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Jon Chevreau
04-23-2009, 01:39 PM
Here's an old TWB tradition. Each month, members can post jokes to this thread. At the start of a new month, someone starts a new thread: May 2009, for example, with at least one new joke.

To kick it off, here's one my sister-in-law posted on Facebook this week:

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Punta Gorda, Florida. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents'.

They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?'

There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ordered a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis...shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please.'

The four men stare at the bartender for a moment. Then look at each other...They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, 'That's 40 cents, please.' They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two martinis
and so far they have spent less than a dollar.

Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?'

'I'm a retired tailor from Boston ,' the bartender said, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime......wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.'

Wow!!!! That's quite a story, says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, 'What's with them?'

The bartender says, 'Oh, they're all old retired farts from Canada, They're waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.'

lb71
04-23-2009, 02:09 PM
Unfortunately, most of my jokes would get me banned.... ;)

By the way, what is TWB?

augustabound
04-23-2009, 02:18 PM
By the way, what is TWB?

A forum from the old days.

archanfel
04-23-2009, 02:20 PM
Suppose that every night, ten men go to their favorite bar for beer. The tab for all ten
comes to $100 for ten pitchers. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like
this:

* The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
* The fifth would pay $1.
* The sixth would pay $3.
* The seventh $7.
* The eighth $12.
* The ninth $18.
* The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every night and seemed quite happy with the
arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your nightly tab by $20.”

So, now drinks for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to pay their tab the way we pay our taxes. So, the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.

But what about the other six, the paying customers?

How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair share’?

The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being ‘PAID‘ to drink beer!

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

* The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
* The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
* The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
* The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
* The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
* The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once drunk and outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings.

“I only got a dollar out of the $20,” declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man “but he got $10!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than me!”

“That’s true!!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up at the bar, so the nine sat down and drank without him. But when it came time to pay the tab, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for
even half of the tab!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up to pick up the tab anymore.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Distinguished Professor of Economics
536 Brooks Hall
University of Georgia

Jon Chevreau
04-23-2009, 02:22 PM
TWB = The Wealthy Boomer. Formerly a forum, now a blog here:

www.wealthyboomer.ca

ethos1
04-23-2009, 05:20 PM
by David Clayton Thomas the lyrics from the song 'spinning wheel' is as funny as it gets

The group that sang it was 'blood, sweat & tears'

For those old enough to have heard it can reflect to the market swings & declines over the past 30-years:p

Preet
04-23-2009, 08:29 PM
Fact 1
Knowledge is Power
Expressed mathematically: Knowledge = Power

Fact 2
Time is Money
Expressed mathematically: Time = Money

Fact 3

From physics, Power = Work / Time

So now we just replace a few terms:

Knowledge = Work / Money

Remember, Knowledge IS Power and Time IS Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge

Therefore, Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches zero, regardless of the amount of Work done. Perhaps this explains why executives at failed institutions are still making the big bucks!

ethos1
04-24-2009, 05:18 AM
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge

at some point sooner or later the crossover takes place, therefore working smart & not necessarily hard may get you the best bang for your buck

therefore wouldn't it be straight money = knowledge, making work the redundant one

or maybe its money = knowledge x time


Therefore, Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches zero, regardless of the amount of Work done. Perhaps this explains why executives at failed institutions are still making the big bucks

is that the same thing as saying money = zero as knowlege = infinity

on the executives, power = time/money

when the time runs out (t=0) what happens to the power and the money

Preet
04-24-2009, 08:12 AM
when the time runs out (t=0) what happens to the power and the money

Chapter 11

ethos1
04-24-2009, 10:03 AM
Chapter 11

I was thinking along the lines more about the executives as individuals not the corporations themselves

Mockingbird
05-03-2009, 08:14 PM
Calvin & Hobbes on today's economy..

CanadianCapitalist
05-03-2009, 09:50 PM
Calvin & Hobbes on today's economy..

Funny but insightful as always...

Jon Chevreau
05-04-2009, 02:22 PM
Uh, guys ... it's May now, not April. New thread for the month of May was started on Saturday, with focus on financial humor!