Boomers with Boomerangs.

[Spidey]

When the Baby Boomer generation left home, they didn't look back. They couldn't. Not with younger siblings and physically smaller living quarters.
<Snip>
"Children are taking longer to leave home, they are staying in school longer if they don't have immediate employment prospects or opportunities, taking longer to find stable jobs, longer to get married, longer to have kids," said Daryl Diamond, financial planner and author of Your Retirement Income Blueprint 2011.

http://www.financialpost.com/todays-...654/story.html

I don't know how many members may fall into this scenario but I'm one of them. This is also one of the few budgeting areas where my wife and I see things differently. There are a couple of points we agree on:

- We will pay post-secondary tuition fees provided courses are passed.
- We cover room and board, at home, while the children go to school.

Both of us have grown up in a situation where neither of these options were available, so I think it is a relatively good deal.

Here are some of the questions that arise: Son graduated and is employed in his field but can only secure continuous renewing contract work (one company) at a few bucks over minimum-wage. I realize his situation is tight, so I don't want to gouge him, but I think it is fair he pay something for food, internet, utilities, etc. My wife has more trouble with this. I thought we should charge about $350 per month, my wife didn't want to charge anything for fear that we would be "forcing him out". We compromised at $250.

Daughter going into 3rd year university. We pay tuition and cover room and board. She is a good student and gets scholarships which help us greatly because they cover about half her tuition. She is also one of the few students without a cell-phone. My wife thinks that we should supply one, especially due to her scholarship status. I think that many kids, even from wealthier families, would be paying their own tuition or getting loans regardless of getting a scholarship. So I don't know that it would be expecting too much for her to work to cover her own cell-phone expenses. However, I'm starting to waiver. What do you people think? Advice?

Here is the 3rd dilemma -same daughter. She may eventually further her studies at a university in another city. I believe if this happens, she should either work or get student loans to cover the cost difference between room-and-board at home and rental accommodation. My wife is not so convinced on this point. Am I being too much of a hard-ass?

I will say that in other areas my wife is very frugal - very often much more so than I am. Also we are doing okay and have some RESP money to help with the education. However, a recent layoff, which possibly means early-retirement status for me (profession seems to have become obsolete), means that we do have to exercise a certain amount of caution with such expenses.

Still have a 14-year-old daughter who is already pressing on the financial purse-strings. Sometimes I wonder if the older 2 will be independent by the time we face the university situation with her.

So let me toss out this general question. How much financial responsibility should parents have for their adult children? Please feel free to give advice or opinions, even if you do not yet have children of adult status. However, be aware that someone asked a similar query when my children were much younger and I was very much tougher regarding my advice for financial expectations for adult-age children. As you will find out, it's one of those situations that looks much different "on paper" than "in practice".

[Sampson]

I don't think it's a dollars and cents issue. If you are providing financial support, but also ensuring they are becoming fiscally responsible (i.e. your son isn't blowing all his money on 'things' while you charge him below market rates for rent and food, and is saving some money etc), then I don;t think there is any problems with helping.

My son is very young, but I expect to pay for his University education (like my parents did for me), and also help with a first home purchase if possible (like my parents did for me).

I'm not a spoiled over spending brat, but that has more to do with the financial lessons I was taught, not because I did or did not receive help as a young adult.

[MoneyGal]

Exactly what Sampson said. If they are making an effort and investing in their human capital, I expect I'll be completely fine with that. And I'm going to give them a margin for errors, as well - they don't have to be lucky or successful out of the gate (I *am* going to question degrees which I think have limited value, I think...but we'll see in the next 10 years, when these discussions become real for me, too!)

[Compounding1]

The deal I had with my parents for my tuition was that I had to pay 1/3rd. My parents are split though so my dad did a 1/3 and my mom the last bit. But I still had to chip in and they let me know this ahead of time so I could save. I think you do better at school and take it more seriously when you're helping fork over the cash to pay for it.

$250 for rent, given his circumstances sounds fair for both parties. He should be able to save a bit with that and if not he needs to look at his spending.

As for your daughter, many students are in the same boat AND still have jobs. I don't think it's unreasonable for her to get a job doing ~8-20 hours a week while still maintaining scholorship status so that she can pay for a phone if she wants, or to help save for her continued education.

