# Eating out or not with family



## jlunfirst (1 mo ago)

Yes, I'm certain we all eat out with good friends.

Asking about family since of course, some family members can be difficult because of their character, etc. Do you tend to gather at a home for the big occasional meals? Or it's not a thing at all to get together?

We don't think about cost when we plan. It's more convenience --if no one is willing/has time to host a potluck/BBQ at one's home, then it is a restaurant. The restaurant 90% of time has been Asian. Look, even we consider it a novelty to eat at a Chinese restaurant. Home cooking is quite different (and usually healthier because less volume  ). Besides, no one cooks 8-9 different Chinese dishes all piping hot, at home. Too exhausting.

We're talking about close to 13-24 people. Depending if all folks are in town at same time.
Yes, some Asian restaurants *might* be a bit lower cost than other types of cuisine. But my family members, doesn't resist kicking in their share when the bill comes. For us, more important is being together for a few hrs. and enjoying something together, catching up on news.


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## nathan79 (Feb 21, 2011)

I usually eat out with my uncle (mom's brother) once a week.

Mom doesn't like eating out due to the cost and the fact that she's a vegetarian, so it's hard to find things she wants to eat.

Mom doesn't speak to her mother, so there's no point in getting together.

I don't really keep in touch with my dad's side of the family since he passed away. I have a few cousins and an uncle around Vancouver, but haven't seen them since my grandma passed away. My surviving aunt moved to Nova Scotia.


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## jlunfirst (1 mo ago)

nathan79 said:


> I usually eat out with my uncle (mom's brother) once a week.
> 
> Mom doesn't like eating out due to the cost and the fact that she's a vegetarian, so it's hard to find things she wants to eat.
> 
> ...


Wish your mom wasn't so focused on cost. In Lower Mainland area, it shouldn't be hard to find vegetarian choices, but maybe she only likes certain foods / dishes, in the vegetarian universe.

My mother does focus on cost, but recognizes it's fun getting together several times annually at a restaurant with everyone together..it's actually rare to pull everyone in 1 spot even if most of my family live in Metro Toronto. So when mother (who will be 89, and now less mobile) did join at restaurant meal, we allow her to choose restaurant and order off the menu. Even though most of us are chipping in the restaurant bill. She does consult one of us so it's not all about "her" perspective. She's not going to be around forever..

I have 40+ first and 2nd cousins plus their families living in Metro Toronto for past few decades. We only see them for weddings and....funerals. There are certain cousins we have abit more contact via phone.

My father died a few years ago and also a sister of mine. We also ate like this in restaurant 1-2 times annually as a family at that time also. I don't ever recall discussion or worry about "cost". To my family, it's not worth haggling over dollars vs. seeing each other, enjoying company.


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## Numbersman61 (Jan 26, 2015)

My wife and I have a blended family since we both lost our spouses some years ago. Each year we have a combined family meal in a private room in an upscale restaurant. Only exception was restrictions due to COVID. Gives everyone an opportunity to dress up and get to know others in the family. It’s not cheap since the total number is in the twenties. We also do a combined family barbecue.


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## Johnny199r (May 20, 2014)

I can't stand going out for meals with big groups. Cannot stand it.

The endless waiting, people talking across the table, listening to people being difficult with the server, somehow getting stuck with more than your share of the bill, more waiting, it's just torture.

My general rule is I won't go out to eat if the group is larger than 4.

My spouse and I usually have pizza/Chinese/Indian or something else every Sunday at her mom's place for about 2 hours. I don't mind it. There are about 7-8 of us. I have no interest in doing it at a restuarant.


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## james4beach (Nov 15, 2012)

Ever since restaurant inflation took off, I try to minimize eating out with anyone -- friends and family.

It's just not worth it. Having a nice meal or a lunch used to be a minor expense, but it seems that even a basic lunch with tip will now exceed $20 anywhere you go.

