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The psychology of retiring

18K views 60 replies 28 participants last post by  Pluto 
#1 ·
I've been thinking of retiring for 5 years. Easy year, I thought "let's put in one more year, just to be safe.". It never felt real.

Two weeks after my dad passed in March, I knew this would be my last year. I toyed with the idea of immediate retirement but decided to finish my current contract.

Now I don't know how I will make it to the end of the year. It seems like, now that my heart has decided to retire, my brain is having trouble staying on task.

Others must have been through this. I would appreciate some advice on managing this. It's not a financial problem but I know there are some smart people here and look forward to criticism, advice, anecdotes, or whatever. How did you hang on?
 
#2 ·
There's no formula for managing retirement, because each case is different. Some define themselves by their work, and as much as they looked forward to their retirement, they do a horrible job of the whole thing because their worth came from the work. Others hate their occupation and flourish once retired as they can finally pursue what they enjoy.

The amount of finances available have a large effect. If you're able to do what you wish without worrying about the pennies, then it's a lot easier.

The first year or so is like being on vacation, and I don't believe anyone should make too many decisions in that honeymoon period. After that time has passed you start to feel retired and then you can decide. Be prepared for everyone who still works to ask, "what do you do all day?". My pat answer has always been, "whatever I want".

I set my own sights on retiring at age 55 and it was a bit distracting in the last year or so, but once I was 55 I pulled the plug and that was that. I've been retired for 11 years now and can't imagine how I found the time to work. What a nuisance it was. Now I do what I want.

ltr
 
#3 ·
...

I set my own sights on retiring at age 55 and it was a bit distracting in the last year or so, but once I was 55 I pulled the plug and that was that. I've been retired for 11 years now and can't imagine how I found the time to work. What a nuisance it was. Now I do what I want.

ltr
... quite inspiring despite your moniker says you would like_to_retire ... and you were determined to do that with Freedom 55.

Unless you love your job to death, working seems to be prostituting your time.
 
#4 · (Edited)
TomB19, just do it. If you're stuck ask yourself the real reason for staying at work and not retiring. Go from there.

My story which may or may not be relevant to you.

I retired at 55 - a few days after my birthday. That was nearly 3 years ago to the day now and it was a great decision for me and my wife. We are really enjoying retired life.

I retired after 2.5 years working 24hr/wk (semi retired) in the same role I worked at 40 hours/wk for 2.5 years prior, in my "phase down" career of 5 years after selling a small business I owned, which was preceded by a challenging corporate sales management role for much of my working life. I had planned on retiring a few years earlier and I stayed on PT "just to be safe" as you described it, although it probably is real for us. What made me leave and fully retire was I like to give whatever I do my all and I was starting to lose the motivation to work really hard and do the most for customers. Although it would have been easy to still do fairly well "floating". To me that wasn't fair to anyone, and I wasn't going to be as happy so I pulled the plug, giving my employer about 4 months notice and haven't looked back since. I had no problem those 4 mths once I made the decision and knew my destiny; and had my most successful sales period then. LOL, made it harder to leave.....no.... not true!

My wife fully retired about 6 mths before I went P/T.

It's nice to do completely what we want now and choose how busy we want to be. Life is very good.

G/L whatever you choose.
 
#5 ·
My take is the OP has made the decision to retire and finances are not a concern. What is debilitating right now is the obligation, or at least the moral and professional 'duty', to finish his contract. I found it tough, once I made the decision to retire, to make it to a 'set' date. In my case, it was the 3-4 months to get to a new birthday to reduce the discount I would have gotten with my DB pension. It was one of the longest 3-4 months of my life. My heart and mind was no longer in it and I could hardly wait to turn in my keys.

It is a long way to the end of December. If the OP is counting the days and weeks, he really should find a way to cut the remaining time dramatically if possible. He is not doing his client/employer any real favours and is certainly not doing himself any favours.
 
#6 ·
I had a similar experience to AR and Tom.

I left a j*b where my company was downsizing to sell itself, then was bought by a US firm that downsized it even more. All of my age and experience peers got laid off years before I did, so I was like walking dead, but somehow still had the drive to keep w*rking because I had not planned to leave quite yet. Then after I left I investigated doing some freelance work and got one contract. It was not fun. Lots of arguing among different members of the team. Someone would give me info to w*rk from, then another person would say the first person's info was all wrong. And they could barely figure out how to pay me on a contract; you wouldn't think that would be very hard. While doing networking investigating freelance opportunities all I was was dweebs filing in and out of big offices. I had a plan, goals and enough money to do it... lost interest entirely.

What kept me going in the contract role despite the difficulties was the person that I was mainly working with had some hard deadlines and I would feel remiss if I let her down. So despite all the setbacks I did my best to communicate well with her and w*rk together complete the requirements.

So Tom if you would be leaving someone in the lurch by pulling the ripcord early, then have a frank discussion with that someone and ensure you can w*rk productively and get the j*b done. If not, don't torture yourself. Two guys I w*rked with got laid off then died within a couple of months. My 2 best friends died within 3 years, one of aggressive cancer, and the other I found sleeping with his eyes open after a heart attack. Life is too short...
 
#7 · (Edited)
Two guys I w*rked with got laid off then died within a couple of months. My 2 best friends died within 3 years, one of aggressive cancer, and the other I found sleeping with his eyes open after a heart attack. Life is too short...
This is very individual.... My former manager (and btw my friend) got divorced, got laid off and ... died from heart attack 2 months later :( .. and he was 48!
My other friend died at 46 from cancer and he was really suffering last 6 months...

I was planning to retire at 55 , but I knew that very likely I will be laid off earlier as our company got sold to Indian one and outsourcing was very agressive .... and yes, I got laid off at my 50th B-day :)... So far I;m retired ( or maybe better to say semi-retired as end of may I should start getting EI for 38 weeks) for 9 months...

So far I was enjoying my new status... Finally I was able to take better care of my health, as truly while working I couldn't afford going to doctors as I needed, signed into gym and enjoying workouts, started cooking :), do more home chores, a bit renovate house , have more time to learn Spanish :) ...

My wife is still working and likes her job , so now she has more time to concentrate on her job ...
I hope she will retire in several years that we can enjoy life more...

btw, my dad also passed away at 48 from heart attack and major reason was his very stressful job... it was in USSR, but in this case country doesn't matter
 
#9 ·
I worked at "MegaCorp" in a cubicle farm for 35 years and cannot even comprehend how someone would want to keep working one single day longer than they had to. I quit at 55 which was 12 years ago. Every day I wake up feeling blessed that I no longer have to drag myself in there. My advice is just finish up on a cordial basis and move on. Consider your career as a closed file. Your work place will have forgotten you faster than you can imagine.
 
#10 ·
I had a great job as a CEO and made good money and did a merger in 2001 at the age of 55 and the deal was that I would be the only one losing their job. While I had been discussing the matter in confidence when my wife she just about fell off her chair when I told her it was going to happen. Her first words were "what are you going to?" with obvious panic in her voice. I think she was concerned that I would be under her feet all the time and would cramp her style. Anyways, it happened and while I was very happy in my work I just loved retirement and 16 yrs later have never looked back. The first week or two I really missed the people, the coffee break chatter, lunches, and day to day interaction with my business contacts, etc. However, this quickly passed. Two months later we took possession of a lovely house which required significant updating and on a large lot which was also in disrepair. Spent the next 9 months working side by side with my wife doing updates, often putting in 12 hour days. We loved every minute of it. What a change from sitting behind a desk! We were fortunate in that we both had joint and individual interests (wife: shopping, tennis, knitting, gardening, etc) (me: badminton, fishing, hunting, yard work, etc) (joint: skiing, hiking, travel, yard, socializing). We still live this active lifestyle and our health is good. Thought I had lots of $$ when I retired but inflation, kids, and spending does take its toll 16 years later and I do worry about this a bit but am sure we will be ok. Pension income of about $40,000.PA and investments of around $1.6(mostly GICS, MIC's, and $450,000. in the market) but I have some bad debts, ski condo special assessment, and gifts,etc this year which will bring the amount to about 1.45. Unfortunately my 15 yr sizeable annual payment when I retired finished last year. It does take money to retire and is the one thing I worry about a bit. In any event, life is great, work was great, but for us retirement is even better!
 
#20 ·
I had a great job as a CEO and made good money and did a merger in 2001 at the age of 55 and the deal was that I would be the only one losing their job. While I had been discussing the matter in confidence when my wife she just about fell off her chair when I told her it was going to happen.

