As the title said. What ended up working? What was the main problem that killed previous ones?
As the title said. What ended up working? What was the main problem that killed previous ones?
What's the issue that needs working on? As in: someone's salary has to be higher, even "a lot" higher. Why shouldn't it be the woman's?
I have seen examples where higher earners in relationship treat their partner in an inferior way.If relationship is strong it wont matter who earns what .
Yes what is the issue exactly? Why wouldn't this work quite nicely?
Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. DC
What is the problem exactly? Is it that the higher income earner is being disrespectful or dismissive or controlling to the partner? Or is the problem that the person is a female?
C'mon ladies-you don't think it might have something to do with the male e.g.o ??(have none of you been around men..lol!)Most men are brought up or conditioned to be "providers" A lot of males derive there self esteem/worth from work.A lot of males were born before the big ''movement" and we grew-up watching are fathers be the ''breadwinners'' and our mothers be the ''caregivers".I think this is where the op is coming from on the issue.I could be wrong.Some,not all,but some males could feel there masculanity threaten or confusued of there role in a family.aka-beta male?alpha female?It's the male physc.
As a female, then I say get get some self esteem and over it, or find some one else that you can play the traditional role with. However, then don't come whining about how the wife is spending your money, is a old digger, or you have to be the breadwinner, etc.
Sorry, have NO empathy for this at all. Guys complain often about women not contributing, not interested in finance, spending too much, being goldiggers, etc. a lot of the guys here talk about making sure they have pre nuts. Then there s a female who makes more, REALLY? Unless, she is being controlling, disrespectful, or minimizing, the problem is his itty bitty ego.
If one is wondering ow to make it work, then it's really about getting in touch with your own feelings and self worth, and deciding if your ego can handle it. If not, then it will always be an issue just like any other insecurities. If you really want to be with this person and this is going to bother you, then find a way to make more money than her.
What is so wrong with wanting or desiring(as a male)to want to be a provider and take care of a women?What's wrong with the traditional roles?(my upbring & what i would be comfortable with)I'm just speaking for myself.I hope i can meet a women that would be by my side.My comments were just general plugging along(was'nt trying to be offensive)I don't want a tea towel over my shoulder and i don't want to sit in the passenger seat while driving with my partner....jk!!!! lol.(and i don't want to get in touch with my feelings!what are those?)I'm joking!....don't take things so serious.There is some merit with my previous post though.-Women generally ''marry-up" more than males.
Nothing wrong with I at all, as long as both parties want the same thing, and both are willing to accept the good for the bad.
If you want to find someone with traditional views to take care of, and have your babies, and take care of our and the kids, that's great. However, don't ask for a prenup, don't feel she is a gold digger if she expects you to be able to provide for her well, don't expect her to go and work outside of the home, etc. I am not saying that you, Donald, would do this. I just see many double standards. Guys want to be the provider and all the traditional roles, but then want the women to step. Can't have your cake and eat it too.
In all fairness to the op, I have been in both situations as the main bread winner, and the more traditional role. When my spouse and I were first engaged, made a lot more than him. It did hurt his ego, and I knew it. I also knew it was all about him either growing up, getting more comfortable with himself, or it wasn't going to work. I was also very respectful about it. It was never a big deal, and we were equals.
My spouse took an option I didn't expect. He decided that it did bother him because that was what he grew up with. He also knew that the reason we were together was that he didn't want a high maintenance partner, and appreciated my independence. He took me making more than him as a kick in the pants for him to push himself further.
I think as long as there is a mutual respect, it reall shouldnt matter. In fct we have had many times where one has greatly surpassed then others income. I think if you stop looking at it as an individual number but as a family number, then that helps. Right now, my spouse has decided that we should make more money, and now he wants me to move to do so. I would focus less on the number as t will take big if you don't. Think about job loses, careers interruptions, mat leaves, ect. These may all change who is making more.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote