitalcardiology.com/murmur.htm

I hope your friend does not sign-up to CMF because I think he would recognize you, and then, would you still be friends you think? :confused2:


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