Her first words were "what are you going to?" with obvious panic in her voice. I think she was concerned that I would be under her feet all the time and would cramp her style ...
Potentially a valid concern.

My dad figured he was indispensable so that there would be some "how do we handle this?" calls once he retired. When they didn't happen, he started trying to improve how my mom was handling the cooking in the kitchen. She had to tell him "I have been doing this for forty plus years ... go do something else".


I don't understand people that say they cannot retire because they don't have 35 years or 85 points in a DB plan so they will not get a full pension. To me that's asking the wrong question. They should be asking if they have enough to retire on, given a good understanding of projected retirement expenses and a conservative assessment of expected investment returns plus a reasonable safety factor ...
I suspect you are assuming a level of interest/knowledge that isn't there. It's easy to read off the pension pamphlet what is needed for full pension versus figure something they have likely avoided most of their lives.


Cheers
 
#14 ·
None of this appears to be really relevant to the OP. ISTM Tom is wrestling with staying to the end of his contract now that his body and mind has now made the decision to retire. How and what does he do....to go from now (decision to retire) to actual retirement date. I repeat what I said originally... If he is really counting the days and weeks to get to the endpoint (marking them off the calendar so to speak), find a way to move up the retirement date. Life is too short to suffer through 8 months of clock watching. OTOH, if he can find a way to enjoy these 8 months at work....then the solution to the problem will have been found.
 
#19 ·
True, I don't really know what to add for Tom. He doesn't seem like the type of person who is going to have any struggles with retirement. He has a very full life and will doesn't seem like he'll miss the day to day grind of things. Also by the sounds of it, he'll still be maintaining many of his rentals for at least some period which is also a form of work.

I think there are many others who retire with absolutely no sense of what their life will be in retirement who can struggle, but that isn't he case here....
 
#16 ·
I don't understand people that say they cannot retire because they don't have 35 years or 85 points in a DB plan so they will not get a full pension. To me that's asking the wrong question. They should be asking if they have enough to retire on, given a good understanding of projected retirement expenses and a conservative assessment of expected investment returns plus a reasonable safety factor. But most of them probably have never run the numbers or even thought about it much, so they feel if they have a full pension it will be enough to retire on.

It's like being in a restaurant and refusing to stop eating until you have finished everything on your plate even though you are stuffed, don't need the excess calories and will feel awful.
 
#29 ·
That's because some of the penalty for taking an early pension is quite severe depending on the workplace. For example, at my father's workplace before he retired, if you're short 1 year, etc, you would only get 60% of full pension that he would have been entitled to which is a steep penalty. He was also thinking of protecting my mother as she would only get 65% of the pension that my father was getting should he pass away. So instead of $50,000 pension (making up numbers here) he would get for full pension, he would get only $30,000 because he was one day short of the necessary requirements. Then if he passed away, my mother would only get $19,500 (65% of $30,000) which is not enough for her for her medical needs.
Sometimes, employees are thinking long-term and need to work longer. Just giving you my perspective.
 
#17 ·
.... Others must have been through this. I would appreciate some advice on managing this ...
How did you hang on?
Not me personally ... but some of the strategies I have seen are:

a) mark a calendar so one can see the X's making one closer and closer to retirement (it was a visual type person).
b) talking to the contract holder to see if there were ways of shortening the contract that the other party was happy with.
c) bringing in a person for "training purposes" then when the other party was confident it the ability of the "trainee", pitch them as a replacement.


That's all I can recall ... I'll add more if I remember anything.


Cheers
 
#18 ·
I retired from 3 companies. Each had its own issues. But in the last one where I was CEO was a 5 year contract that ended June 30th. The Board and CFO knew about it but the rest of the team demanded a transition period. So for 6 weeks, I had to put in the time. So I understand your feelings. But it will be over before you know it!
 
#23 ·
If it is being opened up beyond the MegaCorp cubicle farm, my brother-in-law's barber took about five years to follow through on his accountant's recommendation that he would do better financially by retiring then selling the building.

Based on the number of people who are on multiple boards as well as a full time occupation such as farmer or university prof or retired premier or PM that I read on annual reports, some of them must enjoy the role.

Our current DBA at work doesn't see every stopping working ... just cutting back to a more limited consulting role.