Additionally, the only time I caught Covid was at a restaurant (nearly certain about this) a few months ago. These places are packed and when I combine the price inflation with risk of Covid in this density, it's really not worth going. Plus where I live, restaurants are usually where all the tourists end up, so people flying in and driving from everywhere will all end up at my local restaurants. Diseases and all.


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## ian (Jun 18, 2016)

We took my parents out on a regular basis, Later, when my mother passed and we moved I stayed with my father when on business. One night we would go out for dinner, the other night would be his home made spaghetti. 

I am very thankful for those times and miss them.

I was one of the lucky ones. I had great parents who instilled the basics, emphasized education, and taught us to not to be afraid to reach out for opportunities, stretch our horizons, etc.

No regrets.


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## jlunfirst (1 mo ago)

Johnny199r said:


> I can't stand going out for meals with big groups. Cannot stand it.
> 
> The endless waiting, people talking across the table, listening to people being difficult with the server, somehow getting stuck with more than your share of the bill, more waiting, it's just torture.
> 
> ...


Um...In my family growing up with 6 children and 2 parents, we're used to all sorts of noise or not perfect "behaviour".  Meaning someone might sulk or be spaced out/bored for awhile. No one is perfect all the time. But usually in restaurants we're pretty good. Including young children.

I agree, I dislike restaurant eaters who are difficult with servers...just fussing really over tiny stuff. It doesn't happen in my family....because my father worked as a cook in a Chinese restaurant. There is far higher awareness in my family of: the true hard work in restaurants, what is at minimum acceptable for restaurant prepped food.

Several other relatives work in restaurants. So we're pretty cooperative and polite as customers. I mean this quite seriously when family members work hard ..for decades.


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## cainvest (May 1, 2013)

I rarely eat at restaurants anymore unless I'm on a road trip or something. We invite friends over and they do the same, much better food. Plus we can all hang out in comfort after the meal for as long as we like.


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## Flugzeug (Aug 15, 2018)

We just had a dinner out with family, 6 of us, but we certainly go out to restaurants less than we used to. It’s simply too expensive for what you get now. I’m traveling often for work so I’m forced to eat out some of the time but I try to bring food or go to grocery stores when I can.

20+ years ago I was visiting a friend in Europe, he said they rarely go to restaurants as it’s so expensive it would be a few times per year. At the time I found it very different from North America. Now I feel like we are heading that way, people are getting squeezed and restaurants don’t offer the same value/enjoyment they once did.


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## Mukhang pera (Feb 26, 2016)

Much in this thread with which I agree.

Good memories of family dining out, but in another era. I grew up in Toronto and for some years, starting as early as I can remember, frequent family Sunday dinners and special occasion dinners were held at the Imperial Room of the Royal York Hotel. Family was usually me, my sister and parents and aunt, uncle and cousin, plus granny. My father and my uncle would alternate picking up the tab, which I think was usually about $100. I would watch them count out the cash (pre-credit card era). When uncle built a new house in Thornhill to be closer to his chief place of business in Richmond Hill, family dinners were more often at the Inn on the Park, less of a trip for aunt and uncle than trekking down to the Royal York on Front St. All good times.

When I lived in Vancouver, spouse and I enjoyed going out to some of the better restaurants. A couple of times a month. The places we frequented were not cheap, but did not leave you feeling worked over. I am thinking of places like the William Tell, Bishop’s, the Timber Club in the hotel Vancouver, The Cannery, Le Gavroch, Mulvaney’s, Athene’s, the Seven Seas on the ship at the foot of Lonsdale, Star Anise, Le Papillote, and a number of others I cannot conjure up at the moment. The Salmon House on the Hill came along in those days and was pretty good, but a bit of a trek from where we lived in town. Also, they had a nasty habit of not taking reservations. So, if they were busy when you arrived (as usual) they liked to divert you to the bar, to sit for an hour and buy expensive drinks to pass the time, waiting for a table.

