# Budgeting Frustration



## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

I am having problems with my budgeting. 

There are two issues, getting my husband on board, he's an impulse shopper quietly leaking funds away. 

It seems like the universe is conspiring against me, this month I spent around $1000 on the van in repairs. The kid dropped his plastic pee shield down the toilet and it seems to be stuck in there. Yesterday a branch fell about 15 feet sideways into my neighbors car window. Not only that but the only place they ever get their car serviced is Honda dealer. 

I'm frustrated as hell. I make decent money but it goes so damn fast. Anyone else feeling the same way?


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## Addy (Mar 12, 2010)

Ugh, just reading your post gets my blood pressure up a bit. Sorry to hear about your luck Berube! We have had similar bad luck, and find focusing on the fact that we had the money to deal with it as being a good thing helped. Plus in time what happened won't matter so much, so hope time helps sooner than later.


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## Addy (Mar 12, 2010)

About your hubby, can you put him on a cash only diet? Or limit his cc limit to only cover his monthly or weekly allowance? Or give him incentives to not spend?


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Sorry to hear about your luck. The good news is that bad things happen in 3’s, so you’ve hit your 3, and should be good for a while. 
We feel the same ways sometimes, we just had to almost write off one of the cars, and found out that hubby’s contract is going to end sooner. I’m not sure what the 3rd thing will be, I’m hoping it’s that we had to replace our three toilets, even though that was our choice. =)

In regards to your husband’s spending. This is a tough one. My husband and I don’t always see eye to eye, and had to just put some guidelines around the spending. We put a dollar amount that the other person could spend without any discussion, along with things that we deemed do not need discussion (groceries, clothing, kids stuff, etc). The other thing we have done is that we put $X aside into savings each month into the various accounts, and put a threshold of a min balance in our main account. If the amount goes close to the our desired min balance, all discretionary spending gets put to a stop. This seems to work better, as hubby knows how much is in the account, and it’s not about me saying no, but rather, we have that money there for a reason. 

How often and how much is he impulse buying? I think it depends on the relative amounts to determine if it’s worth a battle or not.


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

I'm not sure what is a normal amount, He's not going out and buying cars and fur coats or anything. 

He just likes to shop, and I am so frugal that I can spend days without wanting or buying anything. 

I think I was over reacting a little this morning, He may spend more on certain things but I had to pay $370 worth of ticket this month and a sticker and muffler and emission test for my van. 

I'm just frustrated because it goes so damn fast and then I'm like Whoa where the hell did it all go!


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## financialnoob (Feb 26, 2011)

Maybe you could start by not actually setting a budget to follow, but recording expenses. That way your husband could see what he's spending money on and whether he wants to continue doing that.

My wife and I spent the first two months recording all of our transactions without making any changes to our lifestyle. That way we were able to see exactly where all the money was going while also getting into the habit of logging everything. Then we were able to make better decisions about where we wanted to cut back and where we could increase.

Maybe if you can get the hubby to at least record what he's spending on and then look at it at the end of the month, he would make the conclusions on his own. Maybe provide incentives for savings. Or maybe if you have some bigger ticket goals in mind like a house or car or something, he can start to see how the money adds up towards that.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

Rachelle ,
I have been waiting 3 months for mine to give me an estimate on what we need for groceries ,gas ,misc as he does all the shopping in our house.Soon I will just fix the budget myself as they seem to have accounting issues on their own .Is your husband still off work?mine works one day a week so having extra time does not help so i try to keep him busy cooking and doing the laundry ,try that


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

Well he's not exactly off work Marina. After the daycare incident he's taking care of our son and keeping the house clean, the lawn mowed, and he's even putting things he finds in the garage on craigslist & kijiji. 

There is also tons of laundry to do as our son is "potty training" which is going really well, except for the occasional accident. Then there is the odd overnight accident that's all the sheets and liner etc.


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

I agree with financialnoob. Maybe this is one of those cases to simply keep track of expenses rather than setting a budget. As was said above, the benefit is that you see where the money is going and can choose whether or not to do something about it. I used to have a budget for things and found it was driving me crazy. Now I have a much looser overall target amount for every month, and simply make a mental note of it if I go over the target amount, and try to come in at under that amount next month.

This of course assumes that you're not spending more overall than you are bringing in.

I don't know how to resolve these sorts of issues where two parts to the couple have different money management concepts.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

Rachelle: Congrats on the potty training, how old is he again? Our youngest is almost in the day, but not even close at night. It does save alot on diapers (okay, that made it financially related).