Cheers
 
#24 ·
I really appreciate the discussion in this thread. Thank you to every one of you.

To be clear, I wasn't asking for financial advice. Also, there is nothing wrong with my work or my employer. For what I do, there is not a better employer or work environment.

It's just the depressing March to the end. Differences of opinion seem more petty. I leave 20 minutes after the end of the day and walk past people, who I know will continue working for hours, and think, "if they only knew the futility of their effort...". In short, I'm a bad employee. Lol!

To be fair, I am doing work that is important to the company and I have been documenting every aspect of my job and really everything in the department for months. They will be left in good shape.

I harken back to my early days in the industry and recall savoring every moment of the day and extra time I out in. It was glorious and I would have done it for free.

You folks are a great support group. Thank you for sharing the insight. :)
 
#26 ·
To be fair, I am doing work that is important to the company and I have been documenting every aspect of my job and really everything in the department for months. They will be left in good shape.
Hmph. My ex-employer had no policy or process at all for documenting people's knowledge or procedures when they left.

My former manager sent me a message asking if I had some time to answer some questions. I knew through the grapevine he needed it for an important request for quotation.
My answer: I'm not willing to provide free services to Zxxx. My contract rate is $100/hr with a 40 hour minimum.
Dumb@$$e$ :)
 
#27 ·
^^^^

Sometimes the policy is great on paper but between other priorities and replacements that figure "if person X could do it, I can figure it out without documentation".


One of the more ironic situations was the guy who was upset at his manager enough to find another job then quit. When the knowledge documentation schedule he had planned out was interrupted, he was livid. I asked him why he was letting it get to him as from my POV, as long as he documented that the shift was management's decision - why did he care?

He could go the $140 an hour, 40 hour minimum route if anything came up later.

I don't think it was as calming as I would have liked but as he was already on his way out, I didn't see why he would waste some much time & energy getting his shorts in a knot.


Cheers
 
#31 ·
Retirement is a process, in my case I'd worked for 39 years in that time I was out of work for a total of 6 weeks.
After so many years of time commitment to wake up and realize I could do anything I wanted no more working shifts being awake at 3-4 am.
In the first three years of retirement I would not make any time commitments, I slowly realized how much of life I'd put into the company things I didn't need to do anymore.
Funny thing is when we are absorbed in routine we don't see the forest for the trees, I'd never really seen the politics until I left, so much energy helping make a company successful, going to work even when I didn't feel well, trying to schedule family life around work. Its been seven years now and I don't miss anything about work.
 
#34 ·
"I know for some it can actually be a freeing experience. It's like playing at the casino with house money. "

I could totally see that.

In our organization, there is a request that you "speak your mind" and "be open and honest" but the reality is they don't want to hear what you have to say. You're sometimes shown the door if you do.

.....so if you've ..... "seen in some people retiring where they can be highly effective on their way out the door of being an agent of positive change" then that's a great thing.
 
#35 ·
I'll be temporarily retired in about a week. With the recent addition to the family, I'll be taking a paternity leave for the balance of the year. I'm not sure what to expect. My wife thinks I'll be extremely bored. I'm definitely excited about it. I was amused by the reactions I received when I informed colleagues about my intentions. A couple of old-school execs looked at me like a had a third eye. They were likely thinking "can't say that...can't say that..." so they just said it was great.

I'm not sure what's in store for me when/if I return. Whatever happens, the next few months will likely provide me with greater clarity as to what is important in my life.
 
#36 ·
I walked away and never looked back. Hard at first because I was used to 12 hour days and phone calls at unsocial hours. Had lots to do with getting our house ready to sell, downsizing etc. Don't miss work at all. So very glad I went early rather than later.
 
#38 ·
Quick update.

This thread was started at a low point, for me. I was having a tough time.

Since then, it's been a wild ride.

I've been given a new assignment that is the most interesting thing I've done in 20 years. What's more, I'm working with someone who is a positive, high energy, person and I am enjoying my job more than I can ever remember doing. Really odd.

They talk about keeping me and I'm starting to wonder if I will stay, minus an extended winter vacation, of course. We'll see.
 
#39 ·
That sounds great! If you are really enjoying it, why not stay? If you're paired with someone who also adds to your enjoyment of working, why break that up? I think one of the best scenarios is not needing to work, yet working because you really want to without it concerning financial gain.
 
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