Now, like some here, although I can probably better afford prices than at earlier times in my life, some of the prices make me recoil. There's not much in the way of "fine dining" around home in more rural BC, which is maybe just as well. A few months ago, getting home late and not wanting to cook, I bought a burger and fries at an inn not far away. It was about $24, plus tax and tip. For what I could have made better at home for probably less than $5. A family of 4 would have shelled out over $100. That's with no coffee or drinks of any sort, no dessert. Just burgers and fries.


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## AlwaysMissingTheBoat (8 mo ago)

Johnny199r said:


> I can't stand going out for meals with big groups. Cannot stand it.
> 
> The endless waiting, people talking across the table, listening to people being difficult with the server, somehow getting stuck with more than your share of the bill, more waiting, it's just torture.
> 
> ...


Your response sounds rather negative, but I share your perspective! 

Restaurants are fine for small groups, but when it becomes upwards of 6 or 8, I'd rather not be there. In addition to all the factors you mentioned, the luck of the draw on seating is another. If you are fortunate, you'll be beside your spouse and have a good conversationalist on the other side and across the table from you. If not, then the evening drags on.

My wife's father came to visit from across the country late in the summer. He loves Chinese buffets. We have a great one in our city so we took him and we enjoyed the hell out of it. Yes, it was relatively expensive. And yes we tried to ensure we got our money's worth by refilling our plates and stuffing ourselves. That's the part you always regret afterwards. Spending the rest of the day feeling like you're going to explode. But the food is so good and it's a rare occasion so it is what it is.


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## Simon Says (Jan 5, 2013)

james4beach said:


> Ever since restaurant inflation took off, I try to minimize eating out with anyone -- friends and family.
> 
> It's just not worth it. Having a nice meal or a lunch used to be a minor expense, but it seems that even a basic lunch with tip will now exceed $20 anywhere you go.
> 
> Additionally, the only time I caught Covid was at a restaurant (nearly certain about this) a few months ago. These places are packed and when I combine the price inflation with risk of Covid in this density, it's really not worth going. Plus where I live, restaurants are usually where all the tourists end up, so people flying in and driving from everywhere will all end up at my local restaurants. Diseases and all.


I'm the same. Spend $200 to eat out as a family and now that the "tipping culture" is crazy you look cheap leaving 15%. Forget it. My wife is an amazing cook and I can cook as well. If we get together with people we just ask everyone to bring a dish to our house. It's healthier, cheaper and no more splitting the bill. The endless restaurant noise and all the things you mentioned above. The only restaurant food we get is a pizza every couple weeks, or maybe subway if there's a coupon.

I find people like to cook, they hate to clean up, we use paper plates and wooden silverware and wash the big containers as a team so it makes for light work.


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## jlunfirst (1 mo ago)

Simon Says said:


> I'm the same. Spend $200 to eat out as a family and now that the "tipping culture" is crazy you look cheap leaving 15%. Forget it. My wife is an amazing cook and I can cook as well. If we get together with people we just ask everyone to bring a dish to our house. It's healthier, cheaper and no more splitting the bill. The endless restaurant noise and all the things you mentioned above. The only restaurant food we get is a pizza every couple weeks, or maybe subway if there's a coupon.
> 
> I find people like to cook, they hate to clean up, we use paper plates and wooden silverware and wash the big containers as a team so it makes for light work.


My 1 sister is tired of hosting, though her house is bigger than another sister's. Then the other sister's house is a lot smaller. Then either of them, whichever is chosen wants to have home in half decent shape for family. Best time to do it is when warm enough to fire up the BBQ and some folks can sit outside.

That's why for our much bigger family gatherings, it's just easier to go to a restaurant. Our family does see it as a novelty / fun and it is also for experience of younger generation, of which some are biracial, and to plunk them sometimes in dominant Chinese gatherings. It's only 1-3 times / yr. we do this and restaurant chosen tends to have Asian dominant clientele. Sure it's noisy, but it doesn't bother my extended family --it's all part of the experience. Also we try to order some dishes that aren't the "norm" so kids try lesser known dishes. It can be an experience and it was, even for myself and siblings, as a child growing up in K-W with hardly any Chinese restaurants 1960's-1970's, and eating foods banquet style with dishes, never served at home AND some dishes normally not served to local non-Asians.