In terms of how much is normal, I think that really is dependant on the couples financial situation. It can be really frustration, but I think it comes down to the big picture of what is the impact of the shopping you dh. You are generally frugal, so don’t necessarily see the need or the reasoning behind his spending. He may not see the need to you extreme frugalness (not saying it is extreme, but that may be his view). I think you take a look at what is it that is the issue, and look at the facts and impact. If he’s spending money, while you’re going into debt, then even $10 needs to be reigned in. If he’s spending $500 and it really is a drop in the bucket and you’re meeting both of your goals, then consider it his ‘hobby’ that he gets some enjoy from, and be happy that he’s a great father. I think it’s just having the discussion, and having both of you take a look from a big picture perspective.


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## Easy Does It (Sep 24, 2010)

I know for me and my girlfriend we don’t mix our money together and even with marriage in the near future we both agreed on a prenup. What’s hers is hers and what’s mine is mine although we do have a pool of funds that we each match but still keep in separate accounts. This might sound odd but what we do is that she pays for everything, like groceries and cable ….. and at the end of the week I add it up and EMT her my share. I’ve seen on too many occasions one person spend money on something that the other disagrees with then that person goes out and buys something just because which just seems to complicate things. I know that my Girlfriend likes nicer cars then I do and since she pays for it I really don’t care what she buys and that also works the other way around. I’m a pretty serious paper money collector and I can easily spend thousands on my collection which she never would but the beauty of our arrangement is that I don’t have to ask her permission to buy something I enjoy and visa versa. I found that this just keeps things honest and the irony is that we are both unbelievably frugal. Money does seem to go very fast, last Friday I had a letter in the mailbox from revenue Canada, they want me to pre-pay a portion of my taxes for 2011 GGGRRRRRRRR unbelievable!


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

He's 3 going to be 4 in October. I read a bunch of potty training books and the consensus is to let the kid "tell you" that they are "ready" 

But my son showed 0 interest in anything potty related. Then one day I asked him "If we didn't have any diapers what would you do?" "He says to me "I would go in the toilet" The next day Bye Bye diapers. Until that day he had never once went in the potty and he wouldn't even sit on it if I bribed him with candy. 

He's been surprisingly good. The accidents we have are usually related to being too engrossed in play or TV and just going on the floor. 

The other thing is training yourself to being aware of when your little one needs to go and then making them go. We use candy as a reward, and a common ploy is that "Mommy needs to go to the bathroom and is going to get all the candy" no self respecting child would let that go by 

I was also surprised by what a social thing going to the bathroom is. 

Also if you get a plastic pee shield you should be aware that it is just the right size to get flushed down the toilet and lodge inside it. Just throw it away unless you enjoy plunging your toilet and a toilet snake. We must have had to plunge ours 20 times, it works and then a day later it blocks again as the plastic changes position.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

Rachelle, you could just lift the toilet off, fish out the offending plastic thingy, and put the toilet back on for the cost of a new wax ring.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

I thought. Knew all the kids stuff, but the heck is pee shield? I have two girls so I assume that it's got boys.

We did the early potty stuff with the girls, so they are good on the potty, except the youngest still can't stay dry at night, so we are just waiting. The day is really good, but was looking for the night tips. We are just waiting it out.


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## daddybigbucks (Jan 30, 2011)

i'm suprised no good ideas yet for your dilemma (budgeting not kids pee)

I'm in the same boat as you but im the saver.

The only thing i found that works is to have a separate account each and then a family account. To access the family account, we have to discuss it. Our own accounts, are our own mad money.

It worked great for a while. But then she started resenting asking me to buy family stuff as she just want to buy whenever she felt like it. 
So to pay for that, she ran up her line of credit. So, the plan actually backfired on me. But it was best idea of things i tried.
I just should have stayed on top of it better.


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## colossk (May 11, 2011)

Your situation was exactly like mine a while back. I am the same as you, I can go days without spending anything but my wife likes to shop. All our money goes into the same fmaily account, we do have seperate accounts for our own individual "spending allowance"

What I did was track our expenses for 3 months to track our spending. Based on that we created a budget. In the budget we also provided ourselves a weekly "allowance" where we can spend the $$ on whatever we want. 

Mint is a great program for budgeting and financial info. I used to track everything by excel but Mint blows it away.

Try Mint, it's great


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## Four Pillars (Apr 5, 2009)

It's my impression that people who don't spend responsibly tend to focus on the short term (ie I want X, Y & Z items) and they don't think about longer term goals.