So to your overall question, and as a young adult, I think they should help but not be responsible for footing the entire bill.

[Sampson]

Just finished reading the link you provided and there is a very important statement:

"Especially with middle-class type parents, there is sort of this mentality that to be a good parent you need to care for every need of your child," Ms. Mitchell said.

I think the mentality of parents has also changed. Rather than trying to prepare their children, my understanding is that many boomers and Gen X parents have been trying to give their children everything they missed out on growing, and therefore feel more adequate as parents.

I linked a few researchers looking into this social phenomenon in some past threads, and these researchers argue that the metric for being a successful parent has changed in the social context. In the past, parents wanted to make certain their children could take care of themselves and prepare them to be self-sufficient; now, it seems parents focus more on whether their kids are happy and not if they are prepared.

[crazyjackcsa]

To me, it seems to be a matter of degrees. I never moved out to attend school. My father bought my Grandfathers car, and told me to commute. My parents paid for my first year of school. I paid for the next two. I worked part time, watched my pennies, are rarely partied.

More to your questions. For your son, I can see him living short term at home. I know some temporary contracts are just that, I know other people that have been working for almost a decade on temporary contract extensions. Is it full time work? At 40 hours a week, a couple of dollars over minimum wage, he could be bringing home about $400 every two weeks. I wouldn't charge more than that.

Is the room and board to help cover your bills, or to teach responsibility? If it's the bills, charge him what you need to, if it's the responsibility, charge him something reasonable, if your wife has a concern, put the money he gives you aside, and "gift" it to him when he buys his own place/gets married/whatever.

If you pay your son's cell phone bill, you should pay your daughter's. Tit for tat.

That's a heck of a life decision your daughter has to face. And it's her decision, and she should handle the bill. Your kids sound very responsible, and have already benefited from your generosity far more than a lot of kids get.

There is a time to let kids sink or swim. I'd draw the line at anything beyond a three year university degree.

There is also the issue of fairness among your kids. What if your son can't find work? Will you cover the costs to send him back to school? What if your third daughter decides to be a career student, changing majors and getting multiple degrees? Or maybe she wants to go to school half way around the world? Will you cover those costs too? If you do it for the middle child, it isn't unreasonable for the other two to ask of it as well.

Perhaps parents looking to help their kids should take a different approach. Instead of covering certain costs, actually hand over the cash, and let the (adult) kids decide.

Have a family discussion, "Alright, Kids, you each get "X" number of dollars for school, spend it however you may, but when it's gone, it's gone."

[Spidey]

My son's work is full-time - he just doesn't have job security with these renewing contracts. He probably brings home $2000 per month after deductions. Fortunately, he has a cell-phone provided by his work. He does have car expenses that he pays for himself. I don't mind giving him a break as he is saving to become more independent, but I feel that it's only fair he pay at least a portion of his expenses. (I would estimate his portion of food, utilities, etc are about $600 per month - but I wouldn't charge that much.) For my daughter, I feel that a summer job should be sufficient to cover cell-phone use.

For parents with young adults, I would be interested what you cover. eg. do you cover things like cell phone?

[ddkay]

250/mo is a reasonable budget exercise, pooling expenses and counting pennies for fiscal sustainability is back in style, economists say this phenomena is called household deleveraging. might be around for awhile!

[Spidey]

250/mo is a reasonable budget exercise, pooling expenses and counting pennies for fiscal sustainability is back in style, economists say this phenomena is called household deleveraging. might be around for awhile!

I'm not sure I really understand the context of these terms, but if "fiscal sustainability" means young people becoming less reliant on their parents, I don't know that I agree that it is back in style. In fact, that is the point of the article. Thinking back to the 70s, 80s and 90s it would have been quite unusual for parents to support adult children to the extent that they do today.

[ddkay]

I don't think it's fair to compare today to the 70s 80s and 90s. Maybe the 30s 40s and 50s. For low income and working middle class in the last depression income pooling was common. Most people couldn't afford resort universities, new clothes for going out, soy-chai-mocha-lattes and had inexpensive hobbies. Most people didn't own a car. The only suburbs were located along public transit lines. We are doing extraordinarily well today. Working middle class aren't living in cardboard boxes. They have houses, drive cars, upgrade iPhones every year. A little austerity shouldn't hurt.