Cooking and eating certain cuisines for some people, can be sometimes linked to familial identity. Therefore eaten certain foods at a Chinese restaurant that myself and my siblings don't prep at home, because it's just too labour intensive or we can't do it well, ie an array of dim sum...is enjoyable and yes linked to family roots, memories. Since my mother used to make some of the stuff, when she got around to it. Now, she gets tired fast and not as mobile at home.

Since eating out at a restaurant (in Metro Toronto) for our family is rare annually, cost is secondary to us since we are expected to chip in cost for 15+ people. We choose reasonably priced restaurants (total bill under $175.00). Servings are large enough for sharing around the table, with someone taking something home. My family doesn't order alcohol at a Chinese restaurant. It's not "required" to enjoy the experience. There's beer at a family home BBQ --if you want it. Only less than 8 people take one.

At home potlucks, there are have been 2 750 ml bottles of wine. You know what? For 20 people, only 75% of it gets consumed after 3 hrs. Myself and several of us have a slight allergy to alcohol --meaning turning pink after only 6-7 sips.



james4beach said:


> Additionally, the only time I caught Covid was at a restaurant (nearly certain about this) a few months ago. These places are packed and when I combine the price inflation with risk of Covid in this density, it's really not worth going. Plus where I live, restaurants are usually where all the tourists end up, so people flying in and driving from everywhere will all end up at my local restaurants. Diseases and all.


Continues to be challenge. I caught my covid last Feb., and friend and I were in a restaurant with high ceilings, good ventilation and tables spaced apart. I did join my family (after not seeing them for almost last 3 yrs.) at a restaurant after I flew in from prairies early Sept. 2022. No one got sick. My mother did not join us.


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## jlunfirst (1 mo ago)

I didn't quite expect some more negative responses. I also sense some folks might have been ungraciously expected to pay for others, when other adult eaters didn't pony up their share. That is quite mean and it's not our family.


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## sags (May 15, 2010)

We never eat out in restaurants anymore, but do order take out and delivery a few times every month......Chinese, pizza, panzerotti, fish and chips, etc.

Although we still cook at home, we have extended our food interests into buying prepared meals from ethnic delis.

We normally fend for ourselves during the day......breakfast, sandwiches, soups, leftovers, and eat dinner together every night.

We can both cook, but mostly my wife does the cooking and I do the dishes and clean up. It works for us.


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## ykphil (Dec 13, 2009)

My wife and I rarely if ever eat out, mostly because we prefer cooking at home together, even in Mexico where restaurants are affordable. When we do go out, we eat out at cocinas economicas (mom and pops places) where a full home-cooked meal with hand-made tortillas, fresh salsa, and agua fresca of the day (fresh fruit drink) will cost under 70 to 80 pesos per person. The only time we go to a fancier restaurant is when friends drag us to a popular ****** eatery, once or twice a year. Not only is it 3-4 times more expensive than a cocina economica but we came out disappointed every single time. Another exception to our rule is when we visit Canada, then I blow our monthly food expense budget when I take my kids out to eat a couple of times a week. It brings me joy to be with my kids but thank God we rarely stay longer than a month or two per year.


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## jlunfirst (1 mo ago)

ykphil said:


> My wife and I rarely if ever eat out, mostly because we prefer cooking at home together, even in Mexico where restaurants are affordable. When we do go out, we eat out at cocinas economicas (mom and pops places) where a full home-cooked meal with hand-made tortillas, fresh salsa, and agua fresca of the day (fresh fruit drink) will cost under 70 to 80 pesos per person. The only time we go to a fancier restaurant is when friends drag us to a popular **** eatery, once or twice a year. Not only is it 3-4 times more expensive than a cocina economica but we came out disappointed every single time. Another exception to our rule is when we visit Canada, then I blow our monthly food expense budget when I take my kids out to eat a couple of times a week. It brings me joy to be with my kids but thank God we rarely stay longer than a month or two per year.


I treasure the mom 'n pop places. In Seoul downtown, we found a mother-daughter small place (with 8 security video cameras installed  Whatever. We're trustworthy) that could only seat 10 people in total.



Mukhang pera said:


> Much in this thread with which I agree.
> 
> Good memories of family dining out, but in another era. I grew up in Toronto and for some years, starting as early as I can remember, frequent family Sunday dinners and special occasion dinners were held at the Imperial Room of the Royal York Hotel. Family was usually me, my sister and parents and aunt, uncle and cousin, plus granny. My father and my uncle would alternate picking up the tab, which I think was usually about $100. I would watch them count out the cash (pre-credit card era). When uncle built a new house in Thornhill to be closer to his chief place of business in Richmond Hill, family dinners were more often at the Inn on the Park, less of a trip for aunt and uncle than trekking down to the Royal York on Front St. All good times.
> 
> ...


Wow, but you have good memories of those luxe meals at the Royal York in TO. Good thing we got to eat at The Cannery before it closed. Yes, we've been to The Salmon House on the Hill. Impressive and great view.

I haven't bought a burger anywhere ..in several decades. I like having a sandwich from an independent cafe/restaurant...Reuben, etc. (Chateau Lake Louise used to make a great bison reuben (!) for several yrs. but took it off the menu. We went there after snowshoeing up from Lake Louise village.)

I know everyone here wants to talk about rarely eating out. Well, we didn't do that often. But as a tourists, some interesting local places and unique dishes really add to the experience, especially overseas. Stuff never/rarely served in North America.


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## Mukhang pera (Feb 26, 2016)

jlunfirst said:


> I treasure the mom 'n pop places. In Seoul downtown, we found a mother-daughter small place (with 8 security video cameras installed  Whatever. We're trustworthy) that could only seat 10 people in total.
> 
> 
> Wow, but you have good memories of those luxe meals at the Royal York in TO. Good thing we got to eat at The Cannery before it closed. Yes, we've been to The Salmon House on the Hill. Impressive and great view.
> ...


Yes, good memories. I mentioned places, not to boast the deluxe venues, but maybe to evoke a bit of a trip down memory lane for a few readers. 

I seldom buy a burger and have not for a long time, except out of convenience on occasion. If, on those occasions, a good Reuben sandwich was a choice, I'd opt for it. The bison Reuben sounds pretty good. I was last at Chateau Lake Louise in August 2016. Don't recall seeing it on the menu then.

You're right about overseas experience. We eat out more when abroad. That includes here in the Philippines. We are in Iloilo right now and I recall good, local spiny lobster here long ago. My wife has done some investigating and has turned up a Chinese restaurant here that's supposed to do well with it. We'll be giving it a try soon. Lobster is easy to cook badly. So we want to go to a place reputed to do it well. If we can source some live, maybe we'll also bring some home and cook here.

I think many here are the same. The more accomplished one becomes as a cook, the less inclined one is to eat out. That said, like eating when abroad, eating out is good for having things you would not cook at home. That includes some things that are a lot of work and sometimes it's nice to let someone else do the work.


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## cainvest (May 1, 2013)

jlunfirst said:


> I haven't bought a burger anywhere ..in several decades. I like having a sandwich from an independent cafe/restaurant...Reuben, etc. (Chateau Lake Louise used to make a great bison reuben (!) for several yrs. but took it off the menu. We went there after snowshoeing up from Lake Louise village.)
> 
> I know everyone here wants to talk about rarely eating out. Well, we didn't do that often. But as a tourists, some interesting local places and unique dishes really add to the experience, especially overseas. Stuff never/rarely served in North America.


Road trips often lead to dining out for me, been to many good places over the years. Back in the skiing days we usually stayed at the Lake Louise Inn and the after ski dinner was a Louise burger and a kokanee. A good place in banff was called "The Yard", awesome chili ... no idea if it's still around today.


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## jlunfirst (1 mo ago)

Mukhang pera said:


> Yes, good memories. I mentioned places, not to boast the deluxe venues, but maybe to evoke a bit of a trip down memory lane for a few readers.
> 
> I seldom buy a burger and have not for a long time, except out of convenience on occasion. If, on those occasions, a good Reuben sandwich was a choice, I'd opt for it. The bison Reuben sounds pretty good. I was last at Chateau Lake Louise in August 2016. Don't recall seeing it on the menu then.
> 
> ...


My home is too small to entertain more than 1-2 people. My partner was a creative, great cook. Since he was raised by a mother who had technical culinary training in Germany (prior to WWII), I learned alot on his side particularily what to look for in fine German pastries and multi-layered tortes (she baked those every weekend..it was her creative outlet).

I'm more an occasional "interesting" cook....stir fried butternut squash (variation of my mother's survival dish when butternut squash wasn't as creative cooked as now. .25 cents per huge squash in 1970's), sauteed fennel (bulb) with tomato, ginger root, onion and abit of soy... a natural sweet 'n sour dish I invented. Stir fried beet greens with tomato and pasta with onion, ginger and garlic..another personal invention. When my mother passes, most the recipes I cook...ever since I was an older teen...comes from her. Yes, alot would be deemed "frugal", healthy and easy to prep dishes. (though not all aesthetically beautiful which is why some aren't on restaurant menus .) I'm sure there many Filipino dishes like that.

So cooking /eating at certain restaurants can be very much directly tied to family heritage and all the stories about certain foods in a family.

Bison reuben..the meat was sliced thin. We were very disappointed when no longer menu. And not too badly priced either.


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## Mukhang pera (Feb 26, 2016)

jlunfirst said:


> Yes, alot would be deemed "frugal", healthy and easy to prep dishes. (though not all aesthetically beautiful which is why some aren't on restaurant menus .) I'm sure there many Filipino dishes like that.
> 
> So cooking /eating at certain restaurants can be very much directly tied to family heritage and all the stories about certain foods in a family.


Agree completely. 

That Reuben looks good. Not likely to be found here in the Philippines.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

jlunfirst said:


> I think many here are the same. The more accomplished one becomes as a cook, the less inclined one is to eat out. That said, like eating when abroad, eating out is good for having things you would not cook at home. That includes some things that are a lot of work and sometimes it's nice to let someone else do the work.


I will be one of the odd ones out. I can cook quite well and really enjoy it, but we do eat out ALOT. Primarily because the kids are at the peak of their activities, and I am driving them almost every night. We make a simple meal on week nights because someone is usually out for an activity, and then on the weekend, I want a great meal with the family, but don't want to cook. In the summers or normally on longer school breaks if we are not travelling, we will cook some fancier meals. 

When we had more time, we used to have a rule of not eating out for things we can make at home, and there were only a few things that I would eat out for. Now, due to time, it's a little different.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

jlunfirst said:


> Asking about family since of course, some family members can be difficult because of their character, etc. Do you tend to gather at a home for the big occasional meals? Or it's not a thing at all to get together?
> 
> We don't think about cost when we plan. It's more convenient --if no one is willing/has time to host a potluck/BBQ at one's home, then it is a restaurant. The restaurant 90% of time has been Asian. Look, even we consider it a novelty to eat at a Chinese restaurant. Home cooking is quite different (and usually healthier because less volume  ). Besides, no one cooks 8-9 different Chinese dishes all piping hot, at home. Too exhausting.


Food and eating together was a big part of our family. My parents were very frugal and didn't eat hardly at all but had always fantastic meals together. It was more about family time, than just the meal. As a family, we definitely evolved over time on how we do things as there was a huge age gap between the siblings and at different stages in life. I The oldest was married and out of the house while is was still in middle school.