Someone like myself spends time thinking about what it would be like if my mortgage was gone and I had a larger retirement portfolio and lots of extra cash.

My only suggestion is to try to point out the long term (or even medium term) benefits of saving more money.

The problem is that a lot of short termers don't want to think about the medium or long term. 

Good luck.


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## MoneyGal (Apr 24, 2009)

It's the Stanford Marshmellow Experiment in adult form!


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

lol at moneygal too true.


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## andrewf (Mar 1, 2010)

^ That is why I'm skeptical of attempts to 'change' those who cannot delay gratification.

Of course, the people who eat the marshmallow often look at the people who don't and pity the misers who will spend their whole lives accumulating a hoard, never having lived.


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## Larry6417 (Jan 27, 2010)

Actually, in the source Four Pillars provided, age was a factor (older kids were more likely to delay gratification), which suggests that some (obviously not all!) people learn. However, it's an awfully good argument for something like CPP.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Berubeland said:


> I'm not sure what is a normal amount.
> He just likes to shop, and I am so frugal that I can spend days without wanting or buying anything.


Men have to shop and spend the money...after all, most of the times, the
women outlive us, so we gotta spend it while we can enjoy it...tools,
electronics, home improvement..that sorta thing.
Money isn't much good to us when we are "six feet under".



> I think I was over reacting a little this morning, He may spend more on certain things but I had to pay $370 worth of ticket this month and a sticker and muffler and emission test for my van.


You got a speeding ticket?..tsk! tsk! Cars are money pits, especially if
you keep them around for more than 5 years.

I've spent about $3,000 in repairs, on my 1998 truck over the last 3 months, and about $5000 in total for these last 2 years..sounds like a lot? 
Well compared to what my divorce lawyers charged me, it still is a bargain and at least I get to enjoy that $5000 driving around in it! 

I love my truck,it never argues with me, just gives me a "check engine" light
or abs brake failure (like I experienced recently), and only drinks gas (in moderation), but I can't deny it that. 

Unlike other relationships in my life, I can chose the time when it's time for it to go.


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## Sampson (Apr 3, 2009)

^ Hey! You're back.


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

carverman said:


> Men have to shop and spend the money...after all, most of the times, the
> women outlive us, so we gotta spend it while we can enjoy it...tools,
> electronics, home improvement..that sorta thing.
> Money isn't much good to us when we are "six feet under".



And if the guys keep spending like that... the women will make sure the men get to six feet under alot quicker...

I was wondering what happened to you. It was getting a little dull without a little tete to tete bantering...


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Plugging Along said:


> And if the guys keep spending like that... the *women will make sure the men get to six feet under alot quicker*...


Ha! Ha! Good one! P.A.  

Well, I guess that that doesn't apply to me...I'll go when I'm good and ready
and after I've spent all my money..which is now gov't money and a reduced
Nortel pension. 
I've got my undertaking process covered and paid for too. 

As I mentioned a few months earlier.."you come into this world with nothing
AND you leave with nothing"...every else is temporary,
including wealth, health, happiness, and enjoyment of life. 

It's too late to say on your death bed...I should have done all those things 
on my bucket list.

Remember the movie "Bucket List" with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman?
That certainly got me thinkin'. 



> I was wondering what happened to you. It was getting a little dull without a little tete to tete bantering...


Been spending time at the trailer park at the lake with my cat. Came home
to do a few things around the house...and had to see what the current
CMF banter was about..looks a bit boring. 

I like to stir the pot ..occassionally.


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## Berubeland (Sep 6, 2009)

In the future you need to seek permission before you run off with your cat


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## kcowan (Jul 1, 2010)

What no WiFi at the lake? How primitive! My son is in the wilds of northern Kiwartha Lakes but has a cell tower nearby and a smart hub but no phone line.

Of course that does redefine what "getting away from it all" really means...


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## the-royal-mail (Dec 11, 2009)

One of the biggest benefits to me of going to someplace like a cottage is being out of contact. Communication is not a constant necessity like air, food, water and shelter. I communicate every day of the week and most weekends and evenings when I'm home. When I go away, it's because I want to...go away. Not sure how else I can put it lol.


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## canehdianman (Apr 7, 2009)

the-royal-mail said:


> One of the biggest benefits to me of going to someplace like a cottage is being out of contact. Communication is not a constant necessity like air, food, water and shelter. I communicate every day of the week and most weekends and evenings when I'm home. When I go away, it's because I want to...go away. Not sure how else I can put it lol.