My parents always had Sunday dinners with all the siblings and their kids (I will still a kid myself) with multiple dishes or more expensive items like lobster and prime rib. It was kind of strange because my dad had a restaurant and would cook as a part of his job, but culturally my mom was expected to make the daily meals. The exception was the Sunday dinners or holiday dinners (which would have over 30 people). My mom was not as good of a cook as my dad (understandably) and they would 'practice' making specialty dishes. Once she got it, if it was really good (which is often was), we would get bored or sick of it. If we said we really like something, she would make it EVERY weekend (or more) for at least 6 months or longer. So we when she asked us how something was, we would just say 'It's alright, maybe we can have it in a few months again' even if it was the best thing in the world. I had coached my then-boyfriend (now husband on this) the first time he had dinner with us on a Sunday meal. My mom went all out, and beamed when he replied that the meal was better than at the restaurant. EVERY person around the table glared and my boyfriend and said to me, WHY DIDN"T YOU COACH HIM!.  We had that meal EVERY weekend for almost a year and my mom would make it during the week for him too. He finally had the guts to tell her that 'it was alright, let's try something new'. Food was definitely my mom's and parents 'love language'. They both grew up in an environment where there wasn't enough and wanted us to never have the feeling. 

For my parents' birthdays, mother's day, and father's day we would take out my parents for dinner. It was usually family style, and we went through some growing pains. We would split meal costs between the siblings but as the youngest, who was in school and working a retail part-time job, compared to the some who were fully established. It was challenging as a single, and I was paying the same as a family of 4 who had corporate jobs. We had a few heated discussions, but at the end, I have reminded the key reason for my parents was for family time and they would be really disappointed to see us in conflict over something so trivial. As the youngest, and the one most affected, I am glad I backed down because in the end it truly does work out. Now that not all of us are in the same city, my mom is no longer able to join us, and my dad is not as mobile, I am really glad we had those memories. 

As I have my own family, we still eat out alot, that's also almost all we do when travelling/vacationing. We love trying all cuisines, my kids have eaten at the local places where grandma is in the back kitchen cooking to at Michelin-star restaurants along where there was famous people beside us. Ironically, we still talk about many of the meals we had on these trips, like when we pulled into a gas station in Colombia with the best arepas from granny or when in Cuba the chef just disappeared and left me at the grill, so I ended up grilling up our own meal then other tourist started given me their food to cook. I got a $1 tip. 

For larger extended family meals, usually my sibling hosts Christmas at their house because it's a lot bigger, we all love food so they pick up the best meats to cook, and I bring my dishes and help out. For my spouses' side, they don't enjoy food quite as much and aren't the best at execution, so they will often get take out or catered meals. For us, we will usually cook a big meal. We split up hosting the major events, and just go with it. 

Just responding to this thread brings back memories.


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## jlunfirst (1 mo ago)

Plugging Along said:


> Food and eating together was a big part of our family. My parents were very frugal and didn't eat hardly at all but had always fantastic meals together. It was more about family time, than just the meal. As a family, we definitely evolved over time on how we do things as there was a huge age gap between the siblings and at different stages in life. I The oldest was married and out of the house while is was still in middle school.
> 
> My parents always had Sunday dinners with all the siblings and their kids (I will still a kid myself) with multiple dishes or more expensive items like lobster and prime rib. It was kind of strange because my dad had a restaurant and would cook as a part of his job, but culturally my mom was expected to make the daily meals. The exception was the Sunday dinners or holiday dinners (which would have over 30 people). My mom was not as good of a cook as my dad (understandably) and they would 'practice' making specialty dishes. Once she got it, if it was really good (which is often was), we would get bored or sick of it. If we said we really like something, she would make it EVERY weekend (or more) for at least 6 months or longer. So we when she asked us how something was, we would just say 'It's alright, maybe we can have it in a few months again' even if it was the best thing in the world. I had coached my then-boyfriend (now husband on this) the first time he had dinner with us on a Sunday meal. My mom went all out, and beamed when he replied that the meal was better than at the restaurant. EVERY person around the table glared and my boyfriend and said to me, WHY DIDN"T YOU COACH HIM!.  We had that meal EVERY weekend for almost a year and my mom would make it during the week for him too. He finally had the guts to tell her that 'it was alright, let's try something new'. Food was definitely my mom's and parents 'love language'. They both grew up in an environment where there wasn't enough and wanted us to never have the feeling.
> 
> ...


I did want to post a topic where sometimes, money and how it is used varies alot from family to family, different stages life and priorities. So thx, Plugging Along for your thoughtful, fulsome response. I love it. 

My father was a restaurant cook and primary breadwinner. But his restaurant cooking was basic...and he actually did Western dishes there rather than much Chinese cuisine dishes, the few that were listed on the Chinese restaurant meal. So he tended to use big amounts of ingredients which didn't suit our palate. So mother did 99% of the home cooking and later in his retirement, father chopped stuff, dishes and clean-up.

Since my father as well as some other relatives (including a BIL who took some culinary courses at a local college and did work in restaurants for a few yrs.), a restaurant family gathering...is actually appreciated and so the "cost" thing really isn't foremost, when it's 2-3 times or less annually. The emphasis is family gathering and enjoying chat. People move around the table to talk to one another, so we're not always stuck.

I have poignant memories of these large restaurant family meals together. My partner was last with my family in ..2019 before he died. He and I flew into Toronto and this was 1 of our family activities. Then of course, there are other smaller gatherings in various homes.

The dinner cost together, becomes irrelevant, quite insignificant (to me) and probably most other family members (since they haven't bitched either) as time moves on and some table attendees are no longer alive over time.
Even if it's Chinese restaurant that's loud noise, servers not in a good mood, we accept it and ignore it/truly block it out: because my family does understands how hard that work is for low wages. So we don't fuss over servers, etc. It is cultural thing/experience, that's ridiculous for my family to get into a snit.


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## Jericho (Dec 23, 2011)

Restaurants are a past era for us. The costs / returns aren't justified in my opinion. The odd time, I'll break this rule to help celebrate a special occasion. Most of those I know have also walked away from the restaurant scene. It was once a fun, social thing to do, but since we've really been feeling the effects of the carbon tax on our food supply, we mostly cook real meals at home and container leftovers for future meals.


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## Eclectic21 (Jun 25, 2021)

jlunfirst said:


> ... Asking about family since of course, some family members can be difficult because of their character, etc. Do you tend to gather at a home for the big occasional meals? Or it's not a thing at all to get together?


When the travel and ability to take enough time off work was better - we would get together in homes. Sometimes in one home for lunch, get in the car for an hour to have supper at a different home with different relatives.

The first change was when my sister started having a restaurant cook the turkey with everything else cooked at home.


Now with the limitations, we usually meet at something like the Mandarin so that everyone can pick whatever food they prefer.


Those that have time to prepare food have too small a place to host and the few who do have space, don't get enough time off of work or are too far away.


Cheers


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## spiritwalker2222 (Nov 7, 2017)

Jericho said:


> but since we've really been feeling the effects of the carbon tax on our food supply,


What does that mean? It's too much money, or too impactful on the environment?


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## spiritwalker2222 (Nov 7, 2017)

We mostly eat at homes with family. We have young kids and we can't spend too much time at a restaurant before they get bored. We can spend a lot more time together chatting, and the kids can go off and play by themselves when at someone's home.

Rarely get takeout, but will go out twice a week with the household family. But those tend to be quick for the same reason.


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## Jericho (Dec 23, 2011)

spiritwalker2222 said:


> What does that mean? It's too much money, or too impactful on the environment?


The cost of our goods has skyrocketed since the introduction of carbon taxes.


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## jlunfirst (1 mo ago)

Well, honest a great Hungarian restaurant is closing down this spring or so. So I suggest a trek to Jonas in Calgary. Chicken paprikash for supper. That's homemade spaetzel, not beans in pic.


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