A little off-topic, but i completely agree. I am so plugged in during the rest of the year, that turning my phone off when I get to the cabin in Northern Saskatchewan is a much needed break.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

kcowan said:


> What no WiFi at the lake? How primitive! My son is in the wilds of northern Kiwartha Lakes but has a cell tower nearby and a smart hub but no phone line.
> 
> Of course that does redefine what "getting away from it all" really means...


There is wi-fi available there, and I do have a wi-fi data stick on my 
home console comp, but I don't have a laptop to use at the trailer, 
like some of them.
I just take a cell phone, in case somebody needs to leave me a msg,
or if the truck breaks down on route, and I have to call CAA for a tow
or change a tire for me. 

I just take one of my guitars,an amp and a case of beer. 
I go there to get away from all the gadgets, not bring them with me.
Besides it's only 1 or 2 weeks max.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Berubeland said:


> In the future you need to seek permission before you run off with your cat


Ok then. 

Why does this somehow remind me of the ZZ Top song...

"What can I do, I'm a nervous wreck!
There's women everywhere, I better go and check.
I can't tell a diamond from a hole in the ground.
They all got my head spinning round and round.
Planet of women, oh yeah.
The planet of women, oh yeah.
It's driving me insane.

..........

If you have the answer, drop me a line today
Or send me a straight jacket something in a shade of gray.
I think I've sprained my brain 'cause it won't unwind.
Every day it's man against man on the
Planet of women, oh yeah.
Just a planet of women, oh yeah.
It's driving me insane,


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## Plugging Along (Jan 3, 2011)

CARVE: Good for you to get out and unplugged... I didn't see you mention the cheap wine... Glad you're back, thought we chased you away. 

I have to admit, we're really bad about not getting unplugged. We used to have a no technology rule in our cabin, but now, we always have our stick with us. I find it really hard to be unplugged. I guess the only advantage is, when spouse is on call (which is alot), even if he takes a 5 min call, he still bills them an hour. Often a few quick calls will pay for our vacation.


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## marina628 (Dec 14, 2010)

We have internet at our cottage but my kids use it on rainy days I never check emails when i leave for the weekend ,that is where I catch up on my sleep.Nice to have you back Carverman and glad you have been enjoying the summer .


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

Plugging Along said:


> CARVE: Good for you to get out and unplugged... I didn't see you mention the cheap wine... Glad you're back, thought we chased you away.


Most of the time I'm unplugged (acoustic) but I do have an small acoustic
amp for adding effects. The campground has many rules and one of them
is that your music should not be heard more than two sites away. 
A lot of people like my music though as it's from the 70s/80s...
sorry..I don't do Madonna or Lady Gaga. 

I haven't bothered with the cheap wine, but still working on my cheap beer
that I had made for me during the summer..(6 two-fours) so that is my
mission right now. 



> I find it really hard to be unplugged. I guess the only advantage is, when spouse is on call (which is alot), even if he takes a 5 min call, he still bills them an hour. Often a few quick calls will pay for our vacation.


It's different if you are on call. When I was on emergency call with Nortel,
I would carry a beeper and a company laptop with me, so that I could
plug in and examine the problem day and night 24/7 and get paid a minimum
of 2 hrs for each call after hours. Of course if the problem turned out
to be something serious, I would have to drive into work and use more
extensive tools to fix the problem and sometimes call in more expertise to
help me...but now..I'm retired and can get by (sometimes)..
without the conveniences of modern life.


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## carverman (Nov 8, 2010)

marina628 said:


> We have internet at our cottage but my kids use it on rainy days I never check emails when i leave for the weekend ,that is where I catch up on my sleep.Nice to have you back Carverman and glad you have been enjoying the summer .


Well thank you Marina. I did miss the friendly chats on CMF, 
while at the campground, (and other forums that I'm a member of)
but I did take the opportunity to visit other people at the campground
and catch up on my carving, projects etc, while there.

Besides having some electronic troubleshooting I've had to do on my truck
this summer, I now have to install a new switch on the trailer fridge, which
is an expensive RV brand that works on propane and 120v. 

The fridge doesn't seem to work if the selector switch is moved and it
has to be "just right"..ordered a new one, now I have to remove the
fridge and get underneath the bottom of it to replace the switch and
install a neon light that will tell me that the fridge is working off 120v.

The fridge and trailer are 25years old, so one has to expect these little
inconveniences. So far, I've done 100% of the maintenance including
installing a screen room myself a few years ago. 

I just can't afford to call in pros to do these things as the labour and
travelling time (1hr each way) becomes very expensive, so I have to
dig in and learn how to do it myself.


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